He thinks I can't do it. I'll show him. I will. Alright Nudge. One bump, A. Two vert, B. Two horiz,C. I can learn. Everything is made of patterns you see, and once I figure them out, it's easy. Everything has patterns, Max, Fang, and most obviously, Iggy. Iggy's entire life revolves around patterns, but I think I'm the only one who notices.
No one else sees how his eyes flick about when he's meeting someone for the first time, like he wants to see, he's just not looking hard enough. When he's done greeting people, he puts his hand through his hair, every time. When he wakes up in the morning, he listens, he stands up, and he ever so slightly brushes against all of us to count. Making sure that everyone of us is there. When we start to go somewhere, his hand reaches up like he wants to grab one of us, and every time he puts it right back down. I take his hand sometimes when he lets me. And for a minute I think both of us can pretend that nothings wrong. That he's not blind, and that neither of us has wings. We just get to hold hands. And that's nice. Two across one down, down is for D.
Of course, after that minute his face always settles, back into the familiar neutral almost-scowl or worse the horribly realistic fake grin. I don't think he knows that I can see it's fake, but it's easy if you pay more than three seconds of attention to him. To be fair, most of us don't have that kind of time, but I always do. Catty corner from the left, E.
I don't think Iggy knows how much he means to me. He doesn't believe anyone is paying attention to him though. But I remember last time Max and Fang left us alone, I was crying. Sobbing really, I couldn't even breathe. And he sat next to me for two hours. I didn't talk. And neither did he. He just sat there with his hand on my head. Two across one on the left, F.
I remember when he went to meet Tess the first time. I helped him get dressed, he was so excited, Max and Fang got dates, so why shouldn't he. And he was right, Iggy deserved them if he wanted them. He let me pick out the clothes for him, after jokingly managing to pick two different patterned cloths. We had fun. But when he came back to Anne's, he was… different. And then it was my turn to sit next to him. But I talked, and talked, and when Anne came and told us to go to bed I kept talking. Because Iggy didn't feel anything. He wasn't attracted to Tess. He just felt tired, and he didn't know how to tell her. He didn't cry. I just sat there with my hand on his head. Until I get tired and he gets up to make tea. All four filled means G.
We fly together, Gazzy flies ahead of me and Fang ahead of Iggy, and we're all free. Except Iggy. Iggy who depends on me. And Fang. And Max. Iggy can't ever be free. If I cut my wings off I could forget. Pretend that none of this ever happened to me. Maybe get adopted, maybe live on my own. But I could pretend, and one day the pretending would stop, and I wouldn't remember. But Iggy. Iggy will always need someone. Even if it's just for a moment. That one single second that Iggy isn't just as strong as the rest of us. We all know a second is the difference between life and death. I will never leave him. Top right gone, H.
They are all my family, but Iggy means more. We are the designated uplifters. We must have a joke, every time. If it's not a joke, it's one of my ramblings that pull everyone out of their heads. It's always us. Max doesn't have time for us to have crises. But that's okay. Iggy and I both have each other. I have to be enough for him. I will be enough for him. Catty corner from the right, I. I. I will. I promise.
I promised him I would help him. I meant it too. So when he wanted to run away, I helped him. We worked hard, carefully getting money together for him to go. And when he asked me and Gazzy to come with him, how could either of us say no? But that took more money. When I tell you we grew up together, I mean me and Gazzy and Iggy. We lived together for 6 years. Iggy even has a job now. He's so amazing at it. He's working with kids at a tutoring station. He went to school for real. We all do now. We found him all kinds of scholarships, he could have been a real teacher. One day. Top left gone, J.
I think that we were never meant to stay together, any of us, ever. Gazzy turned 14. Gazzy wanted Angel. Gazzy went back to the flock. Angel wasn't there. I don't know where she went. I don't know where he went. Fang isn't with Max either. I saw on his blog that he'd split. I guess that makes the girl in the videos Max II. Dylan was on the news a few months ago. He'd wrecked a whole town. I don't know why. Max is alone. I know that. But I can't go back. Iggy couldn't. She doesn't deserve this, but she brought it on herself. I will call her one day, find her when I'm older. I will hopefully bring my family. My nice normal family. Iggy went out to fly sometimes. I had to stay home. Top and very bottom left, K.
Freshman year of college was good for them. Thankfully. He learned how to read, figured out how to type with almost perfect accuracy. He lets me proofread. Makes me read them aloud, but every time we sit on the couch and he listens to me read, and just sits, with his hand on the back of my head. Comfort. Three on the left, L.
Iggy went on more dates. But everytime he came back, and he sat on the floor, and he wondered why he felt tired, and less happy than he was when the date started. He had a girlfriend for a month once. But he didn't love her. Not in the way he felt like he was supposed to. Iggy thought he was broken. Iggy thought that he was never going to be fixed. Every time I sat next to him on the floor with my hand on the back of his head. Two at the top, one bottom left, M.
I think Iggy is perfect, but I'd give him my eyes if I could. He laughs every time I mention it. He wouldn't wish that on me, but I would find him an eye or two if I could. But I still think he's perfect. High school is hard though. Iggy doesn't need me when he's at home, but he has to stay at home. He gets frustrated. One night he accuses me of being just like Max. In less than two seconds he's apologizing. I am already up the stairs. Two on top, one right, one left, N. N is for Nudge. I am second from the top. I am always right. I am the one who left.
I know Iggy still thinks about Max. He wakes up in the middle of the night, and he comes to my room, and he just stands in the doorway. He thinks I don't know. I will let him think that. Left, right, left, O.
I know that Iggy still thinks about Fang. He will turn to tell Fang jokes sometimes, and turn back when he realizes that we are the only two at the table. I wish I could be that for him too. I am his little sister though, not the equivalent of a twin brother. But I will be what I can be for him. And he loves me for it. Three down, top right, P.
I think Iggy knows I feel guilty. I left Angel behind. Told her she couldn't come with us. And if she had she might have stayed with us for good. She's been missing since just after we left. I think that's Max's newest mission. After Dylan killed Gunther-Hagen, and then himself. He just didn't see a point without Max. He visited me and Ig once. I don't know how he found us, but he promised not to tell Max. As if he had a choice. All four plus bottom left, Q.
In my junior year, Iggy's too, Fang's blog updated for the first time in a year. Max II, or Maya, who knows if they're the same. Max seems important enough to have a million clones. Whoever it was, left him. He still had the other freaky kids. Fang emailed me and Iggy to come join him. Neither of us emailed him back. Fang was just like Max, just a different part of her. I wish I had gone with him. I missed him. But I couldn't fly out to him anyways. Three down, middle right, R. Top right, bottom two left, S.
My name is Nudge, but these days I go by Monique. I am 26 years old. And I spend most of my days crouched next to children, teaching them math concepts I didn't even know existed until I was 13. Elementary schoolers that will never know how privileged some of them are. And there are others, tiny ones who cry in the bathroom because they think someone saw them molting. They don't know that I will always pick their feathers up for them. Top right, middle filled, bottom left, T. Top left bottom filled, U.
When I go home, I'm greeted by my girlfriend and her son Tyler. Tyler reminds me of Iggy, Tyler holds my hand whenever we have to move anywhere. Tyler has known me all his life, but he has never and will never see my face. Chrissie thinks I use him in place of Iggy. But they both love me for it. Chrissie can never know who I was. Tyler already knows how to keep a secret. Every night I read him a story, and we sit on his bed with my hand on the back of his head. I love him too. Left filled, bottom right, V. And W breaks the rule. Sometimes I feel like W. W is all of the right, and nothing but the middle left.
Chrissie, Tyler and I are going to visit Max. She and I have agreed on a plan. Her name is Theresa, and she is most definitely not the bird girl who saved the world, although people say they look alike. When we made the plan we laughed and it was almost like having a sister again. But she went too far just that once, and Iggy and Gazzy and I left. I can't go back to her now. Tyler calls her Max all night. I wish I had not told him that story. Chrissie is giving me the look, but I will avoid that conversation for the rest of my life. Top filled, bottom filled, X. Top filled, bottom filled, middle right Y.
When Tyler is fifteen he will come with me to my family reunion, Chrissie will stay with her husband. But Tyler is half mine. And he will meet Max, and Fang, and Gazzy, and Angel. My family who lived through it all. None of us have seen each other in year. They all watch in disappointment as I drive up. Even Tyler flew. And at the end of the night, Tyler will ride in the car with me to go visit the boy who fell out of the sky. A small grave in the corner of a graveyard, marked for James Griffiths. My very best friend. Tyler and I both know it's not my fault that he's down there. But it feels like it. And I can't change it. Tyler stands beside me and puts his hand on the back of my head. But I will not disappoint him. I will do for Tyler the one thing I never did for Iggy. Top left, middle right, bottom filled. Z.