AN: This week is the SW 2017 celebration in Florida. Very cool that both George Lucas and Harrison Ford joined the other members of the cast.
Glad to see he finally made an actual comment about Carrie's passing in front of a camera. His "I'll miss her" did seem sincere and since he is more emotionally closed than Mark it could be comparable to Mark saying, "I love her." After having someone in your life for 40 years how can you not be moved by their passing?
I'm looking forward to SW8 but less excited about it since Carrie's demise. Han and Leia are my favorites -and those two should be together – always.
My stories use only the films as canon. This one is set immediately after ROTJ ends. I hope you enjoy it.
Leia's Prince
By Dark Poltergeist
The smoke billowed around the room, touching all within with its ominous purpose. He looked at the Princess, the façade she normally hid behind now broken, shattered into pieces because of the love she felt for him. She was so heartbroken at his fate that it damn near brought him to his knees.
When Chewie started tossing stormtroopers around he knew he had to act, had to calm him, convince him to do the thing that mattered most and that was to take care of the Princess, his Princess. Desperately they reached out for one another, and kissed; he tried to pour all of the emotions from his jaded soul, all of the love he felt for her, the purest thing he had ever experienced in his cynical life, into one last searing kiss.
Pulled apart, he swallowed hard, and reminded himself that he had to be brave. He had to be strong for her. He had to let her know that he knew everything that she couldn't stay in this moment. Her last memory of him had to be one of strength.
"I know," he said.
I love you so God-damned much, Leia. I wish I had time to show you. Time to convince you I'm worth your love, time to treat you like the center of my universe because that's what you are. Stay strong, go on with your life, know that I love you and be happy…
The blast of sudden pain overtook him and his memory stopped.
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Breathing hard, he bolted upright in bed.
Krist. That damn dream again.
Han swallowed hard, struggled to get his breathing under control, and quietly got out of bed so as not to disturb his new wife, sleeping in the bunk beside him. He watched her for a few moments and determined that his nightmare hadn't caused her to wake and he was grateful. She never got enough sleep as it was.
Sweating, he only bothered picking up his boxers on the way out of their cabin, and minutes later found himself settled into his pilots chair staring out at the endless canopy of stars as he contemplated his newly married status, and the effects that his PTSD may have on that.
Though he was loathe to admit it, he knew he was not the same man Leia had fallen in love with on their way to Bespin. That man had died when frozen in that hideous block of carbonite, and he wasn't sure about who he was now, some weird combination of the two of them. For the first time in his life he felt unsure of so many things, and he could only groan at his impeccable bad timing.
This was the first time in the last few days since he had been freed from his carbonite prison that he had time to stop and take a breath, time to think about all that happened, and time to wonder if he had done a huge injustice to Leia.
Things had happened so quickly since then! He had been freed from his Carbon prison, got past the worst of his hibernation sickness, signed up as a commissioned officer for the Rebel Alliance, assisted in taking out the second death star, celebrated their victory on Endor, and then married the love of his life last night before they came back to the Falcon.
And now he had time to think, time to question his actions and wonder if he had done the right thing?
First and foremost, he was still sick. He had been cleared by Alliance medical for service as long as he continued with the treatment they prescribed because as far as they could tell he was doing fine, at least as fine as could be expected for someone who had been frozen for six months or so. And he wasn't about to tell them anything different, so he agreed with their assessment, told them he was good, and left so that he could contribute to bringing down the empire.
And it had only been what? A week since his hibernation ended? He was probably expecting too much too soon but he was impatient to feel better, to feel more like his old self, but he feared that he would never again be the strong man that he used to be.
His body still hadn't regulated itself, mostly he was cold, freezing, but after he buried himself beneath a mountain of covers he would be so hot he practically leapt out of bed roasting from heat. And he was just starting to eat more than broth. I feel like a baby, he thought with disdain.
Holding up a hand he saw the tremor still there and cursed softly.
His mouth tasted like lead and no matter what he did, how many times he brushed his teeth, how often he washed out his mouth the taste just wouldn't go away.
His breathing was not good, he knew it was due to a reduced lung capacity and no one knew if that would get better or if he would simply have to live with it for the rest of his life.
Basically I feel like Bantha shit almost all of the time. He still had sudden unexpected episodes where he would have to retch up whatever little was in his stomach, and he despised that.
Yup, I'm a wreck. What made me think I should tie Leia to me? She deserves so much more…
None of the above began to address what he was feeling both mentally and emotionally after coming out of hibernation. It had been easy to push those thoughts and fears away while he was busy, and he knew both he and Leia would be more than busy when they returned to the Alliance. But for now, he had time to think, to poke at the fears that loomed on the edge of his mind, the fears that woke him every night in a cold sweat.
Ohh, Leia, honey, what have I done to you?
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Leia woke up and shivered, feeling inexplicably cold and unconsciously reached for Han to snuggle closer only to find he wasn't there. Briefly panicked because he hardly ever left their bed while they were sleeping she used the force to reach out for him, and she felt him nearby, probably the cockpit if she was any judge of distance.
She bit her lip as she felt sadness and doubt well up in his emotions and she wondered what was wrong. Not wanting to waste time thinking about it, she pulled herself out of bed stopping only to pull one of Han's large T-shirts over her small frame.
She found him in the cockpit, sitting in the pilot's seat in his boxers and staring at the stars.
She somehow felt like she was intruding and slipped into Chewie's copilot chair instead of his lap, and watched him. He made no acknowledgement of her presence.
"Han?" she finally ventured, and he sighed before looking at her.
"Hey," he said with a smile that didn't reach his eyes.
"What's wrong?"
"What isn't?" He mumbled.
She reached over and took her hand in his waiting for him to speak.
"It's wrong, Leia," he finally said.
Her heart clinched in her chest and she feared the meaning of his words.
"What's wrong?"
"Us. You. Me." He shook his head. "It's just wrong."
Calm, remain calm. Listen to what he has to say, she told herself. What was he talking about? Did he regret being with her? Didn't he really love her? Was it because she was Vadar's daughter? Was it because his restless soul couldn't be grounded and now he had to leave?
"Han?"
He looked up at sad tone of her voice and saw her face filled with uncertainty. "Sweetheart?"
"What are you…saying? Do you think our marriage is a…a mistake? Are you sorry you married me?" the pain on her face was undeniable, and he cursed himself for making her feel that way. He took her hand and pulled her to him, placing her on his lap.
"Leia, I could never regret that, I love you." His smile was gentle as she brushed a stray hair away from her face. "So much. More than I have a right to," he finished with a whisper.
"So you don't regret marrying me?"
"No."
"You aren't leaving?" she asked in a small voice.
"Why would I do that?"
She gestured to the canopy of stars above them. "It's who you are," she said.
He couldn't deny the truth of that, but…
"I'm right where I want to be, your Worship." He pulled her closer in his arms. "But you mistake why I'm here and what I was thinking about."
"Then enlighten me."
Han expelled another long sigh.
"Han, you're making me crazy! If it's not me then what in the seven hells of Corellia is it?"
An extended silence fell between them before Han spoke, all the while absently tracing circles on her back as she remained pressed against his chest.
"Leia, it's me."
"What about you?"
"You deserve better. A whole lot better than me."
"Why would you say that?" She drew back from him so that she could look into his eyes, and saw a sadness she had never seen before. "Han?"
He broke eye contact with her and shook his head.
"Talk to me." She became aware of some of his physical feelings of discomfort and realized that he was suffering from another round of hibernation sickness. "Oh," she said.
"Oh what?" he scowled at her.
"You're sick again, aren't you?"
After a long hesitation he nodded. "Maybe a little."
"And you think that's why you shouldn't be with me?" She cocked her head, trying to understand his reasoning.
"Yes, among other things."
"I don't understand," her long hair sprawled over her back and into his lap and he couldn't help but run his hands through her long, beautiful hair.
"You're so beautiful," he murmured, lost for a few seconds.
"Han?"
"Leia, it's just that…well… you deserve better than me. What am I anyway? A criminal, a smuggler who wears the suit of a general. A lie," he dropped his head again.
She had never seen him this despondent, had never heard him so sincere in assessments. Something else he hid beneath his bravado, she noted.
"Hey," she said and rested her hand on his chest, "talk to me."
"You don't want to hear it."
"No? Why wouldn't I? You're my husband, do you think I married you on a whim?"
"No, of course not."
"Then what is it?"
He shook his head again.
"Han, talk to me?"
"I shouldn't."
"Why not?"
"Because I need to be strong, for both of us." He gave her an intense look and she felt as much as saw in his eyes that he somehow thought he had failed not only himself, but her as well. "And I'm not," he choked out and buried his head against her neck.
Leia was nothing short of stunned by this turn of events. Han had always seemed so invincible, able to take any kind of pain that was thrown at him and continue on about his business. She knew there was an emotional and vulnerable person hidden behind his façade, but sometimes she forgot that.
He wasn't really talking about what was bothering him and it could be any of a number of things, so she picked the most logical starting point, the fact that she knew he was still sick.
"Han, Sweetie, look at me," she pulled away from him and put her hands on both sides of his head forcing him to look at her. "Is this because you're still sick?"
He seemed shocked. "You know that?"
Leia laughed but not unkindly. "Nerfherder, we're sleeping together again. You think I don't notice your sleeping habits? You think I don't know that you're having nightmares? That you still throw up in the fresher?"
"..M sorry. You shouldn't have to live through this with me."
"Han Solo, what is wrong with you?"
He gave her a puzzled look. "Isn't that what you're trying to get to?"
"I mean, what is wrong with you that you think your nightmares will bother me?"
"I don't want to wake you."
"Like all of the times I've woken you? Like all of the times you've comforted me even before we were…more than friends?"
"But you needed someone there! Why wouldn't I do that?"
"My point exactly. You were strong for me, why can't I be strong for you?"
Han frowned as if the thought had never occurred to him.
"Aren't you supposed to let anyone in?" she demanded.
"Well, no…it's not that…" he mumbled.
"Then what is it?" she almost shrieked. Trying to extract information from him when he was shut down was maddening, no doubt what he had gone through with her countless times before.
"I'm not used to it…not used to sharing my…doubts."
"Then you'd better learn, Flyboy, because you're married now."
That coaxed a small smile from him.
"Tell me? Please?" She tenderly stroked his cheek and looked into his warm eyes of green and gold.
"I'm still not feeling good," he admitted. "The carbonite."
"Is that all?"
"What do you mean is that all?"
"The physicians told us that you are doing as well as can be expected and that it will take time, nobody knows how long for the carbonite to work its way out of your system."
"But what if it doesn't? What if I'm always sick? What if I'm not well enough to take care of you?" His expression was so grave that she had to refrain from laughing at him.
"Han, you are alive, thank the stars! And you didn't go mad from what happened to you. I would count both of those things as a win, wouldn't you?"
"Yes, but…" He frowned.
"But nothing. You're alive and with me, we will deal with the rest no matter what it is." She leaned forward and kissed him.
"But what if I never get better? I could end up an invalid if things go bad. I don't want you to deal with that."
"You think that scares me? Really?" she laughed in his face. "After all we've been through you think that having to help my husband will send me running for the next galaxy?"
"Well, when you put it like that," he seemed a bit sheepish for a moment, but a serious expression crossed his face a moment later. "And I still have nightmares. They're bad, Leia."
Her deep brown eyes filled with compassion as she looked into his tormented ones. "And that doesn't scare me either. How often have I had nightmares, Han? How often have you been there to help me?" She paused and kissed him again. "How can I possibly do anything less for you?"
They searched each other's eyes and he pulled her to him in a tight embrace.
"What did I do to deserve you?" he pressed a kiss against her forehead.
"As I recall you argued incessantly," she giggled against him. "And were stubborn as hell and refused to let me be my own worst enemy." She drew back again and looked into his eyes. "I will do the same for you because I love you. Do you understand yet?"
"Yeah, I do." He kissed her back.
"Besides, no one else would put up with me."
He laughed out right at that. "Well you do have a point. You are one fine hellcat!"
"Hellcat? Really?"
"Really." He frowned again. "But don't you think you should be with…I dunno…a Prince or something?"
Leia offered him a soft smile but took his words seriously as he seemed to be in a confessional mode. "And what qualities should this Prince have?"
Han nodded in thought, clearly considering his words. "Well… you deserve the best, so he needs to be lots of things."
"Such as?"
"Intelligent, he has to be a smart guy or you'll run all over him. He has to be strong, same reason," he gave her a small smirk.
"Go on."
"Good looking goes without sayin', you need to have someone handsome in your life. Someone handsome enough to compliment your beauty."
"You think I'm beautiful?"
"Are you kiddin'?" Han chuckled softly. "There's no one that can compare to you." He nodded and resumed speaking his thoughts to her. "They have to be able to take care of you whether you like it or not. That's important 'cause you don't listen very well."
"I see. What else?"
"They need a sense of humor because living with you requires one."
"Oh really?" she arched an eyebrow at him.
"Really? Trust me." He smirked. "And most important of all you need someone that loves you, that loves everything about you. Your stubbornness, your moods, your anger, and your joy. Someone that understands you enough to accept that you work too much and he sometimes may have to force you to take a vacation. Someone that knows to comfort you when you have nightmares and knows when to shut up and knows when to talk."
"Someone that loves me unconditionally, you mean?"
"Yeah, that." Han nodded. "And rich. That way he can get you everything you deserve to have." He nodded, pleased with his description and finally looked at her. "That's the kind of man you deserve."
"You're absolutely positive that I deserve a man like that?"
"Yeah, and he should have manners too, manners that match yours."
He looked into her eyes and she saw the heart wrenching honesty in his hazel eyes, now golden with deep reflection and knew that he was sincere, he wanted only the best for her.
"And where would I find such a man?" She looked into his eyes again. "You're willing to step aside so that I can find someone like this?
"Yeah, if it makes you happy. We can get a divorce…or what's it called? An annulment? Pretend that all of this…us…never happened…" He looked away from her and at the stars.
"And you would help me find such a man?"
"No, Leia. I couldn't…" he finally turned back to her and she saw the tears in his eyes. "It would hurt too much…I can't help you with that." He swallowed a few time to regain his control.
Her heart was bursting with strong emotions. Incredulous that he would not only suggest, but still offer to step aside even though they had been married yesterday. Saddened by his sickness and lack of self-esteem for fitting into her world enough to be a worthy companion. Overwhelming love for him because he loved her so much to offer up such a ludicrous thought to her even at this last date.
"You deserve a Prince, Leia …not some smuggler," he expelled a deep sigh and let his head drop to his chest.
She studied him for a moment, an impish smile on her face before she replaced it with a serious expression. She put two fingers under his chin and forced him to look back at her.
"I think I know just the man," she said in a somber voice.
Han swallowed. "You do? Then you think this was a mistake? That maybe you got caught up in the heat of the moment?"
"Perhaps." The smile that blossomed on her face was the most breathtaking, beautiful thing he had ever seen in his life, and the words she spoke warmed the deepest corner of his heart.
"But I am with a Prince. He's not rich and his manners could use some work, and he's got a gruff exterior but his heart is filled with the purest love that I have ever seen. He's definitely one of the good guys," she shrugged. "So I did the only thing I possibly could, I married him."
His heart did a somersault in his chest. To be loved by her was the miracle of his existence.
He kissed her deeply then, a kiss filled with deep love and shared understanding of one another's needs.
"You're the best thing that ever happened to me."
"I know," she said with a superior air and he laughed at her again.
"I'll never live that one down, will I?"
"Nope, never."
She let her hand graze the fabric of his boxers and raised an eyebrow.
He chuckled softly and gave her an ironic look. "Not ready yet, Princess. An after effect of the carbonite, I'm afraid."
She looked disappointed.
"It's one of the things I don't know, Leia. Tonight was the first night since I've been free that I felt…capable of performing. I was…well…grateful I was functional even if I was faster than I'd like," his mouth turned down in a wry expression.
"Han, it was fine. My husband made love to me on my wedding night. I'm happy."
"If things," and he gestured at his lap, "get better I promise I'll do right by you. And when you want another round, my mouth still works." His lopsided smile was back in place and that made Leia happy. "I can still make you come."
"Oh, is that a promise or a brag?"
"A brag? Do you want me to demonstrate?" He raised an eyebrow in speculation.
"Only if you can catch me!" She slid off his lap before he had time to grasp that she was gone.
"Damnit, Wife. Now you're in for it!" He ran out of the cockpit to the sound of her laughter.
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
AN: Writers live for reviews – I would be honored if you would leave one.
If you like this please read my ongoing story "Unravelling". It's a pre TFA fiction which will be followed by a post TFA fix-it fic call "Unfinished Business."
Thanks for reading.