The following is an idea that's been percolating in my head for a couple of years now, and I figured that I might as well finally put pen to paper and get it out. I hope you enjoy. And don't get freaked out if things get a little weird, longtime readers of mine should know by now that's to be expected.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything that doesn't belong to me.
…
The sun was shining brightly on a world that had once again rescued from total annihilation. The super-quick blue hedgehog aptly named Sonic and his friends had, yet again, thwarted the plans of the evil Dr. Eggman to use an army of giant robots and/or an ancient sealed horror of ultimate evil to conquer and/or destroy the world, rescuing Eggman when his legendary evil of the week had predictably turned on him. (Seriously, does he lack pattern recognition or something? How many times does this have to happen before he realizes it never works? Then again, the same question could be asked of why he keeps trying to take over the world again and again and again even though it NEVER happens…) To celebrate their hard-fought but inevitable victory, the anthropomorphic animals had decided to have an outdoor barbecue to celebrate at a picnic site. Let's check in on them, shall we?
"So, I'd say that was another successful team-up, wouldn't you?" Sonic asked his interdimensional paramour, Blaze the Cat, as they leaned against a picnic table, a cup of punch in one hand and his signature favorite food, a chili dog, in the other. "And hopefully we'll have some even more successful 'team-ups' in the very near future, eh?" He asked, wiggling his eyebrows.
Blaze chuckled. "Beloved, if you were any other person, I would've had you executed for talking to me in such a fashion."
Sonic grinned wryly. "Then it's a good thing I'm NOT any other person, now is it?" He commented, taking a bite of out of his chili dog.
"Indeed," Blaze said, daintily taking a bite out of her own chili dog. She smiled. "I must say, I really have taken quite a liking to these. For a peasant dish, they aren't half bad."
"I'll tell Tails you felt that way. Though I'll probably leave out the 'peasant dish' thing," Sonic said.
Blaze nodded in agreement. "Yes, that would be more tactful."
"So, how are things going back in your world?" Sonic asked, changing the subject. "Eggman Nega up to anything lately?"
"No, he's been laying rather low as of late ever since you shot him half a dozen times for interrupting your vacation," Blaze said. "I'm sure he'll start something again soon, though. I've heard rumors that he's trying to awaken an ancient evil or find some legendary artifact, though that's hardly anything new."
Sonic wrinkled his nose in disgust. "What, again? What is it with the ancients sealing so many ancient world-destroying legendary evils or weapons away and not bothering to, you know, destroy them?"
"Most of them lacked the capability to do any more than seal them away back then," Blaze said. "And I don't see why you're complaining, beloved. If they weren't so many of those around, life would be a lot more boring."
Sonic chuckled. "You got me there. We're both of us adrenaline junkies through and through, aren't we? Guess that's another reason we fit so well together."
"One of many," Blaze agreed, leaning in to give the blue speedster a kiss…
"HEY, SONIC!" The very pink and very loud Amy Rose shouted, causing the two lovers to jump apart in surprise. "I thought you looked thirsty, so I brought you some punch!"
"Uh, thanks, Amy," Sonic said warily. "But I've already got some punch," he said, raising his cup.
Amy knocked the cup out of Sonic's hand, spilling its contents across the grass. "Whoops!" She giggled. "My bad! I'm so clumsy."
"So I have noticed," Blaze growled, narrowing her eyes at the obnoxious pink interloper as Sonic looked forlornly at the contents of his drink soaking into the ground.
"So here! You can have this!" Amy said, shoving the cup she was holding into Sonic's face so vigorously it nearly splashed him.
Sonic recoiled. "Uh, thanks but no…wait a minute, is that love potion?!"
Amy's eyes darted about. She laughed nervously. "Love potion? What are you talking about, Sonic? This isn't love potion! Why, whatever gave you that idea?"
"The fact that it's pink, bubbling, and little puffs of heart-shaped steam pop out now and then?" Sonic asked sardonically, leaning as far away from the cup as he could.
Amy laughed some more, her voice rather shrill. "Don't be ridiculous! It's not love potion! Now drink up."
She tried to splash the contents of the cup in Sonic's mouth, but Blaze's claw shot out and grabbed Amy's wrist, holding it in an unbreakable iron grip. "That is, in fact, love potion," Blaze said coldly, a look of pure fury in her eyes. "I've seen it many times before. Enough times to recognize when someone attempts to use it on myself or on someone close to me."
Amy gasped in pain as Blaze started to tighten her grip. She thought she could hear bones starting to crack. "Y-you're hurting me!" She exclaimed in terror.
"Good," Blaze hissed, eyes flaring. "You tried to use a mind-altering substance on my beloved. You tried to bend his mind, his heart, to your will. You tried to take him from me. This is unforgivable. Were we on my world, I would be well within my rights to kill you where you stand."
"Then it's a good thing we AREN'T on your world, isn't it?!" Amy hissed, teeth clenched in pain. "We aren't in a tyrannical dictatorship ruled by a vain and greedy despot, but in a democracy where everyone is free to do as they please!"
Blaze raised an eyebrow. "Beloved, tell me: are date rape drugs legal in this country?"
"Nope," Sonic said, having trouble resisting a grin when Amy's face paled and her eyes widened in horror.
"B-but a love potion isn't a date rape drug!" Amy protested desperately.
"It's a mind-altering substance that makes the recipient more susceptible to the advances of whoever gives it to them. Sounds like a date rape drug to me," Blaze said calmly. "I wonder what sort of penalty attempting to use such a substance is in this world bears?" She grinned savagely. "Why don't we find out?"
"S-Sonic, do something!" Amy pleaded, terrified.
Sonic glared at Amy coldly for a moment before sighing and shaking his head. "Blaze, let her go."
Blaze looked at Sonic in surprise. "Beloved?"
"Sonic! You really DO care!" Amy cried in relief.
"No, I just don't want whatever they'd do to you in prison on my conscience," Sonic said wearily.
Blaze nodded in agreement. "Yes, a girl like her? Without her hammer to defend herself? They'd use her like currency, or worse." Amy gulped nervously and started sweating. Blaze glared at the pink hedgehog for a moment longer, then sighed and let go of her wrist. "I would certainly have no trouble bearing whatever fate would befall you in this land's prisons on my conscience, but… My dear one is far more sensitive than I, so to spare him any pain, I shall heed his wishes and release you. This one time."
"Gee, thanks," Sonic snarked, amused that Blaze apparently considered him 'sensitive.'
Amy backed away cautiously, glaring at Blaze as she rubbed her sore wirst. "I don't know what sort of spell you put over my Sonic, but I'll never stop fighting for his heart! I will win him back, and save him from you, no matter what it takes!"
"Child, I'm not the one who tried to brainwash him using a love potion. If anyone here is trying to use a spell, it's yourself," Blaze said, not looking the least bit threatened. Amy snarled and stomped away, throwing the cup of love potion on the grass as she left. Blaze pointed at it, and a fireball shot from her fingertip and struck the cup and its contents, causing it to explode, destroying the dangerous substance. "You are far too sentimental, beloved," Blaze chided sonic. "You should have let me turn her in so that she might suffer the consequences of her poorly conceived actions. Now she will try again, and again, each attempt more grandiose and foolish than the last, until either she succeeds or something terrible befalls her or you both."
Sonic sighed. "Yeah, you're probably right…but even though I'm not exactly fond of Amy, on some level I guess I still sort of consider her a friend, and I don't really want anything bad to happen to her."
Blaze sighed and shook her head. "Beloved, while I respect your capacity for mercy and forgiveness, there are times I worry you take it too far. I understand the value of turning the other cheek more than you might expect, but…There are limits to how far one should be willing to let something go. Your nemesis Eggman, for example, has harmed thousands if not millions of people over the years, and yet you refuse to end him once and for all. You do this, even knowing that by letting him live, he will only cause more suffering to more people, for he will never change his ways and just keep trying to conquer the world over and over again."
"You haven't exactly gotten around to ending YOUR Eggman," Sonic said defensively.
"Not for lack of trying. That one is more slippery than an eel," Blaze growled. "But rest assured, when the opportunity arises…I will not hesitate. Not even for a second. The safety of my subjects, of my realm, is tantamount, Sonic. If I were to simply allow every villain or monster who tries to destroy what I care for to walk away, what sort of message would that send? To my enemies and to my own people? That I value the lives of those I fight more than those whom I am sworn to protect?"
Sonic looked away. "… I can't say the thought hasn't occurred to me once or twice," Sonic admitted. "But I… I just… Even after everything he's done, I just… Don't think I could do it."
"You have vanquished many other fiends. Why can you not bring yourself to do the same for Dr. Eggman?" Blaze asked.
"Because most of those guys… Just about all them, really… Were robots or monsters or something else. They weren't, you know… People," Sonic said. "I mean, I don't want to turn out like Shadow and go around just killing everyone I don't like. I like the guy fine, but…"
"I suppose I can understand such a line of thought," Blaze said grudgingly. "But despite your best efforts… A time may come when you are going to have to cross that line, beloved. When you will have to do something you never thought yourself capable of to protect those you cherish. Are you afraid of what might happen if it does?"
"A little, yeah," Sonic admitted.
Blaze put a paw upon his shoulder. "Don't be. No matter what you do, no matter what you become… Know that I will love you no matter what. After all, you are able to love me in spite of my being a vain and greedy despot who rules a tyrannical dictatorship. It's only fair I return the favor."
Sonic smiled. "Thanks, Blaze. And… you don't really believe that about yourself, do you? Amy has no idea what she's talking about."
"This is true," Blaze agreed. "But make no mistake, beloved. I may be almost universally adored by my people, and I rule with a firm but fair hand… But I am indeed a tyrant, and have accepted this long ago. Just as I have accepted that I am FAR better than the alternative."
Sonic smirked. "Maybe I should give the tyrant thing a try once or twice. As I've said before, I don't mind playing the bad guy now and then." His eyes lit up. "Oh, speaking of which, did I ever tell you about the time where I somehow became King Arthur? There was a talking sword involved, and a magic storybook. It was kinda weird, really…"
"I've encountered talking swords and magic storybooks before," Blaze said.
"Yeah?" Sonic asked.
Blaze nodded. "They tried to kill me."
"…No offense, Blaze, but your world's kinda messed up," Sonic said.
"Which is why I strive to rule it, so that that sort of thing won't happen anymore," Blaze said. Sonic nodded, seeing her reasoning.
Meanwhile, Sonic's sidekick Tails the Fox was using a somewhat reluctant killer robot E-123 Omega as an impromptu grill for the barbecue, while an impressed Cream the Rabbit and her pet/best friend, Cheese the Chao, looked on. "THIS-IS-SO-DEMEANING," Omega groused as Tails flipped the patties on the grill extending from his chest cavity. "I-AM-A-WEAPON-OF-MASS-DESTRUCTION,-NOT-A-PURVEYOR-OF-COOKED-FOOD!"
"Look at it this way, Omega," Tails said as he flipped some more patties. "Your flamethrowers are probably killing all sorts of bacteria on the surface of the meat you're grilling."
"HOW-MUCH-BACTERIA?" Omega asked, intrigued.
"Billions upon billions, if not more," Tails said.
"I-DO-NOT-BELIEVE-I-HAVE-EVER-KILLED-SO-MANY-BEFORE," Omega said thoughtfully.
"And if you really want to, you could even imagine the meat you're cooking as helpless victims you're burning to death with your horrendous weapons of war," Tails said cheerfully.
"I-RATHER-LIKE-THAT-IDEA!" Omega said, perking up at this.
"Yeah, I thought you would," Tails said.
"AHAHAHAHA! BURN! BURN,-YOU-HELPLESS-SLABS-OF-MEAT! YOUR-ANGUISHED-SCREAMS-OF-AGONY-HELP-ME-SLEEP-SOUNDLY-IN-STASIS!" Omega roared, turning up the heat and causing Tails to recoil.
"Gah! Not so hot, Omega! You'll burn it to the point where nobody will be able to eat it!" Tails protested.
"WHY-SHOULD-I-CARE? I-CERTAINLY-CANNOT-EAT-IT," Omega pointed out.
"Yes, but then neither can the rest of us," Cream pouted, lip trembling and eyes quivering. "So could you please turn down the heat just a little bit, Mr. Omega? Please?"
"…GRAAAH! OH,-FINE," Omega grumbled, turning down the heat a few notches.
"Whew! Thanks, Cream," Tails said in relief as he resumed his flipping. "And here I thought I was the best at talking to machines!"
"Well, after spending so much time with Gemerl, Mr. Omega isn't so hard to deal with," Cream said.
"HEY! I'M-WAY-BETTER-THAN-THAT-OBSOLETE-TINCAN!" Omega protested.
"Gemerl almost destroyed the world two, maybe three times," Tails said, arching an eyebrow. "How many times have you almost destroyed the world, Omega?"
"…GIVE-IT-TIME," Omega grumbled. "WHY-IS-THAT-MORBIDLY-OBESE-CAT-FISHING-IN-THE-PUNCHBOWL?"
Tails and Cream turned to glance at the humongous-and yes, morbidly obese-purple Big the Cat, who was indeed fishing in the punch bowl, an intent look on his dopey face. "That's… A really good question," Tails admitted.
"Mr. Big, why are you fishing in the punch bowl?" Cream asked politely.
"To catch a fish," Big said, as if it were obvious.
"Ask a stupid question…" Tails muttered.
"But Mr. Big, that's not a pond, that's a punch bowl," Cream said. "There aren't any fish in–"
"Got one," Big said as he yanked on his pole and pulled a freaking SWORDFISH out of the bowl.
Tails, Cream, and Omega stared in disbelief as Big put the flopping swordfish over his knee, hit it over the head until it stopped moving, and then started to bite into it, not caring that it was raw. "Well… That's… That's new…" Tails said after a moment.
"DOES-NOT-COMPUTE. DOES-NOT-COMPUTE," Omega beeped.
Cream stared at the cup of punch she was currently holding, and then slowly and carefully poured its contents onto the grass. "Tails, I don't think any of us should be drinking the punch anymore."
"That is probably a very good idea," Tails said, too dazed to notice that the patties were starting to burn.
"Ribbit," ribbited Big's pet frog Froggy, who was swimming in the punch bowl.
"I guess that's a wrap, fellas!" Vector the Crocodile, leader of the Chaotix Detective Agency, proclaimed as he slapped his two cohorts heartily on the back. "Another case closed!"
"Yes, except that we didn't get paid. Again," Espio the Chameleon deadpanned.
Vector froze. "Aw crap, I completely forgot about that."
"Vector, if we don't get the money to pay back Jaws the Loan Shark soon, he's going to EAT Charmy," Espio reminded his leader.
"I don't want to get eaten!" Charmy the Bee, the third and youngest member of the agency, wailed. "It's bad enough when Vector sticks me in his mouth to spit me at bad guys! I don't want to get DIGESTED!"
"Don't worry, guys, we'll think of something," Vector said nervously, not looking like he fully believed it. "And if all else fails… Maybe we can find enough evidence to get Jaws arrested for something. If he's in jail, then there's no way he can collect on our debt or eat Charmy!"
"Except there's nothing to stop him from hiring goons to come after us to make us pay for putting him away," Espio said.
Vector froze. "Ah. Yes. There is that," he said nervously.
"I'm pretty sure Fang the Sniper would be more than happy to take us out if Jaws paid him enough, given what we did to him the last time," Espio added.
"Thank you for reminding me," Vector said flatly. "Now I'm gonna have nightmares for a week."
"So will I!" Charmy whined. "We GOTTA find a way to pay him back, guys! If I get eaten, then we'll NEVER be able to find my parents so I can finally be reunited with my family!"
Vector and Espio suddenly looked very nervous. "Oh! Right! Your… Parents… Can't forget about them," Vector said, laughing anxiously.
"How's the investigation going, anyway?" Charmy asked.
"Great! Fantastic!" Vector said with a toothy grin. (And considering he was a crocodile, that was a LOT of teeth.) "Tell him, Espio!"
Espio blinked. "Huh? Oh. Yes. The investigation. We're closing in on them. It'll be any day now, I'm sure of it."
"Great!" Charmy said cheerfully, completely missing the anxious and uneasy glances his older friends were shooting each other. "It'll be so great to see them again! They probably miss me like crazy, after all these years I've been gone!"
"Yeah…" Vector gulped.
"Like crazy…" Espio wheezed.
"Well, Knuckles, now that this latest adventure is at an end, what say you and I go back to my place to spend the night?" Rouge the Bat, the incredibly beautiful and sexy spy and international jewel thief, said seductively as she sidled up to her kind-of-sort-of boyfriend, the red, muscular, and incredibly thick Knuckles the Echidna.
"No thanks, Rouge, I have to get back to Angel Island to protect the Master Emerald! I've been away for too long," Knuckles said seriously.
"Then how about I come back with you and spend the night at your place?" Rouge suggested easily." I can think of a LOT of fun things we could do to… pass the time…"
"Like what?" Knuckles asked curiously.
Rouge grinned lasciviously. "I think you already know."
Knuckles stared at her blankly for a few moments, and then his face lit up. "Oh! You want to play board games?"
Rouge blinked. "What?"
"The guys left some board games with me the last time they visited," Knuckles said. "Said it would give me something to do aside from standing stoically next to the Master Emerald all day. They're a lot of fun, though my pals on the island don't quite seem to understand how to play properly. Mrs. Rock is terrible at bluffing, Bobby the Bush doesn't understand the rules no matter how many times I explain them to him, and Benji the Coconut cheats like crazy if you don't keep a close eye on him."
Rouge blinked repeatedly as she tried to make sense of this. "Mrs. Rock…Bobby the…a Coconut?!" She desperately tried to retake control the situation. "Well, I don't suppose you happen to have a copy of… Twister?" She asked, a lustful grin on her face.
"No," Knuckles said. "Why, do you?"
Rouge was taken aback again. "Well, uh, no… Not exactly…But I know a way to play without bothering with a board or spinner…"
Knuckles frowned. "I don't think you're supposed to play the game without a board or spinner, Rouge. That doesn't sound right. I think it's against the rules or something."
Rouge massaged her temples, a vein starting to throb on her forehead. "All right then, if you don't feel like Twister, how about a little… Wrestling?"
Knuckles gave her a dubious look. "I don't know, Rouge… I'll admit you've got some pretty strong legs, but I'm pretty sure that if we wrestled for keeps, I'd break you like a twig."
Rouge his eye twitched. Grinding her fangs, she calmly said, "Knuckles, since all of my innuendo seems to be flying right over your head–"
"They are?" Knuckles asked, looking up in surprise. "Funny, I didn't notice. I thought my reflexes were better than that."
Pretending to ignore that for the sake of her sanity, Rouge continued. "Allow me to spell it out for you plainly. I. Want. To. Have. Sex. With. You. There. Did you understand THAT?"
Knuckles' eyes widened, comprehension finally dawning on him. "Oh. OH! Well, uh, this is a little awkward…"
"You think?" Rouge growled.
"While that does sound kind of nice, Rouge, I'm afraid I have to decline," Knuckles said. "I always feel guilty doing it on Angel Island. I feel like the Master Emerald would disapprove… And poor Stony the Statue's been pining for me for years. It wouldn't feel right doing it where she might find out. Everyone up there is such a gossip! It'd break her cold rocky heart, the poor thing!"
"Stony the… Gossip?! You… That…ARGH!" Rouge shouted in exasperation, threw her punch into Knuckles' face, and stormed off.
Knuckles blinked as liquid dripped down his face. "What was that about?"
Fuming and snarling and cursing under her breath, Rouge proceeded to vent her frustrations by kicking at a nearby tree until it snapped in half and came crashing down to the ground with a resounding thud. "That… That knuckleheaded IDIOT! Just how dense is he?! I've NEVER run into a guy that STUPID before! What do I even SEE in that moron?!" She raved.
"He's handsome, very strong, not that bright, and owns the largest, most valuable, most powerful jewel in the entire world?" Rouge's close friend, the red and black self-proclaimed 'Ultimate Lifeform' Shadow the Hedgehog, said calmly, offering her a cup.
"I'm not in the mood for punch," she growled.
"I think you'll find it's something a lot stronger," Shadow said.
Rouge snatched the cup from his gloved hand and downed it in a single gulp. She sighed, visibly relaxing as the liquid gold (not literally, thankfully) poured down her throat. "Awww, that hits the spot. Thank you, Shadow. You always know the right thing to say or do to pull me out of a funk."
"I have plenty of experience in that by now," Shadow said. "Rouge… I know you have a thing for Knuckles, and an even BIGGER thing for that Emerald of his… But don't you think that perhaps it's time for you to cut ties and look for someone else, if keeping up this relationship with him is so stressful? You always worry about how too much stress might give you wrinkles."
Rouge shuddered at that. "Thanks for the reminder… But if not Knuckles, who exactly would you suggest I start seeing? Someone more intelligent, refined, and attentive to my needs? Someone who knows me inside and out, someone whose inner darkness is more in tune with my own black heart, and doesn't secretly frown on my more… Morally ambiguous actions?" She gave him a smoldering half-lidded gaze. "Someone like you, Shadow?"
Shadow blushed and looked away. "I-I mean… Rouge, you're a very beautiful and talented woman, and you can certainly do better than that nimrod…"
"Someone a bit more 'Ultimate,' you mean?" Roush said, smiling, but not cruelly.
Shadow coughed. "…Well…I'd be lying if I said the thought had never crossed my mind…"
A warm smile on her face, Rouge gently touched Shadow's cheek. "Shadow… You're one of my dearest friends, and you hold a very special place in my heart. I DO love you, but…"
"But not like that?" Shadow finished sadly.
Rouge chuckled and kissed him on the cheek. "Well… I wouldn't say THAT…"
Shadow stiffened. "Then… You mean…?"
"Now, don't get your hopes up just yet," Roush said quickly. "I'm not ready to give up on Knuckles just yet. No matter how much he frustrates me, I do have strong feelings for him, and I'm fairly certain he feels the same but is too dumb to realize it. But…If and when it falls through…It'll be nice to know I have someone who cares for me there by my side once it's over."
"And… What if it doesn't fall through?" Shadow asked softly.
Rouge smiled demurely. "Even if Knuckles and I wind up going the distance… Eventually, I'm going to outlast him, just like you'll outlast just about everyone else. And once that happens…Well…If you're willing to wait for me…"
"I will," Shadow promised. "Always."
"Then in that case…" She kissed him on the other cheek. "We'll see what happens in the future, shall we?"
Shadow made a small and totally uncharacteristic smile, looking rather creepy on his face, and squeezed her hand. "Something to look forward to, then."
Rouge nodded. "After all, who knows what the future holds?"
Suddenly, in a clap of thunder and a blinding flash of light, a white hedgehog with an even more ridiculous hairstyle than the other hedgehogs materialized in the middle of the picnic site, scorching the ground with his entrance and causing some leaves and grass to catch fire. "EVERYONE!" Silver the Hedgehog shouted. "I, Silver the Hedgehog, have traveled back in time from the distant FYOO-CHURR to warn you of a great danger!"
Everyone groaned. "Oh great, this guy again," Knuckles grumbled.
"Didn't we just run into him the other week?" An annoyed Vector asked.
"What apocalypse do you suppose he wants us to avert this time?" Cream-the sweet young rabbit who unconditionally loved everyone, even the bad guys—asked in an irritated tone, indicating that even she had her limits with some people, and Silver was one of them.
Sonic sighed. "Seems like we can't go a week without him showing up at least once to warn us of some great impending doom in the near future that we absolutely have to drop everything to avert, to the point where I have to wonder if half these great dangers are even real or if he's just desperately lonely and looking for an excuse to hang out with us." Blaze frowned, wondering, as she often did whenever she saw the emissary of a far-off tomorrow, why something about him seemed familiar…
"I still find it highly skeptical that buying a limited edition of a comic book or a vintage action figure have anything to do with averting an apocalypse," Tails said doubtfully.
"Hey, you think those things are valuable collector's items now, you've no idea how much they go for in the FYOO-CHURR-I MEAN," Silver said dramatically. "The flow of time is vast and complex, and only I, with my psychic powers and intimate knowledge of the timestream, can understand the seemingly innocuous events which can cause a chain reaction which will lead to a golden era or a new dark age!"
"Which is why we have no choice but to trust you whenever you show up, because at least some of the time the threat you're warning us about is REAL, and we can't risk assuming you're lying, ignore you, and doom the world in the process," Espio grumbled.
"And why I have yet to put a bullet through your skull," Shadow growled.
"Not that you could anyway, my psychic powers are too strong! I'd catch anything you threw at me!" Silver bragged.
"Rouge, how is development on those psychic-proof bullets coming along?" Shadow murmured to the bat.
"The GUN R+D department'll have them finished in a few weeks," she replied.
He smiled sinisterly. "Excellent."
"I don't suppose there's something we could do to change the future so much that it's not in constant danger and so you don't need to keep coming back here to fix things all the time?" Blaze asked.
Silver thought carefully for a moment. "No."
"Of course not. That would be too easy," the royal feline grumbled.
"Silver, you have some explaining to do! A while back, you promised me that if I went on a date with you, one day Sonic and I would get married and our child would save the world!" Amy accused Silver. "I've been waiting for months, and it still hasn't happened and he's still with that floozy Blaze!"
Blaze snarled and clenched her fists, embers sparking to life around them. "Now, Blaze, remember what we talked about…" Sonic said cautiously.
"One of these days…" She snarled.
"It will happen! Eventually… And it would've happened a lot sooner if you'd agreed to go to second base with me…" Silver muttered.
"What does baseball have to do with anything?" Cream asked innocently.
"SO! Silver! What horrible crisis do we have to avert this time?" Tails asked loudly.
"Well, you see… Ooh, chili dogs!" Silver said, grabbing one from a plate on a nearby table and enthusiastically beginning to eat it." Ah man, that really hits the spot! We don't have ANY of these in the FYOO-CHURR!"
Sonic gasped, a horrified look on his face. "No chili dogs… In the future?! Oh man, this really IS serious! Silver, what we have to do to stop this horrible, grimdark dystopia from coming into being?!"
"Huh? Oh, that's not why I'm here this time… Though I should probably remember that, that'd be a good excuse to come back later," Silver admitted. "No, I'm here for a far graver matter!"
"Graver than a world without chili dogs?!" Sonic asked incredulously.
"There ARE worse things, faker," Shadow said.
"Blasphemy!" Sonic proclaimed.
"IS-IT-ME? DO-I-DESTROY-THE-WORLD?" Omega asked hopefully.
"My greatest enemy, the evil Dr. Eggman Nega, is up to no good again!" Silver declared.
"OH,-DARN," Omega grumbled.
Blaze started. "Eggman Nega!?"
"HIS Eggman Nega, not yours," Sonic reminded her. "I…think. Pretty sure they aren't one and the same…"
Blaze blinked. "Oh, right, there are two of them…maybe…That gets really confusing."
"Yes, yes it does. Anyway, in yet another attempt to prove his superiority over his ancestor, the Dr. Eggman of your time, Eggman Nega has embarked upon a diabolical scheme to rewrite history!" Silver explained.
"Again?" Rouge asked, unimpressed.
"Yes, again!" Silver said.
"Is this going to involve us splitting into pairs and racing each other to get to the end of a Zone or beat a boss again? I didn't like that very much," Knuckles said suspiciously.
"No, nothing like that!" Silver promised. "Eggman Nega's latest plot is eviler by far than any he's embarked on yet! He seeks to travel into each of your pasts, to a crucial, pivotal moment in your lives, a turning point that defined who you were and what you would become, making you into the heroes-Or antiheroes in some of your cases-That you are now! And once he reaches those defining moments…He will undo them utterly, changing history completely and causing you to become someone completely different from who you are now, into people incapable of stopping him from taking over the world!"
Everyone looked startled and alarmed at this. This really did sound serious. "That's… Actually pretty fiendish," said a horrified-looking Sonic.
"If he does that, you will never be the great hero you are now, "said a shocked Blaze. "We would never have met and fallen in love, and your world would probably have been destroyed or conquered several times over long ago." Her brow furrowed in concern. "Not to mention what would've happened to my world if I had never risen to power and claimed my kingdom…"
"I… Might never have become the person I am now, in a very literal sense," said a very worried-looking Tails.
"Th-that meanie!" Gasped Cream. "What if he makes it so that Mommy never had me? Or I never met Cheese or Chocola Chao?"
"Chao, Chao!" Cheese agreed.
"I might be… Ordinary!" Rouge gasped, shocked. "What an awful thought!"
"Rouge, no matter the timeline, you would never be just ordinary," Shadow assured her, causing her to smile gratefully, though inside he found himself wondering what Eggman Nega could possibly do to HIS past that would make it worse than it already was.
"I-MIGHT-NEVER-BE-PROGRAMMED-TO-BE-A-WEAPON-OF-MASS-DESTRUCTION! I-MIGHT-HAVE-BEEN-MADE-INTO-A-TOILET-CLEANING-ROBOT!" Omega cried.
"The three of us might never have met or formed the Chaotix detective agency!" Charmy said.
"…Why is that a bad thing again?" Espio asked. Vector smacked him.
"I might never have fallen in love with Sonic!" Amy screamed.
"…Hey, do you think maybe we could let Eggman Nega change just her past and nobody else's?" Sonic pleaded. "I mean, really, would the world be a worse place if Amy weren't excessively stalking me all the time?"
"Sonic!" Amy cried, aghast.
"It's probably a better idea not to risk it. Butterfly effect, and all that," Tails said.
Sonic sighed. "Right, right. Stupid quantum butterflies…"
"Wait, if he can travel that far back in time to change our pasts, why doesn't he just kill us when we're kids or something instead of bothering with something as needlessly complicated as this?" Asked Knuckles in a surprising moment of insight which nobody paid attention to.
Big, who hadn't even noticed Silver's arrival, continued to blissfully fish in the punch bowl.
"Okay, Silver. We'll help you stop Eggman Nega, for the sake of all our futures. What do we have to do?" Sonic asked.
"Absolutely nothing!" Silver said.
Sonic blinked. "…Okay, that's not the answer I was expecting."
"For any of you to travel back into your own pasts could have catastrophic consequences for the entire timestream," Silver explained. "Running into your past selves might create a temporal shockwave which could threaten to tear the entirety of time and space apart and destroy reality itself!"
"I met my past self once, and nothing bad happened," Sonic argued. "Heck, we had an awesome adventure together! It was pretty cool, even if it did bring back a few bad memories…"
"Uh, Sonic?" Tails said. "All of reality was already sort of collapsing because of that time-eating monster Eggman and Robotnik were in control of when that happened, remember?"
"Oh. Good point," Sonic said.
"Is he right, Tails? Would something really bad happen if we went back and met our past selves?" Amy asked.
"Hey, why are you asking him? I'm the time traveler here!" Silver protested.
"Yes, but Tails is smarter than you and we trust him more," Knuckles said.
Silver raised a finger into the air and opened his mouth to protest, paused, and grudgingly lowered his hand. "…Fair enough," he grumbled.
"Well, temporal mechanics aren't really my specialty, but if I've learned anything from watching every episode of Dr. Who ever, it's that crossing your own timeline and messing with your past is, in in most circumstances, a very bad thing and can result in reality breaking down and you getting eaten by horrible monsters from beyond time," Tails said.
They considered this for a moment. "Well, that's good enough for me," Sonic said finally.
"I suppose Dr. Who is as reliable a source for information on time travel as anything else," Shadow said, not wanting to let on that he was secretly a fan.
"I don't want to get eaten by horrible monsters from beyond time," Cream squeaked.
"None of us do, Cream. None of us do," Amy said.
Charmy nodded. "Yeah, being eaten by a shark would be bad enough, I don't wanna run into something like that!"
"Really? You're trusting advice from an—admittedly really awesome-sci-fi TV show over an actual, real-life time traveler?" Silver asked incredulously.
"Yes," everyone said. Silver sighed.
"But if we can't go back in time to prevent Eggman Nega from altering our pasts, how are we going to stop him?" Espio asked.
"YOU can't," Silver said. "But I can! After all, it's not MY past I'd be traveling back into, just yours! Therefore, I should be able to avoid any reality-ending paradoxes or horrible monsters from beyond time, so long as I'm careful."
The others nodded and made noises of agreement, seeing the sense in this. "But if that's the case, why did you come back here to tell us about this if there's nothing we can do to help you?" Blaze asked.
"Oh, but there IS something you can do to help me," Silver said. "You see, after he finished doing his research to find out what he needed to do to change your pasts for the worst, Eggman Nega scrambled the files at the historical archives so it would be almost impossible for me to figure out when and where to go after him. Fortunately, we were able to recover enough of the data to get a general idea of where and when he's going to attack most of your pasts. While I'm fairly certain I know when and where he's going to go, I'm not exactly sure WHAT he intends to change for most of you, except for Shadow and Omega, whose files are conveniently the only ones we were able to restore completely for reasons I won't bother going into. As such, I figured that the quickest way to stop him before he could change the FYOO-CHURR would be to travel back in time and meet you all in person so I could learn about the relevant turning points in your lives firsthand. That way, I'll know how the timeline is supposed to go and can make sure that any changes Eggman Nega makes can be easily reversed. "
"…Huh…that's actually pretty smart," Shadow said grudgingly.
"And the information he gets from us will probably be more accurate than what he would've gotten in the future, even if Eggman Nega HADN'T scrambled the files," Tails agreed. "After all, Silver's from at least two hundred years up the timestream, so it wouldn't be surprising if a lot of important information about our personal lives was forgotten or exaggerated a bit over time."
"Like how most of the information about my own people is just legends and hearsay by now because whatever happened to make me the last of my kind happened a really, really long time ago?" Knuckles asked.
Tails nodded. "Precisely! Well, that or because the echidnas were an incredibly isolationist and incredibly xenophobic culture and didn't want anyone to know a lot about them."
"Either one works for me!" Knuckles said cheerfully.
Sonic stroked his chin in thought, a smile spreading across his face. Blaze's heart skipped a beat when she saw it, recognizing that expression on his face for what it was; a sign that Sonic was about to do something probably stupidly reckless that he was sure to enjoy immensely. She loved that smile. "You know… This could actually be kind of fun."
"How can doing nothing but trusting in Future Trunks here to save our past selves while we just sit here and do nothing possibly be fun?" Rouge asked skeptically.
"I am not FYOO-CHURR Trunks!" Silver protested.
"You're right, Future Trunks is actually an interesting character," Shadow said, eliciting snickers from several of the others. Silver fumed.
"Now just hear me out," Sonic said. "I know this might not be the sort of pulse pounding, high-octane, super intense adventure we all love–"
"I don't love it," Espio said.
Sonic ignored him. "But I think we can get some fun out of this all the same. I mean, when you think about it, how much do we really know about each other? We've all been fighting alongside each other for years and going on all sorts of adventures… But how much of each other's pasts do we really know? I mean, yeah, we ALL know Shadow's past, 'cause he wouldn't stop yakking about it during the whole alien invasion thing–"
"I was NOT yakking," Shadow grumbled.
"And Omega doesn't really have much of a past because he was just built by Dr. Eggman and left to guard Sleeping Beauty for a while," Sonic continued.
"I-WILL-DESTROY-YOU-ALL-ONE-DAY," Omega vowed.
"I'll help," Shadow grumbled.
"And Knuckles has even LESS of a past since we all know the Master Emerald spawned him into existence one day to defend it," Sonic added.
"That's not what happened!" Knuckles shouted. He hesitated. "At least, I don't THINK it is…"
"But there's got to be a lot the rest of us don't know about each other!" Sonic continued. "I mean, for example, I've got no clue how the Chaotix formed their agency or met each other, or what motivated Rouge to get into the jewel thief thing and then somehow start working for GUN, and I'm betting there's a lot about me that nobody else here except Blaze or Tails or possibly Amy due to her disturbing fixation on me knows! We can turn this into a fun teambuilding exercise, swapping stories and learning all about each other and becoming better friends!"
"Blue Hedgehog, if you say anything about the 'superpower of teamwork,' I'm out of here," Shadow said.
"Now hold on a minute Shadow, I can see where he's coming from," Rouge said.
He gave her a surprised look. "You do?"
She nodded. "Certainly. I can see all sorts of benefits we can get from learning more about each other… Humiliating blackmail, for example…"
Shadow perked up at this. "I second this insipid yet irritatingly compelling idea of Sonic's."
"If Sonic suggested it, it has to be a good idea!" Amy concurred, a starry look in her eyes. Blaze growled, smoke starting to rise from her curled fists.
"I'd certainly love to hear more about everyone else," Cream said kindly.
"Eh, why not?" Vector said with a shrug. "It'd certainly fill in a bunch of blanks on your personal files back at the office, and besides, it could be fun."
"It could also be pointlessly stupid," Espio said.
"It might," the alligator agreed. "But if we don't, there's a chance that Eggman Nega will rewrite our pasts completely!"
Charmy nodded. "Yeah, the three of us might never have met, for instance, or we might never have formed the Chaotix Detective Agency! Wouldn't that be awful?"
"…Can I have some time to think that over?" Espio asked.
"THE-MORE-I-LEARN-ABOUT-YOU,-THE-EASIER-IT-WILL-BE-TO-DESTROY-YOU-ALL," Omega said. He paused, then added, "EXCEPT-FOR-SHADOW-AND-ROUGE,-BECAUSE-THEY-ARE-MY-FRIENDS."
Rouge smiled fondly. "Awww, isn't that sweet? We love you too, you big lug!" Shadow grunted, but the corner of his lip twitched upwards, implying he felt the same way.
Big continued to fish, oblivious to everyone.
"All right, Silver, looks like we're doing this! So, what do you need us to do?" Sonic asked.
"Like I said, I have a GENERAL idea of what and when Eggman Nega's trying to change, but I don't know most of the specific details," Silver said, taking out a small, compact, high-tech-looking device. "I'll ask you some questions regarding the events that I believe Eggman Nega is going after, and this gadget here will record everything, so I'll have an easier time keeping the facts straight. Would you like to go first, Sonic?"
Sonic glanced at Blaze, who nodded, and he shrugged. "Sure, why not?"
"Wait, don't the rest of us have any say in this?" Knuckles protested.
"Nope! Too slow, Knucklehead!" Sonic said, wagging a finger in the echidna's face.
"Gah! I hate it when he does that!" Knuckles snarled.
"Ask away, Silver. My past is an open book," Sonic said.
Silver nodded gratefully and pressed a button on his recording device, turning it on. "I'll hold you to that, Sonic. My question for you is… How exactly did you obtain your super speed?"
…
And that's a wrap for the first chapter!
Now for a little explanation on how this story is going to go: each chapter, one or more of the heroes will tell what more or less amounts to their origin story. I already have all the stories planned in my head, but what I DON'T have is the order they're going to go in. Sonic's origin will take up the next chapter, naturally, but who comes after that is up to you, the reader. The only exceptions are Shadow and Omega, who, as Sonic pointed out, everyone knows the origins of, and Blaze, whose planned backstory may be a bit longer than the others and I was hoping to save for last, though if there is enough demand, I may reconsider.
With that in mind, who should go after Sonic? Tails, Knuckles, Amy, Rouge, Cream, Big (yes, really), or the Chaotix?