Brother's Keeper
A tag to Loa Aloha
Danny left Rachel's house still feeling bereft. She had been supportive and Danny had appreciated her comfort, but he knew that it would be a long time before he would get over losing his brother. He would always love her just like his brother had said, but he would not ruin her life by expressing it. She had chosen this new life and Danny understood why. It was safe, at least until Stan had ruined it through his misguided attempt at blackmailing the housing commissioner. In retrospect though, he couldn't hate Stan for trying to do the right thing even if what he did was stupidly dangerous and had put Rachel and Grace in harm's way. Though he didn't like Stan for taking his place in Grace's life on a day-to-day basis, he was reasonable enough to give small credit where it was due. He also wouldn't complicate Rachel's life by asking her to question her choice. It wouldn't do any good at this point. As long as he could be with his daughter, he loved Rachel enough to let her go.
It was Matt who had destroyed him. Did Matt really resent him? Did he really think that Danny would be that judgmental and not be supportive after all that he done for him when he had separated from Rachel? What did Danny do to make him feel that way? Did he do something to drive his brother so far off the path of right and wrong? Wasn't offering to be there for him like he had been for him enough? All those questions of doubt swirled around in his head as he drove back to his place. Once there, he got in, undid his tie and just sat on his pitiful excuse for a bed. He had never felt so lost and confused. He had let Matt go because shooting him was out of the question yet it was cold comfort to know that he would probably never see his brother again.
He then heard a knock on his door and reluctantly, he got up to answer it. It was Steve with a six-pack of beer in hand.
"Hey," Steve said.
Danny was oddly glad to see the Navy SEAL. Steve had a sister, understood the love and commitment it took to give your all to a sibling and Danny needed that perspective at that moment. He stepped away and let Steve in.
"Did Rachel ask you to come by?" Danny asked, figuring she'd called Steve.
"No, Grace actually did. She was worried about you."
Danny's face fell. He didn't want Grace to think less of her uncle. She loved him and it would hurt her so much to know that Matt was anything other than the coolest ever uncle who spoiled her.
"Damn it, I didn't want her to know –"
"She didn't, Danny, but she loves you. You're her dad and she knew something was wrong. Kids are good at getting that vibe. She wanted me to make sure you were okay. Rachel gave me the details."
Danny nodded and took a deep breath of relief, but he knew it would be short-lived. At some point he would need to explain to her why Uncle Matt didn't come around anymore.
"Thanks."
"Thought you'd want to talk, but if you want me to –"
"No, no, it's okay."
Steve handed Danny a beer bottle and took one for himself. It all felt familiar and to Danny's relief, safe.
"It's all my fault," Danny blurted out.
"What? What your brother did? No, it is not your fault."
"I failed him, Steve. I mean, how else can you explain why he would do this, why he wouldn't come to me? Maybe it was something I did those six months, maybe I wasn't grateful enough. Maybe I was too judgmental…I…I just don't know what to think anymore."
Steve felt for Danny's pain. He had gone through the same guilt about his sister and it had been Danny who had helped him see that what had happened to her wasn't his fault. He had to return the favor.
"None of it is your fault. Your brother, he made bad choices, first of which was not coming to you when he had the chance. That was a mistake. Because if he had, I know you would have done everything for him, been by his side. I've seen you do that first hand. It's the kind of brother I know you are. It's the kind of man you are, Danny."
"I just don't know anymore."
Danny sat down on his bed. He rubbed his face, trying to stave off tears.
"Matt said I always want to be the one everyone thinks does everything right, but that I'm really a hypocrite, that I've made mistakes. He's right. What right do I have to judge him?"
"Danny, we all make mistakes, lapses in judgement, but that doesn't mean you don't try to do the right thing. I've only known you a short time, but I don't know anyone who tries as hard as you do to do the right thing. I've seen you defend your partner when everyone else was accusing him of being a cop on the take. Against all odds, Danny, against me, you took your belief in him and proved all of us wrong. That's what you would have done for your brother. I know that. Hell, you've made me do the right thing."
"Yeh, but you just said it. I make you try to do things that maybe I have no right to make you do. Your methods, they get the job done. Imposing rules and regulations, what does that prove?" Danny said as he got up and paced around what little space there was to pace in his apartment, gesticulating with his hands for emphasis.
"It keeps me, it keeps all of us honest. It's important. Sometimes I forget that and frankly, even if I complain about it, I need to be reminded that if we don't follow the rules, all that work catching them is for nothing if they get set free on a technicality. You do that, Danny. You make sure that we get it right. You make us all better cops."
Danny took in a deep breath to calm himself.
"I appreciate what you're saying, but I broke the rules. I AM a hypocrite. My brother's a fugitive. I let him get away. I should turn in my badge -"
"No. No, Danny, listen to me. I get that you feel like you broke the rules by letting him go because he was your brother, but no one's calling you on it. Not even the FBI."
"It was still wrong. You lied for me. I put you in a position I shouldn't have."
"It's what partners do and believe me, the lie came easy. Those agents were douches."
Danny couldn't help, but laugh then got serious again.
"I can't let you take the fall for what I did."
"Oh, you mean just like what you were willing to do for me when the Governor called us in about what we thought was the heist? What did you say? That we were in this together?"
Danny shook his head and smiled.
"Leave it to you to make me regret my words."
Steve smiled back.
"You're a good cop, Danny."
"How can I look my daughter in the face and lie to her about her uncle? What kind of lesson would I be teaching her?"
"That family comes first, that you loved your brother. All she needs from you now is that you love her. She'll understand the rest when she gets older and I know she'll love you more when you explain it to her. Life isn't black and white. If I've learned anything from my father's murder, there are secrets that you can't hide forever. My dad thought he was doing the right thing and I get that now. What helps me sleep at night is that when I DO learn the whole truth, I'll have a partner, a team, who'll watch my back and keep me from going off half-cocked."
Danny nodded then teased, "Since when did you start being Mr. Perspective Man?"
"Hey, I can be pretty damn introspective if I want to be," Steve teased back.
Danny gave him an incredulous look.
"You? Introspective? Yeh, in what universe?"
"If you're gonna get testy, I'm going to take my beer and go," Steve said feigning being hurt.
"Testy? What? Did I hurt your feelings now?"
They broke out in laughter then toasted with their beer bottles as they had on the beach at Steve's house when they had first started working together. It felt great to laugh, Danny thought to himself. Danny needed that familiarity. He knew that he would always have an empty hole where watching his brother leaving on that plane had left, but he wasn't alone and in many important ways, Steve had become like a brother, equally irritating and whom he would battle with at times, but with the difference being that he knew with a certainty he hadn't felt with his brother that Steve would never betray his trust. It was reassuring at a time when he didn't think he could feel that kind of trust again. He also had a second family in the team that he felt responsible for and for which he knew would also have his back. After losing his brother, the need to protect them and not let them down was powerful. He didn't want to fail them like he had failed his brother.
"Thanks," Danny said.
Steve saw that it would take more than a few bottles of beer to ease Danny's feeling of betrayal, but he also knew Danny would be there for him and the team. He had already earned that trust from him by his actions.
Steve nodded with understanding.
"I'll always have your back," Steve assured.
Danny nodded in return and nothing more had to be affirmed.
FIN. Hope you enjoyed it. Thanks for reading