I Know You
'Cause you're under the weather, just like the world. So sorry for being so bold. When I turn out the light, you're out of sight, although I know that I'm not alone. Feels like home.
A week had passed since the occurrences in the Academy, but this fact didn't seem to lessen the sorrow that shone through Fitz's eyes every time he thought no one was looking.
The man spent more time than ever in his pod, spilling little lies as excuses for his elusive behavior. It was the sort of reaction that most of the team understood and forgave, because the missions sometimes got the better of them, and it was completely comprehensible to need a while to recover. Especially when one was as deeply involved as the engineer had been.
Simmons, however, was more than a little worried about her partner.
Her eyes followed him whenever Fitz left the room, taking in the drop of his shoulders and the weight of his steps. Something was wrong, she was sure, as there were few things that the scientist still didn't know about her friend. Her confusion over his manners was not a good sign.
He ate when he was anxious or excited, and he hit people when trying to be sociable. He disliked overly sweet things but adored his mother's chocolate cake recipe. He moped around the lab when frustrated, slammed things when angry, and tripped over words when trying to flirt.
If Fitz felt sad, he usually tried very hard to never leave her side.
"I think the formulas are on my other notebook." Simmons announced loudly, shifting her gaze from the door and to where Skye worked on her computer. The hacker blinked at her with brows scrunched up in puzzlement. "Silly me." She continued, inching closer to the glass. "Better go get it."
Skye stared at her friend in a deadpan, unconvinced by the other's horrible attempt at an excuse to follow Fitz.
"Just go, nerd one, before nerd two locks himself in his pod. Again."
Simmons sent her a grateful smile, already skipping towards the upper level of the BUS.
She found Fitz as he slipped his pajama shirt on, curly hair even messier in his hurry to cover his torso.
"Damnit, woman!" He exclaimed, embarrassed. "Haven't ye heard of knocking?"
Simmons ignored his indignation and allowed the door to close behind her, leaning against it.
"You're brooding again, Fitz." She informed in a matter-of-fact tone, cocking her head to the side. "And I know there's a reason, but I can't, for the life of me, figure it out."
Fitz turned his eyes away from her, glaring at the wall as he sat on his bed. Without saying a word, he grabbed his laptop from under his pillow and opened it. Photographs filled its screen: the two of them with people from their lab back at the Academy, with friends from Sci-Ops, and even one of the Simmons' Christmas cards, with Fitz squished between Simmons and her younger sister.
The biochemist felt the corners of her mouth turn upwards as affection rushed through her.
"Those were wonderful times…" She hummed under her breath, and tenderness seeped through her words.
Fitz finally looked at her, letting his lips turn into an uncomfortable smile.
"Yeah." He agreed, lowering his pale blue eyes to the screen. "And I owe them to you."
Simmons frowned, approaching the bed and sitting down by his side.
"You'll never owe me anything, Fitz." The woman smiled, patting his knee. "Why would you even say that?"
He shifted his weight, uneasy over whatever he was about to tell her. The twist of his lips spoke of a melancholy he'd been trying to hide, and it only served to concern her further.
"Look, Simmons, it's just –" He hesitated, rubbing his palms against his trousers. "After what happened to Donnie, I just started thinking…" Comprehension filled his partner's expression, and she scooted closer, grasping his hand in hers. He looked up at her, surprised, but continued: "That would have been me without you."
"That is nonsense." Simmons chastised him, bumping their shoulders together. "I know you aren't a pacifist and that your temper sometimes makes you act foolishly, but there's no way you would ever put so many people in danger."
Fitz shook his head.
"That's not true, Jem." There was intimacy in the way he said her name, and the air around the two seemed to thicken with it. "I hated the Academy, in the beginning. I felt lonely and humiliated by the way everyone else seemed to fit right in." He gestured to the laptop. "I would have done anything to be a part of that."
Simmons dropped her head on his shoulder, shaking it lightly.
"You saw what happened to Donnie, and now you're applying it to yourself. It's an understandable, but faulty concept." She smiled sadly and attempted to divert her thoughts from the troubled boy that now resided in the Sandbox. "It's astounding what a bad influence can do to someone, Leo, but he must have already had it in him, or he wouldn't have followed through with their plans."
They were silent then, minds drifting to Donnie and to the hardships he would have to deal with, before finally being able to move on from such a traumatizing event.
"You don't understand, Jemma." His voice sounded rough, distressed. "Back at the Academy, I would have done whatever you asked me to. I would have done anything for you. Hell, I'd do anything for you still!"
Warmth rose up her cheeks, and the woman was suddenly glad Fitz couldn't see her expression.
"Even if you'd let yourself be manipulated, you would have never let innocent people get hurt because of you." She sighed quietly when Fitz put his arm around her, pulling her closer. "You chose me as your friend. You knew I wasn't that kind of person. And I could bet my life that it was only after that realization that you started to trust me so completely."
He seemed to consider her arguments, narrowed eyes focused on the door.
"How can you have so much faith in me, even when I'm doubting myself?"
Simmons lifted her head from his shoulder, smiling up at his scrunched up nose and furrowed brows.
"Because I know you, as well, and you're too noble."
This comment earned her a chuckle from the engineer, and he let go of her, getting up.
"Thanks for that, Simmons." A shadow seemed to have disappeared from his gaze as he looked down at his partner. "How about getting yourself some pajamas while I make us a cuppa?"
The woman grinned, nodding.
"I'll raid your closet and choose an episode for us to watch. Doctor Who, of course." She brought the laptop closer and minimized the folder with their photos, opening the one with the classical episodes.
Fitz snickered as he keyed in the code.
"Of course!"
More friendship than anything else. This idea was given to me by Rach, who is a darling and likes to share her FitzSimmons feels with me.
The song is Under the Weather, by KT Tunstall.