This is a collab that brave kid and I worked on a little while ago(He had the initial idea and I wrote the script) and our first Camp Lazlo story.(Pictures of the story's characters are also now available on my blog, the Keeper of the Fun Blog!) Please enjoy!(BTW brave kid, thank you very much for this story suggestion. I had a lot of fun working on this story with you, and I very much appreciate it. I look forward to writing future stories with you.) :)
It's a lovely day in the city of Prickly Pines. Inside Camp Kidney, the Bean and Squirrel Scouts are preparing for the annual coed camps' talent contest. Everyone is becoming quite excited about this...everyone, that is, except Scoutmaster Lumpus, who is worriedly pacing back and forth in his office. At this moment, Lumpus' assistant Slinkman enters the room. "Goodness, what's wrong, sir?'
"Oh, plenty, Slinkman," Lumpus replies dolefully. "The annual talent show is coming up and every year we lose to that rival camp across the stream! If only someone here had even a shred of talent..."
Noticing the various campers mulling around outside, Slinkman leads Lumpus toward the window and motions toward Samson, who's hula-hooping while riding a unicycle. "Well, how about him, sir?" Lumpus watches as Samson begins pedaling faster and faster until he ends up tripping and falling flat on his face. "WHOOOOA-OOF! I'm okay...Really..." Lumpus scowls. "I don't know..."
Slinkman then motions toward Amber, who's merrily juggling a large number of brightly colored hacky sacks. "Well, how about her?" Lumpus watches as Amber accidentally tosses the hacky sacks high into the air, then looks up to see them falling back down toward her head. "AHHH!" The little blue rabbit quickly ducks and covers as the hackly sacks topple to the ground. "Where did they go? What happened? Did you see the craters?" she shudders apprehensively. Lumpus' expression becomes even more dour. "Keep trying, Slinkman."
Upon noticing Raj, who's pulling something out of a magician's hat on a small tree stump, Slinkman then motions, "Well, how about him, sir?" Lumpus watches as Raj rapidly pulls a long string of brightly colored cloths out of the hat; he soon reaches the end of the string, which has a largish watermelon tied to it. "Tada!" Lumpus continues to scowl. "What else do you have, Slinkman?"
Slinkman then notices Nina, who's sitting on a log, playing a banjo. "Well, how about her, sir?" Lumpus watches as Nina plays the banjo loudly and off-key. SKREE! SKWAWWL! SKREECH! SKRAAA! Lumpus grimaces and covers his ears. "Anyone else, Slinkman?"
Ever helpful, Slinkman quickly notes the dung beetle twins, who are playing with yoyos. "Uhm, perhaps they might do, sir?" Lumpus watches as the dung beetles quickly get tangled up in the string. "I think we've been trapped." Chip notes.
Lumpus groans very audibly and face-hoofs in exasperation. "Ohh, let's face it, we're going to lose again just like we do every year!" He gives a very hearty sigh. "Ah well...suppose we oughta be used to it by now..."
"Don't worry, sir," Slinkman replies consolingly. "I'm sure we'll find someone soon. In the meantime, let's go have some lunch at that new café in town."
"Capital idea, Slinkman." Lumpus replies, already feeling a little better, upon which the two of them then make their way into town.
Upon reaching the café, Lumpus and Slinkman quickly find their seats. Lumpus orders a bowl of tomato soup and a grilled cheese sandwich, and Slinkman orders a tuna sandwich with a side of potato chips. "If only there were someone in this camp with a shred of talent..." Lumpus muses through bites of sandwich.
Just then, an announcer steps up onto the stage across the room. "Ladies, gentlemen, and critters of all ages, the Café Pinecone is proud to present to you the comedy stylings of Max and Ruby!" As he watches the stage, Slinkman's eyes grow wide; a small Pygmy rhino boy with red hair, wearing a blue and white striped shirt, blue pants, and a straw hat, and an alligator girl with black hair, wearing a red and white striped shirt, a red skirt, and a straw hat, tapdance out onto the stage. The two then begin their song:
Max: "I'm Max,"
Ruby: "I'm Ruby,"
Both: "We're the joking sorts,
And you won't have to wait long
'Cause like us, the jokes are short!"
The two briefly stop singing and turn to each other. "So, there's this queen, see, and she's eating a piece of pie," Ruby begins. "And she says, 'Mmm, this pie is fit for a king!"
"And then her husband says, 'Excuse me, Dear, but I think you have my piece!'" Max continues. A little fox girl with blonde hair, sitting at a set of drums, promptly taps on a drum and a cymbal quickly. BA-DUM-TSS! The audience laughs uproariously.
"Say, Ruby," Max says. "Did you hear about the Golden Retriever who went broke?"
"Uh huh," Ruby replies. "Now he's a Bronze Retriever!" The fox girl taps the drum and cymbal again. BA-DUM-TSS! The audience then cracks up again.
"Say, Max," Ruby says. "What do lambs like to eat with their milk?"
"Chocolate sheep cookies!" Max replies. The fox girl taps the drum and cymbal again. BA-DUM-TSS! The audience laughs, hoots, and howls wildly.
"So, there's this guy," Max says. "And he goes to the doctor and says, 'Doc, I think that I may have a split personality.'"
"And the doctor says, 'Please say that again, and this time, don't both speak at once." Ruby continues. The fox girl taps the drum and cymbal again. BA-DUM-TSS! The audience roars with laughter.
"Say, Max," Ruby says. "What has three eyes, four ears, five noses, ten legs, and dances ballet?"
"One of these!" Max motions toward a strange-looking creature wearing a tutu, standing next to them. The fox girl looks up from a newspaper she's reading with a shocked look on her face, then taps the drum and cymbal again. BA-DUM-TSS! The audience laughs uproariously.
The two then begin singing again:
Max: "I'm Max,"
Ruby: "I'm Ruby,"
Both: "We hope you've liked our show,
We don't mean to run off,
But now it's time to go-o-o-o-o!"
The two then tapdance offstage. Slinkman turns to Lumpus and inquires, "Excuse me, sir, but did you notice something familiar about those kids?"
"Yeah..." Lumpus replies musingly. "They looked...just like Clam and Gretchen." His face then breaks into a wide smile as he begins schemingly rubbing his hooves together. "This gives me a fabulous idea!" A concerned look crosses Slinkman's face. Uh oh. he thinks. He had witnessed Lumpus' schemes before and he knew that trouble would soon be brewing.
Lumpus traipses backstage, with Slinkman following closely behind, and quickly finds Max and Ruby sitting in chairs, drinking root beer. "Hello, my friends." he greets them with mock cheerfulness.
"Well, hello, sir." Max replies.
"I'm Scoutmaster Lumpus, counselor of Camp Kidney. What brings two very talented young comedians like yourselves to our little corner of the world?"
"Well, you see," Ruby replies. "We had been going on tours across the country when our limo broke down outside this town; we opted to stay here for a bit to get a bit of rest."
A wide, scheming grin rapidly spreads across Lumpus' face. "Well say, would you care to stay at Camp Kidney for a bit?" Max and Ruby's faces light up. "Ooh, yes, please! Thank you very much, sir!"
"You're quite welcome, kids," Lumpus replies. "I only have one request of you."
"Yes?"
"For your stay here, you'll have to refer to yourselves as 'Clam' and 'Gretchen' and wear fake wigs."
The kids exchange nonplussed looks with each other for literally a minute, but reply, "Certainly, sir."
As the kids hurry off to pack for camp, Lumpus begins rubbing his hooves together and snickering, "Heh heh, Step One worked like a charm. Now to begin Step Two." He then hurries off.
This isn't good... Slinkman thinks dolefully.
Upon returning back to Camp Kidney, Lumpus quickly finds the other campers, while Max and Ruby quietly stay out of sight. "Hello, campers," he greets them. "I have an announcement to make." Everyone traipses over to him. "Yes, sir?" Lazlo inquires.
"I've arranged for all of you to go on a nature hike with Slinkman; you'll need to be ready by at least a half an hour."
The campers all exchange excited looks. "A nature hike? Oh boy!" Honey exclaims excitedly, hopping up and down and clapping her paws. "Boy howdy, a nature hike sounds like a jolly fun time." Larrison notes happily. "We'll go get packed right away, sir." Almondine obliges, upon which the campers disperse to their cabins.
"Excellent." Lumpus notes. "VERY excellent..." he sneers schemingly, rubbing his hooves together.
"Uhm, sir?" Max says as he and Ruby leave their hiding place and slowly traipse up to the scoutmaster. "Why weren't we picked to go on the hike with them?"
"Well, my little friends, you'd been working so hard lately, I wagered that you might need a bit of rest." Lumpus replies. Max and Ruby exchange happy glances. "Gee, thank you so much, sir," Ruby says happily. "This is very kind of you."
"No problem, kids." Lumpus replies as a sly grin spreads across his face.
Meanwhile, the campers are busily preparing their knapsacks for the trip. "Is that everything, guys?" Lazlo calls to his friends.
"Uh huh." Dave and Ping Pong reply.
"Uh oh." Clam suddenly pipes up.
"Why, what's the matter, Clam?" inquires a concerned Lazlo.
"Forgot Kleenex."
"Allow me." Raj replies. He reaches into his shirt pocket and pulls out another large train of colorful cloths which ends with a rubber duckie. "Will these do?" His friends simply look at him oddly. Once everyone has gotten ready, the campers all go out front to meet Slinkman.
As Slinkman reluctantly leads the kids through the woods, Lazlo casually turns to his friends. "Gee, it was awfully nice for Scoutmaster Lumpus to let us go on this hike." A look of concern then crosses Patsy's face. "He certainly seemed like he wanted us to leave in a hurry, though."
"Something smells fishy about this." Gretchen notes.
"That's just Goldie." Clam motions toward a goldfish in a bowl that he's toting in his backpack. His friends simply look at him oddly.
As the group passes a thick group of trees and enter a clearing, something catches Almondine's eye. She quickly motions, "Look, you guys!" The campers quickly rush over to the clearing and are surprised to see Lumpus standing in the campgrounds with Max and Ruby. "Hey," Gretchen says indignantly. "Did Lumpus just duplicate Clam and me?!"
"Copyright infringement." Clam mumbles under his breath.
"How very strange..." Samson muses, rubbing his chin.
Just then, the group hears Nina call, "Hey, look at this!" upon which they turn to see her browsing a Teen Animal Monthly magazine with a picture of Max and Ruby on the cover. "I knew I'd seen those guys somewhere," she elaborates. "There was a whole article on them in here. Apparently, they're boyfriend and girlfriend and their comedy act is very famous."
"Hmm, how very interesting." Samson muses.
"But, how could Lumpus have found them?" Patsy wonders. "And what does he want them for?" At this moment, Lazlo quickly puts two and two together. "The talent show! He must have gotten them to masquerade as Clam and Gretchen so we'd win the competition this year."
"So that's why he wanted us out of here so quickly!" Edward scowls, "I knew he'd have some convoluted scheme planned!"
As the other campers look on, Max and Ruby begin to tell another joke. "Say, Max, I hear that a new family moved in next door, and they have a dog with one black ear named Sparky."
"Cool," Max replies. "I wonder what his other ear's name is?"
The campers all double over with laughter, save for the dung beetles. Chip scratches his head in perplexity. "I don't get it."
"I do!" Skip exclaims glibly. "He thought the dog's EAR was named Sparky!" The dung beetles promptly dissolve into uproarious laughter.
"Say, Ruby," Max then begins. "What's a lemming's favorite dessert?"
"Lemming meringue pie!" Ruby replies. Upon earing this, the four lemming brothers collapse to the ground as they dissolve into hilarious laughter. "It's funny 'cuz it's TRUE!" they exclaim.
Lazlo pauses to catch his breath. "I gotta admit they're pretty good. Even so, maybe we'd better go back to camp and keep an eye."
"Good idea." the other campers oblige, upon which they start heading back. Almondine pauses for a second and removes her glasses. "Oh dear, I forgot to clean my glasses before we came here."
"Allow me!" Raj then quickly pulls out of his shirt pocket another long colorful train of cloths which end in a pair of fuzzy dice. His friends all look at him oddly. "Are you going to be doing that a lot?" Edward grouses.
"Maybe..." Raj replies nonchalantly.
Meanwhile, Lumpus makes his way toward the judges' table with Max and Ruby following closely behind. "Yes," Lumpus says. "We'd like to enter in the talent competition, please."
"All right." one of the judges, a tall baboon wearing a tuxedo, replies as he hands Lumpus a form. "Please sign here."
As Lumpus begins signing the form, Max gives the scoutmaster's coattail a gentle tug. "Uhm, excuse me, sir."
"Well, what's on your mind, kid?" Lumpus replies indignantly.
"May I ask why you've entered us in this competition, please?"
"Well, you see..." the moose's voice trails off as he bursts into fake tears. "Ohh, it's just awful! Camp Kidney's going to be torn down unless we can come up with the rent money!" Max and Ruby gasp and exchange horrified looks. "It would do all of us a real service if you...were to...do this for us." Lumpus continues with several very fake-sounding sniffles.
The two kids exchange sad looks. "Don't worry, sir," a determined Ruby replies. "We promise to help in whatever way we can."
"We'll try to do our best." Max notes.
"Ohh, thank you, kids!" Lumpus replies, still fake-weeping. "This means so much to the campers and to me!(Heh, as far as you know...)" Max and Ruby hadn't looked closely enough to see a sly grin spread across the scoutmaster's face as he finishes his sentence.
Max and Ruby traipse up to the judges' table, while they're greeted by the other two judges, a lady zebra in a long blue dress, and a large hippo in a white tuxedo. "And what are your names, little friends?' the zebra judge inquires politely.
"We're Ma-uhm, we mean, Clam and Gretchen, yeah." Ruby replies, quickly catching herself.
"And what might your act be?" the hippo judge inquires.
"Well, we do stand-up comedy," Max replies. "He and Ruby then hold their hands out to the judges. "Would you like to shake hands?"
"Certainly." the baboon judge replies. Upon this, Max and Ruby begin shaking their hands around in the air(1); the judges laugh uproariously at this. "My my," the baboon judge says glibly. "You two certainly are good! But, we'll need to see a bit more of your act."
"Sure thing, sir." the two reply, upon which they step out into the field and begin singing their song:
Max: "I'm Max,"
Ruby: "I'm Ruby,"
Both: "We're the joking sorts,
And you won't have to wait long
'Cause like us, the jokes are short!"
They then stop singing. "Say, Ruby," Max says. "What do you get if you cross a grizzly bear with a bunny rabbit?"
"Ooh, I wouldn't do that!" Ruby replies. "It's not wise to get a grizzly bear cross!" The judges burst into laughter.
"So, there's this little boy, see, and he's playing baseball with his friends," Ruby begins. "And he hits the ball really far and yells, 'Oh no! It's a run home!'"
"And then one of his friends says, 'Don't you mean a home run?'" Max continues.
"And he replies, 'No, I really do mean a run home. I just hit the ball through a neighbor's window!'" Ruby finishes. The judges dissolve into loud chuckles.
"So, there's this singer, see, and he's meeting with a friend of his," Max begins. "And he says, 'By the way, did you know that I once sang for the queen of England?'"
"And his friend says, 'No kidding, really?'" Ruby continues.
"And he replies, 'Well, that's what she told me, anyway. She said, If you're a singer, then I'm the queen of England!'" Max concludes. The judges double over with laughter.
"So, there's this family, see, and they visit a farm on a vacation," Ruby begins. "But they're bothered by the noise the pigs make."
"Well, next year, they're planning to go back, so the father writes a letter to the farmer asking if the pigs are still there." Max continues.
"The next day the father gets a letter back saying, 'Don't worry, there haven't been any pigs at this farm since you were here.'" Ruby finishes. The judges begin cracking up again.
"Say, Ruby," Max says. "What has seven eyes, five ears, twelve arms, and dances the polka?"
"One of these!" Ruby motions toward a large strange creature playing an accordion, standing next to them. The zebra judge looks up from a tabloid newspaper she's reading, wide-eyed, then the judges dissolve into laughter again.
From the bushes behind them, Lazlo and the others watch. "We'll have to expose Lumpus' scheme before it's too late!" Lazlo whispers. Nina sniffles. "Ahh...oh no, I think I'm gonna sneeze!" Upon hearing this, Raj quickly reaches into his pocket and pulls out another long train of cloths, ending in a pair of polka-dotted underwear. As his friends all stare at him blankly, the elephant blushes deeply. "Uhm, Tada?"
The campers them hurry out of their hiding place, with Clam and Gretchen leading on. As Clam and Gretchen approach Lumpus, the judges gasp. Lumpus quickly whips around, "Say, what's happeni-" He cuts himself off sharply when he sees Clam and Gretchen behind him.
"What's going on here, Mr. Lumpus?" the baboon judge demands.
"Uhm, uhh, ehhh, uhrrr..." Lumpus is truly at a loss for words.
"We'll explain," Max suddenly pipes up. "This nice Mr. Lumpus met us at a café and invited us to stay at his camp."
"He wanted us to enter the talent contest in order to help win money for the camp." Ruby elaborates. "The poor fellow was in tears; he told us that without the money, the camp would be shut down. It was very sad!"
"We were more than happy to help, though we never did quite understand why he wanted us to call ourselves Clam and Gretchen and wear these wigs." Max adds.
The baboon judge looks at Lumpus with a raised eyebrow. "Is this true, Mr. Lumpus?"
"It sounds very much like you were trying to pull a fast one on us." the zebra judge adds.
"I-is that what it sounds like?" the moose stammers. "Maybe I said it wrong..."
"Well, because of this, your camp is thus disqualified from the competition!" the hippo judge exclaims. "Goodbye!" The judges then leave.
Lumpus dolefully slumps to his knees on the ground. "Ohhh, I was so close! So cloooooose!" Worried, Max and Ruby hurry up to him. "We're very sorry, sir." Max says. "It was very sweet of you to try." Ruby adds. The moose's only response is a disdainful groan.
The campers then approach Max and Ruby. "Say, guys," Lazlo inquires. "Would you like to hang with us?"
"We're going kayaking soon." Patsy adds.
"Ooh, yes, please!" Max says happily as he and Ruby quickly remove their wigs. "That would be great!"
"Cool!" The campers then set off, with Max and Ruby joining them.
Slinkman walks up to the sorrowing Lumpus. "Don't feel bad, sir," he says consolingly. "There's always next year."
"I know," the moose replies dolefully. "But who could we possibly get for next year?"
Just then, a large tour bus pulls up by the camp's entrance, and a banana slug who looks very much like Slinkman, except wearing shiny black suit, shades, and gold chains, climbs out. "Cousin Antonio!" Slinkman suddenly exclaims. "How wonderful to see you again!"
"Cousin Antonio?" a much perplexed Lumpus echoes.
"He's my cousin from out of town." Slinkman explains. "He's a very famous music promoter and has worked with some of the most famous bands of our times."
"So very pleased to meet you." Antonio greets Lumpus with a wave.
As Slinkman and Antonio chat amongst each other, Lumpus hears a series of smooth voices crooning, "Ooooh baby, mmmmm yeah..." from behind the bus. Curious, he peeks behind the bus and is surprised to see four boy singers, one a monkey who looks very much like Lazlo, one an elephant who looks very much like Raj, one a platypus who looks very much like Edward, and one a guinea pig who looks very much like Samson, each wearing t-shirts, jeans, and sneakers, and with perfectly coiffed hair atop their heads. The sly grin returns to Lumpus' face as another idea hits him.
"Uhm, excuse me, lads," Lumpus addresses the boys as he strolls up to them. "Would you care to spend a little down time at this fine camp of ours?"
The boys' faces light up. "Why, that would be great, moose dude!" the monkey boy says happily. "Yeah," adds the guinea pig boy. "We've been pretty busy lately."
"Excellent." Lumpus chuckles, schemingly rubbing his hooves together.
A year passes; Lumpus is stranded in the middle of the lake in a boat with Lazlo, Raj, Edward, and Samson. "It was very nice of you to take us on a boat ride, Scoutmaster Lumpus." Lazlo says gratefully. "Hmm," Raj muses. "We seem to have gotten lost, though."
Lumpus glowers at the map in his hooves. "Lousy map. It's near unreadable!...And if that wasn't enough, I forgot to bring tissues." Upon hearing this, Raj quickly reaches into his shirt pocket and pulls out another long train of cloths, this time ending with a popping Martian toy. His friends look at him oddly; Lumpus groans.
Meanwhile, back at Camp Kidney, the boy band is up on stage, singing, "There were two campers made a friend and Lazlo was his naaame-o, L-A-Z-L-O, L-A-Z-L-O, L-A-Z-L-OOOOOOO, And Lazlo was his name-o...." From the audience, Nina stifles a small laugh. "Well, here we go again!"
The end.
Voice Cast
Lazlo/Clam-Carlos Alazraqui
Raj/Samson Clogmeyer/Baboon Judge/Antonio-Jeff Glen Bennett
Scoutmaster Lumpus/Slinkman/Larrison-Tom Kenny
Dave Loon/Ping-Pong Loon/Edward/Hippo Judge-Mr. Lawrence
Lemming Brothers-Steve Little
Patsy Smiles/Almondine/Zebra Judge-Jodi Benson
Nina J. Neckerly/Gretchen/Amber-Jill Taley
Honey-Tara Strong
Max-Jason Marsden
Ruby-Colleen O'Shaughnessy
Boy Band-Big Time Rush
(1)My mom saw a clown do this on a reality show once.