AN: I needed to write this because of reasons
She has always known about the madness which resides in Shizuru. A person cannot be that composed. That takes a lot of practice. However, her feelings for Shizuru was not fully realised until they were fighting it out for that pointless battle due to their Hime destiny. Duran had grown so large and she decided that must be it. That was the size of her feelings for Shizuru.
Shizuru had thought it to be hatred and it was understandable for her to think that. For a moment, Natsuki had the same thought too. Then she wondered, if she loses, who would disappear? Not her mother, no. That woman died a long time ago and her love withered when she found out the truth.
She had no one. And she was fine with it. That meant if she lost, no one would be sacrificed. But why was she suddenly thinking about losing? Kuga Natsuki never gives up a fight. The option of losing is only available as it happens, when everything in her has been used up and she has nothing left to fight with anymore.
That was her moment of epiphany. She wanted to lose so Shizuru would live. Shizuru was her person. But that would mean…
That fucking festival really screwed with their heads. She is convinced that it was designed so no one would win because whichever one of them who survives will forever have blood on her hands. In her book, that isn't winning.
She is so glad that wasn't what happened and she will always be grateful to Mai for that.
Back then, she had to make a choice. Between Shizuru, her mad love and Mai, her indecisive friend.
Her eyes had fallen on Shizuru's as she thought about it. Shizuru's eyes were supposed to be light brown but at the time, they looked so dark Natsuki was almost convinced that they were black. And she realised that was her limitation. She wouldn't be able to sooth that kind of darkness. Not while the fate of the world was at stake.
So she put her trust in Mai. Mai would figure out her true desire as she did.
As she kissed her love, it occurred to her that she would never be able to love Shizuru the way Shizuru loved her. The love that she carried for Natsuki was too heavy that she collapsed underneath it. As a result, she was willing to destroy anyone who stood between them. Even if that person was Natsuki.
Natsuki could never do that. She could never hurt someone else for her own selfish gain.
Thus, it was decided. They both had to go. But she couldn't be happier that the last person she saw was the person she loved most in the entire world.
It was a good thing that she made the right decision because now, all those unspoken words can be uttered. They have been given a second chance.
Perhaps one cannot choose who they fall in love with. That is something Natsuki has accepted by now. But trust still has to be built and she and Shizuru have a long way to go in that regard.
"Are you ready?" Shizuru asks when she opens the door.
It is their first date tonight. And she hopes that by the end of it, the first block of that trust will have been set so more could follow after.