Don't Forget Me
There's just one thing that I need to say
Before I close my eyes and walk away
There's just one thing that I need to feel
Before I walk away against my will
You remember how she smelled, you noticed it first that night she took you to that museum. It was the lightest scent of perfume, masked by roses and expensive chocolate. You never thought you would love anything so fine, so beautiful, so out of your league. But the way her eyes followed you as you walked towards the bar told you everything. The fact that the woman had chosen you as her date over your brother said enough. It said all you needed to hear at that particular time.
You remember how you convinced yourself it was just business. You screamed it at yourself at the mirror upstairs, when the suit was on and your hair made presentable. The mirror stared back at you and you swore you saw her advancing towards you. Every night you denied your unwelcome feelings. But she was never out of mind, never out of place, just always out of reach. You cherish the memory of holding her and carrying her upstairs, how her body felt like perfection to you.
There's just one thing that I need to hear
Before I walk away for the first time
There's just one thing that I need to see
Before I take this chance and set us free
You remember how scared you felt when she said she saw the ship. Your mind screamed at you to say something to her, to comfort her. But it was always your pride that held you back, it was the possibility of denial even though clearly she often thought of you. She even said once spur of the moment she wanted to sleep with you. But Dean Winchester's too brave and too good to be taken down by the mysterious and gorgeous Bela Talbot. It was doomed right from the start, that's what you say.
What you did was hide everything from Sam, never wanting him to know what she really meant to you. The things you wanted to do to her, the words you wanted to say to her. So you yelled out threats at her, pretended they were words of love to justify them. So you aimed a gun at her, told yourself you would rather turn the gun on yourself then do damage to that perfect body and glowing face.
You remember how it was all like a game of hide and seek.
Don't forget me
Don't regret me
Don't suspect me
Don't neglect me
You think of water as your enemy now. It doesn't cleanse it can take away everything. The way it poured out of her mouth that night, the pleas only inside your head to have her breathe, just please breathe for you. You held her soaking wet body and wanted to cry, and you did shed a tear or two, cause who could tell in the rain? How cold she felt still sends you shivers to this day.
But that doesn't matter cause she survived. And you still never changed.
The memory of this still reminds me of you
The memory of this still reminds me
The memory of this still reminds me of you
And that is where you'll find me
The day you die you think about how you could have done more. And as you look at Ruby, you see Bela, there with you, smiling at you and saying she'll see you in hell. Just like you told her the night she was ripped apart by maybe the same hell hounds you're about to be ripped apart by. Her smile is so inviting, and you fight it, knowing Sammy needs you right now more than anything. But in a lot of ways you don't want to fight it.
She doesn't leave and you say sorry but you're not sure if she can hear you cause it's in your head. And as you're being ripped apart by those hounds you wonder if she went through the same pain. And you know she did. And you scream at yourself for doing nothing, for not being there, for not saying goodbye. Cause as you're breathing your last breath you see her next to you. Her body's ripped to shreds and you can't seem to say sorry enough. You wish you could have went with her, gone to hell with her. But it's too late for that now.
Stars in your eyes
Did you take the time to realize?
The last image you see before the life drains out of your hazel eyes is her. Bela. Beautiful Bela.
Can you count the stars in your eyes?
Did you take the time to realize?
You scream out in vain more than once in hell. Your mouth spits out her name dozens of times and you swear you can see her in the distance. But you know you can't. She's gone. And you realize you'll never get to see her again. What a shame.
As you crawl out of your grave you think of her. You don't know why that's the first thought, it just is. The only solace found in hell was the little chance you would get to see her again. But now that you're out, there is no chance. You think about telling Sam when you find him again, telling him everything. But when you find him you don't. Cause you still have your pride and you notice your brother has changed.
You dream of her constantly, see her at street corners and in parking lots constantly. You dream of things that never happened. Loving her, living with her, having kids with her, sleeping with her. You wake up in the morning with her in your bed and your arm draped over her. And it feels so real but when you wake up again to find Sammy standing over you, you realize it was only a dream. So you lock yourself in the bathroom away from your brother, away from everything. You tell yourself not to cry. You tell yourself never to forget her. Never forget her.
There's just one thing that I need to say
Before I close my eyes and walk away
There's just one thing that I need to hear
Before I walk away against my will
You dream of hunting and coming home to her. The very thought of it makes you smile and want to jump with childish glee. You dream of getting hurt and her patching you up so gently. She tells you she loves you and you tell her the exact same thing. You bring her flowers every Wednesday cause she loves them. You love how she worries about you, when you're shivering and in bed with a fever. And it all feels so real.
Dean! She screams at you as you burst through the door and she helps you over to the bed. You're going to be alright. She assures you as you look up at her. It hurts, Bela. You whimper at her because it really does. You add to that. It hurts so fucking much. She pleads at you to stay awake and you do it for her, because you love her so. She piles blankets on top of your shaking body and you finally drift off, waking up to her several hours later feeling a hell of a lot better. She crawls into bed with you and she holds you, crying and saying that she thought she lost you. You smile and kiss her forehead and tell her you never will.
And it all feels so real. But it's not.
Don't forget me
Don't regret me
The memory of this still reminds me of you
Don't suspect me
The memory of this still reminds me of you
Don't neglect me
The memory of this still reminds me of you
You wake up from that, looking over at the other bed to find Sammy still asleep. You count the days since you got out of hell off in your head, try to count the days since you last saw her, last spoke to her. You can't remember and that hurts so much you can barely breathe. You see her face and it amazes you how you can remember nearly every perfect detail. She's still beautiful even in your memory.
You wake up again, this time next to her.
What did you dream about? She asks you. You reply back. I dreamt I lost you. I had a brother and we were never together. Strange dream. She tells you and kisses you on the lips, smiling and wondering what life would be like without you.
You love her and you think of nothing else but the fact that you'll never forget her. And you tell her. Don't forget me.
The memory of this still reminds me
Stars in your eyes
Did you take the time to realize?
FIN