ho my fuck, it's homestuck.

run, people, run.

ok ok homestuck humanstuck AU, johnkat, deal with it.

ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG] at 15:31

EB: you know, karkat, you should write it all down.

EB: everything that's happened, i mean.

EB: write it down!

CG: WHAT?

CG: WHY?

EB: becaaaaaaaause

EB: you should!

EB: i don't think our movie is…

EB: enough

EB: to explain everything that happened this past year.

EB: so you should write down everything that happened.

CG: WHY WOULD I WANT TO?

CG: FOR THE MOST PART, THE WHOLE FUCKING YEAR SUCKED ASS.

CG: IT SUCKED ASS LIKE A GOD DAMN LEECH ON THE ASSCHEEK OF A SWEATY, OBESE LOSER.

CG: WHY DO I WANT TO SHARE THAT?

CG: I'M ALREADY REGRETTING WE THAVE TO TURN THE MOVIE IN.

EB: hey!

EB: the year didn't COMPLETELY suck!

EB: i mean

EB: you've got me, right?

EB: hehehehehe

CG: I FUCKING HATE IT WHEN YOU'RE RIGHT, JOHN.

CG: FINE, I'LL WRITE IT ALL DOWN.

CG: DON'T BLAME ME IF IT'S CRAP.

CG: BUT I WILL.

CG: HAPPY NOW?

EB: hehe

EB: yup!

EB: i can't wait to read it!

EB: bye, karkat!

EB: see you later!

EB: 3

ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG] at 15:44

CG: . . .

CG: 3

carcinoGeneticist [CG] has signed off

I'm Karkat Vantas, and…

Fuck.

This shit is gonna end up sounding like a shitty rom-com plot no matter what I do, isn't it?

Not that those shitty rom-com plots are bad, I just…

Don't want this to suck.

I mean, despite how bad it sucked, this past year…was pretty much the most important fucking year of my entire life.

So let me start the fuck again.

I'm Karkat Vantas.

I'm 20, and I'm in my sophomore year of college. I'm majoring in psychology – hey, all those shitty rom-coms I've watched near constantly were good for something– and I've got a minor in film studies.

The third or fourth week of freshman year, our psych class was assigned a year-long project- any medium, any format, blah blah blah. Just had to have something to do with psychology.

I, in my infinite fucking wisdom, decided to make a movie.

I had a couple friends, Sollux Captor, Gamzee Makara, and Terezi Pyrope, who knew other friends, and all of them were just one big pile of gunpowder-flavored relationship drama just waiting for someone to drop a match.

I figured I could make a movie about the wacky hijinks that were sure to ensue in the explosion. At the very least, I'd get a good laugh.

Not so bad so far, huh?

Well, get a load of this epic fucking move-

I recruited someone to help me- John fucking Egbert, a guy in my film studies class, a real dweeb. I mean serious fucking loser territory. Loved bad movies almost as much as I do, but he didn't have any of my redeeming qualities to back it up. Buck-toothed, four-eyed fuckass.

And I was pretty much in the middle of a massive, stupid-as-fuck crush on the guy.

The ensuing chaos was more than any of the sixteen of us involved could've ever bargained for.

It involved break-ups, reconciliations, dick moves, best friends going homicidal, hospital visits all around, lessons learned the hard way, lots of tears, just as much laughter, and my past coming back to bite us all in the ass.

In the end, though, I guess it all fucking worked out.

And lucky you, you get to read about it in all the gory details, straight from yours truly.

Hope you fucking enjoy it.