"You have to love all of us."
Delphine ponders what Cosima had said, turns it over and over again in her mind. You have to love all of us. Tu dois toutes nous aimer. Even in her native tongue, the words still elude her, slipping out of her grasp like sand. She loves Cosima, all of Cosima; that had not been a lie. But Delphine has never spared much thought for her clones. There is only one of her lover, brilliant and vibrant and bright.
Her lover, who had looked so serious as she spoke, who had prefaced her love with a threat. They are her family, Delphine realizes, these women. And she thinks I would betray them for her.
Would she have betrayed them if it would save Cosima's life? Delphine doesn't know, and the unease twists in her gut. You have to love all of us.
The blonde leans back against the headboard of the bed and closes her eyes. The first clone who comes to mind is Sarah. A rueful smile springs to her lips as she remembers how they met. Delphine supposes she should have been able to tell she wasn't Cosima by their kiss. The smile slips away as Delphine remembers what had happened after.
Sarah had stolen Leekie's key, and only then had Delphine realized the switch. The scientist can still remember her shock as the clone's body language shifted. Suddenly, the woman in her girlfriend's clothes had become a total stranger. Sarah had a dangerous, intense energy so unlike Cosima's warmth and fluidity. As the brunette had interrogated her, it had been clear the woman would do anything to get her family back.
She'd do anything to protect those she loves, Delphine thinks. She stops for a second. And she loves Cosima. Sarah would go to the end of the Earth for my Cosima. Delphine opens her eyes and glances to the sleeping woman beside her. Sometimes, she felt alone in her quest to save her lover.
"Sarah Manning," she says to herself. Delphine doesn't kid herself that Sarah will ever trust her, or even like her. But the both love Cosima, and that's enough for Delphine. She can love Sarah.
Satisfied, the French woman takes a moment to run her eyes up over Cosima's bare shoulder, to her tangled hair. It's so different from the first clone she had seen, in France.
"That," Leekie had said, gesturing slightly with his chin to a dark-haired woman sitting across from them in the café, "is Danielle Fournier. Subject 862B53."
Delphine heart had leaped into her throat. A human clone! A living, breathing miracle of science. Her excitement felt electric, humming through her whole body. "Is she the one I will monitor?"
"No," Leekie had replied. "But watch her. Soon, you'll see how similar and different she is from 324B21."
Delphine had spent the entire afternoon observing Danielle, trying to be unobtrusive while memorizing the clone's every move. She can still remember the casual motion with which Danielle had brushed her curly hair out of her face, the way her eyebrows furrowed when her coffee got cold.
And now Delphine's memories are all that's left, because Danielle is dead. A weight settles in the blonde's chest. I am sad she is gone, Delphine realizes. She had loved her in her own way, for being the first clone she saw. It may not be the type of love Cosima had wanted, but it was love nonetheless.
Delphine wonders if DYAD intervention could have saved Danielle. Helena is a force to be reckoned with. Delphine had often heard Leekie speak of her, the lost clone he couldn't track down. But none of them had known how dangerous Helena was, not until five subjects were dead by her hand.
Did Cosima mean Helena too? Delphine wonders. Cosima has never met the feral clone, and for that Delphine is glad. She wonders what could have made Helena that way.
Someone would have had to have trained her, Delphine knows. Trainer her to hunt, trained her to kill. It would have taken years. Cosima had told her she believed it was likely Helena was abused, to shape her psyche into that of an ideological assassin. "It could have been any of us," Cosima had said. "That's the freaky scary part. A different birth mom, a different implantation, and hey, I'm a serial killer."
Delphine wants to believe Cosima could never be Helena. But she is a scientist, and she knows the effects abuse and conditioning can have on someone's development. If Helena is a monster, it is not of her own making. She is tragic, Delphine thinks. The woman can feel her jaw tighten as she thinks of what could have been, the life Helena never had. If I feel loss for her, Delphine reasons, then I love her too.
And if Helena is not a villain, Rachel is. Delphine remembers her cool condescension when they first met, her subsequent attempts to block Cosima's treatment. Anger flares hot in her chest. I will not love Rachel, Delphine decides. She does not deserve it. The scientist is pretty sure Cosima wasn't including Rachel when she said "all of us", anyway.
That leaves Alison Hendrix. Of all the clones, she is the one Delphine knows the least. She has no access to her file at DYAD, so Delphine tries to remember what Cosima had told her. Soccer mom. Functional alcoholic. Paranoid. Loves to do community theatre. Delphine surprises herself with a small giggle. She's never seen Alison, but she has the image of Cosima onstage, trying to sing and dodging soccer balls. Her giggling progresses to full body laughter, and Delphine tries to quiet down as Cosima begins to move in her sleep.
"I'm sorry, ma chérie," she whispers, knowing Cosima can't hear her. Delphine almost wishes Cosima had woken up, so she could have asked her more about Alison. Delphine bites her lip and thinks again of what she knows.
Alison is a mother. Alison does theatre. Alison drinks. Delphine wonders what it is Alison is trying to escape, either through acting or alcohol. What could her small, suburban life be like? Cosima would want to help her through her problems, even though she has enough of her own. Maybe Delphine will learn to love Alison if she can help her. That will have to be enough.
Delphine turns to look back at Cosima. She's turned over and is facing the blonde now, chest rising and falling. She looks incredibly peaceful and carefree as she sleeps. Delphine wishes things could be that simple for her in the day. Slowly, the French woman moves herself back under the covers and towards Cosima. Lying on her back, Delphine gently moves Cosima onto her chest, one arm strewn across her torso. She can feel their hearts beating in sync.
"I love all of you," Delphine whispers. "But I love you the most." She kisses the top of her head. "Je t'aime, Cosima. Je t'aime toujours."
I love you always, Delphine repeats, drifting off to sleep. All of you, always.