Title: ShinRa rules for the Christmas party

Author: Enide Dear

Pairing: Ummmm…..see the title

Rating: Nothing explicit, lots implied

Feedback: Will be adored and squeed over!

Author's note: I wanted to write something with Tseng, but I didn't have any good plot bunny. So I did what I usually do; I drabbled.

If this doesn't confirm my state of mental insanity, I don't know what will….

ShinRa rules for the Christmas party

Tseng believed in lists. It helped to keep things organised and to remember when and how things should work out to the greatest satisfaction of his boss. Presently, he was doodling away on the list for the upcoming ShinRa Christmas party, drawing on his (admittingly slightly hazy) recollection of previous years' parties….

Tell Reno he's not allowed to screw the president

Give Elena tissues for nosebleed in advance. Last year she bitched like hell over her ruined gown.

Tell Hojo he's not allowed to bring his research projects to the party

Not even as snacks

Lock in Hojo in closet

Remind Reno –firmly – that he's not allowed to screw the president

Burn Rude's horribly cheesy glittery Christmas tie

Steal Reno's prod-rod and use it to keep Elena at bay

Remember that spiking the punch will result in a) Rude stripping on the table b) Rufus passing out under the table c) Reno molesting Rufus' unconscious body d) Rude molesting Reno molesting Rufus e) Ambulance picking up Elena due to bloodloss

Spike punch

When Rufus needs to throw up, direct him to Hojo's closet

Tell Reno he's not allowed to screw the president in the closet either

Screw Reno, in closet

Make sure it isn't Hojo's closet

Tell Reno he's not allowed to screw the president, damn it!

Calculations show that by now Rude ought to have stripped completely. Give this fact to Reno

Watch Rude screw Reno

Steal a couple of trademark long red hairs now stuck on Rude's shoulder

Take the president to his chambers

Screw the president

Leave stolen trademark long red hairs on presidents bed

Next morning, blame Reno

Tseng tapped the pen thoughtfully on the desk and nodded, satisfied. He loved lists.