AN:Where everyone acts like whiny children. Scripted Crack Fic. (because I was too lazy to write much else; so sue me, my plot bunnies are lame).
-After the Battle of Manhattan; aboard Helicarrier about to board Quinjet. The entire Avengers are present including Loki in restraints.
Loki: You worthless ants! You will one day bow before me, scraping for mercy!
Tony: Um, did you miss the bit where the Hulk thrashed you like wheat and now you're in the magical equivalent of Houdini-Proof handcuffs?
Loki: And you will live to regret it. Before humanity's fall you will crave leadership – leadership that I could give you had you merely accepted my gift.
Tony (looking at the other Assembled): is everyone else getting this? (turns back to Loki) How is your ruling us as a dictating tyrant a gift? What backward sense of government do you have?
Thor: Actually in Asgard -
Natasha: You realize you're just giving him fodder right?
Bruce with mild fascination: It's like watching a two year old and a teenager.
Steve: How so?
Bruce: even though arguing with a two year old is pointless, the teenager will do it because he still has to be right.
Loki (trying to get in Bruce's face despite Thor's restraining hand on his chest): Mark my words Beast, when the Chitauri hordes come once again and in full force without me to temper their destruction you will beg for my return.
Thor: Loki, cease your tirade, Brother. Accept this dishonor with dignity and grace.
Loki: I AM NOT YOUR BROTHER! DESIST WITH THESE DELUSIONS! DID YOU NOT EVEN PAY ATTENTION WHEN WE DISCUSSED THIS BEFORE ON THE CLIFF OR WAS THEIR RAINBOW BRIDGE RESIDUE IN YOUR EARS!?
Thor: (looking like kicked blond puppy) Loki…
Tony: But, really, getting back to your unsubstantiated claims, Sir Talks A Lot and Still Loses. Because last time I checked we – well, I – nuked your borrowed forces and the portal went bye-bye. Pray tell how will this terrifying army get here before we all die of old age? Except you Captain.
Steve: (Pinching the bridge of his nose to ward off a migraine)
Loki: Oh, they will come! Led by one far crueler than I.
Natasha: Would you stop baiting him Stark?! That was my job, and it's done.
Clint (with popcorn): no wait, this is just getting good.
Steve: Shouldn't we be somewhere? I'm pretty sure he's just putting off going to Asgard.
Thor: YES! To Asgard! Where we, your family, will prove our love and solidarity by trying you as one of our own!
Loki: Yes, what justice Asgard so happily meets out on others; AND YOU'RE NOT MY FAMILY!
Steve: (turns toward jet and enters)
Natasha: For the love of Tolstoy! (storms out to side room)
-Inside side room full of monitoring equipment stands Fury and Coulson. Coulson silently holds out a very thorough looking muzzle.-
Natasha: be thankful you're on vacation (snatches muzzle and strides out).
Coulson (looking at Fury): the Bahamas sound nice.
-Back to quinjet-
Loki: AND DO YOU RECALL THAT TIME THOR, THAT I TOLD YOU FANDRAL STOLE YOUR FAVORITE BOOTS!? I LIED! YES, I TOOK THEM! AND THEN I –MMfghhh!
Natasha: (after having slipped the gag in Loki's mouth from behind and secured it). That's much better.
Tony: HAH! Take that "your highness!" Muzzled by a Girl!
Natasha: (eyeing him) I'm sure I can find another one Stark.
Tony: (looking around) So Cap, you gonna fly this thing?
(Everyone else boards)
Clint: (still eating popcorn, watches Loki with a sly grin)
Loki: (glares)
Thor: I can't help but feel something I've forgotten to do something…
Steve: (Hums to himself as he finishes the jet's start-up sequence.)
Natasha: (basks in silence)
The End