A/N: I don't know if I like it. Do you?
No Greater Power
"And my stomach is sick
And it's all in my head" (The Killers)
Sirius stared at the ring James thrust at him. He had given it to him last year for his birthday. "I don't understand." Sirius said, although he understood full well.
"What do you think Remus is?" James hissed. "Your play toy? Do you know what would have happened if Snape had opened the door?"
Tears flooded Sirius eyes. He turned his head as James left the room. "Hate me." he whispered. "I hate me more." Hot tears coursed down his cheeks.
He hadn't remembered, hadn't even remembered the 'meeting' he had set up with Severus the week before. He didn't ask others to fight his battles, of course he wouldn't have done that to Remus.
It was a secret. Now, more so than ever, he was fucked.
Sirius wasn't in classes the next day. Only on Remus' request did James look for him on the Map. "Is he here?" Remus asked.
James nodded his head, lying. "Sulking in the library."
"I want to talk to him. Remus said. When James hesitated, Remus drew his own conclusions. "He's not here, is he?"
James shook his head.
Remus nodded. "Of course, of course." But he was asleep in a matter of minutes.
Sirius hated going to Malfoy Manor, hated it narly as much as going home. Yet, he was there more than he was at Grimmauld Place.
LUcius threw him onto the bed, as usuall. Hit him, forced him to his knees. Afterward, Lucius offered Sirius a cigarette, which the boy refused. THAT was a break in routine. "Smoke, Sirius." Lucius said.
"I-I can't." Sirius stammered. "But thank you, Lucius, for the--"
"Why not?" Lucius asked, seeming much more cynical than angry.
"I promised James I'd quit." Sirius lied.
"You and James are no longer a pair." Lucius pointed out, never removing his hand from Sirius' thigh.
"A promise is a promise." Sirius said defensively.
Lucius laughed. "Oh, Sirius, you would have made a terrible Slytherin. No wonder your parents hate you."
"I need to go." the dark-haired boy said. He moved toward the edge of his bed and began to pull his clothes on.
"In a hurry?" Lucius asked, though thoroughly unconcerned.
"I'm not supposed to be here." Sirius said.
"But you are here."
"I'm not supposed to--"
Lucius slapped him. "Shut up, Sirius. Damn, you're a slut. How many other men are waiting up at the school?"
"No one's waiting for me." Sirius protested, a hand on his stinging cheek.
"Liar." Lucius hissed. "Lying slut. James is waiting."
"James hates me." Sirius snapped. Not like he doesn't have the right to. an ugly voice in the back of his head said.
Lucius viciously pinched Sirius' arm and twisted, hard enough to tear skin. There would be a bruise there before Sirius returned to school. "I don't like being lied to, Sirius."
"Leave me alone." Sirius said. "Or I'll tell Cissa."
Lucius snorted, a most un-Lucius like trait. "Narcissa thinks it's a laugh."
Sirius froze. "She knows?"
Lucius shook his head patronizingly. "Knows? Why the hell do you think Bella attacked you last year?"
Sirius' eyes grew dark, his face flared up. "Go to hell." he snarled, shoving at Lucius and tearing out of that room.
Narcissa was waiting outside the door. "Why, Sirius, I know your parents taught you better manners." Bellatrix and Rodulphus were behind her.
Sirius sank to the ground in tears.
James was pissed. He was sure Sirius was hiding out so that when he emerged attention would be on him and Remus would be so concerned he would forget about what had happened during the full moon.
At least, James was pissed until the letter came. Sirius had addressed it to Severus, but the owl brought it into James who tore it open without even glancing at the envelope.
'I'll pay you anything, give you anything, do anything. I need that spell. I can't do dark magic that well. Please, Severus, I'll be in your debt. I beg you. It's the Blesinte spell, right?'
James blanched. 'Blesinte' meant death in Aramaic.
Sirius stumbled into the dorm at three a.m. and tried to make it to his bed, but James stopped him. "Sirius, what the-"
Sirius was bleeding. His lip was split and he knew bruises, as well as a few cigarette burns littered his arms. James couldn't see his torso. "I know you're mad," Sirius began, "but leave me alone tonight, James. You have no idea what the-"
"What's the Blesinte spell?" James asked.
In two seconds, James was pressed against the wall, Sirius feeble hands tight on his shoulders. "What the hell have you been doing? That's none of your business, do you understand? Fuck you!"
He turned to leave, but James caught him in time. "It's dark magic. Is that why you asked Snape for help? Or was it a joke?"
Sirius wanted to cry, but his tears were dry. Finally, he confessed. "I forgot it was a full moon that night. I told him to meet me in the Shrieking Shack. Then, by the time I remembered it was a full moon, I had forgotten about our meeting."
"A meeting that important?" James asked suspiciously.
"I had other things on my mind!" Sirius snapped.
"Such as?" Remus asked, sitting up gingerly and pulling open the drapes around his bed.
Sirius lowered his eyes. "Nothing."
"Bull." Remus said. "I believe your first part whole heartedly, Sirius, but you better finish your train of thought."
"Bite me." Sirius winced as he realized what he had said.
"It's all right, Sirius." Remus reassured him. "I know you didn't mean anything by it. I believe you about forgetting. There's no reason for your biological clock to have to remember the dates of the full moon. But Sirius, I know what the Blesinte spell is."
Sirius paled. "You do?"
"My mother tried it on me. My twin brother was born dead."
James looked thoroughly confused. "But what is--"
Remus shook his head sharply. "There are safer ways."
"Not if my parents find out." Sirius snapped. "If they know, I'm as good as dead, too."
"But, why would they have to know?"
"Don't be so fucking thick, Moony!" Sirius snarled.
Wizarding spells sometimes link to the people they're involved with, which makes it very hard to do spells that affect another, particularly if the other shares a bond with you, like marriage or blood.
Remus' eyes widened considerably. "You can't be serious."
Sirius threw his arms around James and cried into the other boy's shoulder as Remus' hands turned into fists and relaxed, turned into fists and relaxed. Deep breaths.
1...2...3...4...5...6...7...
"I FUCKING HATE HIM!"
"Siri, what's-"
"My dad." Sirius whispered. "My dad. H-He raped me and now I-I'm pregnant." He sobbed harder. "But it doesn't mean it's him. There's Lucius and Rod and--and . . ."
James choked on his own tears as he held his soulmate tightly, believing again in love.
'No greater power than love.' Sirius had once whispered. James prayed to the gods he was right.
"Lookit." James said, laughing. "She thinks her feet are chew toys."
"Babies don't have chew toys, James." Sirius said, rolling his eyes. "That's a dog."
"Well, she's half dog, isn't she?" James asked, picking Alisia Ranae up and balancing her on his hip.
"Quarter." Remus said. "Sirius is a half dog."
James frowned. "I hate arithematic."