He had seen hell.
He had seen heaven. He had seen life. He had seen death. He had seen knowledge. He had seen the Truth.
But mostly, he had seen hell.
Hell is what he saw when he watched his mother slip away from him without warning, leaving the young boy and his brother as orphans alone in the country. He saw the pain in his brother's eyes as they stood before the grave on the hill.
It is what he saw when their teacher abandoned them on the island to fend for themselves for a month. He saw the hunger in his brother's eyes when they went yet another night without food.
When he watched his brother break apart by forces of alchemy and disappear. He saw the desperation in his brother's eyes when he reached for his hand.
When his own leg was torn away from his body as a result of the reaction. He closed his eyes and screamed.
When he gazed hopefully at their "mother" and saw the culmination of all their hard work. He closed his eyes again and tried not to throw up.
When he gave up his arm to bind his brother's soul to the armor that would become his prison. He saw the amusement in its "eyes" when he begged the gate a second time.
When he saw the distinctive blood shape on the alley wall in the shape of the unfortunate chimera he had tried to save. He could still see the joy in her eyes when he had given her the ring of "magic flowers".
When he thought truly for the first time, "I am going to die," as he dodged the cleaver aimed at his head swung by the serial murdering butcher. He saw the fear in his friend's eyes as she struggled at her chains.
When the Ishbalan's hand gripped his face in preparation for the next of the state alchemist deaths. He saw the despair in his brother's eyes when he had asked if a life for a life was enough to pay. It never would be.
When the Homunculi stole his brother and expected him to create the stone for them. He could still see the trepidation on the convicts' faces when he seriously considered the offer.
When his own brother accused him of deceit and fled. He saw the betrayal in his brother's eyes when he couldn't bring himself to ask the question that weighed so heavily on his mind.
When he realizes that boy, no, that homunculus, has his arm and leg. His arm and leg. He saw the mania in that thing's eyes as it tried to take the rest of him, too.
When he is forced to desecrate his mother's grave to defeat the homunculus who looks just like her, but it can't be her. It just can't. He avoided his brother's gaze.
When he desperately tried to convince his brother that it is just not her. He tried not to remember the relief in her eyes as she evaporated into the atmosphere.
When he descended into the depths of the earth to take his brother back, only to face those doors again. He saw the confusion in his (own?) eyes when he crossed to the other side.
When he looked into the true face of the shape-shifting homunculus. His vision went dark after that.
When he opened his eyes and wiped tears away with his new flesh hand. He saw the sympathy in the girl's eyes when she told him what had happened.
He had seen many things during his young life. Too many things. Enough to learn that hell comes in many forms.
And he was willing to go through all of them a thousand times if that's what it took to bring his brother back. He wanted to see the happiness in his real eyes when he got his body back. That would be worth all of his personal hells put together.
Not that an atheist believes in hell, anyway.