I DON'T OWN ANYTHING TWILIGHT
AN: Let's pretend Jacob didn't run away when he found out Bella and Edward were gettin married. read and review! Based on Snow Patrol's song It's Beginning To Get To Me.
It's Beginning To Get To Me
We need to feel breathless with love
And not collapse under its weight
I'm gasping for the air to fill
My lungs with everything I've lost
Bella was sitting in her car, unable to move, unable to process what she was doing there. She had made her choice. She had chosen Edward. At least she thought she had chosen Edward, but here she was sitting in her truck outside the Black's house days before her wedding. She sighed. She couldn't take the feeling in the pit of her stomach when Jacob Black wouldn't talk to her. She didn't know what that meant, but she knew she had to fix it. She got out of her truck, took a deep breath as she mustered up all her courage to go see him.
The walk to the front door seemed endless and once she knocked the wait seemed even more so. Bella was closer to right at estimating the time for the door to open, because it seemed as if no one was home. She sighed. Of course no one was home, it was a sign. She was being selfish. She had broken Jacob's heart more than once so she deserved the discomfort of him ignoring her, because no matter how large that discomfort seemed, it was nothing compared to what she had put Jacob through.
She was about to leave when she heard something stir, or crash seems like a more accurate description, within Jacob's garage. She could feel her heart beat in her throat and her whole body went stiff. Jacob was super-human and the adjective was applied to all his senses, so Bella assumed he either heard or smelled her and was still refusing to talk to her.
With the newfound knowledge of the degree of Jacob's anger towards her, Bella had to practically drag herself, if that is at all possible, to the garage. She wasn't surprised to find Jacob's back to her as he pretended to be examining the car he was working on. Jacob had to have known she was coming, his extra-ordinary senses wouldn't allow for her to surprise him. She also wasn't surprised to find Jacob Black shirtless, but she was surprised by her reaction to his defined and rippling muscles. If she had thought she was nervous before, she needed to come up with a new word to describe how she felt. The word would have to encompass the empty feeling of guilt in her stomach, the choking feeling of being nervous in her throat and the pulsating feeling of warmth and need growing between her thighs.
"Jacob?" She whispered. He growled. She was beginning to regret her visit. Maybe Jacob really didn't want to see her. Maybe he wasn't being stubborn and moody. Maybe his hurt had grown into hatred and he was going to rip her heart right out of her throat.
"You smell like shit." He managed to growl. It barely sounded like the Jacob she knew. She quickly sniffed herself before realizing she must have smelled like Vampire, like Edward, like the Cullens, like her family-to-be.
Edward. What was she doing at La Push? Was she trying to betray Edward? Was she trying to continually smash Jacob's heart? She should have showered before showing up. What if Jacob couldn't talk to her because their scent was too strong? What if he couldn't hold her hand like he used to because she was surrounded by a Vampire Smell/Love Barrier that hurt him too much to break through. She was nervous or she was her new word for the empty, choking, pulsating feeling from before. She knew she hadn't said anything in a good five minutes, but her tongue was tied. And she was about ready to cut her losses and leave when Jacob spoke again.
"What are you doing here, Bella?" His voice was full of anger and pain and suddenly that was all Bella was filled with. Anger at herself for causing Jacob's pain and pain caused by Jacob's anger. He stood up straight and turned to face her. The front of him was even more mesmerizing than the back and his face, even though it was twisted in hurt, was even more beautiful than his front and back combined. She was that word again and even more intense than before.
"I wanted to see you." She managed to choke out, blood rushing to her cheeks and turning her face a bright red.
"Shouldn't you be with Edward..." He rolled his eyes away from her, hiding the pain evident in them, "planning the wedding?" but he couldn't hide the pain in his voice as the words squeaked through his lips. The sound nearly knocked Bella off her feet, it was so terrible to her.
"Jacob..." She reached her hand up to close the space between them, but he jerked his arm away from her touch.
"Don't, Bella. Don't do this. You can't just keep coming back when you're just going to leave again." He searched her eyes and found only pain. "You made your choice, Bella, and unless you're here to tell me you changed your mine, that you choose me," his tone picked up a little as if he liked saying those words, but as quickly as it spiked, it fell back, "then I want you to leave." They stood there for a moment, staring into each other's eyes as if trying to compromise, but to Bella's chagrin, Jacob was stubborn and would not budge.
"Jacob, please..." She begged, she just needed things to go back to the way they were. She knew she was being selfish, but in a few days she would be a vampire, and she didn't want to change until things were better with Jacob. She needed to prove to herself that she was making the right choice.
"That's what I thought..." And he turned back to staring at his car. She didn't know what to do. She couldn't leave, she just couldn't. Jacob was her best friend and she might never see him again if she left right then. So, she knew lying to Jacob was wrong, selfish and so many other terrible words, but she did it anyway.
"Jacob, I don't know if I'm making the right choice."
His entire body froze mid-movement and she knew she had made a mistake. She had given him hope. She had only wanted him to stop being so cold to her, to talk to her, to tell her how he felt, but as quickly as the words had slipped from her mouth, she could see his confidence grow. He turned around to face her, revealing eyes filled to the brim with tears.
"Do you mean it, Bella?" Jacob, her Jacob, the Jacob that was her best friend asked. But, Bella couldn't respond, she was too busy crying. Suddenly she was pinned up against the garage wall and she would have been that word again if she wasn't so overwhelmed with guilt and confusion. "Bella, do you mean it?" His voice had a slight hint of anger in it that was probably not so slight since Bella could detect it even through her tears.
"I don't know, Jacob!" She cried and he let go of her shoulders roughly and turned away. "Wait, Jacob! How am I supposed to know anything when I miss you so much! How am I supposed to know if I'm making the right choice if there's no chance of me being happy because my best friend won't even talk to me! It's not fair! Jacob, you're not being fair to me!" She knew she was sounding like a petulant child balling her eyes out because she wasn't getting her way, but she didn't care, but it seemed Jacob did.
"I'm not being fair? Me, Bella, really?" He screamed at her as he pushed her back up against the wall so he could lift her to eye level. "You're the one who thinks you can have your fucking cake and eat it too!" Bella wasn't even sure if she understood that saying, but she was getting Jacob's message: She was being selfish and ridiculous and cruel. "You fuck with my heart every chance you get and when you're done with me, you go back to that leech, your bloodsucker and I'm the one being unfair?" He dropped me and went to sit down on the worn out couch. "I'm not a cake, Bella. I'm not here for you. Not unless you tell me you'll leave him- leave them behind, then I'm all yours, but I just can't do this anymore. I love you, Bella, but if that's not enough to keep your heart beating, then what else am I supposed to do?" He said the last part into his hands. Bella's heart broke. "Why are you even here Bella?" His voice was sad, weak, tired and all the anger was gone.
"I missed you." She whispered, her voice sounded like a cracking twig. Jacob looked up at her with a half hearted smirk and she sat down next to him.
"I guess I shouldn't be fighting with you," he breathed as he stretched his arm around her shoulders. It was admittedly too hot for her, but she didn't dare complain. "I mean we don't have much time left together, right?" She nudged him and shook her head, tears quietly spilling from her eyes. He watched her for a moment while she cried, before standing up abruptly as if something had bit him. "You could have just called, you know." He said turning away, knowing very well that she had, in fact, called.
"You could have answered." She walked over and dropped her head to his bare back.
"If I had," he relaxed into her touch, "What would have happened?" She wrapped her arms around his narrow waist and let her lips rest lightly against the pert muscles of his back.
"I don't know," she spoke softly into his skin. He grabbed her wrist with the charm bracelet he had got her on it.
"You still wear it?" he toyed with the small wooden wolf that had taken him forever to carve.
"Of course, my best friend gave it to me." Bella smiled into Jacob's warm back. She felt the easiness returning to them. Bella felt Jacob's hot mouth press into the skin of her wrist and she shut her eyes against the sensation. She was that word again and she knew it was wrong. Jacob turned Bella around to face him.
"Would you wear it if he hadn't given you his heart?" He searched her eyes waiting for a response. She hesitated. She didn't know if he was looking for her answer to mean more than a simple yes or no, but she nodded anyway.
When she explained it to Edward, she would like to have been able to say 'I didn't know it was going to happen' or 'he surprised me,' but when Jacob Black leaned in to kiss her, he leaned in slowly. Too slowly, in fact and she had to stand on her tip toes to meet his lips. She couldn't even tell Edward that Jacob kissed her, because in truth, they kissed each other.
They were both done fighting and Jacob was done holding back. When he kissed her, he kissed her with everything he had. And when she could no longer keep her self standing, he moved her to the couch, refusing to let their lips part, no matter how much more difficult that made it for him. He nibbled at her bottom lip for entrance and Bella readily obliged. It was all moving so fast, but she wouldn't slow it down for anything. She wanted to feel all of Jacob. She wanted to feel the pain and heartbreak he felt and if that meant giving all of herself to him, then she was prepared to do just that. She was giving Edward her life, eternity, she could give Jacob this, now. She reached between them as Jacob went about tasting every inch of skin she had exposed and grabbed at the waistband of his pants, unsure of how to continue. Jacob stopped his ministrations to look deep into her eyes.
"Bells, are you sure you want to do this?" She nodded determinedly before popping the button on his pants.
He stopped her hand from working to remove the rest of his pants and grabbed her hands to pull her off the couch. She stood awkwardly in front of him, trying not to stare at the obvious bulge in his jeans. He took a step toward her and her heart began to beat faster. He kissed her once before grabbing the hem of her shirt and pulling it slowly over her head. He stared for a moment and she did her best not to squirm under his intense gaze. They both knew that this couldn't happen more than once, so she was allowing him to take his time, even if it just proved to make her more nervous. He kissed her again before removing her bra with surprising ease and standing back to look at her again. She saw tears beginning to flood his eyes before he kissed her once more, his hands exploring her back, holding her slender, naked bust to him. He began kissing down her neck, scraping his teeth lightly against her skin. She was unaware of the noises escaping her mouth, but Jacob was not and he thought they were beautiful.
His hot mouth reached her breast and kneeling slightly, he took her nipple into his mouth while his other hand caressed her other breast. He sucked and nipped at the hard pearl in his mouth, eliciting more beautiful noises from Bella before moving on to preform the same task on her other nipple. Bella tilted her head back and tangled her fingers through Jacob's short hair as he pleasured her. Today, she would let him have whatever he wanted. When he finished curling his tongue around her rosy peaks he kissed down her stomach, tracing her stomach muscles with his tongue, memorizing and tasting every inch of her skin.
His hands fumbled with the button to her jeans for a moment before he was successfully able to pull them off her hips. She stepped out of them and stood almost naked in front of Jacob as he sat back on his heals and just looked at her. He looked at her as if she was the only thing in the world worth looking at and Bella felt beautiful. He went on his knees in front of her, circled his arms around her mid section and pressed his forehead into her stomach. Her hands slowly began to massage his head while she waited for him to compose himself.
After a few moments of just standing there cradling Jacob's head, she felt hot droplets slide down her stomach. She stopped rubbing his hair and lifted his chin to look into his eyes. And, suspicions confirmed, Jacob Black, her big strong, best friend Jacob Black was crying. He looked back up at her and with one swift movement of his hand, her pink cotton panties were on the floor with the rest of her clothes. He stood up slowly, pushing her back in the couch. Once he was standing, he removed his clothes and then positioned himself on top of her, kissing her deeply. His tongue fought its way into her mouth to massage hers. She was drowning in all that was Jacob and she didn't ever want to stop.
"Are you sure, Bella?" He asked searching her eyes for hesitation. He found none and nodded. "I'm sorry, I think this might hurt." He said as he pushed into her slowly. He bit his lip with the pleasure of it all and she bit hers against the pain. But once she was filled with him and the worst was over, she started the feel a strange yearning warmth build in her stomach as he pushed in and out of her. She threw her head back and moaned as Jacob picked up a little speed. But the sensation became too much for him and he sat back pulling Bella on top of him. He bit into her shoulder as they rocked together, slowly building up their orgasms. His hands kneaded the muscle in her back as he guided her up and down and back and forth.
"Fuck." He sputtered trying to hold off coming apart without Bella. "I love you, Bella." He whispered into her ear. And with that, her orgasm shook her through body, her fluttering muscles milking Jacob's own from him. Immediately, their bodies felt too heavy to hold up and they fell back into the couch.
When Bella opened her eyes, it was no longer midday. The sun was either just coming up or just going down, but either way she knew she had been gone too long. Edward would be worried. She looked over at Jacob, sleeping on the couch beside her. He was beautiful and he was kind and he loved her and she did love him. She wouldn't need to change if she stayed with him. She could spend every day with her family, her friends, and maybe the Cullens would even stick around. She spent a moment day dreaming of how easy it would be to just stay, but eventually her mind wandered back to Edward. Edward, the love of her existence. Yes she loved Jacob, but who was she without Edward? She gently stroked Jacob's cheek, urging him to wake up. "If you don't wake up, Jacob," she barely spoke, "Then I'll stay with you, I won't go back to Edward. If you don't wake up, I choose you." He stirred for a moment before opening his eyes with a bright smile, unaware of the decision he just made for her, which she returned with a sad one. If only he had just stayed asleep.
His smile quickly turned into a frown as she slowly began to get dressed. They both had known before that she would leave after, but now that it was after, it was so much harder to accept. Once they had both gotten dressed, Jacob walked her to her car silently and opened the door for her.
"Will I see you again?" He asked as she got up into her front seat. He wanted to know if she was going back to Edward, to know if she had changed her mind, but he couldn't ask and she was glad because she didn't know if she could answer.
"I hope so." The answer wasn't nearly as ambiguous as it sounded. She was leaving it up to Jacob. She was telling him that in less than a weeks time she was going to be turned and it was up to him whether or not they could remain friends. He gave her a long, sad goodbye kiss, crushing his lips to hers, wanting to feel the life in her before it was taken away.
"Goodbye, Bells." And everything around her fell apart as he walked away from her. If things had been different if there were no vampires, no monsters, he would have been the love of her life and this was probably the last time she would ever see him. She took a deep breath to calm herself down, hesitantly started the engine and with one last look at Jacob Black, she drove away. If only things had been different.