Disclaimer: I do not now, nor will I ever, own anything to do with Crossing Jordan.

I'm a teacher, I couldn't afford it;-)

Summary: Everything in Jordan's life is falling apart—loosing Kayla, her friends' lack of support, Woody's rejection of her. As Jordan turns inward on herself, can anyone bring her back? Spoilers through Thin Ice; probably AU after that. Unconventional pairing—Woody and Jordan don't end up together, so don't read it if you are still hoping.

Chapter 1: Breakdown

As Jordan stood in the shower the water mixed with her tears. The breakdown she knew was coming finally happened. She had declined Garret's offer for dinner, knowing that she couldn't hold back the tears that long. And she'd rather have died than let him see her pain.

All that was left was the misery of the past month, and Jordan simply couldn't take it anymore. Her whole life she had been searching for love. Just one person who would accept her for who she was and never leave. She'd wrecked her chance with JD, a man who truly did care for her, probably even loved her. Jordan was willing to admit that it had been her fault—that she had been the one that left in that case.

Then there was Kayla. Jordan was amazed at how quickly she became attached to the girl. A teenager, of all people. She never thought about being a mother, but with Kayla it just fit. She had wanted Kayla, and Kayla wanted her back. Fate, it seemed, was against that. Jordan knew that Kayla would be happy with her mom—what Jordan wouldn't do to have a second chance to know her own mother. But letting go still hurt. A lot.

The whole issue was compounded by her friends' reactions. Drinking had torn Garret apart, but he didn't have to shred her confidence like that. If anyone else had said that she wasn't "temperamentally suited" to raising kids, Jordan would've simply blown it off. That wasn't the case here. She actually cared about what he thought, and the words stung. Bug, Lily, and Nigels' words too…so what if she never cooked? She was a single girl, and she didn't have to. Jordan knew when to step up and do things the right way, and she had with Kayla. They were just too wrapped up in making fun of her to notice.

Lily had come around, but then the next week she turned on Jordan again. Brandau must really be some guy, to get Lily so angry. And who was Lily to yell when Jordan went on a crusade? It's not like Lily never got self-righteous about a case. Lily apologized, but Jordan only said words of forgiveness. She didn't really mean them…she just wanted Lily to leave her alone. She needed space to process Woody's actions.

Woody. The tears fell harder and faster once Jordan started thinking about him. She couldn't believe he was with Lu. He had told her he wanted a relationship, just not so soon. But wasn't sleeping with your shrink a few days later too soon as well? Jordan couldn't understand—she thought Woody loved her, and someone who loved her wouldn't do something like that. Not after they'd slept together. Not after she'd given up one of the only working relationships of her life. Jordan felt so used, like a piece of garbage. If Woody just wanted a fling, then he got it and could forget about ever getting it another time. She was certainly never going to trust him again.

Or anyone else, for that matter. Jordan sighed as she turned off the shower and wrapped herself up in a towel. She took a good long look in the mirror. No, she wouldn't trust anyone again. If she did, she'd just get hurt. From now on, it was Jordan Cavanaugh on her own. She didn't need anyone else. She'd turn inside, and build the walls so high that no one could get over them. Then, she thought, she'd never have to hurt like this again.