Title: Don't Stress, Have a Cookie
Summary: Mmmm Nutter Butters. Daniel was getting that look in his eyes that bordered on insanity. Entertainment and food. Excellent.
A/N: I wrote this during English today while I was supposed to be doing an essay on Life of Pi. This was more fun.
It was a battle, one that he was determined to win, even if it cost him a limb, or his sanity. A sharp pain shot up his arm, but he ignored it, reaching even further into the machine's uncomfortable innards. Sweat beaded on his forehead, and the joints of his knees gave an admonishing creak; he however, was going to hold this position until his goal was reached…
"Jack!" someone shouted, startling him into jerking his arm painfully upwards. "What the hell are you doing?" the voice shouted again, and he knew by the high-pitched indignation that Daniel was standing behind him. He looked up.
"It got stuck!" he replied with dignity, still crouching. He was so close…just an inch more and he'd have it—
Daniel stared at him incredulously, not understanding the importance of his mission, the crucial timing involved, the skill it required. Daniel was so ignorant. His fingers twitched. Yes! Mission successful! He grinned and pulled the Nutter Butter package from the dispenser. "See?" he told his head shaking, eye rolling friend, "I got 'em."
"That's not what I was talking about."
He tilted his head and thought. What was more important than Nutter Butters? He looked around. Right. "The nurse told me to leave."
Daniel did that head thing he does when he doesn't understand. "Told you to leave?"
Sometimes he felt like he had an echo when he was around Daniel Jackson. "Yes." It was just good entertainment to drive Daniel crazy, especially when he was excited.
"Yes? Yes what?"
He sat down on one of those uncomfortable plastic chairs and opened the Nutter Butters slowly, taking out a cookie to examine its perfection closely. Mmmm Nutter Butters. Daniel was getting that look in his eyes that bordered on insanity. Entertainment and food. Excellent.
He took a bite and chewed, savoring the flavor as he swallowed. Looking up at Daniel, he shrugged slightly. "She said I wasn't helping and told me to leave. Kind of forcefully, actually. She said someone would come get me if I was needed, but she might've been lying."
Daniel pinched his nose, and then said slowly, "What did you say?"
One cookie gone, one to go. If only it could last a little longer…"Oh, I dunno," he replied, "I was thinking along the lines of if someones concentrating on pain, you punch them so they forget about it." Daniel's eyebrows were threatening to reach his hairline. "So I kept reminding her of how much worse she's had it. By the way, that theory doesn't work, judging by what she threw at me. Remind me to commend her on her aim later." He rubbed the spot on his arm where the pitcher had hit. Damn good thing his reflexes were still excellent.
"Jack!" It was truly surprising just how high pitched Daniel's voice could get, considering he wasn't an eunuch. "Sam is in there, giving birth, and you were reminding her about how much pain she's been in before? Do you have any brains in there? At all?"
Now that was insulting. But the second Nutter Butter seemed a much better choice of concentration, so he ate that instead of responding. Besides, he planned to go back as soon as the cookies were dispensed with, even if it meant listening to Sam curse him for ever touching her. She'd been awfully cranky lately, and he hoped the hormones would go away soon, and never ever come back. He swallowed, and stood up. "Time to go back and face the wrath of Nurse Jenkins. Hey, you didn't happen to bring your zat, did you?" Daniel's eyes narrowed. "Guess not."
They walked down the bland corridors, watching pregnant women pace and their husbands holding their hand, wincing in pain as the women let them know just how much they were hurting. Teenagers should have to visit a maternity ward, he thought. Definitely a good form of birth control.
Teal'c was standing outside of Sam's room, giving his classic glare to everyone who passed by. Not many people were. "T!" he greeted, smiling broadly, "Say hi to Sam?"
"Men do not witness birth on Chulak."
"Good practice," he muttered, thinking about what awaited him on the other side of the door. He'd never heard Sam say anything dirtier than "Holy Hannah!" before they entered the hospital, but she'd made up for lost time fairly quickly after entering the hospital room.
"So, Teal'c, um, what's that?" Daniel asked, pointing to the gold rod between Teal'c's fingers.
"Samantha Carter and O'Neill asked me to be this child's godfather, Daniel Jackson. I will stand guard at this door to ensure the safety of Samantha Carter and the newborn until I am satisfied my presence is no longer required." Teal'c raised the rod so that Daniel could view it better. "This is a shey'ac rod."
"Protector of children," Daniel translated.
"Yes. It will prevent evil spirits from entering the birthing room."
Jack grinned again. "Thanks, Teal'c. I'm sure Sam will appreciate it once she stops…yelling." A muffled curse reiterated his statement, and he winced. "Guess I better go back in there. Wish me luck."
"Good luck," they both said. Once Jack was inside the room, Daniel started chuckling.
Teal'c raised his eyebrow. "Do you find something amusing, Daniel Jackson?"
"Oh, it's just nice to see Sam ordering Jack around, that's all," grinned Daniel.
A slight smile found its way to Teal'c's mouth. "Indeed."
More cursing from the room, and a loud crashing sound.
Jack emerged from the room, slightly pale and shaken. He looked up at Daniel and Teal'c and shrugged. "Time for more Nutter Butters."
finis