It was at that point Crow regretted everything.
It was a normal scene for a villain; under disguise, hanging out at a shady dive, the usual information-gathering. Normally this was something left to his extraordinary assistant Becky, but every once in a while even Becky needed to lay low and let the boss do his thing. Mainly because said boss had been bored.
Macro city had a wonderful night life, and Crow wanted to experience it for himself. So on went the disguise, the make up, the wig (actually it was just some hair gel and a stylist but he'd be blasted if he let anyone know that), a feminine prosthetic, and his coup de grâce, a dress that mimicked curves where normally there were none. Or so the disguise maker had said (unbeknownst to crow, because the dressmaker hadn't want to bring to attention said curves already sorta being there).
Normally this sort of endeavour would end up with a surprise reveal and some unfortunates for Becky to "interview". This time around, a grave miscalculation had been made. Two hours into the scene, none other than the hero of Macro city, Mack himself, plopped his sorry behind onto the chair next to the disguised villain and grinned.
"So... what brings you here?"
Crow thanked the gods and eldritch beings alike that his voice modifier worked so well. Not that it mattered, because he was currently without a voice at all at the moment. "...Uh?" He then proceeded to curse every single beings he's just praised, because his arch nemesis, the recently single (after a rather inopportune dumping) bachelor hero Mack had caught onto his act in an instant. How humiliating! "Er, you know, the usual...!"
"Effortlessly charming every man in the bar is what you're trying to say, hmm?" Smirked the blue hero.
It was at that point that Crow realized two things. One, his cover was not in fact blown. Two, his enemy was hitting on him.
His enemy was hitting on him.
Crow bluescreened, and the blundering Mack apparently took the blank stare for star-struck interest.
"So you recognize me, eh? The great hero of Macro City, Mack himself!" He held up a hand, and two drinks slid down the bar perfectly, one in front of Crow and the other picked up delicately by the heroic flirter himself. It was a wonderfully suave move.
Whatever Crow had been doing beforehand was completely forgotten. The necklace around his neck had a panic button for such situations. Crow pressed it.
The motion had apparently intrigued Mack, as the man leaned forward seductively. "Playing coy now, are we? I know it might seem a bit much, but I really am a gentleman~" He reached forwards. Crow instinctively shot his prosthetic arm out in from of him, but Mack was quicker. With a practiced swoop he caught Crow's hand and entwined his fingers with Crows, and-!
And kissed his fingers.
Crow froze completely. Brain shutdown. Nope.
"See? It's fine milady, I know how to treat a beautiful lady such as yourself," he said slyly. Mack attempted to catch Crow's eyes, but the villainous blunderer was too preoccupied staring into space, gears clunking uselessly in his brain.
Only the insistent mashing of the panic button was proof that he hadn't been somehow stopped in time.
Mack leaned closer, and it was all Crow could do not to scream.
A wave of minions suddenly burst into the bar. Shouts, screams, and an inordinate amount of windows breaking filled the room. A cat even joined the cacophony. Amidst the entrance of dozens of intruders, one in particular caught both Mack and Crow's eyes as she stared at the pair. Becky, safe behind a wave of minions, could finally understand the insistence behind her boss's panic button use.
Her face was as blank as ever.
That one could win a poker match with F'torgolon and his council, and with a hand of one card no less! Crow thought proudly.
Beside him, Mack jumped to his feet, instantly recognizing the brand of minions headed into the small space. Crow found himself suddenly airborn. "Hide behind the bar! Stay safe!" Mack yelled. Then the blue hero was off, defeating minions without a backward glance.
Had he taken that glance, he might have noticed his unwitting date doing the exact opposite of what he'd just requested.
"Fat chance of that," Crow sneered upon landing behind the bar. He crouched behind the counter and made his way to the exit in confusion before being stopped halfway by the most beautiful sight he'd ever seen.
Explosions, of course.
Everywhere.
Ah, chaos was always good for the soul. And so was the secretary suddenly looming overhead. Amidst the rain of fire, Becky gave him the most flat-faced look ever in the history of the world, which was pretty much an every day occurrence for Becky, and the next thing he knew the inglorious leader of the Sovereign was airborne once more. He had a rather nice view of one poor minion flying overhead as he landed flat onto Becky's armoured shoulder, a copy of his own arm apparently granting her some extra strength and firepower.
Wait. When did he authorize that?
"Becky when did you adapt one of my spares for your use?"
Becky ignored him.
"Halt, Vill-! Villain...?" Mack had just caught sight of the antics before raising his sword towards the pair, "Uh, whatever, Crow's secretary right? Where on earth is your boss now, Becky? Chickening out in his little nest in the sky?"
Becky ignored him, too. It was apparently a thing today. She waved at some minions and before Mack could lift a finger, he was buried by a veritable dog-pile of dudes in armour. She jumped backwards into a safer area and began running to an evac point.
Crow grumbled thoughtfully, "Huh. Interesting to be on this side of the equation."
"This is why you leave the subterfuge to your secretary," scolded Becky in a bored tone.
Crow grumbled some more. It was much less tangible the second time around.
Before he knew it he was being airlifted back into base, minions staring in confusion at the scene. Thankfully, those that realized the identity of the 'princess' they were kidnapping this time kept their mouths very well shut. The whole experience had very nearly been wrapped up when Mack showed his face one final time, ever the image of a plucky, persistent hero. He posed dramatically, pointing a finger towards Crow's kidnapper.
"Let her go this-!"
Whatever he was about to say next was cut off with an explosion to the face and the closing of the ship's main hatch. The sounds of engines revving up and the sway of liftoff went mostly unnoticed by Crow, who was a little dumbstruck as Becky casually waved the smoke away from her vicinity. She turned to look at her boss, caught his eye, and placed him on the ground nearby.
"Next time, I recommend leaving the espionage to myself."
Crow nodded sulkily, then proceeded to hitch up his dress and make for his quarters, ego appropriately downsized. Nothing more needed to be said, especially with Crow rather unhappy over how smoothly his 'kidnapping' had taken place.
Becky stoically watched her leader disappear into his room, waving down the minions pointing at the 'princess' questionably. She merely followed his example, retreating to her own quarters. Out of nowhere, a scream of indignity resounded through the air. As Becky looked outside, a female prosthetic arm went flying innocently towards the ground.
It was a good thing her quarters were sound-proofed. The sound of someone dying of laughter might have seriously wounded her reputation.