stoic
A/N: I'd like to give a shout-out and thank the author writerofberk, who's wonderfully-written angsty HTTYD fics inspired this one. Angsty, but cheesily fluffy at the end because I couldn't resist. J
DISCLAIMER: I'm not famous enough to own HTTYD, nor do I have the brains now … using the brains to pass college.
"Emotions were not allowed." That's what his father had said. And so he had told his son that it was weak to cry, because all he had to go from as a father's how-to guide was his own experience. Gobber had helped as much as he could after Valka was taken, but soon enough, Stoick had to face this on his own. He was supposed to be a chief. And part of being a chief, his father said, was taking on your responsibilities and not ever suggesting you were weak.
He knew that Hiccup was not who Stoick was as a child, and since his own father's techniques were far from what Hiccup needed, Stoick was at a loss of where to go. So he just shut off. No emotion, just business. That's what his father said to do.
He thought it was good advice at the time. But as his own son grew, he could see more and more of his wife.
True, both families were less-than-happy about the marriage. Stoick's father agreed in the end only because Valka could fulfill the duty of baring children, and that was really all he cared about. Should Stoick only care about duties in this matter? No. Even if he should, he couldn't. Valka was so different ... she was free. She wasn't confined by tradition, or duty, or society. And Stoick loved her for it-especially that part of him that never got to be a rebellious teenager.
Stoick and Hiccup's relationship did not fix itself overnight. Today was evidence of that-they were right in the middle of a fight. The reason for the fight wasn't even clear anymore, but whatever anxst was left was exploding now ... was it bottomless?
"When will you stop pressuring me?" Hiccup shouted.
Oh, right. It was about his son becoming chief.
"This is a cakewalk compared to what I went through!" Stoick yelled back. No turning back now. Those words could not be taken back. He would have to explain now. He had been meaning to, maybe, in some small part of his mind he knew he should.
"Oh, please, do tell!" Hiccup sneered with the kind of biting sarcasm only he could pull off.
"I had to live up to my name," Stoick whispered. "Litterally."
"Yeah. You've done that. You've got vast covered."
"No ... the other part." Stoick had turned away from Hiccup and was staring at the fire. The fight not to show emotion had never been so hard. But his father wasn't here anymore. He wouldn't know if Stoick broke this rule. He felt the tears falling, but he had given up trying to stop them, now. "I can't do this anymore, Dad," he whispered. "I can't. Don't make me. I did my best ... isn't that enough? Do you know what happened to me? After everyone was gone-I couldn't do it! I cried, Dad! I cried and I yelled-and you know what? Nobody cared! How could they when I had to hide? I had noone to run to ever since that time I was five and you just about beat me for crying! You know why I married Valka? It was because she was that person for me. I wasn't just a model viking to her-I was human! I could be whoever I wanted to be when I was with her. ... But vikings have to be vikings, right, Dad? They have to do great things and die an honorable death! Well, didn't you think about your own son that night, Dad? You left me to pick up where you left off! You gave me a reputation of being eficient and stoic. I'm not a machine, Dad! When I came home, I knew I didn't have to be that anymore, but I was so afraid of being weak in the eyes of others that sometimes I wouldn't even let my own wife see me break down! And when she was gone-I had noone! Not even Gobber could understand. If I told anyone, I'd be letting this mask slip, anyway! And now, I can't even have a good relationship with my own son! ... Do you know what you've done, Dad?"
"Dad?"
Though the last sentence was a whisper, Stoick had shouted most of that. The tears were falling freely now, and he wasn't sure if most of whatever that was was intelligible, but it was out. And Hiccup had heard it.
"Dad?"
He wouldn't understand, though, would he? Nobody could. Hiccup was probably just wondering what was going on, but nobody was supposed to know a chief's personal-
"Daddy?" Hiccup's face was red even as he said this, but what else would have worked?
Stoick sat down wearily in his chair. "Yes, Hiccup?"
Hiccup stood next to the chair, one hand on his father's huge shoulder. "This house can still be a safe spot ... if-if you want."
Stoick looked at Hiccup. In Hiccup's eyes, there was compassion, acceptance ... understanding. Hiccup was the best of both Stoick and Valka. Stoick had no doubts, now. When Hiccup Haddock III became chief, he could rewrite the world if he wanted to. Stoick the Vast sure hoped he would start there.
But for now, they weren't chief and heir. They were father and son.
Stoick pulled Hiccup into an embrace. "Thank the gods for you, Hiccup."