This has been an AU that I have wanted to write for ages so here it is :)
(Side note) If you are one of my Hamilton fic readers, all hope is not lost, I just have a whole lot of writing to edit, sort and publish so the next chapters are on their way!
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Happy Reading,
Sarah x
His blue eyes had more darkness than any other brown eyes I had ever seen.
That's what I first thought when I saw him.
My nervous eyes ran over him, grasping every detail he allowed me to see. For years he had been a voice, a whisper in the dark, never stepping into my world but always being part of it.
Now everything had changed.
My curiosity was burning, more so as he sensed my fear and pulled back his cloak.
This mask he had spoken of was now revealed.
The child in me ached for knowledge. What lay under it? What does it conceal? More importantly, why was he trying to hide it?.
"Come," he said, his voice rich and melodic.
He held out his hand, the soft dark leather of his gloves gave him the appearance of a gentleman. I never stopped to think how even gentlemen can be dangerous.
I suppose part of me wanted danger. I was stuck in a world where my own wellbeing was to be decided by another. I was sheltered and protected from all the evil that surrounded me, protected from everyone except him.
Without question I took his hand, feeling so secure and protected. Passing from my own world into his seemed less daunting with him leading me.
I was surprised at my bravery, normally the prospect of being tugged down dark twisting corridors would have kept me safe in my bed, but with him, I seemed fearless.
The air was thick, at times it was hard to breathe. Not to mention the speed at which we were moving was hardly slow. I covered my mouth and nose with the sleeve of my dressing gown, in the hope of filtering the air.
The tunnels seemed endless, all of them slanted slightly, supposedly to help with the descent to his world.
He was nothing but a shadow leading me, his cloak billowing behind him and his outstretched arm holding a lantern aloft.
All of a sudden the air cleared, a cold damp breeze flew through me. I crinkled my nose at the smell, the lake we now stood beside was vast, the water was foul and black.
"Wait here" he commanded, before vanishing into the lingering mist.
I stood shivering in my dressing gown, partly from cold but also gripped by anticipation and fear.
In a matter of seconds, he reappeared in a small boat and held out his hand once again, testing my trust.
My own hand reaching out, faltering slightly before he took it and I stumbled into the boat. Myself unaware of his great strength nearly fell as my feet lost their balance.
One strong arm caught my waist and his voice reassured me, "You are safe with me"
He sat me at the front of the vessel, the gentle light of the lantern barely breaking the dense mist which hung over his domain.
For just one man he rowed with the strength and speed of five. We crossed the lake with remarkable speed, my hand slipping into the water momentarily, enjoying the chills it left on my skin.
His voice broke the silence.
"Do not do that" he ordered.
I turned and asked why.
"You'll disturb her" came his reply.
I swiftly pulled back my hand, not daring to ask who or what lurked beneath the dark water.
"Do not worry, she won't harm you when I am here" he assured me.
Never the less his comments did little to calm my nerves. I knew nothing of this man. I knew nothing of the danger I was in.
The mist suddenly began to lift as we approached land. For a huge steel portcullis stood in our way.
I turned to him, "Master?"
He almost smiled, before calmly raising one hand in an upwards motion. I jumped as the grinding of metal shot through the air.
Slowly the heavy portcullis rose, it seemed, without the help of a lever, rope or brute force. This man had made it move with a silent command. Was this man truly an angel or did he practice a darker form of those forbidden arts?
We slipped silently under the portcullis, its huge spikes hanging metres about our heads. The boat met the land with a satisfying crunch. The bow raising slightly as we made contact with the dark sand that lay just before the shore.
My Angel secured the boat, stepping onto land before holding out his hand to me.
Again I hesitated, but as I heard the portcullis clunk back down into the water I knew I must obey.
I found it hard to balance on the wet cobbles, my shoes slipping continuously in the slime that covered them.
He stopped for a moment before without warning picked me up, like a groom carrying his bride.
I felt his heart beat through his chest, it was fast and erratic. That feeling alone made my cheeks slowly heat up, luckily disguised in the darkness.
We entered his home through one single door, the lights inside too powerful for my eyes, which had slowly become accustomed to the darkness.
I was gently lowered to the floor, my eyes slowly grasping the beautiful sight that surrounded me.
I had left the sewers and stepped into a different world. How he had managed to create such a home in this darkness was beyond me.
"Please sit" he ordered, pointing to one of the chairs.
I silently obeyed, not relaxing even as he left the room momentarily.
I dared not move or try to explore this room. Everything about him was shrouded in such mystery, I had no idea who this man was and how he came to be living in an opera house. A question that troubled me more was why.
He reappeared moments later, with a tray and gave me a warm mug of tea. I whispered my thanks and began to sip away at the warm liquid. He sat opposite me and his gaze never left for more than a moment. He seemed transfixed by each little move I made, I was trying my best not to look uncomfortable.
My voice broke the silence.
"Angel?" I asked.
"Yes"
"Surely your name is not truly Angel?'
I watched him pause for a moment, trying to invent a suitable reply.
"I can't imagine that your mother and father christened you 'Angel'?" I commented.
"I was never christened" he replied swiftly.
"Oh," I muttered.
"I have no name, no religion, no country, no parents," he said, "I am simply an Angel"
"But my father said he would send you from heaven" I questioned, "if you have no faith how did you get to heaven?"
I saw him panic for a moment, his face stayed calm and relaxed but his eyes were nervous.
"It is beyond your understanding my child, I could not begin to explain the complexities surrounding my being," he said.
I don't believe he intended to end the conversation, but neither of us spoke for a while after.
"Come we must start your lesson before it gets late" he ordered.
I placed my cup down and followed him, my gaze dancing across the walls.
He opened a second door and urged me to enter the room, which held a beautiful ornate piano.
I quickly rushed to it, my fingers gently brushing the ivory keys.
"Oh, Angel" I exclaimed, "How did you come by such a beautiful instrument!"
"I did not come by it, I crafted it myself" he replied, swiftly closing the door behind us.
I turned to face him, utterly stunned. "You made this?"
He gave a single nod.
"You are very talented Angel," I said with a smile.
"No my dear, you are the one who is blessed with talent" he replied, seating himself at the stool.
"Now shall we begin," he said, "I believe that the company is beginning rehearsals for Faust, correct?"
"Yes, I heard Carlotta talk about it" I replied.
"Well you shall play Marguerite Christine and that is final," he said firmly.
"Maybe" I replied.
"No, not maybe," he said, "You shall"
"But Carlotta is already furious with me after she said I stole the role of the Countess" I replied nervously.
"You stole nothing, my dear, that role was rightfully yours as it this one, now may we begin?" he asked.
I nodded and tried to focus.
Despite all my best efforts I could see and hear that I was disappointing him.
"Je veux bien savoir quel était ce jeune homme;"
"Si c est un grand seigneur, Et comment il se nomme."
He stopped playing abruptly; "Christine can I have some diction please?"
"I am trying" I protested.
"Do not try Christine, just do it properly" he ordered, placing his fingers just above the correct keys. "Continuing on"
I took a deep breath and kept singing.
"Il était un Roi de Thulé Qui, jusqu à la tombe fidèle,"
"Eut, en souvenir de sa belle, Une coupe en or ciselé."
He stopped again, "Christine posture please, you must relax your shoulders"
I sighed deeply, this was not my night.
This cycle of singing and stopping for correction continued on for almost an hour before he finally turned away from the music.
"You look tired my child" he commented.
I nodded slightly, I hoped he had not noticed my yawns which I tried so hard to disguise.
"Come, that will be all for today, I shall return you to the dormitory" he ordered, rising to his full height.
"No" I blurted.
He raised an eyebrow in surprise, "No?"
"I - I wish to stay," I said boldly.
He sighed, "My dear one, you are tired, you must rest"
"No" I replied, "I wish to stay and sleep here"
My Angel was just reaching for the handle of the door as those words left my lips. His hand abruptly stopped mid air as his form turned back to face me.
"Sleep here?" he repeated.
"Yes, if you will have me" I replied, blushing slightly.
"Of course, but will your absence not be noted by your fellow dancers?" he questioned.
"Possibly" I replied, "But I do not wish to leave you tonight"
"Then stay you shall," he said, reaching out for my hand, "Come".
I took his hand, smiling up at him. Happy that he had granted my request.
He lead me away from the piano through yet another door.
The room was completely dark, only penetrated by the light from the candles which my Angel hurriedly lit.
"I hope you will excuse the slight disorganisation," he said, "I do not normally have visitors"
"Angel, it is wonderful, thank you" I replied, my hand brushing the soft bed linen.
"There is a washroom just through there should you wish to freshen up or bathe" he explained. "The sheets are Egyptian cotton, you will not find finer"
Like an excited child, I lay down rather sprawled out on the bed, sighing contentedly as my hands brushed the soft sheets.
"I will leave you to rest my dear" he called.
"Angel wait" I exclaimed, sitting back up.
"Yes?"
"What am I to do about a nightgown, I am only in my dressing gown..." I confessed.
He paused for a moment, "Wait here"
Upon his return, he held one of his own nightshirts.
"I am afraid I only have this," he said, placing the neatly folded garment beside me.
I lifted it up letting the fabric fall into shape. My Angel was a lot larger than I was, his shirt was a dress on myself.
"Thank you, Angel," I said.
"My pleasure, now please get some rest my dear" he replied, almost smiling as he closed the door.
I waited until I could no longer hear his footsteps before I began removing my dressing gown. I shivered with the cold, my skin covered in goose pimples and I slipped my Angel's shirt over my body.
It hung loosely, but that was to be expected. In any case, he would not see me in this state, I would be clothed again by the morning.
The fabric was soft, reminding me of the shirts my father would wear. In that respect, my Angel had taken my father's place. He had been my guide, teacher and protector since my father's death, and I, in turn, had treated him as a father. But now as I lay in my Angel's bed, clothed by him, did my mind wander.
He had seen my grow from a shy child into a woman. The way he looked at me had changed in these last three years. He was not the only one. As I grew a chest and hips, all the men seemed to notice me, most kept their distance, all apart from one.
My sweet Raoul.
Seeing him again reminded me of a fleeting childhood romance, with memories of us playing together in the fields and running away from our governesses.
He was there with his brother on the night of my first performance. He came to my dressing room with roses in his hands and promises in his words. I unknowingly spoke with him as I shouldn't, let him hold my hand and kiss it, allow him to speak to me with such devotion.
My Angel disapproved of his interference. He had told me to not gain a suitor, I was to be pure always.
I begged his forgiveness, almost at the point of tears. I was a mere eighteen, how was I to know what men behaved like.
He forgave me quickly. He explained his concerns. We did not speak of Raoul again.
From then on I made sure I kept my distance from Raoul. Only meeting with him if my Angel could be close by.
'He wants to take things from you Christine' my Angel said.
'Things all men desire but not all may receive them. He would take your youth, beauty and your innocence, these things are to be protected and cherished'.
I lived by this. My Angel was like my father in that respect. My purity and innocence were of great importance, and they were to be protected at all costs.
Now as I lay here, in the bed of a man rather than an Angel did I fully begin to realise. My Angel wanted these things for himself.
I knew so little of him, that infernal mask hid so much from me.
He said to me upon our first meeting "As long as you don't touch the mask, you will be safe Christine". He made me vow to never remove it or try and gaze at his uncovered face.
In these last three years, my curiosity had only grown. In one occasion my hand just happened to brush the mask by sheer accident and he nearly flew to the other side of the room. It took me hours to convince him that I never meant to touch the mask.
If he was starting to have new feelings for me, and in a way so was I, I needed to see what he took such care in hiding from me. If he was to demand all of me, I would have to demand all of him.
I awoke to the sound of music. It was not quiet or soft. This was loud and harsh.
It drew me from my bed like I was being pulled by a rope.
It would not have surprised me if my Angel had forgotten I was here.
I slipped through the door and crept along the cold corridor, following the sound of this intoxicating noise.
Leaning round the open door I saw my Angel. He was lost in his music, his hands moving with such power and precision. I never heard him miss a note, it was as if his music and himself were one. Both created with the mutual respect of the other.
I could see the score from the doorway. Its red ink scratched against the crisp paper could only mean one thing. This was his life's work, his masterpiece, Don Juan Triumphant.
He would never play this for me.
"My music overpowers Christine, it is dangerous to those not familiar with its strength. It bites and claws at the very soul of those who hear it, it is too much for a child like you".
I almost laughed at this excuse, he treated me like such a child.
But now standing and being enveloped by this music did I, at last, understand the truth behind his warnings.
His music made me feel brave. And this bravery is what made me pull off his mask.
The music came to an abrupt stop, his fingers locked above the keys. He roared like a beast from a lost world, his hands desperately trying to cover nature's cruelty.
It was then he looked at me. His eyes were burning, not with love but with a deep hatred.
The sheer force of this made me collapse at the foot of his organ, clinging to the mask.
"What have you done" he roared.
"Master please" I begged. "I just wanted to-"
"To what?" he spat, "See what lay under the mask?"
He chuckled darkly, "Well my dear, feast your eyes!"
He removed his hand from his face and I saw it all.
My mouth opened to scream but no sound left my throat. I had never seen such destruction, such distortion.
His flesh was twisted in ways I knew not imaginable, the skin so transparent in places I was convinced I could see bone. His lip was swollen and sore, with blisters forming from the strain of constantly wearing the mask.
"You see now why I hide?" he roared bending down over me, pressing his face next to mine.
I tried to turn my head away, not only from the physical sight of his face but also the smell.
"No" he growled grabbing my face angrily, "You will look at me, gaze upon this ugly carcass".
"Angel please" I managed to whisper, "Forgive me"
"You will never be free now Christine do you understand" he hissed in my ear.
I whimpered at his tone.
"As long as you thought that I was handsome and human you were safe, but now through your stupidity and cruelty you will never leave me again".
I stared at him in horror.
"Please Angel, I just wanted to understand" I begged. "I never knew what pain I would unleash, it was the music"
"Do not blame the music" he hissed.
"It overpowered me just like you said, I could not control myself" I pleaded.
"Then you must learn" he roared.
I lay there, petrified with tears flowing, I begged his forgiveness but none came.
He scuttled in the corner and sat there, like an animal licking its wounds.
"You have no idea what you have done Christine" he muttered after a while. "I have kept you safe for so long, and now you have betrayed me"
I stumbled off the floor, still holding the mask in my little hands.
He knew I was moving towards him, but that did not stop him flinching as I gently touched his back.
"Master" I whispered.
He almost laughed, but I knew it would only be to mock me.
"Master" I repeated, "your mask"
I held out my arm, holding the mask in my shaking hands.
He turned and looked at the mask before his eyes snapped up to me.
"Christine-"
"Your mask Master" I repeated, holding the mask out to him.
His hands slowly reached out for it, his cold fingers brushing mine as he took it from me.
He stared at it for a moment before he muttered, "You will not be wishing to see me again will you?"
"Master I wish to continue our lessons" I replied softly. "Whether my father sent you or not I do not wish to cease to know you, you are my friend"
"Friend" he sighed.
I gently touched his hand as I knelt beside him, "You have been my only friend for years, Master-"
"Erik," he said quietly.
"Pardon Master?" I asked.
"Do not call me Master or Angel anymore, the title is no longer fitting, my name is Erik and that is what I would desire you to call me" he said.
"Yes, Mast- I mean Erik" I stammered. His name felt foreign on my tongue, but I spoke it none the less. "But you told me you had no name?"
"It is not a given name, I took it simply by accident and it has stuck" he replied. "Besides now you have seen the horror behind the mask, you may as well learn the name of the poor soul who owns it"
"Everything has changed now hasn't it Erik," I said.
He nodded. "We are not the same people anymore, you have seen what every bastard in the Opera House fears and survived".
"I only screamed because of fear Erik, not from disgust" I confessed. "Your reaction frightened me, it was not all your face"
"Well if this does not frighten you my dear nothing will" he replied, gesturing to his face.
I gently reached out for his cheek, my fingers brushing the edge of the skin that he could not hide with his hand.
He jolted, "Stop"
"Please, Erik let me see," I asked.
"I do not wish you to ever have to gaze upon it again," he said, his voice strained.
"I am not scared Erik," I said boldly.
"That is what I am afraid of" he confessed.
I gently moved his hand, I heard him grunt as his face was once again revealed to me.
My fingers stopped before I dared to touch him, "May I?" I asked.
"Gently" he muttered.
My fingers brushed the side of his head, touching the paper thin skin with more care than I have ever taken before. He slightly twisted his head away from me as I did so, I imagine the feeling was not pleasant.
My hand traced down his face, my fingertips sliding over the twisted bumps of skin that made up his cheek.
He winced as I reached his lips, I touched one of the blisters without thinking.
My hand gently cupped his distorted cheek, "How did this happen to you?"
He sighed, "God"
"What?"
"God, the Devil, Mother Nature, whatever deity that rules us condemned me" he replied.
"But why you?" I asked.
"That my dear is the question I have been asking my entire life" he replied sadly, taking my hand off his cheek.
"But I don't understand-"
"I am a hideous beast Christine, that is all you must understand" he replied swiftly, reaching for his mask.
"You are beautiful to me" I responded passionately.
His whole being stopped. "Do not say such things"
"Erik you are beautiful to me, you always have been-"
"I forbid it" he exclaimed slamming his fist on the ground.
I jumped at this sudden act of violence, but it did not shrink back.
"Do not give me false hope Christine" he muttered. "False hope makes most men dangerous, only God knows what it would do to a man like me"
"What are you afraid of Erik?" I asked boldly. "Afraid that I will love you?"
He did not reply.
"Or is it that you are afraid that you will love me?" I pushed.
"Christine please" he muttered.
"No Erik I want an answer" I demanded. "You say I may not love another, who then must I love?"
"You may love whom you choose" he replied.
I sighed, "And what if I love you?"
His eyes snapped to mine, "Then I would call you a liar"
"You said I may love whoever I choose" I proclaimed, rising up onto my knees.
I wrapped my hand around the good side of his face and watched his body react.
"Do you love me?" I asked.
"More than my own existence" he breathed, shutting his eyes as I rubbed my thumb on his cheek.
"Well then" I smiled, "I suppose I can do this"
His eyes snapped open, "Do wh-"
I did not let him finish his sentence, all the air seemed to leave his mouth as my lips pressed against his. I had never kissed anyone before and from his reaction, he was none the wiser. I kissed him until I ran out of air, pulling away with a red tint on my cheeks.
I dared to look at him and I have never seen such a mixture of shock and satisfaction.
I suddenly felt an overwhelming urge to embrace him and I heard him gasp as his face was once again engulfed by my neck and hair.
"Christine" he whispered, his large fingers running clumsily through my hair. I pressed my lips against his neck and felt him shiver as I exhaled deeply.
"I am dreaming" he muttered, "and I am going to kill whoever wakes me"
I moved back to face him, "You are not dreaming Erik"
"No" he whispered his fingers running down my cheek, "You feel too real for this to be a dream"
I leant in and kissed him again, but this time, he stopped me.
"You have rehearsals" he commented.
"I don't care" I replied.
He dared to smile, "Madame Giry would not be impressed if you were to miss her class"
I rolled my eyes, "That old crow, I'm convinced she hates me"
"Now how could anyone hate you?"
"You should see the way she hits me with that cane of hers, I still have the bruises on the back of my legs, not to mention my toes" I explained. "And Reyer, he is like a slave driver!"
"We must all suffer for our art my dear one" he replied, gently brushing a wayward curl behind my ear.
"Come I will return you to the surface"
Several moments later, we had begun our journey across the lake.
Despite my protests, Erik wore his mask and no amount of kisses could persuade him otherwise.
The water was calmer than before, the mist did not hang so heavy making the air easier to breathe.
"Christine," he said.
"Yes, Erik" I replied.
"Should that boy of yours come calling" he began.
"Yes"
"If you are to be mine I warn you, I do not share," he said.
It would have been funny had it not been for his serious tone.
"I understand Erik, I will not allow him to see me anymore" I promised.
"In return, you will have my complete and utter devotion Christine, no other woman would ever look at me, but should they, I will have no other but you" he vowed.
"Neither will I" I promised, "I will love no other man but you"
Can I come to you after rehearsals?" I asked as I walked through the gap created by the moving mirror.
"Of course my dear" he replied, kissing the crown of my head.
I looked up at him, "I love you"
He sighed contentedly, "And I love you"
At the sound of movement, he blew me a kiss and the mirror slid back into its hinge.
"Christine!" exclaimed Meg bursting into my room. "Where have you been?"
"I have singing lessons every evening Meg, you and all the girls know this" I replied.
"But you have been gone all night" exclaimed Meg, "Even the Victome has been searching for you"
"Oh for goodness sake" I exclaimed, "I simply stayed at my teacher's home last night as he would not hear of me walking back to the Opera House at such a late hour"
"Well my Mama wants to see you," said Meg tugging at her dressing gown.
"I have to get dressed first, I can not be seen like this," I said firmly, shoving Meg out of the room.
She was a dear friend but she could be very hard to deal with at times.
I changed quickly with a ball of excitement lodged in my chest. Slowly counting down the minutes until I could see my Erik again.
All of my years I had longed for love and adventure, and now it was all about to begin.