This is my first death note fic I ever wrote, I wrote it a few months ago and was planning to make it a long story, but I never could come up with anything else and it's just been sitting in my file folder collecting dust, so I figured I may as well post it and see if anyone likes it. I -might- make something out of it if anyone is interested and if I can find a good idea to go off of. But this is one of my favorite animes of all time and perhaps my favorite pairing of all time, so here ya go. :3 It is yaoi but it's very light. And I sadly don't own deathnote or anything in this wonderful universe. Enjoy, and please let me know what you think ^^

Pain.

That was the first thing he was aware of as he slowly began to regain consciousness. He heard some strange sounds, steady beeps and ticks, and slow, deep breathing coming from somewhere beside him. He couldn't comprehend anything else, couldn't remember a single thing.

What the hell is going on? He slowly opened his eyes; after the blindness induced by the bright lights directly above his head had subsided, he turned his head slightly, wincing at the pain it caused, and saw something that brought it all back: or rather, someone.

Mello was sprawled out in a squishy armchair beside what Matt assumed was a hospital bed; the blonde was fast asleep, arms curled under his head and long hair in disarray, hiding most of his face. He was wrapped up in something that looked oddly familiar, and it took Matt a moment to place what it was, but then he realized with a small smile; Mello had Matt's jacket wrapped tightly around his shoulders, clutching it in his hands. Matt sighed, wanting to call out to his best friend, to wake him up and let him know he was okay, that he was alive; but he was so sore and felt so weak, so tired, he could barely hold his eyes open for another second, so he simply closed his eyes and fell back into his drug induced sleep, his heart melting a bit knowing that his best friend was okay and was still by his side.

The nurse entered the room, clutching a clipboard to her chest and humming to herself. She closed the door behind her as quietly as she could upon seeing her patient and his friend whom had not left his side once were sleeping; lord knows the blonde haired boy needed it. He had spent so much time crying and having what appeared to be terrifying nightmares he hadn't slept peacefully in over a week. It seemed he had finally exhausted himself so severely his mind had shut down in order to let his body rest and heal. She was careful to make as little noise as she could while tending to the redheaded boy, but Mello didn't stir a bit; she hoped he would stay that way for a while. She observed Matt's vitals, took his temperature, and adjusted his IV line; he showed no change but he was stable and was mostly out of the woods. She sighed quietly and stroked the boy's cheek gently, then brushed a strand of silky blonde hair from Mello's eyes before leaving the room, shutting the door softly behind her. She couldn't help but smile a bit; things seemed as if they would be alright, finally. The day the two had arrived at the hospital had been nothing short of heartbreaking.

Mello had a mission to accomplish, it had to be him, and there was no other way. He had to do this…

The small TV in the dashboard of the van he was driving blinked on with breaking news. He half paid attention, not taking his eyes off the road or his mind off the goal he had to achieve, until he heard something that peaked his interest; a man shot dead, his identity unknown. His eyes strayed to the screen for a second, barely noting what he saw, then seconds later it caught up to him. The red sports car. Shot. Killed. Dead.

His best friend. Gone.

"Matt..no." Then, in a typical Mello fashion, he became angry and determined. He wouldn't accept it, he wouldn't let it go.

"Dead; like hell you are." His mission abandoned, he spun the van around, tires squealing and cars around him honking in protest. He couldn't give any less of a fuck if he tried. He had to find Matt, had to get to him. Maybe there was still time..maybe there wasn't, but he had to know for sure.

He screeched to a stop as soon as he saw the familiar red car, surrounded on all sides by cop cars. Mello sneered and jumped out of the van, running as fast as he could; he ignored the shouting and questions being thrown at him, only thinking of Matt. He reached his beloved friend's mangled, blood stained body and crouched beside him, fighting against the urge to break down and cry, holding onto his composure the best he could. He pressed his fingers gently against the inside of Matt's wrist, closing his eyes and focusing hard, fiercely hoping to feel something. A few seconds passed and then, there is was! He still had a pulse. It was faint, but there nonetheless; that was all Mello needed. He grabbed Matt up and sprinted back to the van, placing him upright in the passenger seat and hopping into the driver's side, slamming the door shut and speeding off. Thankfully, the hospital was a short way away; he lurched to a stop outside the emergency exit, feeling a pang of guilt as Matt's forehead slammed against the dash. "Sorry about that dude" he muttered, then once again piled Matt's limp form in his arms and ran inside, going straight to the front desk. The lady looked up about to smile and ask 'how may I help you?', but upon seeing a young man carrying another bloodied mangled body and looking frantic, she abandoned that and stood quickly, eyes wide. Mello wasted no time in yelling his demands at her, as he always did when he wanted something.

"He needs a doctor, please call one as quickly as you can, there isn't much time, hurry up!" She had the phone at her ear before he had finished speaking "Paging Dr. Takana to the front desk immediately, code 34, thank you" She turned back to the blonde who now had tears in his eyes but seemed determined not to let them fall "He will be here in just a moment" Mello said nothing and seconds later a doctor rushed through the swinging double doors followed closely by a nurse pushing a gurney. He wasted no time in gesturing for Mello to lay Matt on the bed, which he did without protest. The doctor spoke in a very authoritative yet gentle tone that did nothing to ease Mello's frazzled nerves.

"Right, please follow me and tell me what happened" Mello walked beside them into the back of the hospital and spoke rapidly, unable to form complete sentences; all of this was happening so fast he had no time to process it, his mind was spinning out of control and he felt a bit dizzy.

"He was gunned down..shot..barely had a pulse….please save him" Mello's voice was soft and desperate and lacked its usual bitterness, he just didn't have it in him at the moment. The doctor paused only for a second and turned to Mello, giving him a reassuring smile and placing a hand on his shoulder.

"We'll do what we can..please wait here and we'll let you know something as soon as we can" with that the doctor vanished behind the door the others had ran through and the hall went eerily silent. Mello stared after them for a second then fell to his knees, so overwhelmed he didn't know what to do or say; he just sat there, head bowed, trembling like a small child. He was positively terrified, and he had no one to turn to at the moment..well, there was one person. He took out his cell phone and dialed a number he hadn't called in quite some time, but one that he had been told was always available to him. He prayed with all his might that he would answer and would help him; Mello rarely would admit he needed help, but now was definitely one of those times. The phone rang twice before a soft yet deep voice answered.

"Hello, who is this?"

Mello planned to go into this long explanation, to explain to the man what was going on, and that he felt he needed to be there. He was strong and he never broke down, it wouldn't do to let it happen now. But when he heard the familiar voice of the man who had always been the closest thing he'd had to a father, that was all lost, and all he could do was manage a small "Roger?"

Roger blanched; although it had been years he would recognize that voice anywhere. "Mello? What's going on, are you alright?"

Mello's voice cracked and he choked out "I'm at the hospital, Matt's been shot. Roger it's bad, can you please come down here?"

"The hospital in Japan? You're in luck, I'm staying in a hotel right down the street at the moment, I came to assist Near. Sure, I'll be right there, just hang on Mello." The phone died and Mello just sat there holding it to his ear, staring blankly ahead. He still wouldn't allow any tears to fall, he wouldn't succumb to that; it wasn't until Roger was lead to the back by a nurse and he rushed to Mello's side, kneeling next to him and brushing his hair out of his face, that the dam broke. Mello fell into the old man's arms and sobbed hysterically, shaking like a leaf. Roger simply wrapped his arms tightly around the slender blonde man and stroked his hair, shushing him softly.

"Shh, it's alright Mello, I'm here, it's okay, you're safe now" Mello didn't cry for long, not one to lose control like that. He regained his composure and pulled away from Roger, looking at the ground and feeling ashamed.

"I'm sorry Roger, I didn't mean to freak out like that." He muttered, afraid to meet the older man's gaze. Roger simply chuckled and patted his old student's shoulder.

"Oh Mello, always the tough guy you were. There's no need to feel ashamed, it's quite alright to be afraid sometimes; I spent years trying to teach you that, don't tell me all of my lectures went in one ear and out the other."

Mello rolled his eyes and turned away from Roger, plopping down in a nearby chair and glaring sullenly at the wall. Roger sighed; he probably never would get through that thick blonde head. He sat beside Mello and was silent for a while, not wanting to set off Mello's extremely short temper. He thought back to when Mello was a child, all the anger he carried with him, and how it was only a mask, designed to hide the fact that the small boy was hurting and scared. He was one of the toughest cases that had ever been through Wammy's house; no one save for Roger and Lawliet knew of his constant nightmares, all the nights he woke up screaming, that fact that he slept with L in his room for years to quell his terror, until L left and Matt came along. Almost immediately the blonde and the redhead were inseparable; Mello didn't tolerate people well and there were few he managed to get along with, but something about Matt's carefree and laid back attitude managed to balance out Mello's anger and impulsive nature. And it was clear from day one that the two were more than just friends; what more they were was uncertain, but they needed each other, they couldn't be apart. After Mello left Wammy's Matt was devastated; he didn't come out of his room for weeks, he cried himself to sleep every night, he even began injuring himself, cutting and burning his arm every single day; he was a wreck. Roger imagined Mello wasn't much better off, of course he would never have admitted it. Then the day came when Mello returned; Matt was ecstatic and went with him happily to help him solve the Kira case, despite Roger's protests that is was far too dangerous; he urged Mello to let near and the SPK handle it; boy was that a mistake.

Mello had rounded on Roger, his blue eyes blazing, and screamed in his face.

"Let's get one fucking thing straight old man; I am not going to sit the fuck back and let Near take all the glory! He thinks he's so much better than me, all of you do; well you're about to be proven the fuck wrong, because I will catch Kira, I will be the best!" With that Mello had spat in Roger's face and yanked Matt out of the building with him, who simply shrugged and waved.

Roger now glanced at Mello out of the corner of his eye, unsurprised to see that he had fallen asleep, his head leaned back against the wall. Despite this he still looked very uneasy; Roger hoped this wouldn't trigger his nightmares again, though he felt sure it would.

Hours passed and nothing happened; the hospital was dead silent. Finally a doctor came into the waiting room, looking exhausted but relieved.

"Hello, I'm Dr. Takana" the white haired man spoke softly so not to disturb Mello and bowed slightly "I take it you are the guardian of these boys?"

Roger nodded. "Yes, I'm Roger, I run an orphanage and these two are my former students, they grew up there with me. This is Mello and Matt is the one who was shot. Please, can you tell me what is going on?"

The doctor nodded and sat down beside Roger "Well, we've got him stabilized and he is resting, he's not out of the woods yet, but his prognosis is looking well at the moment. He had to have several blood transfusions, but he was incredibly lucky as none of his vital organs were hit. It's a miracle really. He's going to be here a while I'm afraid, but he should pull through. The only thing we're unsure of at this point is his legs; one of the bullets was lodged in his spine and it did quite a bit of damage. He may never walk again but he should recover beyond that."

Roger breathed a sigh of relief. "I thank you doctor, so much. I suppose Mello will want to hear this." Roger turned to the blonde boy and shook his shoulder gently. "Mello, wake up."

Mello jolted awake and looked around with wide eyes; it took a minute but then everything that happened dawned on him. He leaned forward quickly, swaying unsteadily and clutching at his aching head. "Ow, damn." he muttered. It was then he realized the doctor, who had been silently observing, was sitting on the other side of Roger. Mello's eyes widened "Hey, doc, what's going on? Is Matt okay?"

The man nodded "He is stable and he should recover for the most part. He's not completely out of the woods, and he may never walk again, but he should survive." Mello just nodded, looking down at his shoes. Roger placed a hand on the young man's shoulder, causing him to look up and meet his former caretaker's eyes.

"Mello, it's alright to be scared and upset; you are human after all. Stop trying to be so tough for once."

Normally a comment like this would make Mello furious, but he just sighed and nodded again. "Can I..can I see him?"

Dr. Takana nodded once and stood. "Yes, he's sleeping but you may see him. Please follow me." The doctor led him through the same doors they'd rushed through earlier into a brightly lit hallway. Roger walked closely behind him keeping a hand on his shoulder, and Mello would never admit it out loud but he was grateful that he wasn't alone. The doctor led them to a room in the middle of the hallway and opened the door, motioning for them to enter. Mello walked into the room and studied his best friend; Matt was laying on his back, his skin almost as white as the sheets on the bed. There was still blood matted in his hair but other than that he seemed to be cleaned up. He was hooked up to so many machines and bags and tubes it was hard to discern what was what. But he was alive, his heart was beating steadily, and with the help of the clear mask strapped to his face he was breathing. A million emotions rushed through Mello all at once and he couldn't help the tears that sprung to his eyes yet again. He took a few steps toward the bed so he was standing next to Matt's head, tears now flowing freely down his cheeks. "Matt..I'm so sorry. This was my fault. Please, please forgive me…don't leave me." The last part was barely a whisper and as he said it Mello squeezed his friend's ice cold hand gently, a choked sob escaping his throat. He stared at his friend, afraid if he looked away Matt would vanish. He thought about everything he and his redheaded partner in crime had been through together, everything they'd shared, all the memories. He wanted desperately to hear Matt's voice, to talk to him, to hold him in his arms and know he was okay. He began sobbing softly, still holding Matt's hand loosely.

"Mello" Roger walked over to the trembling boy and put a hand on his shoulder again "He's alive, he'll be alright, the doctor said so." He gently tugged the blonde back a little "Why don't I get you home now? You can come back in the morning, but you've been through a lot tonight, you need to get some rest."

"NO!" Mello jerked away from Roger's touch and glared at him, blue eyes blazing "You can forget it, I'm not leaving him!" Roger sighed; he'd expected this, and Mello could be so unreasonable, he knew there'd be no getting him to leave the room. He turned to the doctor and spoke softly.

"Is it alright if we stay for the night? I'm afraid to get Mello to leave would be extremely difficult, once he has his mind made up it's impossible to change it."

Dr. Takana nodded "That's okay with me, given the circumstances. Just press the buzzer if you need anything, and try to get some rest, both of you." With that the doctor bowed and left the room, leaving the two of them alone with Matt's sleeping form. Mello turned back to his friend and spoke in an almost monotone voice.

"Roger, you don't need to stay with me any longer; you can go now."

Roger shook his head "Of course I'm staying Mello, there is nothing you can do to change my mind on the matter."

Mello sighed "Whatever you want." He then yawned and fell into the chair that was behind him, rubbing his forehead.

Roger sat beside him "Mello, you should really try and rest now. You are exhausted."

Mellow rolled his eyes "Shut up old man, I can take care of myself ya know."

"Yes I know that Mello, but I still worry about you sometimes."

Mello yawned again and leaned his head back. He wanted to stay awake so badly but as much as he hated to admit it the old man was right, and he knew it would be a losing battle. He settled into the chair and closed his eyes "Thanks Roger, for everything."

Roger smiled and squeezed the blonde's shoulder affectionately "Anytime, I'm always here for you, don't ever doubt that."

Mello simply nodded and fell asleep, completely drained from the day's events. After several minutes he started shivering so Roger took of his coat and carefully covered the sleeping boy with it; he twitched a bit in his sleep then sighed and fell still; it was strange to see both boys so calm and quiet "That's a new one." Roger muttered to himself. He watched them for a while longer to make sure neither of them would awaken before closing his eyes and stretching out in the chair, drifting off to sleep himself.

Yes, Nurse Kyoshi remembered it all very clearly; she had taken over Matt's care the next morning and had been filled in on the entire thing. Of course it was all linked to Kira; most bad things were nowadays. She sighed and moved on to make her rounds, still thinking of the two boys in the room at the end of the hall.

Death. Blood. Pain. Sorrow.

He was alone again.

All alone.

No!

Mello was thrashing and screaming, drenched in an ice cold sweat, tangled in blankets. He was moving around so much he fell out of the chair he had been sleeping in and hit the hard floor with a thud. It was enough to wake him up but he was still terrified; he sat up and hugged his knees to his chest, trying to control his erratic breathing. "It was just a dream, it's not real" he muttered, fighting as hard as he could against the wave of panic that threatened to rise up and claim him once more. He stood and looked at Matt, reassuring himself that his best friend was alright. He was so busy focusing on watching the redhead's chest to be sure he was breathing that he failed to notice the fact that Matt's blue eyes were open for the first time in two weeks.

"Hey Mels, take a picture, it'll last longer" Matt's voice was little more than a weak croak, but it was enough to make Mello jump out of his skin. His gasped and looked at Matt with wide eyes, mouth hanging open, at a loss for words. Finally he managed just a few.

"Matty? You're..I mean..you okay?"

Matt smirked "I guess so. Be a hell of a lot better if I could have a cigarette, but I guess they won't allow that in here huh?"

Mello sighed, not sure if he should laugh or cry. "Dammit Matt, you scared the fuck out of me. I thought you were gonna die, I thought you'd left me."

Matt shrugged his shoulders and winced when it caused him immense pain "Blame those cops that shot me then, I was trying to be nice and cooperate, but they just went bullet happy on me. Wasn't my fault."

Mello was used to Matt's nonchalant attitude about everything, but he was so scared and tired and his emotions were a wreck and he had zero tolerance today, so he lashed out, shouting at his friend. "Why weren't you more careful Matt?! Do you have any fucking idea how close you came to dying?! What would have happened then, huh?! You think I could live without you?!" Mello now had tears streaming down his face and his little tantrum zapped what little energy he had, and he collapsed back into the chair he's been living in for the past several days, his hands shaking violently and tears rolling down his cheeks again.

Matt's face and voice softened considerably and he reached out his hand to grab Mello's and squeeze it gently. "Hey, easy Mels, everything is alright now, I promise. And I won't leave you, I'm here and I'm not going anywhere. Takes more than a few bullets to do me in, ya know?"

Mello sniffled and looked up, unable to help the small smirk that played across his lips. "You're such an idiot Matty."

Matt grinned "That's why you love me though, am I right?"

"Sure Matty, whatever you say." Mello said, smiling and shaking his head.

Matt really studied Mello for the first time since waking up and he didn't like what he was seeing; his best friend looked awful.

"Mello, I don't mean to sound harsh, but you look like shit dude."

That comment earned him a death glare. "Yeah, you're one to talk asshole."

Matt glared back "I was shot multiple times, of course I do. You look really bad though, like you haven't been sleeping or eating well. Are you sick?" Matt brought his hand to feel of Mello's forehead but the blonde jerked out of the way.

"Hey! Cut it out mother hen, I'm fine."

Matt chuckled "Well the fact that you're so determined to prove otherwise leads me to believe you are, in fact, not fine. I know you much better than you probably want to admit Mels. So talk to me, what's up?"

Mello sighed "Matt, you should be resting-"

"Come on, give me a fucking break. That's all I've been doing the past two weeks! I'm so bored of sleeping, so humor me here, I wanna talk. So tell me Mello, what troubles you?"

Mello rolled his eyes "You're impossible. But fine, if that's what you want. I haven't been sleeping, I've been scared and worried and upset, I'm having nightmares again, memories of my mother..I thought I was gonna lose you Matty, like I lost her, and everyone else I've ever gotten close too. And in any case, I haven't left this room much, been waiting for you to wake up." Mello shrugged. "That's about it. Happy now?

Matt sighed "Get in this bed with me Mello, come here."

Mello was a bit taken aback by the strange demand, but if he was being honest with himself that's what he wanted, so he obliged with no protest. He was very careful of the tubes and wires, and of Matt, whom he knew was still in a lot of pain. Slowly he curled up against his best friend, who carefully wrapped an arm around the blonde's slender frame.

"Mels, listen to me. I love you, so much, and that's never gonna change. I know I was careless and I almost let you down, and I'm so sorry for that. But I pulled through, I made it out alive, and I'm here now. I'm not going to leave you; I swear to you I will do the best I can to make sure you never have to hurt like that again. I'm gonna protect you and support you and always be here for you, okay?"

By this point Mello was sobbing, his hear buried in Matt's arm. He tried to speak through the tears, but Matt just hugged held him tighter and soothed him.

"It's alright Mels, it's okay, just let it out. Believe it or not it is okay to cry." Matt held Mello against him for quite some time as he let out all of his pent up tears, finally believing it was safe to do so. After a while he slowly stopped crying and leaned his head against Matt's shoulder, yawning.

"Matty?"

"Yeah Mels?"

"I love you. Don't leave me, okay?"

Matt was surprised by how childlike Mello sounded, although he had to admit it was cute. He planted a tender kiss on the top of his beloved's head and smiled down at him. "Never Mihael, I will never leave."

Mello didn't comment on the fact that Matt had used his real name, he was far too tired. He closed his eyes and sighed deeply.

"Just get some sleep Mels, I'll be right here when you wake up." Mello didn't need to be told twice, it took only seconds and he was fast asleep. Matt drifted off only minutes later, and when Nurse Kyoshi came in a few hours later to check on Matt she saw that she wasn't needed at the moment as her patient was in good hands, though she wasn't sure which of them needed the other more. She gently closed the door and left the two undisturbed, relieved that Matt had finally awakened and now healing could begin for both of them.