4.24.15
I don't really know what to say or do anymore. I'm so tired of everything. I just want to be done with my life already. I don't really understand how people could think that's wrong. Some people just are ready to be done with their life earlier than other people are. People don't just have a rough patch and then get over it, sometimes they struggle to get through it, sometimes people struggle to see that there can be an end to how they feel. I am not one of those people though. I don't see how anything right now could ever possibly get better. I'm practically failing majority of my classes right now, I'm failing as a daughter, I'm tired all the time, and most importantly I want to go home. Home is a funny word, it means so many different things. Majority of the definitions I found for the word home included a place, a house or builing where you live. But that is nowhere close to what my home is. My home is a time, a time where I was happy, where I didn't know what it meant when mom said dad was drunk. I wish I could go back there. I wish I didn't have to think that dad was out buying alcohol whenever he sent me into the store by myself or whenever he drove to the liquor store. I wish I didn't have to hear him in the garage drinking his rum. I wish I didn't have to accidentally find his rum bottles while looking for something. I hate how things are going in my family. I just want to be a normal family. I don't want to be the family that the neighbors can hear in the middle of the night screaming at each other. I wish we weren't the family that everyone knew that the dad was an alcoholic. There are so many things that I wish for that I know I will never have. How great is that?