You are my life, Bastila! Chapter 1, a star wars fanfic

Author's rantings:

Well, here it is, my first KOTOR story. It took me about two weeks of writing to get it done, and I've to admit I'm rather pleased by it (Okay, I'd already written about a quarter of it earlier...).

It's not so much a retelling of KOTOR, but more like an addition.

Don't be alarmed, the two fights between Revan and Bastila had to be included, but I added enough to keep it interesting, I hope.

This story is LSM Revan/Bastila. I'll save the Femslash for KOTOR 2 (It's more canon this way).
I decided that Malak forced himself on Bastila, to be honest I'm quite sure he would've done so. She's attractive and a virgin, so the act in itself will totally crush her and that, after all, is his target. And he's evil, people!

The whole story is filled with angst. I fear I've an affinity for it. :-)

Spoken words are indicated by ""

Most of the time thoughts are indicated by "" and written in cursive; except for the original scenes, there thoughts are written in cursive and bold, while the original dialogue is written in cursive.

Disclaimer: Aliens are taking over the world and only our tin-foil helmets can save us. Oh, and I don't own KOTOR, Star Wars or any of it's characters, I may have a little influence on my Avatar, but that's all.

!Updated! Added a few more sentences to some parts and improved (hopefully) the editing! Plus, there's a whole new short scene in chapter 4, which has seen the most work done.

You are my life, Bastila

Chapter 1

Rakata, Temple of the Ancients

X
X

The first time she had called him by his old name, at least out loud, was atop the old temple of the ancients, when she tried to lure him back to the darkside.

To herself, she had often called him Revan, especially at the beginning of their quest. Yet the longer they worked together, the less that name had seemed to fit.

The thing she noticed first, when he and the other two Jedis stopped in front of her, where his eyes.

His green orbs had pierced her soul, as he looked deeply into her blue-grey ones. She registered the surprise in his eyes and the happiness at seeing her, apparently unharmed.

Then the joy faded from his eyes, as he realized her new attire and the way she was just standing there, waiting, instead of running to meet her friends.

Bastila steeled her soul. She had a mission to fulfil, as her master had commanded.

He wanted to run to her and catch her in his arms, but he sensed that something was wrong here.

So all he could do was stare at her lithe form, dressed in tight, dark body armour. Something she'd normally dislike.

„Revan - I knew you would come for me. Malak thought you might be afraid to enter the temple again, but he doesn't know you like I do. Not anymore. Not since you've changed."

Her voice sounded cold, with underlying venom hidden in it.

A horrible realization dawned on him at her words. To horrible to admit it.

Juhani on the other hand was just happy that her fellow Jedi had returned.

„Quickly, Bastila - come with us! We have to escape before Malak arrives!"

She called out to her.

Bastila spoke again, with a malicious edge in her voice.

„Escape? You do not understand. I have sworn allegiance to Lord Malak and the Sith; I am no longer a pawn of the Jedi Council…"

What he had feared was true, but it couldn't! It couldn't be true.

„No, Bastila! Don't go over to the dark side!"

She gave him a cold smile.

„You say that as if the dark side is some terrible entity. The Jedi Council has brainwashed you like all the others. Like they once did with me.

They speak of the dark side as if it is something to be feared. But in reality their only goal is to manipulate those who are strong in the force.

The fear of the dark side is a tool to maintain control.

Why do you think the Jedi forbid you and Malak from joining the Mandalorian Wars? They knew you would realize your true potential and break free of their domination."

Even knowing that she'd fallen, he was surprised about the hatred in her voice.

„Malak has shown me how the Jedi Council has been using me the same way they once tried to use you. They have been holding me back because they knew one day I would surpass them all."

He fought to keep his voice steady, even now that her words were like spears stabbing into his heart.

„Don't do this, Bastila. Fight it! I'll help you."

He tried to reach her through their bond as well.

During their time together it had gotten so strong, that they could communicate without words when they were close enough to each other.

„Don't be lured in by these Sith lies, Bastila!"

Her beautiful eyes looked at him, full of contempt for his perceived weakness.

„You are a sad little fool. You speak as if I were the same Bastila,

that you've known all along. But freed from the control of the Jedi Council I have become much, much more.

I almost wish you could see things as I do now. I wish you could join me and taste true power once again. Sadly, I doubt you are even capable any longer."

Her voice rose to a triumphant exclamation:

„With the power of the Star Forge Malak will destroy the Republic and conquer the galaxy. And I will be the apprentice at his side - after I prove my worth by killing you!"

Her words actually sent him tumbling back. They were like physical blows.

Shocked by her change, he could only watch in dazed surprise as she ignited her two bladed lightsaber, now burning in an evil read, instead of bright yellow, and charged at him.

He made no move to defend himself, when she brought the blade down on his head.

Juhani's green lightsaber appeared in front of him, just in time to deflect Bastila's blow, while a force push from Jolee threw the fallen Jedi across the temple top.

"Derek! Snap out of it. We need you, to overpower her."

Hissed the golden eyed Cathar.

Shaking his head as if coming out of a trance, he became aware of his surroundings again.

Bastila had landed on her feet, about ten meters away.

His mind screamed at him.

"Overpower her! Disarm her. Then we can bring her back!"

Pushing himself of the ground, with help of the force, he crossed the distance in a single jump, igniting his orange and turquoise blades and bringing them down hard on her raised lightsaber.

Bastila fell to one knee under the force of his attack, but managed to block his next blow effortlessly.

She slashed at his legs, he jumped over her blade.

Simultaneously she made a roll forward, under his legs, coming up in a crouch behind him.

She kicked back and up with a force supported leg, hitting Derek in the small of his back, sending him flying against one of the temple walls.

Before she could make use of the opportunity, she had to defend herself against a barrage of blows and attacks from Jolee and Juhani. Both of them were carrying one long and one short lightsaber.

The Cathar's glowing green, that of the old, former Jedi a clear blue.

With the new strength and skill gained through the dark side, Bastila managed to survive the dual assault and was on the verge of starting a counter attack, when she sensed Danger behind herself and somersaulted to the right, just in time to escape a kick to the head by Revan.

Now the three ganged up on her, and three Jedis wielding six blades, were pressing her hard, even with her raised power levels.

Especially, she had to admit, when one of the opponents was as skilled as Revan. Judging from the effort it took to catch his attacks, given time he could probably overpower her alone.

Gathering dark force energy, she unleashed crackling, white energy bands, into her enemies' bodies, effectively paralyzing them.

She followed it with a strong force push that shoved them back a few meters and sent them down on the floor, hard.

„You are stronger than I would have thought possible, after what the Jedi Council did to you. It seems that Malak was wrong - the power of the dark side is not lost to you after all, Revan."

Derek wasn't so sure of his legs, after he'd just gotten on his feet. But he was sure of his answer

„I draw my power from the light now, Bastila."

Her lips curled in an ugly sneer at his reply. But what he sent her through their force bond moved her more than his spoken words did.

"I'm not Revan anymore, I really never was.

It was the name of the Sith Lord, not of the foolish, brash young knight.

And it isn't my name; I'm Derek Belarion now, the man who loves you.

And even if I had no other reason, just because of this I'd stay Derek Belarion until the day I die."

The first time since Malak had opened her eyes; she felt her resolve falter and had to reign in her weakness concerning him.

„You can deny what you are; Revan, but you are only fooling yourself. I know the truth. I have seen the shadows inside your mind.

Remember: I was there when you nearly died in the trap set up by the Jedi Council. I used the Force to preserve your life, Revan. We are forever linked by my actions on that bridge!"

Again he appealed to the feelings they had for each other.

„We are linked by more than just a bond, Bastila."

And continuing through the selfsame bond:

„That is why I know you will come back to the light, back to me."

„Do not mistake the power of the Force for love, Revan. It does not exist. Power is what forged our bond and power is what made us both tools of the Jedi Council!"

The anger she felt for what had been done to him… to them, helped to strengthen her. Surely she could convince him, as well.

„The council tried to exploit the bond between us. They hoped I would draw out your memories to lead them to the Star Forge. We were slaves to their will - like all who follow the Jedi Code.

But in our shared visions of the Star Maps I also felt the so called taint within you. I resisted it at first, but now I embrace the power of the dark side - your dark side"

What he had feared was true, it was entirely his fault, his darkness had destroyed her.

„Learn from my mistakes. It's not too late to come back to the light."

"My fault. My fault! I'm responsible for her fall. I knew it.

As if leaving her at Malak's mercy wasn't enough."

„Mistakes? No, Revan - the only mistake you are making is the one you are making now! You deny yourself the power that is yours by right! Only now do I realize how strong you are.

You deserve to be the true Master of the Sith, not Malak. I see this now. Together we can destroy your old apprentice. Join with me and reclaim your lost identity!"

He searched inside his soul, but her offer held no attraction for him.

„I'm not Revan anymore. I don't even remember those days."

„Your mind was too badly damaged to ever fully restore your memories, Revan. But your power, your strength of will, the essence of who you and what you are: these things still remain!

Once long ago you defied the Jedi Council, freeing yourself from their control.

You claimed your rightful title of Dark Lord of the Sith. Together we can defeat Malak and take back what is yours!"

There had to be a way to reach her. He couldn't give up.

„Please, Bastila... If you feel anything for me, you won't do this!"

„I... I don't. The only Revan I could respect is one who would break free of the Council's slavery. One who would grasp the power that lies before him… not the weak fool I see."

The hesitation and uncertainty in her voice raised his hopes.

And Juhani seemed to have felt it as well, because she added her own plea.

„Bastila, it is not too late for you to be saved. The teachings of the Jedi can lead you from the dark side back into the light and a true understanding of the Force."

The ugly sneer and the arrogance returned to Bastila's face.

„You are beneath my contempt, Juhani. When you felt the power of the dark side you fled to a cave like some covering animal! You know nothing of the Force or its true potential!"

She focused her attention on Derek again.

„But you, Revan - the power of the dark side is yours to command! You can use it to destroy Malak! With my help you could rule over the entire galaxy!"

„I don't want to rule the galaxy. I want you to return to the light."

One more time he tried to sway her through their bond.

„I told you that the Dark Lord Revan is dead´. He's gone for good.

Just come back to me Bas', I sense you are not too far gone.

I need you at my side.

Despite what you may think; you are my strength, without my love for you and the others I might have been turned again."

She could feel the powerful emotions he send her through the bound.

His love for her, his longing to have her with him again.

Forgiveness for the secret she had kept from him and even for what she was doing now.

There was no judgement in him, only understanding.

Luckily Malak had prepared her for this; a command was embedded in her mind to instantly close the link between them, should her dedication waver.

The bond couldn't be severed, but she could block it.

And before she did, she sent him her anger, her hatred; she accused him of not giving in to Karath's demands when the admiral had tortured her.

She knew he would be hurt by this, she had felt his guilt the moment T3-M4 had freed them from the holding cells.

He was just about to give in, when Karath had shocked them all unconscious. His pain didn't matter to him, but he couldn't stand when she was hurt.

That was why one of the last two last thing she send through the link was the pain she'd felt in the week long torture, when Malak had shown her the error of her Jedi life.

Feeling him retreat in horror, his body actually shaking in shock and guilt, she added more fuel to the fire.

„You are a pathetic fool, Revan.

Together we could have defeated Malak and ruled over an Empire, but now I will be at Lord Malak's side instead!

You will be crushed with the Republic and all the fools who bow down to the Jedi Council!

No one can stand against the power of the Star Forge and the Sith fleet!"

Before she totally blocked the connection between them, she shot another hook in his soul.

"Where were you, when my Lord broke me to his will?"

She turned and ran through an open roofed passage to her Ship, with Revan in Pursuit, still reeling from her words.

When she reached the Crescent-shaped, chromed Ship, Malak had equipped her with, she paused for a moment on the boarding ramp.

The fallen Jedi turned around to the advancing Revan, looked into his eyes, stopping him dead in his tracks.

Slowly and seductively she let her hands slide over her breasts and down her body, sending a lustful glare at him.

"I belong to my master now. Body and soul. He possesses what a weakling like you will never get."

She activated the closing mechanism with the force and found it cruelly amusing to watch his shocked and defeated face as the ascending ramp took her from his view.

Coruscant, approximately 30 days after the Star Forge's destruction.

They had left the party some time ago and found the secluded balcony of their room, to have a great view of Coruscant's lights beneath them and the other flying Sky-spires nearby.

They certainly had seen their share of wondrous sights and places during the hunt for the Star Forge, but the planet-wide city still was something to behold.

Bastila sat on the small wall surrounding the balcony's edge.

One leg dangling from it, the other resting along the wall.

Derek stood behind her, looking out in the night sky, holding her right hand, between his own.

They both were dressed in some sort of fantasy uniform, consisting of royal blue pants and Jacket.

They had been forced onto the whole crew of the Ebon Hawk, except for Canderous, who'd explained exactly what he was going to do with anybody trying to make him wear this "fairy" outfit.

The uniform was completed by a wide, black sash, worn around their waists, blue gloves and knee-length black boots.

The gloves had long since found their place tugged into the sash.

Both Bastila and Derek wore their lightsabers, attached to the sash with bands, made of the same fabric.

The atmosphere between the two young Jedis was kind of awkward.

They knew they loved and trusted one another, yet at the same time so much had happened between them, that it was hard to get close to each other again.

"So… did you… what you said, before your ship lifted from the Rakata temple, was it true? "

Bastila's eyes widened in shame, there was no need to question what Derek was talking about.

She forced herself to look into his green eyes. Pleading for his understanding.

"I'm not… You don't have to tell me. It will change nothing between us. I love you, Bas', and I'll always love you no matter what."

She desperately needed to believe him, yet at the same time she actually wanted to tell him, if only because it could perhaps lessen the weights dragging on her soul.

Collecting all her strength and courage, she quietly, sadly began to answer him. In her nervousness she couldn't even manage to talk without stuttering.

"Malak, he t-took me by f-force, when he t-tortured me. I-I was almost unconscious from h-hours o-of p-p-pain. Still tied to a table, unable to move… I h-had no fight left in me."

Her blue-grey eyes filled with tears, no Jedi calmness could help her at this moment. She began to cry, trying to suppress her moans, but failing. Of all she had to endure, nothing, NOTHING had hurt as much as this. The anger and degradation she had felt were impossible to control.

When she'd told Derek that it wasn't Malak's torture that had turned her, but that he had convinced her, it was only partially true.

Even when she had the Dark Lord's Sith apprentice, she'd woken up screaming from dreams where his hands ran over her body.

The pain. The pain when he took her virginity, so brutal that she'd bleed for hours, hanging limp and broken in her chains.

This pain was only surpassed by the sadness that her first time was not with the man she loved.

That she could never give it to him. That something so precious had been ripped off her by brute force.

Derek's left arm embraced her shoulder, hugging her close to him. His right hand never let go of hers and he gently squeezed her fingers in a supportive gesture.

His own voice sounded choked, as he assured her.

"You really don't have to tell me, princess. I don't want you to hurt anymore than you already do."

Or, he asked himself, did he only want to spare himself?

"N-no, I w-want… I n-need to tell you."

She paused for some time, each passing second seemingly increasing the pressure the two Jedis felt.

Finally Bastila regained the courage to continue, with a shaken, unsure voice, filled with hurt.

"After the first time, he did it again and again. He noticed… that it hurt me far more than the rest of the torture.

At first all he wanted was to hurt me, I suppose.

L-later he enjoyed making me react to him, helpless against his administrations; he continued to work on my body until I lost all control.

T-this was worse, much worse than all he did before, except for the first time.

My b-body betrayed me. Succumbing to the pain, to lust. After all he'd already taken from me, he took this as well

When I gave in to the dark side, he insisted on continuing. I couldn't deny him, my body and mind were his playthings. My disgust over my reaction helped him to sink his claws deeper and deeper into me."

She shuddered in his arm. Caught in the shame over the way Malak had managed to play with her body, her lust

A choked sound escaped Derek's lips. His blood rushed to his head, and he heard it whooshing in his ears.

"I want to kill him again!

I wished I'd let him come back more often, so that I could put him down again and again.

Exterminate him, like the rabid vermin that he was!

I never should have left you in his hands."

Bastila felt his rage, but also his effort to get it under control.

Somehow, both seemed to help her, as did his comforting arm around her shoulder.

"We had no choice. There was no other way. With those visions of Revan's life, the revelation you just had, you wouldn't have been able to fight him any longer."

His hand squeezed hers again, almost painfully.

"Don't you see that this is my fault? All of it is my fault.

The darkness in me, made you falter in your conviction.

The pressure I put on you, to abandon the Codex for love.

Your capture, your torture, everything.

He could only turn you, because I failed. Because I weakened you, because I couldn't protect you.

All you suffered, all of it is on my conscience."

Tears still streaming over her cheeks, her blue-grey eyes darkened.

"Don't you dare put all the blame on yourself. I chose to stay on board and cover Carth's and your retreat.

I was tempted by Revan's darkness, while you yourself stayed pure.

If I would have been able to accept my feelings for you, I would have been strengthened by them, like you, not weakened."

He shook his head, unwilling to pass any guilt onto her.

"You saved me. You pulled me back from the abyss, Derek. You refused to let me die and showed me a path to redemption."

She lifted her head off his chest and looked at him again.

"Help me. Help me to fight this as well. Help me deal with it, like you helped me to come back to the light.

Let our love be my anchor."

Looking up in his face, she whispered.

"Give me better memories, to replace the nightmare. I can only live with this, because I've got you."

He studied her beautiful face intently, saw her pain, but he also saw hope. Hope for happiness and peace brought on by their love.

Hope that he would be there to help her repair all that had been broken inside her.

He nodded his head and buried his face in her hair, deeply breathing in, inhaling its scent.

"I will Bas'. I'll do everything I can, to help.

If I can do anything, just ask me and I will."

"For now it would be nice to just sit here, in your arms.

I know that I am safe in your embrace. You will let nothing bad happen to me anymore, right?"

"Nothing! No one will get to you, as long as I live."

She wiped her tears away and smiled at him again.

"You know, Derek? Part of me hates this situation, that I have to depend on you for this. That I'm not strong enough on my own now. The other part just wants to be in your arms and never ever let go again."

"You will be strong enough again. You are still strong. You will get through this and be stronger than before.

Take your time to heal, as long as you need me as a shield, I'll be there.

You were there for me. Helping each other is our strength, not our weakness"

More than an hour had passed; they stood side by side now, still looking down on Coruscant, still hand in hand.

Derek was feeling a little irritated, that they were already talking about quite serious issues again.

After the confirmation of his fears, after seeing his love shaken and hurt, he wanted to think about nothing serious anymore.

All he wanted was to comfort her and to enjoy their closeness.

"Why don't you hate me and the council for what we did?"

That was what she had asked.

For minutes now he struggled to explain himself, but wasn't doing a very good job.

He sighed frustrated.

"Okay, Princess… It's… You have to…

No. No. No! That's not working as well.

See, when Malak triggered my memory fragments and you admitted what the council had done to me and your part in it…

I was furious, but then we had to leave you with Malak and that felt so much worse than anything else.

It pushed the whole mind-erasing and creating a new persona stuff aside. If I had been the one in Malak's hands, that would have taken priority over any anger issues for you, wouldn't it."

She nodded, not certain of her voice and he quietly continued.

"I don't… know really. Sometimes I feel so angry about what was done to me.

But then again, I keep asking myself, would it ever have been possible for Revan the Sith-lord to be who I am now?

Revan couldn't be Carth's friend.

Revan would have killed Mission the first time he grew tired of her brat-ish behaviour."

Bastila giggled softly.

"You're making up words again. Brat-ish? That sounds ridiculous."

Derek couldn't help but smile, when the once so solemn Jedi giggled like a girlie, even if it was just a momentary reprise for her.

"Still, it's true! I would have done terrible, horrible things to all of you,

I'd have twisted you, Juhani and Jolee into my willing Sith-slaves or would just have killed you if you resisted.

And for all of Revan's boasting, about how he would help evrybody, save everybody. I wouldn't have helped anybody, if it wasn't for my own gain."

He struggled with his thoughts, trying to explain himself.

Why was this so hard? Usually he was such a smooth talker, but now… This was personal. And very close to his core.

"I guess that for all his might Revan would never have had as much fun as I did, never found so much joy in life.

I don't remember all that much, but all that was inside him was hate, anger, ambition and greed.

He... I may have had pure intentions at the beginning, but there was nothing left of that.

When he wanted something or someone he just took it, to hell with the consequences or what the…"

He caught himself and averted his eyes, so that he didn't have to face Bastila's beautiful gray-blue orbs. Even accepting who he had been, didn't change the fact, that he felt shame and guilt about Revan's deeds.

"I never asked any of them, what they wanted; I just used them to still my hunger, my lust for a short time. Apprentices, prisoners, whomever I desired had no choice but obey.

That's what I think happened, at least some memory fragments are of that… kind"

He felt Bastila's hands jerk in his, but at least she didn't pull them away from his.

He couldn't bring himself to look in her face, afraid to see the contempt, he felt for his previous self in her eyes.

He sighed and continued.

"I… I'm sorry, Bas'. I feel like I have to tell you this.

You of all people, 'cause I don't want you to feel guilty anymore for what you and the masters did.

Revan was a monster and I'm grateful, that I don't have to be him anymore"

Hesitating, he turned his head to face her again. Her expression was the usual "Jedi Mask," but a solitary tear was running down her left cheek.

He'd made her cry again.

Of course. He'd told her, that his former self basically had done the same to other women that Malak had done to her.

He looked down to the ground once more.

His voice was shaken with emotion as he forced himself to go on.

"Please, don't cry. You don't know how much I regret what Revan… No, what I did. Just please, don't hate me for it. I…"

He was interrupted, when his beautiful Jedi Princess caught him in an embrace, covering his face with quick and sweet kisses, before she finally placed a long, passionate one on his lips.

Derek hesitated only for a second, before he returned the kiss, tasting her sweet lips was pure bliss to him.

Sometimes he felt almost afraid of the power of his love for Bastila.

When she finally broke the kiss, she stayed close and rested her forehead against his.

"Derek, don't be stupid. Of course I'm not happy about what you did to this women or how you used them, but don't you think it would be strange if I hated you for this and not for all the other things your former self did?

Do you think I could ever have been saved through the love of the Sith-Lord? That I would love you, if I wasn't a 100% sure, that none of this darkness remains in you?

Besides, who am I to judge you?"

Now he could hear the guilt in her voice again.

What a pair the two of them were. He was sure, that without their love, the guilt would have eaten them from the inside.

They might have been able to stay away from the darkness, but a joyful existence would have been unattainable.

At least they could deal with their problems together.

His arms gently pulled her to him, until she relaxed and hopefully felt safe and cared for in his embrace.

"Hush Bas', it's not like this. You were in an emotional turmoil when Malak caught you.

You didn't know how to deal with your feelings for me. You felt ashamed, because I'd just found out what had been done to me.

By the force Bas,' he tortured you for a whole week, before you broke.

And the… other thing… I can't even begin to feel how much this hurt you and still does"

She didn't answer him, but he could feel her body relax against him and she rested her head on his shoulder, her silken hair gently trailing over his cheek, almost like a soft caress.

"You saved me. You brought me back and trusted me so much that you wanted me to fight alongside you again. You believed in me.

I don't know wether I could have done this. To put my life into the hands of someone claiming to have returned from the dark side.

You are my strength, Derek. You brought so much joy and fun into my life, even helped me to make peace with my mother."

Her words made his thump like mad. Not just her words, but the loving tone in which she'd said it.

He pulled her even more into his embrace and whispered in her ear.

"You trusted a former Sith Lord with your life many times, princess. Besides, I knew I could trust you. I'd never for one moment believe that you would fall to the dark side completely.

All I want now, is to spend the rest of my life together with you."

He felt it was fruitless to continue with this now.

There'd be time enough to work on getting through their problems together.

Now, just weeks after they had destroyed the Star Forge, was too soon.

Even the journey to Coruscant hadn't been enough to fill their reservoirs again.

The first weeks all four Jedis had spent most of their time sleeping. Resting mind and soul, after dealing with the dark sides pressure all around them for so long.

They all had suffered minor wounds except for Mission; and Carth, Jolee and Derek some not so minor ones.

Jolee had received a few bad cuts and burns, after he had to go head to head with three Siths at once.

Carth had been hit in the shoulder by a blaster bolt from a battle droid; it was quite serious, with burned tissue spread far around the wound.

After they had escaped the Soul Forge and were undergoing a scrutinous clinical check-up on board a republican frigate, it was discovered that Derek had quite serious inner damages, probably from spilled energy, when he had been hit by force lightning, which must have happened some dozen times on board the Soul Forge.

Wrapped in the force as he'd been during that time, he hadn't noticed any of it.

He had been sure that he had been able to divert all of the malign energy.

Jedi healing and healing trance took care of a lot of this damage, but he had been weak like a newborn for the next 7-8 days.

Bastila was beaten and bruised after their duel, but thanks to the Soul Forge energies, her wounds were already mostly healed.

At least her physical wounds.

Up until now, she was still only able to sleep in his arms; even then she'd wake up screaming some nights.

Clutching to him as if for dear life, her eyes wide in terror.

She couldn't go back to sleep for hours, after this.

Her arms and legs wrapped around him, her face buried in his chest and her tears on his naked skin.

He felt her shiver then, and spent the time till morning gently stroking her sweat-damp hair.

Now at least he knew a bit more about the reason why this happened.

And why during all this time he'd never tried more than to kiss and hold her.

"How about we end this trail of conversation? I think that's enough soul searching for today. Don't we have anything better to do? Wasn't there a reason for leaving the others to their party?"

He trailed kisses over her cheek and neck, down to where shoulder and neck met and gently bit into her smooth skin, before he kissed the same place. Then he sucked on her skin and after stopping, softly blew air over the wet spot.

Bastila stiffened for a moment under the teasing sensation, gave a startled, little moan and pressed her body against his.

"See, that's more fun. I don't even know why we started talking about serious stuff.

Must have been your Jedi stiffness oozing out."

She gave him a mock annoyed look.

"There's no such thing as Jedi stiffness. You nerf herder."

"I can't believe you're actually swearing at me. Someone must have a bad influence on you."

"A very bad influence, indeed. He's even a threat to my chastity."

"That sound's interesting. Why don't we explore this further?"

"How would you propose to go about that?"

"By doing this." He whispered.

He blew softly into her ear and felt her shiver in his arms again; he knew quite well how strong she reacted to that.

Then he buried his hands in her dark tresses, starting an attack on her mouth, taking her upper lip between his and sucking softly.

Nibbling equally soft at her lower lip and sealing her mouth with his before he finally let her breathe again.

"And this." His right hand wandered down her body and began to caress her well rounded bottom and thigh.

"And of course this." He breathed before he started kissing her again.

The kisses grew more and more passionate and Bastila opened her lips to give way for his probing tongue to enter and explore, moaning softly into his mouth.

His tongue ravaged her mouth until they were both out of breath.

Her face flushed, her soft hair dishevelled, she looked into his eyes, her own blue-gray orbs clouded by lust.

"I want to be with you, Derek. I want to give myself to you, now."

He watched her with a caring expression on his face.

"Are you sure Bas'? We can wait; I don't want you to be forced into something you are not ready for yet. It's barely been more than four weeks since the Star Forge."

"I want to remember something better. I don't want sex to stay a bad memory. I want you to make love to me and replace the bad memories with something good."

"And you are sure it isn't too soon? We don't need to rush into this."

Her answer came in a voice turned coarse by her arousal.

"I want you. I've waited long enough. As clichéd as it may sound, I want us to become one. I love you."

"If you are sure about this. Your wish is my command, princess."

He effortlessly lifted her body off the ground and carried her in his arms to the bed. His room on board the flying tower was that of a high-ranking republican officer, so the bed was wide enough for the two of them.

Derek's eyes wandered over every inch of Bastila's lithe body. The "uniform" hugging the curve of her hips and the swell of her firm breasts.

Leaning forward to kiss her again, his right started unbuttoning the uniform jacket and instantly continued its work on her shirt.

Then his hand slid into the garments and cupped her left breast over her plain brown bra.

Again Bastila couldn't stop a moan from escaping.

He smiled inwardly, about her strong reaction.

She was still so sweet and innocent, even in the heat of passion it showed clearly.

Whatever Malak did to her, he didn't succeed in taking this away from her.

"Oh, Derek. I… this feels so good. I… Aaahh!" she gasped, reacting to his thumb and index finger pinching her nipple, with his hands now under her bra.

He buried his mouth in her nape again and resumed kissing her there.

"It's nothing like… I've never felt…" She called out.

He backed down for a moment, to get out of his own shirt and jacket, before he quickly unzipped Bastila's pants, pulling them of her in two quick moves. She'd already gotten rid of her jacket and was now only clad in bra and panties and the open white shirt.

When he leaned into her again, her hands wandered over his toned chest and his shoulders down to his back.

"Derek?"

Startled at the disturbance, he gazed in her eyes, questioning.

"I've just noticed, that Jedi stiffness does indeed exist."

Hours later they ran out of energy. Tired, raw and covered in sweat, but totally satisfied.

"You are unbelievable Bas'. This was… more than… it was like nothing else. I'll never forget this night."

She smiled weak and tired, but happy.

"I feel the same way. It was wonderful. Like I…"

"…screamed." He completed her, with a grin.

"Ha ha. But still, it was nothing like…

It was a balm for my soul and body."

He pressed her aforementioned naked body to his and softly kissed her forehead.

"We'll make more of these memories, to replace any bad ones and leftovers from before."

He seemed lost in thoughts for one moment, then he asked.

"Do you remember, the first time I was in your arms?"

Her smile grew wider, her eyes lighting up.

"Well, the first time was when I saved your life after Malak's attack, but I think you mean Tatooine, where a certain scoundrel, was up to no good as usual."

He pouted in mock hurt.

"Why, mylady! I believe you've wronged me. I was all about virtue this day."

A.N. :

Hm... I don't really have much to say. I just hope this is entertaining.

Please be so kind and review. I welcome every review, especially the negative ones. How am I suppossed to get better when no on tells me what I'm doing wrong?

Even flames are okay, I might drive a tank through your living room afterwards, but I'll accept your flaming...

As always. The crappy editing isn't my fault, it's what the fanfiction page turns all my scripts into. I do my best to keep the stories still readable.

This chapter alone took almost an hour to fix, after I loaded it up on the side.

I've so far refrained from reading similar KOTOR stories, because I definitely didn't want to copy anybody else.

There was one great story, I couldn't keep from reading and it was devastating how often it went in the same direction I wanted to go.

I rewrote quite a bit of the first two chapters to change that.

The story is "KOTOR: StarCrossed Lovers" by Angel of Eternity.

And it is fantastic. It basically is a retelling of KOTOR, with emphasis on the budding love between Bastila and Alex/Revan.

It is well written, full of angst and romance, and very entertaining. Oh and it is also LSM Revan/Bastila, so probably not for all you dark side junkies.

Anybody else should definitely read it.