Oh So Lonely
Tony looked down to his scarred arm and felt the scalding hot water pour down his back. It had been awhile since he last did it. He stopped after Afghanistan, because he realized how much Rhodey and Pepper loved him, made him feel wanted-unlike his father. He didn't feel like a waste of space because of them-but his father's voice always said, "They don't love you Anthony. Nobody can."
But things change-his father's voice didn't.
People change-"No. You just can't be loved. They thought that they could try."
Pepper had dumped him and Rhodey can't-won't, his father told him-make time for his best friend. Too think he tried to stop being a suicidal maniac for his friends-"They never were."
Tony brought the blade to his arm and slashed-"You can let yourself bleed to death, Anthony. Nobody cares! Do it. Rid the world of yourself, you piece of shit!" Tony cut to AC/DC's "Shoot to Thrill."
After the song had finished in Tony's mind, he looked down. He couldn't really see anything but blood. He held his arm under the water, not even flinching from it-his father cackled. He didn't bother counting. He slowly stepped out of the shower, dried himself and wrapped his arm. He walked out of the bathroom and over to the wardrobe. He grabbed an old tank top, a large, old MIT sweatshirt and some ratty jeans.
Tony walked out of his and Pepper's old room-"Boo hoo"-and to the elevator, ignoring his teammates'-Steve's-attempts to get him to join them for dinner. In the elevator he told JARVIS to take him to his workshop.
"Total lockdown, JARVIS. I don't want anybody interrupting." Tony walked over to his more explosive corner. He started to fiddle, not really seeing what he was doing. Occasionally he blew it up, burning himself. He didn't feel much of the blasts, as out of it as he was. He was practically like his Iron Man suits. An empty shell with nothing important in it-"Damn right, you're unimportant." Tony stripped himself of his jacket and bandages.
At one point he nearly created something. Tony had looked at it once. And threw it at the wall, watching it explode and catch other things on fire. Most of it was for the new Stark appliances he was going to sell. He stared at the burning papers without feeling any remorse. Tony stripped himself of his jacket and bandages. He turned back to his explosive toys and made something else. He threw onto the table and blankly stared at it blowing up, causing a chain reaction. Pretty soon everything was on fire except a corner where Dummy, You, and Butterfingers were trying to extinguish the flames.
"Jesus Christ, Stark!" Tony turned to see that the door was open. And his whole team was there. He raised his cut up arm and waved, opening a cut or two. Why are they worried? They don't even care for me, only my money and suits. Tony looked at them, confused, the first emotion he felt today except loneliness.
"I just want to be alone guys. Isn't that clear by how I had JARVIS," I glared at the camera on the wall, "on supposed lockdown."
"I am sorry sir, but there is a fire hazard and you weren't responding due to your experiments," was that fear and concern-idiot, he doesn't care. He's an AI, he doesn't have feelings." Tony looked down at his father's comment-what? Now you're gonna cry? Stark men don't cry, Anthony. And you better remember that. Tony nodded and turned away from the Avengers, missing Steve's hurt look. He heard the sound of fire extinguishers and looked over his shoulder. What? Are? They? Doing? Tony watched them with confusion.
They finished quickly. Steve immediately dropped his extinguisher and ran over to Tony. And hugged him. Tony was even more confused. He didn't even lift his arms. He just managed to give a choked "why?" At these, Steve squeezed him tighter and let go enough to where he was still holding Tony but could look into his eyes.
"Because you dense idiot. I love you. And please don't burn yourself alive again. Everyone was worried. When JARVIS told us, he was hysterical," Steve said softly, sincerely.
Suddenly Tony rebooted.