SGU Mary Sue RW 2: Selective Encounter Xeroxing

by VioletVision

Mary Sue's plot/smut bunnies go around the ship seeing what they can find using Selective Encounter Xeroxing. Complete - I feed the plot bunnies and help Mary Sue.

Title: SGU Mary Sue RW 2: Selective Encounter Xeroxing
Category: TV Shows » Stargate: SG-1
Author: VioletVision
Language: English, Rating: Rated: T
Genre: Humor/Supernatural
Published: 11-16-09, Updated: 11-16-09
Chapters: 1, Words: 2,069

Chapter 1: SGU Mary Sue Running Wild 2

SGU Mary Sue 2: Selective Encounter Xeroxing

Characters: Any/All

Genre: AU – Crossover with SG-1

Spoilers/Warnings: Eps 1-5, PG-13 just in case.

Summary: Mary Sue's plot/smut bunnies go around the ship seeing what they can find using Selective Encounter Xeroxing.

A/N: I think the title and summary speaks for its shameful self. I love SGU – Het/Slash/Ship and so on. Please don't take this story as poking at writers (I am one of the writiers.), but as my own crazy trip to the SG realm as Mary Sue.

"I might have a way to get rid of Mary Sue!" Rush came around the computer terminal and walked up to Young.

Both men's eyes went wide, and they stepped back.

Rush touched his hand to his neck, "What was that?"

Young was shaking his hands like there were spiders on them, "I don't know."

Rush took a step forward bringing himself within three feet of Young. He jumped back as if shocked by electricity.

Young, "Stop doing that!"

Rush looked around the room then back to Young, "Proximity. You need to ask Chloe what Mary Sue can do with proximity. When I am within three feet of you, I feel uuuuhhh."

Young, "Don't say it!"

Rush, "Stop yelling at me. I'm not the one causing it."

Young shook his head, "It only happens around you ever since those slash scenes were we were locked in your room overnight. Who was the author – Violetvision?"

Young pressed on his radio, "Chloe this is Young."

Chloe, "Yes, Chloe here."

Young, "We are having a problem with three feet of proximity."

Chloe's voice sounded afraid, "Oh no. The Selective Encounter Xeroxing must be in turned on."

Rush came forward, "Ask her how to turn it off."

Young stepped back, "Stay back. Chloe, how do we turn it off."

Chloe, "You don't. If you feel the proximity thing happening, stay at least 3 feet away from that person or else."

Young, "Or else what?"

Chloe, "S.E.X."

Rush and Young looked at each other and shook their heads no.

An aggravated Young continued, "Chloe, we are not going to spontaneously fall to the floor having sex. You are not making any sense."

Chloe's voice sounded lowered, "Selective Encounter Xeroxing means that when you encounter a selected individual and are close to them, fan girls start typing, and it Xeroxes the scripts to Mary Sue. Ba'al and Park are working on something that might stop it."

Rush smiled, "What was that, hot dogs?"

Young, "She said Ba'al and Park are working on something."

Rush, "You Americans and your sports. Ballpark hot dogs at ballparks is a little Freudian don't you think with them running around with bats? Then my favorite, No, that's not football that's soccer."

Young would have grabbed Rush and shook him, but he was afraid the Xerox machines would start printing and then they would have to follow the scripts. And, he had no intention of doing that again because you could not control who was doing the writing.

Young waved a hand at Rush, "Shut up for god's sake!"

"What are you doing for my sake?" Ba'al glided into the room.

Rush watched a white plot bunny bounce into the room, "Quiet, if you say it, they will come."

"Who?" Ba'al tipped his head speaking with his Goa'uld voice.

Young followed Rush's gaze, "Them."

Ba'al glanced at the bunny seeing it was only one and walked toward the computer terminal. He passed between Young and Rush, which connected them all in S.E.X. They cringed at the sound of pages printing.

Ba'al jumped closer to the terminal and out of the encounter zone.

Young, "I thought you and Park were working on the S.E.X. problem."

Ba'al leaned against the terminal, "Oh, we solved it several times as a matter fact. She is very talented and smart.

Rush leaned forward hoping to avoid his next ship or slash scene, "How did you solve it? Everyone wants to know."

Ba'al tipped his head back still speaking in his Goa'uld voice, "Did you know just because I am here that Mary Sue has to consider this an AU Crossover?" I was able to get a plot bunny to get someone to write about how my host can be put into a kind of sleep state, so it was not a three-way after all. It helped several fan girls to write some interesting fics. Now this one had me as her slave. Can you believe that? Dr. Park is so positive and goodie goodie, but apparently the bunnies saw she has a dark side that likes it when a man…"

Young held up his hand silencing Ba'al in mid sentence, "Why are you talking in your Goa'uld voice."

Ba'al did not look, but lifted his hand up and pointed to the prompters streaming text along the edge where the wall touched the ceiling. Young read the words, "Ba'al continued speaking in his hot sexy Goa'uld voice."

Rush, "That's not important."

Ba'al raised an eyebrow, "Exactly, back to the interesting part. So, Park likes it when a man…"

Rush, "Not that either. How did you solve the Xerox problem?"

Ba'al pursed his lips looking at the bunny then back to Rush, "We did not get that far, but there was some mention of a wrench. She said it was only a matter of time before she started showing up in the fics."

Rush waved his hands over his head and yelled, "Hopeless!"

The little white bunny bounced and chirped in a soft voice, "Angst."

Young and Rush looked at each other then to Ba'al and in unison spoke, "They speak?"

The Cadbury Bunny chirped again, but louder this time, "Angst!"

Rush looked terrified after that almost dying from poison Spencer put in his coffee fic scene, "Ba'al you're closer. Do something! Kick it! Young, shoot it!"

Young, "Rush calm down look here comes another bunny."

Eli walked in behind it, "Watch out he's a killer!"

The men in the room held their hands over their necks and ducked.

Eli smiled, "Dudes, it was a joke. But that is cool you knew I was talking about Monty Python."

Ba'al held both hands out. "I remember that fic. O'Neill kept speaking the script from the movie. Niiii."

Eli walked up to Rush and got a vibe and jumped back hearing the Xerox machine going into overload, "I knew if anyone would get the Monty Python reference it would be you."

Rush, "Why?"

Music started to play from, "Because because because because…" They turned to see Mary Sue skipping by the corridor in a Dorothy costume and Riley in a Todo costume.

Mary Sue stopped and her outfit transformed into a white bathing suit, which looked perfect on her, "Think Jessica Alba impersonating Angelina Jolie." *Mary Sue pondered now lovely she looked* She turned and skipped along with a tormented Riley.

The music died down once they were gone.

Eli shook his head, "Because Monty Python is a British thing."

Rush looked upset, "I'm Scottish not English."

Eli looked over at Ba'al, "Well, you have to admit it is hard to tell the difference."

Ba'al squinted at Eli, "I'm not English either. I'm from South Africa, and I am Lithuanian and Polish."

Eli, "You both sound English to me."

Rush turned to Ba'al, "I do sense a little English in there somewhere."

The bunnies bounced up to Rush, "What do I do?"

Ba'al, "Develop a trick or a tactic that distracts them."

Rush went to the computer terminal and stared blankly at it. The words show up on the prompter saying, "…stared blankly at it thinking, stop thinking stop thinking stop thinking."

Young, "Here is a third one. It's not working."

Rush then closed his eyes and concentrated. He opened his eyes to see his thoughts on the prompter. "Rush wondered if the bunnies had been to the infirmary yet. With all the characters going there after getting hurt, there would be lots of angst or hurt/comfort type ideas just waiting to be written."

The bunnies twitched their noses and looked to the hall that leads to the infirmary. Rush continued thinking and seeing his words on the prompter, "The happy plot bunnies thought the infirmary would be a wonderful place to spend the day getting hundreds of bites of food."

The three bunnies scampered out the doorway and down the hall.

Young, "You know you just pissed TJ off."

Rush, "Better her than me."

Four more bunnies came into the room. Ba'al stepped forward making sure he stayed out of the S.E.X range. "I can handle these."

Eli, "Don't chop them with your Continuum sword."

Ba'al shook his head, "No need. They can be useful. Oh, and Rush, you can use my tactic for dealing with them. Watch."

Ba'al turned around sweeping his intricately designed jacket in a flourish. "Wonderful jacket don't you think? I love it, but I am not so sure about the buckle. Bunnies, I have several wonderful ideas for fics, but I need my outfit fixed first. Go hurry and find me someone who can help me with this buckle."

The bunnies chirped, "Buckle." All of the white bunnies left the room in a hurry chirping as they ran.

Young looked down his nose at Lord Ba'al, "What good will that do?"

Ba'al smiled, "They run around yelling buckle and no one will understand what they are talking about."

Rush, "Smart, but why are they white now instead of pink and blue."

Eli whispered to Rush, "Chloe said not to point out inconsistencies."

Young folded his arms, "I noticed that also."

Eli continued, "Oh, and no ganging up against Mary Sue."

Wray walked past them typing on her cell with her thumbs.

Ba'al brushed her arm, "What are you doing?"

Wray was almost out of the room before she answered, "Sending a tweet on Twitter."

Young went to open his mouth, but Eli stopped him, "No, don't say it. Never ask how, what, why and when."

Rush, "But how…"

Eli, "Yes, it is impossible. Shhhhh"

Rush, "Eli, tell us how?"

Scott came over the radio, "Whoever is asking the question stop it now!"

Young, "Scott, how do you know what we are saying?"

Ba'al shakes his head wondering how these people are going to survive.

Eli's cell beeped, and he pulled it out seeing an IM from Wray, "Stop them from saying How. There is music starting to queue up. Does anyone know how to say Fan Vid!"

Rush, "I just want to know how dam* it!"

Everyone froze hearing John Lennon start singing:

"How can I give love when I don't know what it is I'm giving?

How can I give love when I just don't know how to give?

How can I give love when love is something I ain't never had?

Oh no, oh no

You know life can be long

You've got to be so strong

And the world she is tough

Sometimes I feel I've had enough"

Eli shook his head, "I warned you."

Young listened to the song over and over again and looked at Eli, "Now is not the time."

A plot bunny bounced by hearing the word time, "Time – Pink Floyd."

Another song started playing:

"And you run and you run to catch up with the sun, but it's sinking

Racing around to come up behind you again

The sun is the same in a relative way, but you're older

Shorter of breath and one day closer to death"

One bunny bounced chirping, "We already did short of breath – Air! Now, Sun! Sun! Closer to Death, Light!"

Plot bunnies all over the ship chirped in unison and Mary Sue heard the call, "Sun! Sun! Light!"

The End

A/N: All done. I just love SGU! I got up in the middle of the night trying to control myself from laughing in the dark and wrote this on a notebook. My hubby asked if I was ok, and I said, "The bunnies…OMG the bunnies. He's a killer!" What do you think?