..
I'll tear me open, make you gone
No more can you hurt anyone
And the fear still shakes me
So hold me until it sleeps
-Until it Sleeps, by Metallica
The tingling sensation in Rey's temples were her first warning that the Force bond was initiating. Eyes snapping fully open, she sat up in bed and swung her legs over the side, as if she could somehow escape it. There was a disconcerting moment of vacuous silence, and a strong shift in the energy around her as her surroundings seemed to shudder and blend with his. As soon as she got her bearings, Rey stood abruptly, her face pulled into a defensive snarl as she prepared to face him again for the first time since Crait.
Kylo Ren – enemy, one time ally, Force-bound partner, and now the Supreme Leader of the First Order – was sprawled out before her on his own bed, eyes closed and one hand clenching a thin, black blanket. Her heart thudded in her chest, and she took a deep breath to calm herself. There was no need for a confrontation. He was restless, but asleep, so Rey resigned herself to waiting it out in silence.
Her body ached from the strenuous efforts of the past few days; the last of the Resistance had taken shelter in another old, abandoned base on some long-forgotten planet, working to make it functional and habitable once again. She slowly sidled back onto the bed, glaring at her thin mattress and where his overlapped, ghostly and nearly transparent. She could see Kylo quite clearly, even in the shared darkness of their rooms, but she averted her eyes almost immediately. Being this close to him made her skin prickle, the implied familiarity of them appearing to share a bed making her feel uncomfortable.
His foot suddenly kicked out and he made a strangled noise in the back of his throat, startling Rey and making her jerk in surprise. Panicking as she felt Kylo's consciousness awakening, she threw open their connection while he was still too unguarded to resist her and hurled all of her willpower behind one command.
Sleep.
He huffed, eyebrows knitting together, but did not wake.
Rey, on the other hand, was bombarded with the maelstrom that haunted his subconscious. She had opened the floodgates, but the tide flowed both ways and a wave of betrayal hit her first. She could not help but take it personally, and it flayed the raw wound within her that their separation had caused. He had asked her to make an impossible choice under extreme duress. He had wanted her to let her friends perish. How dare he see her as the one who betrayed him?
"I hate you," she whispered, feeling her heart swell painfully. "It didn't have to be this way."
It didn't have to hurt this much, she thought bitterly.
Beneath the betrayal, however, she found that he was tormented not only by his own inner conflicts, but by paranoia and fear. He wasn't safe there, and only had a handful of men who were loyal to him. He was at his most vulnerable to attacks at times like this, despite having guards posted outside his door and his light sabre at his bedside.
She looked at him, really looked at him, and noticed the dark circles under his eyes, the fine sheen of sweat on his forehead, and the gauntness of his face that hadn't been there before. He looked sickly, like he had barely slept in days, a fact that was confirmed when she gently prodded at the corners of his mind. He was struggling, internally and as leader of the First Order. It felt wrong to pry while he was unaware, but he was at a dangerous tipping point. Kylo Ren was unraveling, and when he finally snapped, it would be anyone's guess as to whether he emerged from it more man or monster.
How would that affect her, through this bond that they shared? Would she eventually go mad as well, if he did?
His eyelids fluttered slightly as he dreamed, and he tossed his head to one side, nostrils flaring. A bolt of guilt passed through Rey as she realized that by forcing him to stay asleep, she had trapped him in a nightmare.
Leaning in close, her hand hovered just above his arm before she thought better of it. The visions they had seen in the moment that their fingertips touched had been deceiving. Accurate in their own way, but in the end, not what either of them had been expecting. She wasn't eager for a repeat of that experience.
"They're coming," he mumbled.
Hush now. Rey reached out with her mind firmly. If anyone tries to come for you, I will wake you up. Rest.
She wasn't sure if he could understand her thoughts in this state, but she worked to meticulously soothe back the dark vines of negativity from his subconscious until his body visibly relaxed. As she created a temporary peace within him, allowing him to fall into a truly deep and dreamless slumber, Rey was able to let some of her anger and disappointment towards him go as well.
The Force thrummed pleasantly between them and through their bond, restoring a tiny spark of hope within her that maybe, one day, they really would have a future together and find their balance. For now, all she could do was sit at his side, vigilant to any changes or disruptions around him that might mean danger.
I miss you, Ben, even if you are a stubborn idiot, she thought wistfully. She settled into a comfortable meditative position, determined to hold fast to the connection as long as possible through the night.