Prologue – Unrequited Love
Disclaimer: I own no one..I'm just a poor Jersey girl that has no life! LMAO.
A/N: LoL, this is an odd fiction, but I like it so far myself—so read! Please? And feedback is welcome!
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She felt alone. Completely alone.
This is for the best. She clutched the cross closer to her heart, feeling a pit forming in her stomach. He can't get in here. I'm fine. Yeah. Just stay in this room for the rest of my life that I shouldn't be having, and I'll be fine. She jumped at a noise coming from her window, and shakily walked over to look what was there. She felt her clutch on the cross tighten.
A squirrel.
I'm getting jumpy from a squirrel. I think this has been the defining pathetic moment of my life. She watched it scamper off into the night's darkness. Just need to breath. In and out. There we go, all calmed down now. This is easy. I can stay away from him. She walked to her bed again, sitting down. Yeah. All alone. By myself. No Spike at all. I don't need him. A part of her wanted to wake up Willow and tell her everything that happened between she and Spike, or even Dawn, because it was just making her life worse keeping it in.
Yeah, I'm sure Willow would love hearing about how I woke up in a factory this morning with him after a night of—ugh. I can't even think about it. I remember how she reacted when they all thought the Buffybot was really me. Yeah, that was loads of fun. She considered going to sleep, but found the idea for some reason not at all pleasing. He haunts me in my dreams too. I'm getting as bad as him. She glanced longingly at her window. All I need to do is go out through the window and—
She shook her head. No. Control, Buffy. You can't control most of your life, but you can control this. It has to end. It may feel good, but I can't keep doing that to myself. I can't keep lying to myself. Lying about what, I have no clue, but I know that what is happening right now is so entirely wrong.
She didn't know why she felt guilty. She didn't need to be. She was hurting Spike. He didn't have feelings. Who cares about him? He's a jerk. A sick, disgusting jerk. Nothing has changed, besides the fact that he can't bite people, well, besides me. And that's more of a reason to justify me killing him, or wanting to at least. Right? God, I need air. She looked to the window with a face that made her look like she considered it a portal to some unknown world.
Wait a second; I shouldn't be locked in here because of him, quivering like an idiot. That's not very Buffy like at all! Or at least I don't think it is. Finally, after a moment of deciding, she walked to the window, as she had done all the times before when her mom was alive and she was just beginning as a Slayer.
Old habits never seemed to die with her. Her relationship with Spike just proved her point all over again.
She landed on the ground, letting in the scenery. Everything was quiet, which actually wasn't too surprising. This was Sunnydale, after all. Home of the undead and ghouls and just about any other monster you could think of. Including the most annoying one of all. She knew Xander and Anya were with Dawn, just in case Willow went a little loopy. She still had the cross in her hand, and a stake in her jacket. Well, I'm out, better make it look like I have a reason to be here.
She walked aimlessly, hoping to find some vampire to vent her frustrations out. But, just her luck, it seemed all the vamps had decided to go on vacation, and it was basically a ghost town. Great. Just me and the 'scary' animal wildlife. It figures the one night I actually wanted to just beat something until it cried they decide not to kill. Never get a break. She glanced up at the sky, noting the perfectly clear night sky. The moon lit up the roads perfectly, even though it wasn't full at all. Such a perfect night for a thrashing. How inconsiderate of the vamps for leaving me hanging here.
"Slayer."
Her whole body froze at the mere whisper he made, her heart quickly beating double time, leaping up to life. She didn't turn to face him, but remained stationed at that point. She could feel his eyes on her, and she tried not to look like the mere thought of him was making her go weak all ready. Why did I come out here again?
"I've been lookin' for you." He said simply. She finally mustered up the courage to turn around, cross outstretched. He backed away, but only slightly. "What's this? Tryin' to stop yourself again, are you?"
"Just leave me alone." She said through clenched teeth.
"You know, I love how you work, Slayer." He paced back and forth in front of her. "I mean, I protect your sister for an entire summer and would have done so until the end of time, helped your little Scoobie buddies with the vamp control, and what do you do? You go all high and mighty on me. Oh yeah Buffy, you're so special that you can trample on everyone's feelings until they're as demented as your are." He looked at her narrowly. "I don't buy it, though. You can push everyone away, including Bit, but you can't get rid of me that easily."
She glared at him. What right does he have talking to me like this? "I can get rid of you in a single swing, even if you can fight me now."
"Perhaps you can." He smirked at her. "But it won't help. Probably make it worse. No one seems to notice you're detached now. You put a brave front up for all of them, but who do you come to when the moon rises?" he motioned to the sky. "Just like why you're out tonight." He stepped closer to her. "You need me like a sick addiction, Slayer. I know because it's how I feel."
"Like hell you know what I feel." She replied, angrily. All I need to do is take the swing.
She didn't move.
"No matter what, Buffy, you can never run away from the dark side in you." He glared at her now, and she felt unnerved by the stare. "It's in your blood, coursing through, and if you don't learn how to control it now, you never will."
"I'm not the evil thing here, Spike, you are." She responded coldly. He didn't seem abashed by this.
"Sorry, luv, but I can't take that as an insult coming from someone who seems to enjoy hurting people. Who thinks she's so great that she can just use people as rag dolls."
"I'm not using you. You don't love me, you can't. Get it through your head, Spike!" she shot back. I'm so sick of this! God!
"How could you possibly think that?" he asked, dumbfounded. Then he paused, looking at her. "Wait, what am I thinking? You're not thinking that at all." He smiled, looking like he had it all figured out. What is he talking about? "You know I love you, Slayer, but you can't admit it to yourself. You can't admit it because you're afraid that when you do you realize that there is that slim possibility that I'm not just some convenient little toy of yours."
Just walk away. She turned around, completely willing herself every step, fighting the urge to kiss him. This is for the best, I can't let him do this to me. I just can't. Spike, however, didn't take no as no. She felt his hand wrap around her wrist, and she spun around instinctively, about to punch him. He caught her other hand with ease, and she realized that that was the most pathetic punch she had ever thrown.
"Don't walk away." He said. She said nothing, trying not to look at him.
"Let me go." She said, in a monotonous, indifferent whisper.
"You can't keep doing this to me, luv. If you can't treat me like I deserve to be bloody treated, tell me now, because I'm sick and tired of being the thing you kick around."
She looked up at him, conjuring the coldest glare she could muster. "Get away from me."
At first he was actually a little shocked, enough that he let her go instantly, backing away. There. That..was hard.
He said nothing but quickly turn away, stalking off. She stopped herself from running after him. She didn't know where he was going, but he had left in a hurry when that had happened. She watched his form disappear into the darkness.
"I'm sorry." She looked down, feeling defeated. Maybe he'll leave me alone now. Why does that not make me feel better? She sighed. Better get back. Maybe I can sleep now.
She took a step and stopped suddenly, suddenly feeling sick to her stomach. It went away. Wow, that was weird. She shook her head, blinking. She took another step, and she gasped out in shock as pain jolted her in the stomach. She bent over, holding the area, breathing shallowly as she could. It seemed when she breathed deeply, the pain just intensified.
She looked around for help but found none. Suddenly another shot of pain hit, this time worse then the other two, and she felt herself fall. Oh shit.
Hitting the ground was like slow motion. She felt her body connect, and felt her lungs let out their air. Moments later, her eyes closed and she was plunged into a deep faint.
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TBC..