(full review)- When a poor rurouni over steps his limitations and does too many chores, a memory scrambling bump to the head occurs. When he recovers he can't remember anything... exept how to be the biggest flirt ever! Bokkens fly and anger ensues when the rambunctious Kaoru watches all the girls in Tokyo fall for this sexy ladies' man. Her solution? Bump his head again! Sounds easy, right? Well not when the target is the former Hitokiri Battousai!
Sexy Abnormalities
By Misao's Angel
By The way, Sessha does not own rurouni kenshin de gozaru yo. Gomen.
Ah... A sunny, quiet day in the Kamiya Dojo, the kinda day that made flowers bloom, Tanukis smile, and rurounis in a jolly-good mood for house work. It was the kind of day that made everyone happy except for Saito, who would try to kill himself (just to add to everyone else's joy). In short, a true utopia.
Now, fully armed with soap, a bucket, water, a washboard, a knife, a washcloth, pans, tofu, a cheerful smile and endless patience, Himura Kenshin was just about ready to crack the world record of "lifeless idiot who could clean the most in one day". With a knife in one hand, soap in the other, the washboard in his lap, bucket and washcloth held by his left foot, pan in his right hand, and a bucket of tofu balancing skillfully on his fiery hair covered head (Of course, this was a skill he gained in the Bakumatsu), Kenshin was ready. When a broad smile was decorating his cheerful face, he began to work all household chores at once, laundry, cooking, dish washing, and cleaning.
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After a hard days work, a tired police chief walked slowly and solemnly to a powerful ally who lived in the Kamiya Dojo, in order to inform him of the terrifying murderer reeking havoc in Hokkaido. The police chief found the gate of the Dojo ajar, so he naturally does what any kindhearted bastard would do and nonchalantly invites himself in, only to find in the backyard... Well, I'm sure the murderer can wait a couple years...
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Kenshin took a deep breath, and in .002 of a second threw the tofu, boiled the water, scrubbed the all of the floors in the Kamiya dojo, got started on the laundry, and before long... realized that all he had to show for it was chopped up clothing, soapy soup, and a flooded house. Just as he realized that he forgot something, WHAM! Our Kenshin slowly and dramatically fell, face painfully serious with closed, gentle eyes, and back unnaturally straight... As if he planed this... hmm... (when you're Battousai, you must make yourself look graceful, even when you're defeated by a bucket of tofu)
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When Kamiya Kaoru returned to her humble abode that night, she never expected the unending list of surprises that followed soon after. First off, her favorite yukata was in pieces! If she EVER finds out the bastard who did this... Oooh did he have it coming. And secondly, what ever OTHER yukatas she had were wet! She'd have to go around NAKED to get anywhere! (He did plan it! I knew it!) And finally, not only was her favorite rurouni wet, soapy and almost naked... oh wait that's not such a bad thing... drool...
(Just get back to ranting already, you pervert!)
Yeah... well anyway... Kenshin was hurt! NO! Kenshin! In panic, Kaoru wasted no more time drooling and ran as fast as she possibly could to Tokyo's famous female doctor, Takani Megumi.
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When Kenshin awoke the next day, he was laying in a soft, western bed alone, in a white, peaceful room. He felt no pain, no sorrow, nothing. Nothing, except a strange longing. And when a beautiful, mature, and impossibly sexy woman entered his sight, his longing seized as he feels a new strange feeling, a lust he had never experienced since his days (and night! Woo was that a good one!) with Tomoe. And oh did he like it.
"I never thought angels existed until the moment I first looked upon your beauty..." He said with a serious look upon his strikingly handsome face.
Megumi was taken aback by his sudden confession. "Oh, Ken-san! Have you finally noticed my charms? I would usually charge, but for you I'll let you have it for free. I keep my room unlocked when ever you..."
"Himura-san?" Cut off a young, shy visitor who just entered the room. "Daijoubu desu ka? (Are you alright?)"
Kenshin then turned his face to this young girl, age ten at the most, and felt the longing overtake his heart once again. "You are too beautiful for sadness... don't worry about me, I'd take all the pain in the world to see you smile."
The shy visitor's face turned a pretty shade of crimson, and continued to redden as she ran out of the room.
The rurouni, who felt satisfied with his accomplishments so far, lifted himself from the bed with a sexy back-flip, and purposefully allowing his yukata to expose his perfect, long legs.
Megumi, who stood against the wall flabbergasted, allowed her painted lips to part in longing for this new, changed rurouni. She had always loved him... but now... now he was just plain irresistible.
As silky strands of long, loose hair framed his flawless face, Kenshin took silent steps to his prey, and just as his face was barely an inch away, said, "Hey, beautiful, Stand there defenseless for too long, and someone might just take advantage of you." And when his sentence was complete, Kenshin lay a soft kiss upon gentle painted lips. He then parted from the room, allowing a red-faced kitsune alone with her quick beating heart.
And this was barely the beginning of Kenshin's new reign of flirts. No woman (well, almost) was left out, for his task was not complete until every female (ages 14-30) in all of Tokyo was in love with him. He started in the streets, moved on to the shops, and before long, wormed his flirtatious way through the entire love-stricken city. After what seemed like hours of trashy pick up lines and sexy stares, Kenshin finally returned to the Kamiya Dojo with mysterious pieces of his yukata missing, ready to tackle the only woman he hadn't gotten to yet.
To bad it was HER who tackled HIM. Bokkens were raised, fists flew, as the angered tanuki took out her jealousy on her changed love.
"I worry sick about your fucking ass (literally) and what do you do? GO ahead and flirt with every girl in..."
Her next words were blocked by his soggy lips (to many kisses in one day can so that to you) as his strong arms lifted her lithe body and pressed it against his chest. Just as he began to whisper in a low, erotic tone, "Jealousy doesn't suit you..." Kaoru mustered up all of her strength into a powerful slap against his beautiful face, and ran with choked tears into the safety of her room. Her heart pounded with such intensity that it threatened to break through her ribcage, as she allowed her feelings to escape from their imprisonment.
"Kenshin no baka... Baka baka baka..."
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Another hour was all she needed to devise the plan needed to bring Kenshin back to the way he was. If a bump to the head was the cause, then... another bump to the head is the solution, right? (It took her an hour to come up with THIS?) Thus, Kaoru reached for her bokken, and prepared for along night of the needed Kenshin-bashing. Wearing her battle hakama and gi, Kaoru ran into the kitchen, only to find... a bunch of dirty dishes. Who would have thought that once he became a pervert, he lost all his past love for household chores? What is this? Has our Kenshin become NORMAL?
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Kenshin, however, was feeling quite board since he completed his mission, so... he decided to have a party, and invite all of his victims for one night of perverted fun. Feeling sure that Kaoru wouldn't mind, (I don't know how in the hell he ever thought this...) he wasted no time in creating all of the invitations needed. Deciding to deliver them personally, (thus eradicating any desire to go anywhere else) the party was to take place at seven that night. No time was needed to decorate... for all he needed for this party was a futon.
At last the clock ticked seven, and hoards of impatient girls stampeded into the dojo, ready to launch themselves at the party's host. All he needed to do was keep them entertained with strip-poker until the rest of the city women arrived. After around thirty minutes, the room was so full of beautiful, craved ladies that Kenshin barely had enough room to breath. With articles of his clothing being torn off and stolen so quickly that he stood with nothing but a loincloth after just a minute, his foot seemed to have slipped on some remains of the former flood, because WHAM! His head knocked loudly upon one of the women in front of him, and like a line of dominos each fell one by one just as Kaoru entered the Dojo...
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Next thing Kenshin knew, he woke up with a throbbing head and a mysterious failure to remember the last day or so. "Sessha's head hurts degozaru yo..." he mumbled under his breath. As he lifted his heavy head to look at his surroundings, he saw a familiar face smiling at him.
"Kaoru-dono... what happened?" He asked meekly.
The girl continued to smile, then, with a sudden outburst, screamed "KENSHIN WA BAKA!" as she forcefully slammed her bokken against his throbbing head.
When Kenshin awoke the next day...
End!
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So, how was that? This thought just came to my head suddenly, and, yeah. Please tell me if anything was hard to understand by... reviewing! Thank you!