O Romeo, Where Art Thou?

Summary: The story of Romeo and Juliet, twisted, and made into awesome perfection. With me as the narrator, what could possibly go wrong? EVERY-FREAKING-THING!
Rating: T+
Warnings?: OC Story, insults, offensive content, killing, people being stupid, Cyan rapes Ceres, cross dressing, making out, swearing, and 'yo momma' jokes.

Act I: Prologue, Scene I and Scene II

Prologue
Here lays fair Verona, a city laying in ruins. Two households both reside here: the Montagues and the Capulets. Feuding for centuries, one must ask when it will be over?

…

Just so you idiots know, it has been over. Actually, this story is all made up. Yeah, Capulet and Montague never existed in reality. Juliet's wall is the 'supposed' house where she would be. Pshaw. If your family is THAT rich, why would you have a balcony THAT small?

Listen kiddies, my version of Romeo and Juliet is the shit. We have everything you could ask for! Pull up a chair, this could take two or so hours.

Act I, Scene I

We stumble upon the crowded streets of Verona, Italy. It's probably afternoon, and for all we know, someone could've just died. We see two serving men of the house of Capulet.

- "Cyan, don't insult people," a tiny little silver-blond pleads, holding his stuffed bear to his chest. "I mean, the least you could do for me is that, if I haven't yet reported you for raping me." The multi-colored haired boy smiled and flicked the end of the smaller's nose.

- "You take me for some shady figure who dares not insult my enemy, Cerry?" The younger nodded. "You're so cute! COME ON! I wanna take you behind the building, if ya catch my drift."

- "If we're angry, Cy," said Ceres flatly. "You'll pull out your sword, and I cower in the corner. AND GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME!" Cyan giggled and hugged the small boy close to him, messing up his baggy and long bright butterfly t-shirt with a bright orange cami-top on underneath it.

- "Get your head outta the sand, Ceres~ I know you can be tough," the bigger boy added, "Remember? Cancun? I don't think I've ever been more turned on."

The smaller boy blushed, and his dark blue eyes narrowed. The elder's sparkled in delight, the perfect shade of chocolate reflected the sun's light.

- "I told you I could be provoked easily," Ceres tried not to stutter.

- "Now fast enough to get out of my ecstasy grip." A bright red flush covered his face now, and Ceres scoffed.

- "I could move fast if the Montague bastards upset me." Cyan rolled his eyes. "I could take a superior position above you with how good my sword techniques are."

- "Aww, that's so cute!" Cyan gushed his love for Ceres. "You think you could hold your own in a fight~." He leaned closer, his lips inches from Ceres' small earlobe. "Never forget this: I will always top you."

- "GYAH! You treat me like a woman!"

- "But you are the woman here, Cerry!" Ceres hand raised and he slapped Cyan. "Ouch!"

- "Mark my words, when the time comes, I'll show everyone," the small boy ranted to himself. "I'll kill all Montague's men and throw his ladies to the wall!"

- "You're so sexy when you're planning out murder."

Ceres gave his 'companion' an off look.

- "You really are insane." He went back to his plotting, "I'll cut off all the ladies' heads, and show them off like prizes. Either that, or I'll rape them."

- "But you're gay…" Cyan stated. "With me. If anyone should be raped, it's you by me."

- "…I hate you." Cyan let out a gasped and pointed. Approaching them on the streets were two servers from the Montague house: a red-brown haired lass who took name after a wine, and her 'fuck buddy' whom talked giddily to her.

- "If you be man, draw they sword, babe," Cyan stated. Ceres hastily pulled out his sword as the two Montague servants approached them.

- "I've got your back, Cy,"

- "No you don't."

- "You're right." Ceres put his sword away and clung to his teddy bear. Cyan gave a small nod, and watched the two stare at them.

- "Is killing legal?"

- "That servant commits crimes of fashion, so yes." Cyan sneered in reply and Ceres stuck up his middle finger. Angered, the serving girl from the house approached.

- "What the hell are you doing?" she scolded motherly. "Flipping me off! Well I've got sentence for you: FUCK YOU!

- "With an exclamation point!" said the blond boy to her right.

- "Xavier, shut the fuck up!"

- "Yes, Chardonnay." Cyan and Ceres started making a whipping action, indicated that Donnay had Xavier whipped.

- "Do you wish to fight, gaywacks?" Donnay placed a hand on her hip.

- "I wish YOU'D get a MAKEOVER!"

- "Burn!" Cyan high fived Ceres. "But seriously," Cyan said. "If you fight, my buddy and I are ready."

- "Really guys?" Chardonnay asked. "Really?" Then enters the light brown haired maiden of the Montague house by the name of Miette. She watches from a distance.

- "Really." Cyan stepped in between the angered Chardonnay and Ceres.

- "IT'S TIME FOR YO MOMMA!" Cyan stepped forward.

- "Yo momma so short, you can see her feet on her driver's lincense!"

- "Yo momma so fat, you need two cameras just to take one picture of her!" Finally, Miette stepped in between the two, and pushed them away.

- "Okay, guys, seriously?" Miette called, placing her hands on her hips. "This isn't cool. No more fighting. Especially with shitty yo momma jokes like this."

Then, from over the hill, came a man with dirty blond hair. He looked like one of those cliché fairy princes, and his name be Kai Capulet, cousin of the Capulet's 'son.'

- "YO! MIETTE!" Now citizens were taking notice. "Hey, shawty, why you bein' like this?" The man turned to the female. "You bein' a coward, shawty. So prepare to face death! Or the wrath of my awesome kissing skills!"

- "Kai!" The French lass exclaimed. "I'm trying to keep peace. I don't feel like dying… Or kissing you." Kai grumbled in complaint. "But, I will not let you kill me." Miette drew an awesome pink sword from her belt.

- "You talk of peace as if you weren't by blood the Devil." Miette scoffed.

- "Kai!"

- "I'm sorry, babe, I love you!" The male tries to kiss the Montague's cousin, and she pulls away.

- "How dare you!" The citizens have had enough. They gather around with bats and knives.

- "Bats and swords and guns and knives!" they chant. "Our city has had enough! Down with Montague! Down with Capulet!"

- "We're fucked," Xavier and Cyan said simultaneously. Don face palmed, and Ceres shook violently.

From the house down the road, the chanting carried over into the windows, and was heard by the Lord of the house, Adriana Capulet. Adriana flipped her black hair, and her dark eyes glowered out the window.

- "Ah, shit." The lady, Kaoru, with his black hair and light colored eyes, looked up from his book. "Get me a gun, Kaoru. We have a problem." The two traveled to the center of town where the problem started, and saw the entrance of sworn enemies, Lord Yale, the cross dresser, and his Lady Skyler.

- "It be the Capulet lass, Adriana!" Yale squeaked out and his behind Skyler.

- "It'll be fine!" Skyler gave a heroic pose. "I'LL SAVE YOU!"

- "Damn transvestite…"

The commotion gained the attention of Prince Matthias. The semi-blond, semi-green haired boy approached the crowd, and gave a loud whistle.

- "Draw thy swords!" Prince Mattias said, raising a hand. "Okay, guys, this has gone on long enough! Blood is found daily on the streets, and the citizens are upset by this. If I catch any of you fueding, I shall have you put to death!"

An eerie silence grew.

- "Adriana Capulet! You and your house shall come with me! I'll visit with Yale Capulet this afternoon." The streets began to clear, and Yale let his death grasp on Skyler go. There stood Yale, Skyler, and Miette there when everyone left.

- "Speak, niece," Yale cooed. "What happened?"

- "Well, Ceres and Chardonnay were all in this yo momma fight, so I broke them up." Miette said. "Then stupid Kai comes up and insults me. Ugh! What do I see in him?"

Lady Skyler gasped, and placed a hand to her forehead.

- "Where is dear Calista, niece?" Skyler moaned. "Have you talked to her?"

- "I haven't seen her for a while. She seems down," the French girl told the two.

- "I've noticed too… My poor baby!"

- "Do you know the cause, Un-."

- "That's AUNT to you!"

- "…Okay, AUNT Yale." Miette twitched. "Do you know the cause?"

- "Nope."

- "You mean you didn't make her tell you?"

- "That's your job." Then, as if on cue, entered a fair, yellow haired maiden who is dressed in a man's royal garb. "There," Skyler said. "Talk to her."

- "Fine!" Her uncle and 'aunt' left, and Miette approached her dear 'cousin.' "Hey, Cali."

- "Hi." Calista glanced around. "What time is it?" Miette pulled out her phone, and laughed.

- "Only nine, girly," the cousin told her.

- "I guess I've been wallowing in sadness for not long," Calista said emptily.

- "Why so down, mon ami?" Miette removed her beret, and redid her hair.

- "I'm no longer favored by Yasuo," Calista said, and Miette gasped.

- "How harsh!" Miette squawked. "Why so?"

- "Cupid is stupid, and Yasuo said we had nothing in common," Calista sobbed. "It must be a culture thing." Calista cried. "Should I laugh?"

- "No, but you SHOULD get a serious spa day." Calista's pal tugged on her arm. "Come on!"

- "I dare not think about him, cousin," Calista continued. "Cupid missed him. But where did the arrow go?"

Act I, Scene II

Away at the home of the Capulets, was Lord Adriana meeting with the kinsmen of Prince Mattias, Alyce. Alyce was a maiden of blonde hair with a black undertone, and a very demanding way.

- "Stupid freaking cross dressing gaywad Montague."

- "Okay, yeah, sorry you guys hate each other and all," said the cat-eyed maiden. "But, hey, I have an idea!"

- "What?" Adriana groaned.

- "How about I marry Ike!" Adriana gave Alyce an off look.

- "He's young and stupid."

- "All the better."

- "You know what they say: you marry young, you divorce early."

- "They say that?" Adriana and Alyce shrugged, rolling their eyes and continuing with their conversation.

- "Okay, he's the deal: if you win over my son-daughter-thing, you may wed him."

- "Did I mention I'm related to Prince Matti?" Adriana's eyes widen, and an evil smile spread across her face.

- "Pshaw, fuck the winning over his/her/it heart thing, you've got his/her/its hand in marriage!" Adriana clapped her hands, and a little girl with black hair appeared. "Kaori! Go out and find people whose names are not Montague! SCRAM!"

The black haired servant named Kaori sighed and walked outside. Walking into a salon, she sighed as the girls chatted cheerfully.

- "Yoo hoo! May I have your attention?" Dead silence. "Lord Adriana is hosting a aprty, and if you are not Montague, you may come. Thank you."

After watching the small child walk out, Miette grinned. Her head began to spin with ideas. She silently eyed Calista, who was busy with her pedicure.

- "I say we go," Miette told her cousin. Calista's blue eyes widened.

- "But we both bare the name Montague," said the cousin of the Frenchie.

- "But Yasuo shall be there! Shall you not try to patch things up?"

- "I guess…"

- "And then I'll show you some REAL hotties."

- "It better not be Kai Capulet." Miette flushed. "I will go to prove you wrong," says Calista, flicking her bangs back. "But there is no other for me but Yasuo."

The narrator, that's me, is hiding behind the door of a nearby bathroom. I let out a soft chuckle, and laugh myself into a silent coma.

- That's what she thinks, I smile bitterly and take off.

Cyan is creepy, Adriana has a son who is in a dress, and Yale makes such a good lord.

Another damn OC fic? Sorry, but it just didn't seem to work of any of the Making Fiends couples for canon characters in my head.

By the way, I have the book next to me, if you're curious. It's right here. See? *waves Romeo and Juliet*

Romeo + Juliet © William MOTHERFUCKING Shakespeare
Cyan, Ceres, Matthias © Rhe'anne Lynn aka ME
Adriana, Kaoru, Kaori, Miette, Kai, Calista, Yale © pabutte'GO
Chardonnay, Xavier, Skyler, Alyce, mentions of Yasuo © .abzavenue.