I did not create Twilight.

My name is Edward Cullen, and for as long as I can remember, I have been a vampire. A creature of the night; the spawn of evil. I have walked this earth forever, frozen in time, in the image of a teenager doomed to suffer high school again and again. To my immediate knowledge, my family and I are the only vampires here in North-East United States.

I live alone and desperate for something more. When you are the living dead, there is no more. There is only this. Constant self-loathing and unstoppable desire to just...disappear. I write this because I've been told to. By my therapist. Dr. Roberts. I think he knows I'm different than all the others. This though, will give me an opportunity to leave my words as a sort of medium to understand why I feel the way I do...but who would care anyways? This 'diary' is for my eyes only.

I feel the reach of everything so close to my atmosphere...but always an eternity away. I think my kind never dies. When the myths and stories talk about eternal youth, eternal life...eternal takes on a literal meaning. I can barely stand myself for five minutes...and it has been a struggle, a task too overbearing, to have done so for the last century. Sometimes I wish I could just burn out. I'd unfortunately miss the chance to see my ashes blow away to nothingness, a sight that has riddled my dreams for decades.

I wish I had something to make this easier, more bearable. My brothers have partners that keep them satisfied in whatever way they need to be. I do not. I have never felt love or compassion for any other being, other than my family members. If you could call it a family. More like the ultimate freak show. I wish I could trust someone. I wish I could have someone that I could tell anything and everything to. I wish I could be like everybody else. I wish I was connected to society in the smallest manner and hopefully it being a small degree of normalcy which could start at mortality.

I do not enjoy my time spent in this world. I never sleep, so I have the 'pleasure' of knowing what it is to live EVERY moment of the day. I especially detest my time spent at school. I am above all it, but I still have to be there. Seventeen year old males do not work. They do not do much. They act like idiots and obsess over girls. Two things I am incapable of doing: being an idiot (because in a hundred years I've had a lot of time to study and read and learn and figure out more than the normal seventeen year old should) and becoming infatuated with anyone (because mere mortals can't seem to catch my interest).

I spend at least a few moments every day contemplate suicide...I doubt that vampires can die...I have never heard of it happening. It must be a relief, to just let it all go...maybe it's a punishment for being what I am...a monster...a spawn of evil.

I am confused...I don't know how to feel...today I felt meaningful...I felt different...I met someone...her name is Isabella, though she prefers Bella...she is the only mortal I have ever felt desire for...but not only for her body, but for a taste...the smell of her blood climbed under my nose and I forgot to breathe...it is the same feeling a drug addict would get at the sight of cocaine...I want nothing more than to feast on her flesh and laugh as I do...

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