Dean's fingers grip the handle of Ruby's knife, holds it in a white knuckled fist as he carves a single word into a dying tree.
Happiness.
It's his word of the day, sort of like Long Pig, except not nearly as cool. Because Dean doesn't get this concept, doesn't understand its meaning like he does with the words pain and sex and blood. Because Dean is almost sure he's never felt happiness before.
He's probably gotten close before, but he can't ever recall a moment of pure elation. Even with Cassie, when he thought he was in love. Yeah, she shut any and all doors that might have led him to happiness.
So Dean dots the 'I' and pulls the serrated edge of the blade across his palm. He presses his blood to the tree, thinking that maybe this could work. Tells himself that if Happiness won't come to him willingly, then he'll fucking summon the bastard. And he's only a little worried that he's referring to Happiness in the way he refers to Death; like it's a real person just waiting for him to make the first move.
His tongue ties itself around foreign words, spilling Latin from his lips and hope from every muscle that dares to tighten in anticipation. Dean says, please. Says, I fucking deserve this, goddammit.
Show yourself, you dick!
Nothing. The silence that follows his plea is like a child dancing around a flame, wondering how bad it would hurt if it just touched the pretty colors. Dean digs his hand harder into the carving and drops his head in defeat. Please, he whispers, his voice cracking and trembling despite his efforts to keep calm.
The air shifts, a static tightness raises the hairs on the back of Dean's neck. He doesn't look up. Doesn't need to because he's always known who it was before a word was ever spoken. So he simply asks: Why are you here? Don't you think I've suffered enough?
I am not here to judge you, Castiel says.
Dean lifts his head and peers over his bicep at the angel.
Then why are you here, he repeats.
Castiel motions toward the tree where Dean's blood stains the bark and says quietly:
You summoned me.