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It started with Tessa. One night they were making love, all tangled and twisted, tumbling over again and again like waves on the shore. It was beautiful. Her smiles and soft breaths tickled his skin, sending his heart awhirl. In the freedom of the moment, the word had almost slipped out of his mouth. He could taste it, so perfect, so intimate, but somehow so... wrong. Just before it tumbled past his lips and into the swirl of their tangled bedding, he stopped it. "Bones." The shock that seized his body was so overwhelming that he had to make an excuse to stop. Panicked, shaking, Booth couldn't continue. He left suddenly under the guise of making an urgent business call.
Every time thereafter, he just couldn't relax. He couldn't lose himself in the moment for fear of whispering that name, or worse, seeing the face that belonged with it. That was the beginning of the end for Booth and Tessa.
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With Cam, he didn't even try to pretend. The whole time he was over her, under her, pressed up against her, he saw his partner. Blue eyes, so deep, and crooked smiles and silky auburn waves. He spent his days with her, and her alluring scent never quite left his nostrils. He even heard her voice instead of Cam's, husky and low and pleading for more. He told himself that it would pass, but it only grew stronger.
"Bones," he would say, but only in his head. Only in his heart.
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With Catherine, it was painful. She looked so much like Brennan, too much like her. Seeley could barely get through the act. Every time she left his apartment, he staggered to the toilet and vomited, praying that he would stop smelling his partner, pleading with God to give him respite from those magnetic blue eyes that threatened to swallow him whole.
"Bones," he sobbed as he leaned on the toilet. "Bones."
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At last, with Hannah, he found relief. He could lose himself in a frenzied, mindless blur. She smelled fresh, like citrus, and he could finally breathe. He opened his eyes and saw bouncing blonde curls, sticky with sweat in the Afghan heat. Her eyes were blue, but not bottomlessly so, not like the ocean eyes that usually held him captive. Hannah's eyes were like a stream- clear, playful, alight with life. He couldn't drown in a stream. Her gasps and squeals of pleasure goaded him onward, until faster and faster, he fell into a blissful numbness where he couldn't think, couldn't remember.
That first night with Hannah, he thought he was finally going to be okay. He thought he had finally landed on some solid ground. But then he fell asleep and he was drowning again. His dreams were filled with milky white skin and auburn tresses and cerulean eyes that pulled him, helpless, into their mysterious depths.
He woke up gasping, drowning, her seductive scent filling his nostrils.
"Bones."
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I sat down tonight to try and write another chapter for "Sneaking Seeley's Cell Phone," but this is all that came out. I am so irrationally attached to these characters.
Please review, and if you are one of the readers following "Cell Phone", I do apologize for the delay.