Garrus stared numbly at the datapad in front of him, his hands shaking as he stumbled back and sank onto the crates that Shepard so often occupied. His eyes were still fixed on the translucent screen when the door to the battery slid open.
'Hey, hot stuff,' Shepard's teasing voice floated toward him, 'ready for lunch?' He glanced up from the screen at last, his sad blue eyes locking with hers, and her expression turned from playful to concerned in a heartbeat.
'Garrus?' She was crouching in front of him in an instant, pulling the datapad out of his hands and replacing it with her small fingers. 'What happened? What's the matter?' He didn't say anything, choosing instead to lean forward, resting his head against hers gently. His eyes slid closed and he let out a shaky breath, twisting their fingers together.
'It's my- my mom, she...' He didn't need to say any more. He'd told her of his mother's sickness before. Shepard pulled her hands away, instead wrapping them around his neck and letting him pull her up beside him. She slipped his visor off him and set it down on another one of the crates. Now free from the cool metal, he let his head drop, his face resting in her auburn hair.
'Garrus, I'm so sorry. When?
'A few days ago. They're holding a memorial for her back on Palaven in a couple of weeks.' Shepard nodded solemnly.
'I'll tell Joker to set a course, then.' He laughed mirthlessly.
'Don't be stupid, Shepard. You have much bigger things to be dealing with than one turian's funeral.' Shepard frowned and leaned away.
'This is important, Garrus. You will be on Palaven to say your goodbye to her.' She glanced up. 'Joker!' Instead of the sarcastic pilot's voice through the speakers, EDI's orb appeared.
'Mr. Moreau is currently in the mess. Perhaps I can be of some assistance, Shepard?' Shepard raised an eyebrow.
'Sure, I guess. Set a new course, EDI.'
'As you wish, Shepard. Where would you like to go?'
'Take us to Palaven.'
Ten days later...
Garrus tugged the hem of his shirt down, unaccustomed to not wearing heavy armor. The deep blue of the Vakarian clan stood out starkly against his silver plates. He paced around his hotel room, stalling for time. There was a quiet knock at his door, so soft that he almost missed it. He sighed.
'Come in,' he called miserably, still trying to wrangle his shirt into looking presentable. The door opened, and he turned around, finding himself gazing at a small human wrapped in midnight blue. 'Shepard. You look...' Beautiful. Wonderful. Perfect in Vakarian blue. Shepard wrung her hands uncomfortably.
'I know, it's ridiculous. Kasumi and Tali picked it. Today isn't the day to focus on me, though. How are you holding up?' Garrus ran a hand down his freshly inked face, ruining the carefully painted lines. He growled.
'Not great, Shepard. I can't relax. I shouldn't be here.' Shepard took his hand and led him into the small bathroom.
'Don't think like that, Garrus. She would want you to be here. She loved you.' She hopped up onto the counter to get a better angle, and pulled him toward her. He bowed his head as she picked up a towel and wet it in the sink, running it down his nose, erasing any trace of the paint.
'I wasn't with her when she- when she...' He couldn't finish that thought. Shepard wiped off his left mandible, then- very carefully- his right.
'You can't blame yourself.' She brought the towel down into her lap and toyed with its tag. 'Blame me. I took you away, I'm the reason you didn't get to...' She took a long breath and composed herself. 'You belong here, Garrus. Don't even try to think differently.' She raised the towel once more, sweeping the last of the markings off his high cheekbones with a sigh. Garrus trapped her small hand against his face and closed his eyes.
'Couldn't do this without you, Shepard.' She gave him a small smile.
'Sure you could,' she teased lightly, hinting at a conversation they'd had a while ago, 'not as stylishly of course...' Finally, she drew a laugh out of him.
'Yeah, sure. We'll go with that.' He tilted her head up and leaned forward, his forehead landing on hers softly.
'Garrus,' she all but whispered, 'what does that mean? When you do that, I mean.' He swallowed awkwardly.
'Ah, well, it's- it's how turians show affection.' She smiled again.
'Like this?' She bumped their heads together again, and Garrus chuckled.
'Something like that. What about you? What do humans do?' Shepard's heart thudded unevenly. They hadn't ever talked about these kinds of things before. It was always all flirting and hot air, nothing so intimate. She bit her lip and inhaled deeply, taking in his smell, like soap and metal and spice, all at once.
'Humans- well, they do this.' She pulled his head down and brushed her lips against his mouth plates. Their eyes fluttered closed and he wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her closer. When she drew her tongue against his mouth plates to deepen the kiss, he responded eagerly. He was always a quick study. She broke away, breathing heavily.
'Hmm, I think I could get used to that,' he said after they'd caught their breath, and Shepard laughed.
'I'm glad you aren't disgusted by our primitive human customs,' she teased. Garrus' subharmonics rumbled.
'On the contrary, I found it to be quite... Enjoyable.' Shepard smirked and picked up the small jar of blue paint on the counter beside her.
'I'm glad to hear it. Now, is there some kind of technique to doing this?' Garrus smiled and picked up the brush, dipping it in the jar and wiping the excess paint off on the rim.
'Not particularly. Just make sure you don't have too much on the brush, and then sort of sweep it across. Like this.' He drew it across the bridge of her nose gently, pulling it almost all the way back to her ear. Her eyes slid shut and she leaned into his touch. He repeated the brushstroke on the other side before dropping another kiss on her parted lips. Her eyes flew back open and she saw him staring at her worriedly.
'Was that all right?' She turned to look at herself in the mirror, finding that Garrus had drawn his usual clan marking on her face. She reached a hand up to her cheek and ghosted her fingers over the delicate lines. Yes. Perfect. I'd wear these forever if I could. She grinned as she faced him again.
'More than all right.' His mandibles relaxed into an easy grin as she took the brush from him, holding it between her slim fingers as an artist would. 'Okay, let's give this a shot.' She dipped it into the paint like he'd shown her and lifted it to hover near his nose, Garrus' eyes gazing tenderly at her. She exhaled and touched it first to the undamaged side of his face, applying the paint in an even coat, recalling his clan markings easily. After she'd finished the last stroke on his left mandible, she hesitated.
'What is it, Shepard?' She swallowed.
'I- your injuries- I don't want-' Garrus took her free hand and squeezed it.
'It's fine. I promise it won't hurt.' Shepard let out a breath she didn't realize she was holding, and touched the brush to his raw-looking mandible. He closed his eyes against the sting of the chemical on his still-fresh wounds, but ignored the pain otherwise. Shepard finished quickly, touching up a few spots as she saw fit. Garrus opened his eyes and glanced in the mirror.
'Shepard...' He was speechless. They were perfect. How she managed to make them so even and crisp, he was sure he'd never know. She fidgeted uncomfortably.
'Sorry! Are they that bad? I've never done anything like that before, so I didn't-' She was cut off by his mouth crashing down on hers, his tongue sweeping against her bottom lip, begging to deepen the kiss as she had done before. His hands moved on their own, one snaking around her waist and tugging her sharply against him, the other tangling in her hair and cradling her head at the back of her neck. Shepard sighed into his mouth and slid her arms around his neck, dragging him closer, still brandishing the paintbrush.
'Garrus,' she breathed, and he hummed back at her, 'Garrus, we have to go.' The turian growled possessively, drawing a light laugh from Shepard, who pushed him away.
'I'm serious. I'm going to wash my face, but after that, we really do need to leave.' She reached for the towel she'd used to clean Garrus' face, but he snatched it up before she got to it. 'Vakarian...' her voice was dangerous but her eyes were sparkling.
'Leave it on,' he pleaded, and she quirked an eyebrow.
'I can't do that, Garrus. I think I'll already be on thin ice just being a human. I don't want to antagonize anyone more than I have to.' His shoulders drooped.
'I suppose you're right.' He swiped the towel down her nose and cheeks as she'd done for him, removing any hint of blue. He held out a hand and she took it, hopping down from the counter. She stumbled against him, her legs weak after hanging for so long.
'I-I'm fine,' she assured him, but he didn't let go of her hand, choosing instead to lead her through the door and into the elevator. As they were lowered toward the lobby, Garrus' nerves spiked.
'I know you're fine,' he mumbled, 'but I'm not.' If Shepard heard him, she didn't show it, aside from squeezing his hand reassuringly. Finally, they reached their rented skycar, and Shepard slipped into the passenger side, leaving the driver's seat open.
'I don't know where I'm going. Would you mind driving?' In truth, Garrus was all too glad to drive in Shepard's place after the hell he'd been through on the Mako, so he slid into the offered seat. He gripped the controls tightly, his ungloved knuckles quickly turning white.
'You know, I've never been to a turian memorial,' Shepard said, oddly conversationally, 'is it much different than Earth's?' Garrus knew what she was doing, trying to distract him, keep him loose, and even though he saw through the ruse, it was working on him anyway.
'Not from what I've seen. As far as I know, the only difference is wearing the clan colours of the deceased, instead of your usual black.' Shepard leaned her head back against the seat.
'I see. You know, I remember when my dad died, back on Shanxi during the war. I was just a kid then. My mom made me wear this itchy black dress. She said that it wasn't appropriate to lay him to rest in colour.' She glanced over at Garrus, a faint smile on her face. 'I waited until we were standing over Dad's casket and pulled two huge yellow flowers from my tiny purse.' She grinned. 'I put one in my tangled hair, and the other in Dad's hands.' Her grin faded down to a melancholy smile. 'He would have loved it. Dad was never one to get bogged down by the little stuff, like rules and customs.' Garrus reached over and brushed a tear off her cheek, one that she hadn't noticed was there.
'You must miss him,' he said softly, and she leaned into his touch.
'Every day,' she replied sadly.
'But you're always so positive,' he said, confused, as he brought the skycar down in front of the temple, 'how can you solve so many other peoples' problems with one that big of your own?' She shook her head.
'It was a long time ago, Garrus. Dad's at peace now, and though it may have taken many, many years, so am I.' She saw him frown. 'Don't get me wrong. I will never forget him, or stop loving him. But he wouldn't want me to live my life the way I'm afraid you'll live yours.' She turned to face him properly.
'Mourn for her, Garrus, but I'm begging you, don't let it consume you.' She pulled his head down, meeting his forehead with hers. 'I worry about you, you know.' Before he had a chance to reply, she was stepping out of the car and hurrying into the temple, eager to get out of the hot, radiation-filled atmosphere of Cipritine. He followed after her, trying to avoid eye contact with any relatives he might stumble upon.
Shepard hadn't gone far; she was waiting for him just inside the doors.
'Are you ready for this?' Her voice was quiet, trying not to draw attention to them. Garrus shrugged noncommittally.
'As I'll ever be.' He laced their fingers together and pulled her nearer to him. Together, they sneaked into the small room, quickly finding a place to sit in the back row. Between listening to the speakers and checking in on Garrus, Shepard marvelled at the beautiful room. Every wall was covered in murals, most likely depicting turian religion. A large pyre was at the front of the room, Garrus' mother laying peacefully on top of it. She heard him swallow, and she looked over to see his eyes fixed on his mother.
'Garrus. Stay with me.' She turned his head and forced him to look away. Don't think of her like this. Think of her as the woman who raised you, the woman who loved you, right until the end.' He took a ragged breath and nodded, and they got through the rest of the memorial without incident.
As Garrus' relatives began filtering out, he let out a long sigh. There were only a few people left now, mainly immediate family.
'Thank you, Shepard. I-I don't think I could have done this alone.' She flashed him a warm smile as an older turian strode up to them.
'Garrus. I didn't think you'd be coming today.' Garrus froze.
'Dad. Yeah, I managed to make just in time, I guess.' He paused, remembering his manners. 'Dad, this is Commander Shepard of the Alliance Navy. Shepard, this is Tullius Vakarian. My father.' Shepard bowed hear head, as was considered a polite greeting in turian culture. Tullius narrowed his eyes.
'Don't think that just because you know a scrap of culture that you deserve our respect, Commander. Turians let their actions speak for themselves.' Garrus stepped in front of her, his subharmonics rumbling dangerously. Shepard moved around him gently.
'Actually, sir, I didn't come seeking respect. I came because my friend lost someone important to him, and I wanted to be there for him while he grieves. So please, forgive my frankness, but he will be saying his goodbyes now. Alone.' Tullius growled, his sharp teeth showing.
'Garrus. You would bring a human to your mother's memorial? What would she think? You need to start using your damn head.' The younger turian's restraint finally snapped.
'Spirits, Dad! What do you want from me? You wanted me to come, didn't you? Maybe I'm having a little trouble facing Mom. Please, forgive me for loving my own mother, or worse- for loving a human!' The turians- and Shepard- froze. Tullius drew himself up to his full height, but was still a few inches shorter than his son.
'What did you just say? A human? What, her? This insolent child that refuses to know her place?' Garrus stepped around Shepard again, towering over his father.
'I wouldn't open that box if I were you. You might not like what comes out of it,' he spat, the words barely audible. 'You're lucky I'm here for Mom. I'll be off-world in an hour.' Tullius stalked out of the room, leaving Garrus and Shepard alone. He took her hand and led her up to the pyre.
'She would have loved you,' he said softly, and Shepard smiled.
'Tell me about her.' He exhaled in a rush.
'She was so kind. She'd give half of what she earned every day to whichever charity needed it the most, and wouldn't even give her name so they could thank her.' He fidgeted anxiously. 'She had a way of bringing out the best in people. She could make my sister study, she could make me strive for greatness, she could-' he cut himself off awkwardly, 'she made my father laugh.' Shepard squeezed his hand again.
'She sounds perfect.' He laughed mirthlessly.
'She was. Spirits, she was. And now she's gone.' He let go of Shepard's hand and leaned against the pyre, dropping his head beside his mother. 'Bye, Mom,' he whispered, 'I hope you found peace, wherever you are.' Shepard came up beside him and pulled two flowers out of her purse.
'They're Earth flowers,' she explained as she tucked one of them into the late woman's hands, 'they're called orchids.' She pinned the other to the front of Garrus' shirt. 'Back on Earth, they represent love, beauty, and strength.' The corners of her mouth quirked up. 'It sounds like she had all three covered.'
'She most certainly did, Commander.' A feminine voice cut through the heavy silence, and Shepard whipped around, her posture defensive. A beautiful young turian leaned on a pillar at the back of the room.
'Solana.' Garrus' voice was gravelly as he addressed her, his head still resting on the pyre. 'No doubt our father told you what happened.' Solana pushed herself up and walked toward the unlikely pair.
'He did. He was furious, Brother.' Garrus shifted uncomfortably. 'And I told him he was out of line.' His head snapped up.
'You did what?' She rolled her eyes.
'Don't act so surprised, Garrus. Dad was grieving, you were grieving, someone was going to end up taking a piece out of the other. He's still not going to approve of the decisions you've made, but he's not going to disown you for making them.'
'Thank you, Sol.' She waved a hand dismissively.
'It was nothing. I'm glad you came today. I'm sure Mom is too, wherever she is.' Garrus rubbed the back of his head awkwardly.
'Yeah, well, I almost didn't.' His sister shrugged.
'It doesn't matter. I'll see you around, Garrus.' She bumped her head against his, and- all at once- was gone. Shepard came up beside Garrus and gripped his hand.
'Come on. Let's go home.' He sighed and kissed the side of her head.
'Yeah. Home.'
As the pair trudged through the airlock, Joker turned and whistled.
'Man, you guys are dressed to the nines.' He cocked his head. 'Were you infiltrating some company party or something?' Shepard opened her mouth to respond, but Garrus beat her to the punch.
'Something like that. I'll see you around, Shepard. Thanks for going down there with me today.' He shot her a meaningful look and made his way to the elevator. Joker frowned.
'Man, what's with him? How bad was it down there?' Shepard shrugged.
'It got a little dicey, but he handled it.' Her lips curved into a soft smile. 'He always does.' She turned and ran to catch the elevator with him. Just as the doors closed, she slipped inside.
'We need to talk,' she said ominously, and hit the button for her cabin, instead of letting him return to the battery. To her surprise, he nodded.
'I agree. I want to apologize,' he admitted as the elevator shot smoothly up, 'my father's actions were... Well, let's just say he has his own issues to work through.' He leaned back against the wall and folded his arms. 'Spirits, Shepard, I'm so ashamed.' Shepard mirrored his position and shook her head.
'You have no reason to be ashamed, Garrus. You aren't your father.' Garrus growled.
'Don't you see? I am. I strived- for years- to be the perfect cop, the perfect turian- just like him. My bigoted, harsh, ignorant father. I can't pretend to be innocent after that.' The elevator ground to a halt, and the human took his hand, leading him into her private cabin.
'Garrus. I have nothing but the utmost respect for you.' She pushed him down onto her bed and sat beside him. 'But my God, you have to stop being so stupid.' Garrus' mouth fell open in shock at her bluntness. She kept up her torrent of words. 'Since the day we met, up on the Presidium, you haven't shown a shred of the unfounded hatred your father did today. You were kind and polite from day one.' She flopped onto her back, letting the bed bounce her. 'Besides, isn't it true that turians let their actions speak for themselves?' Garrus' chest rumbled out a laugh.
'Yeah, I think I've heard that somewhere before.' He leaned back on the bed himself, copying her pose.
'You know, when I said we had to talk, that wasn't actually what I had in mind.' Her words made him whip his head toward her.
'It- oh. Well, uh, shoot, I guess.' She smiled at his fumbling and shifted onto her side, her hand coming up to trace the fresh lines of his clan markings. His eyes slid shut at her soft touch, and his mandibles relaxed.
'Back on Palaven, when you said- when you and your dad were-' She took a deep breath and composed herself. 'What did you mean when you said you loved a human?' Garrus' eyes snapped back open, a dash of panic running through them.
'Well, that's- I only meant-' He growled. 'Shepard, I don't want you to think I'm trying to rush anything, or-' Shepard pulled him in by his carapace and interrupted him with a kiss.'
'Love you too, Garrus.'
Believe it or not, I haven't actually died, I just hate doing things. Hopefully, I get in gear and start posting more stuff. .