Thank you to BorchMadsen who inspired this idea and encouraged me to publish for the first time! I have other stories I've been working on, but this is the first one ever posted or shared.

Dear Aaron,

I say that in my head sometimes when I look at you, watching you sleep peacefully or when you look at me with your round, blue eyes, so innocent, taking in the world around you. I can't help running my hands over your fuzzy, soft head or kissing your face when holding you. I wonder what you are thinking and dreaming about when you sigh, your pursed lips working away like you are drinking your bottle.

I am thinking things I will never say to you. Some of these things I haven't talked about with my friends, not even Aunt Sun or Uncle Jack. My brain won't let me sleep. So much has happened that it feels like a dream. You occupy my thoughts. You keep me sane. Taking care of you keeps me moving and interacting everyone, even if it's only small talk about how you are doing. Without you, I would feel rudderless.

We have finally been rescued and are on Penny's boat, The Searcher. When I say we, I mean the few of us made it from the island, survivors of the Oceanic 815 crash. It's makes my chest and throat ache when I think of all the friends that aren't with us. I see their faces in my mind, including your Mommy Claire. She's been my friend since after the crash. I look around expecting to see her. If I do sleep a bit, I wake disoriented, my heart pounding. I have no idea where I am at first. When I see you next to me, it snaps me back into reality.

We're on a boat. We're safe.

I can't bear to put you down when I'm awake unless I am sharing you with friends. I love holding you. I feel an overwhelming need to keep you safe. You're so little and helpless. This is what your Mommy Claire would want me to do. God, I miss her. She's such a good Mommy and loves you so much. You're too little to understand what's going on. One thing I can share with you someday is that you give me hope. You give our friends hope too. You are an 8-week-old miracle.

108 days. That's how long we were on the island before Penny's boat rescued us. You, miracle baby, survived an airplane crash in your Mommy Claire's tummy. What's really amazing is you not only survived, but stayed in there another few weeks, long enough to grow and be born perfectly healthy. I found your Mommy Claire alone in the jungle a few hours before you arrived.

Uncle Jack is a doctor and was helping a friend who was badly hurt. He sent a message for me to deliver you on my own through Charlie. He made me nervous with his anxiety, bringing me a clean knife and twine. I needed to focus and keep Mommy Claire calm so I wanted him keep his distance. He sat behind a log with Jin nearby.

I don't know who was more scared at that time, me or Mommy Claire. I'll say Mommy Claire. I told her you were "all of ours", meaning you had instant family and we would support her. It was dark and all we had were torches for light. I tried to encourage her, but don't remember every word I said. I was losing my voice.

Everything seemed to slow down and fade as you came out. She had found her courage and pushed hard. When you arrived, first laying on my arms, you, me and Mommy Claire were all crying at the same time. I cried because I was happy and also relieved I didn't drop you. You were a slippery little thing, but so beautiful!

I put you in a blanket on her chest right away so she could hold you. Charlie and Jin hugged and jumped up and down, something I thought I'd never see with those two. We were all so happy to see you finally. You brought the whole beach camp joy and hope; A new life. Everyone came to see you with big smiles on their faces that morning when we walked back at sunrise, you tucked safely in Mommy Claire's arms.

You made her so happy that she glowed.

I will never be able explain how or why you were abandoned 7 weeks later. Mommy Claire took you everywhere. People helped her when needed, but she always knew where you were. I want you to know she loves you so much and is a great Mom.

Here is what I do know. Before we left the island, Mommy Claire disappeared at night, leaving Sawyer and Miles, and went in the jungle with a man she called Dad. She let that man carry you. It doesn't sound like your Mommy Claire. You were left on a large leaf next to a busy animal trail.

Thank God Sawyer found you and you weren't hurt or worse. It makes me cringe to think of you out there alone. It also makes me worry about your Mommy. Your survival that night is something else to add to your list of miracles. Your uncles looked all day for her. She was gone without a trace. No footprints. Nothing. It's like she floated up in the sky or vanished.

Sawyer handed you to me and Jack told me to take care of you. They both took off. I went down to the beach and decided to send you on the rescue raft with Sun. I wanted you and her off the island in the first group to the freighter. Aunt Sun has a tiny baby growing in her tummy and needed to get off the island. I trusted Sun always to take good care of you, same as Mommy Claire did.

There were bad men on the island. A big freighter boat had come. At first we thought they came to rescue us. Some of their people lied and said they did. They were there to do the opposite but we didn't know that yet. After Sun took you, I went back for Jack and Sawyer, hoping and praying they found your Mommy. It wasn't safe for us to stay on the island.

Jack, Hurley, Sayid, and I took the helicopter to the freighter. Frank was the pilot. Sawyer came too but changed his mind and jumped in the water when we were running out of fuel. Frank said we needed to get rid of extra weight to make it to the boat. I shed a few tears when he fell into the ocean from so high. I was afraid he would be killed. He made it and swam for shore. He did it to save us, to save me. I didn't understand. He wanted to get off the island as badly as I did.

There was a big problem when we reached the freighter. It turned out it wasn't safe either. There was a bomb. The helicopter needed more gas to get away and keep us in the air. We only had minutes to refuel before take off to get to a safe distance. Desmond, Sun and you joined us. I ran fast to find Jin for Sun.

Jack grabbed me, taking me back on the helicopter. He wouldn't leave without me.

We ran, jumped in, and took off with no time to spare. Within minutes, the big boat exploded and sank. It was horrible. It made the helicopter spin out of control for a few frightening moments. Jin was still on that boat. We saw him run out on the deck too late.

Sun cried and screamed for him and you cried too, probably from fear and the noise. My chest was so tight with sorrow, but I had to calm you down. I counted to five and took a deep breath, holding you close and rocking you. We had to land safely before thinking about anything else.

Frank tried to get back to the island, the one we had been stuck on, but it disappeared after a loud humming noise. There was a bright light that blinded us for a moment. That island just disappeared with a big popping noise like sinister magic. It was a sick, cosmic joke.

We wanted to get away from that place, but when we needed it, it was gone. The helicopter was out of gas. The rotors above slowed down and were dying. Jack wrapped you and me tightly in a big life jacket together and buckled it. There was no way I was going to let you go. If I was going to save anyone, it was going to be you.

Somehow, even though the helicopter hit the water and flipped hard, you and I popped up out right away and were clear of the crash. That's another of many miracles. You didn't even have a scratch. You only sneezed and gave me an unhappy look, letting me know you didn't like being dunked underwater. I got a big scrape across my cheek and forehead, arms and elbows, but would have gladly been scratched and banged up head to toe to save you from getting even one little nick. You are my brave little man. You didn't even cry. I handed you up to Hurley to help the others get on board.

We all made it to life raft and rested once everyone was inside. It had a flashing light beacon on an inflated arch above us. It was also black. Who makes a black life raft for survivors to be spotted in the middle of the ocean? My heart was beating rapidly from the crash and the shock and speed of everything leading up to it. Holding you calmed me when you were back in my arms. My heart stopped racing.

Nightfall came quickly. I leaned against the side of the raft, listening to the small waves lapping around the sides. You slept hard like you usually do, with no cares in the world. Hurley and I stared at you in amazement while you were draped across my lap. You made me smile. We were somewhere in the vast Pacific Ocean in a black raft with no food, water or signs of rescue, and there I was, smiling like a fool because of you.

Later that night, a boat found us! It was Penny's boat, The Searcher. We were saved! I found out later that Desmond had called her from the freighter and she tracked the call.

Before we boarded, Jack stopped us and said we had to lie to protect everyone on the island, wherever they were, and us. It caused confusion. He had good reasons, some that we didn't know about yet. We trusted Jack. We all talked to Penny privately once we all boarded and got food, water, and a makeshift bottle for you. Jack checked our injuries. We all talked some that night but didn't agree to anything. Everyone was exhausted and hurting.

I went to my cabin with you and curled up around your little body, all stretched out. I thought about that island. It can appears beautiful at first, but it's strange and scary. There is bounty in food and water if you know how to find it, but also danger. It's some kind of tropical garden of good and evil. There are threatening things, people and oddities I don't understand. For example, how did those polar bears get there and since when do they hunt us? I love the outdoors but I hated the place. It had a haunted feeling sometimes, like I was surrounded when I was alone picking fruit.

Despite all of that, good things came out of my time there. The best things start with the good friends I made. They that taught me a lot in a short period, to trust them and to be myself. The more I was myself, the closer we were. I met your Uncle Jack there, the first person I came across after the crash, and of course, you, little bug. Some people I loved, some I liked and others I didn't get to know as well. We were a mixed bunch of nuts, some nuttier than others. Before that, I only had one best friend growing up. That ended before I left home.

On the island, we all needed each other for survival, company and to fight off enemies, human, animal or other. You were part of that big family. Now, including you, there are only six of us left from Oceanic 815 headed back to civilization. Even though we are headed back, we still have to depend on each other to survive another threat, the person ultimately responsible for the helicopter crash and sending that freighter and the people on it.

Penny helped us all, but you were her favorite person, aside from Desmond. The next day, she, Sun and I made diapers for you out of old clothes and towels.

Jack was on bottle duty. He made the temporary bottles and gave us advice on what to give you and how much since you are so little. Penny, thankfully, had goat milk on board. Some of the crew preferred it. Jack boiled and mixed it with water and a little sugar for your feedings so you could digest it. I think you have a hidden sweet tooth because you drank it quickly with a smile unless you fell asleep.

We all took turns holding and playing with you. Each of us from island were in some kind of shock. You made us forget about it temporarily. Even the men held you sometimes or poked your little tummy to get you to laugh. You are a gift to us all. You smiled as if nothing happened and remind us that life goes on.

I felt sad and empty, missing people including your Mommy Claire. We lost too many friends. Your grins and happy noises got me through the first few days and kept me from looking backwards in my mind. You kept me anchored in the present.

I've been thinking a lot about what's going to happen with you. We are making plans to get back to the United States with the story Jack wants us to tell the world, The Lie. Our group hasn't agreed to go along with The Lie yet. While people debate, I can't let go of you and leave you in the hands of fate and child services.

I talked first to Penny and Sun together about my idea for you. Both will be Moms someday, Sun sooner, and Penny has it on her wish list. We don't want you to end up in foster care or being adopted out, lost to us all, especially if Mommy Claire is found someday.

Mommy Claire said she didn't want to raise you and was she was headed to Los Angeles to give you to a nice couple to be your parents. She was young and trying to do what was best for you. That was before the crash. Afterwards, at the camp, she had us, the survivors, as her extended family to help.

That means we are your only family that we know of. I'm the only one that can claim that you are my baby. The men can't and Sun has another baby in her tummy.

One future problem is that I might have to go away for a while because of something I did. Sun said if that happens, she would take care of you if Jack couldn't. I know Hurley might be willing too. I would be able to decide who gets to take care of you if I have to go away.

To do that, I have to say you came from my tummy. I won't let you to be raised by strangers or go somewhere called foster care. You will never be hurt by people who don't know and love you and Mommy Claire like we do. I would never forgive myself. You deserve better from all us, from me. We aren't going to lose you.

I talked to Jack and told him my idea late last night. He thought there might be another way. As a doctor, I thought he would know how child services works when it comes to babies and kids with no parents. Maybe he never dealt with them. I didn't argue, just told him what I wanted.

He finally agreed to support it after we talked. He needed me to support his idea, The Lie we would all tell the world. My being your Mommy would become a part of The Lie. He insists on it being the right thing to do. It's to protect us and our friends on the island if they are alive.

Jack needed my support to get our friends to agree. He wanted me to have his back and so he asked if I was with him. Having his back doesn't mean I stand behind him. It means we stand back to back, watching out for each other, like soldiers. If one of us would get tired, the other can lean on their partner, but just with just enough pressure to keep us both upright. This was about supporting his decision. I told him I have always been with him. I don't think he realized that because of the look he gave me. Many emotions crossed his face, but I don't need words to understand him. That look was enough.

I love and admire him. He is everything I could have wished for in a man. He's brave, strong, handsome, caring, is intelligent and so much more. I'm not saying he's perfect but he's a good man. These are things I want you to learn from him. He said he would be there for me and you no matter what. I want him for myself and to be there for you.

Jack was our main leader on the island plus our only doctor from the crash. He looked after everyone the best he could, sometimes overdoing it and barely slept. He tried to get us rescued and blamed himself whenever anything went wrong. I know he's done this for a long time. I tried to take care of him but he's stubborn and won't take his own advice. He feels like he has to fix everything and everyone. I want to ask him who died and made him God? Why does he think he is responsible for everyone and everything, even things that are not his fault? Saying that won't help him.

I worry about him, but said nothing. It's not the right time and we were all still disoriented and needed to agree, not clash. It's hard to get used to this, even get used to beds and taking showers, or in your case, baths in a basin.

Each one of us are still licking our wounds on the inside from everything that happened in the past days, weeks, months and beyond. We all had problems before the crash and were dealing with them alone. Now it's different. Our remaining group is small, but at least we have each other. Nobody else will understand what we've been through, the truth part not The Lie.

You slept on in my arms through the whole conversation. I took you back to our cabin after talking to Jack under the stars and put you on the bed. I curled up with my clothes still on, next to you. I couldn't go to sleep again, so I watched you rest peacefully on your back, arms up beside your head as if you were stretching or signaling a touchdown. I wished I could be that relaxed.

Later, Jack joined us and laid on the other side of you, giving you and me each a good night kiss. Mine was better. No offense to you, little man.

We both draped our arms together above you, watching you sleep while our bodies made a protective circle around yours.

None of us were going to leave you behind on that godforsaken island. We aren't going to leave you now.

I love you,

Mommy Kate