"Aluminum Crutch?" Jim laughed. "He really needs some catchier names."
"Why am I here, boss?" Sebastian had been shopping for a new scope when Jim had called him in.
"No, really, he's not using his imagination! Why not something like Convoluted Suicide on Stage?"
"Boss! Why am I here?"
Jim finally looked up from his computer and turned to his second-in-command, his only friend (if the term could even be applied). "Look what I've got!" Jim brandished two pills. One was green, the other orange.
"That American cold stuff?" Sebastian was confused. Why would Jim be elated to be showing him NyQuil and DayQuil?
"No, you clot. It's a new toy. Something we can use to get what we want." Jim hovered over the pills, excited, and Sebastian was reminded of a cartoon character. "We're each going to take one."
"Why?"
"Because I'm bored. Because the effects aren't permanent. Because if you don't, I'll have Raoul cut off your arm." Jim sounded like he was joking, but Sebastian was never sure. A bored Jim was a scary thing, and today he seemed more bored than usual.
"…what effects?"
"Wellll," Jim began. "One of them induces blindness, the other deafness." He pushed the saucer toward Sebastian.
"You're not gonna tell me which is which, are you?"
"That would ruin the fun."
Sebastian took the green pill, and Jim took the orange one. "Now what?"
"Now we get back to making fun of Watson's blog until the effects kick in."
Jim's voice got more and more slurred, and Sebastian's vision grew dark. Before long, Sebastian realized he couldn't see a thing. He stood and ran into the table, causing Jim to giggle like he'd never heard before.
"Boss, this isn't funny."
"I CAN'T HEAR YOU," Jim shouted through his laughter.
"This really, really, isn't funny." Sebastian was, after all, a sniper, and eagle-keen vision was one of the most important aspects of that profession. And now Jim had robbed him of it. Who knew what nonsense Jim was getting up to? Half of Seb wanted to plot some sort of revenge, but the other half knew better.
And he'd forgotten to ask how long it took for the effects to run out.