First Comes, or, How to get Snape to Hex you to St Mungo's
by Eledhwen (angel_eledhwen@hotmail.com)
Disclaimer: Hogwarts and inhabitants belong to J. K. Rowling. Not even the insanity is purely mine.
Notes: Part of the 'Silliness and Subtitles, or, Addlepated Adolescent Fantasies' series. Again, I'm blaming Diana Wolf.
Warning: Extreme silliness. Singing!Seamus.
"Snape and Harry, sitting in a tree," sang Seamus with enthusiasm if not a great deal of regard for tune as Neville and Dean provided a sort of backing hum.
The head of every person sitting in the Great Hall, who had been a mere minute before peacefully eating their dinner, snapped round to stare at the singer. A moment of sheer bemusement, then eyes flicked first to Professor Snape, who had laid down his fork and was staring, stony-faced at the three singing seventh-year Gryffindors, then to Harry, gazing intently at his plate with a ferocious blush burning his cheeks.
"K-I-S-S-I-N-G," Dean and Neville joined in on the lyrics, such as they were, with all the air in their lungs.
Snape was out of his seat, moving towards the Gryffindor table with his wand out and murder in his eyes.
"First comes love," sang the three, apparently oblivious to the sensation they were causing, not to mention the homicidal teacher approaching inexorably.
Neville fell silent as he approached, unable to ignore him any longer. "Then comes marriage," continued the other two, wide grins on their faces as Harry scrambled out of his seat to intercept Snape.
"Wait, Sev. Please," he whispered urgently.
Snape ignored him, his wand swinging from the suddenly silenced Dean to point directly at Seamus.
"Then comes…"
Snape spoke over him. "Mr Finnegan, if you do not stop this instant I will not hesitate to hex you all the way to St Mungo's."
"… Snape-kin with…"
Snape's grip on his wand tightened infinitesimally. Harry, seeing the warning signs, grabbed his arm and held on for dear life.
"Sev, you can't," hissed Harry. Naturally the entire Hall heard, as apart from him and Seamus everyone was silent. "I'm not going to let you go to Azkaban again, even if I have to hex you myself to prevent it."
"So you expect me to do nothing while that… that Gryffindor cheerfully maligns my reputation?" asked Snape, his wand not moving in the slightest.
"… the baby carriage!" finished Seamus triumphantly, looking around in a decidedly smug manner.
"Well, it's not as if it's a secret now, is it? Or ever, actually. Besides, it's my reputation too, and I'm not threatening anyone, now am I?" 'Yet,' He added in the safety of his own mind, but no one would know that.
"Very well, I suppose. Since Mr Finnegan seems to have finished his rendition of the most repulsive song known to man, I believe I can avoid damaging him overmuch. I maintain that it's all your fault, however," he added, with more than a hint of petulance in his tone.
Harry supposed that was probably fair. After all, he had been the one to kiss Snape in the corridor outside his rooms yesterday, effectively outing them both in front of a large section of his Potions class.
Snape finally lowered his wand, and Harry breathed a sigh of relief, letting go of his arm. As they both moved back towards their places, a round of applause broke out. Snape growled under his breath but otherwise ignored it completely. Harry returned to contemplating his plate. As the ovation died down, Seamus smiled.
"So," he said loudly, "Anyone for another round?"