Breathing
Harry lay in bed in his apartment. He was exhausted. He had been awake for 3 days straight; hadn't gotten any sleep. He felt like his eyes would collapse any minuet, but they never would. Always staring at the ceiling. Watching the fan blades spinning round and round, with tired eyes he followed them. He glanced at the clock. 3:30 am. Another night wasted. He rolled over to see a mess of red hair and a small body. Ginny. They ahd been living together for about a year and a half. And in the begining it was great. They went out together all the time. The only time they spent apart was when they went to work. Now, the more time they spent away from each other, the happier they seemed. But Ginny told Harry day after day that she loved him. And he didn't deny her that. But he also didn't deny his own unhappiness. The fan turned still but the air never was never cold. And even though Ginny was beside him, it felt like she wasn't. It wasn't that he didn't love her anymore, it just wasn't as strong. There was nothing left that he could give her.
Eyes are feeling heavy but they never seem to close
The fan blades on the ceiling spin but the air is never cold
And even though you're next to me I still feel so alone
I just can't give you anything for you to call your own
He rested his hand on her shoulder. 'Annie, what happened to us?' Harry thought, that was what he used to call her. She turned over, her eyes still closed, a bit of a grin on her face. What was he supposed to do? He sat up, swinging his legs over the side of the bed. He could feel her breath on his arm. Oh, it was awful. He wanted so badly just to forget what he was feeling and be happy. But he couldn't. It wasn't hard, it was impossible. It wasn't painful, it was heartbreaking. It wasn't that he didn't know how, it was that Ginny couldn't take it.
Harry stood up and walked into the living room, sitting down on the couch. He picked up the photo album which was sitting on the coffee table. They were so happy. No cares in the world, free to do what they wanted. Now they were tied down, obligated to follow a sechedual. Nothing was the same anymore. Harry flipped to a recent picture of Ginny and himself. He looked miserable. Not a trace of a smile crossing his lips. But there was plenty of distress. He wished that things could have been different. He walked back into the bedroom. Ginny was still sound asleep. Her small body moving slightly up and down as she breathed. She was everything he wanted a few years ago. She still was, but he didn't want to make himself depressed. It seemed like everything was fine. Did he love her? Yes. Did he want her? Yes. Was he happy? No. He loved her but didn't want to kid himself. He couldn't toy with his emotions any longer.
"God help me," he said aloud, "I'm about to break her heart,"
And I can feel you breathing
And it's keeping me awake
Can you feel it beating
My hearts sinking like a wave
It was the next day. He hadn't told her yet. But he was going to. He was sitting on the couch while Ginny was getting ready. He could hear the sound of the hair dryer in the bathroom. He bit his lip. 'Maybe I should rethink this,' he thought 'We love each other and that's all there is . . . . right? Is there something more that I want? I don't get any feeling that she wants a relationship anymore. She works all the time. Always coming home late. I'd like to go out and have fun. Not stay at home and wait. It could get better, I guess. But what if it doesn't? What if I stay here in the rut of feeling sorry for myself and thinking why the hell didn't I leave when I had the courage to? I guess that it then. I'm leaving her.' He heard her come out of the bathroom.
"Good morning," she said cheefully.
"Hi," he said, feeling an immense emense knot forming in his stomach, he stood up.
"What do you want for breakfast?" she asked.
"Nothing for me thanks," he said sitting down at the kitchen table.
"Alright then. Well, I have to go to work at nine this morning. So I have 3 free hours," she said, pouring herself some cereal.
"Really?" Harry said, a test forming in his mind.
"Yes . . . why?" she asked innocently, standing up to put the box back.
"Well, you're home for 3 hours, I'm off today, we're alone," Harry said, standing up wrapping his arms around her waist.
"Harry . . . no," she said, pushing him away.
"Oh, right, it's because we're not married," Harry said.
"No, it's not that. I just don't l-" she began.
"You don't what,"
"Nothing, I have to go to work,"
"But,"
"I just have to go!" Ginny said and slammed the door behind her.
That was it then. She didn't want to be near him anymore. And it wasn't because they were married. Apparently she didn't love him anymore. Tonight, when she got home, he would tell her.
"Ginny, I'm leaving," Harry said aloud.
Something I've been keeping locked away behind my lips
I can feel it breaking free with each and kiss
I couldn't bear to hurt you but it's all so different now
Things that I was sure of they have filled me up with doubt
Harry had set the table that night. Silk table cloth. Candles. Flowers. It looked beautiful. Harry thought that maybe if she figured he cared enough to make the last night special, then it wouldn't be as bad. Harry peered outside to see her car. He poured two glasses of wine. He heard her coming up the stairs. This was it. Everything he has, he was throwing away. He was hoping that she wouldn't cry. Her tears might change he mind. And he didn't want to feel guilty.
"Hello, Harry," Ginny said.
"Good evening," Harry said handing her a glass.
"What's all this for?" she asked, taking the glass.
"Let's have dinner, then I'll tell you," Harry wanted to hold off as long as he could.
During dinner, Harry asked Ginny about work and if she had heard from her family lately. She answered causally as if she suspected nothing, but something didn't feel right to her.
Harry took the dishes out to the kitcken and sat cak down taking her hand.
"Ginny, I know that this evening I've been asking a lot of questions. And, I want to ask one more . . . Ginny, how long have we been together?"
"I dunno," Ginny said puzzled, "maybe a couple of months"
"One year, six months, 14 days," Harry spat at her.
"Oh," Ginny said.
"Ginny things between us haven't been too great. We've been working a lot more often and spending less time together and this morning, I asked you . . . well, and you said no. Not because we were't married. But it was something else. And it began with L. Ginny, please tell me I'm wrong when I say I think you dont love me. Please tell me that you meant to say something else," Harry said.
"I . . I don't know what to say," Ginny said.
"Tell me what you mean,"
". . . . I'm scared to love you . . . "
"What?" Harry asked confused.
"Harry, I like you alot, but I don't want to love you," Ginny said, feeling tears in her eyes.
"Why not?" Harry asked sternly.
"Because I'll hurt you,"
"What? What makes you think something like that,"
"I just do. A while back, I had a dream that you would get hurt,"
"What? I get hurt all the time. I'm not exactly the safest person to be around. None of that would be your fault,"
"No, you weren't hurt like that. But by a broken heart. And I was the one who caused it," Ginny cried.
"That's why you won't let me near you? A stupid dream is stopping you? You know what, we're through!" Harry stood up.
"Harry!" Ginny yelled.
"No, you think that just because you had a dream or vision that things will go bad! If you're putting our relationship on a fantasy that you're going to hurt me, then we have no relationship, at all!" Harry yelled, knocking over the flower shattering the glass vase, and walking out the door.
And I can feel you breathing
And it's keeping me awake
Can you feel it beating
My heart's sinking like a wave
I can feel you breathing
It's keeping me awake
Could you stop my heart?
It's always beating sinking like a wave
One Month Later
Harry was standing outside a local coffee shop in town. It had been exactly one month since he had broken up with Ginny. He started out happy. He was able to keep his mind off of her. He went out with a few girls, nothing serious, but he didn't feel any sort of connection. He spent some time with Ron. And he continued to work. But soon after, he felt like something was wrong. Maybe he missed her. But that couldn't be it. He let her go. It was his choice. And even if it wasn't, he couldn't say sorry, or could he?
He turned to his right. Ginny was walking down the street. 'Oh no,' Harry thought, 'this is just what I need,'
Harry turned away, staring into space, trying not the think about her. She walked by but then walked back, taking a double take.
"Harry, is that you?" she asked.
Harry thought got a moment before answering.
"Oh Ginny. Yes. Wow. Hey," Harry said.
"Hi. How are you?" Ginny asked.
He could tell her what he felt, or he could lie. But the worst thing he could do to her is lie.
"Well, to be honest, not so great," he said.
"Really? Why? What's wrong?" Ginny asked.
"Well after we broke up, things were going good. And now, I'm starting to think that maybe it wasn't such a good idea," Harry said.
"You feel that way?" Ginny asked, arms crossed.
"You do too,"
"No, I feel the exact opposite. I've been so much happier since we split. I've gotten to spend time with my family and friends. Things have been much easier,"
"Oh, they have?" Harry asked feeling badly, "Ginny, I know that you're happy but I'm not. And maybe we could try again. I know it's not the best idea but I was wrong. And I'm sorry,"
"You want to start over? After you threw me out? After you told me that I was stupid for beleiving what I did? No, Harry, no. I will not go back to working all the time and not being able to see the people I love. It's over, it's been over," Ginny said.
"Gin, you were my first love. My only love. I never meant for this to happen,"
"It's funny. Sometimes, you mean to lose one thing, and lose another. Goodbye Harry." Ginny kissed him on the cheek and walked away.
How am I supposed to feel about the things I've done
I don't know if I should stay or turn around and run
I know that I hurt you things will never be the same
The only love I ever knew I threw it all away
One Week Later
Harry was still alone. And depressed. What was so terrible that Ginny wouldn't forgive him? He may have been a bit harsh in why he left. But it was true. Basing love on a dream wasn't the smartest thing. And because she did something not so smart, Harry lost.
As he lay in bed of his apartment, cold air swept through his body. Why did he tell her he wanted out? How stupid was he? Why did her let er go? He wished that he could take it back, but sadly, he couldn't.
He sighed, rolling over, looking at the spot where Ginny used to sleep. He missed her so much that it hurt.
"Ginny, I'm sorry. I know that you can't hear me anymore. I also know that you could care less. When you were here, it felt like you weren't. Now that you're gone, it feels like you are here. And either way, I can still feel you breathing.
And I can feel you breathing
And it's keeping me awake
Can you feel it beating
My hearts sinking like a wave
I can feel you breathing
It's keeping me awake
Could you stop my heart's always beating
Sinking like a wave
Okay everyone,I know this isn't the greatest but I needed to get it up before Christmas. So, let me know what you think if you want. And please, no flames.