"Let's pretend this apple is Carly Shay." Sam said to me, smiling. She took a knife from the drawer, held it over the apple and then started stabbing it crazily. "Now I won't have to see her mug in college in 2 months."

"Okay, you've been killing me 3 times today. What did I doooo?" Carly whined. Sam squinted at Carly, and without looking, took the knife and stabbed it where Carly's eye would most likely be.

"Freddy." Sam called. I sighed.

"Sam."

"Tell Carly that she should KNOW why I'm pissed. I mean, I have on my special occasion booty shorts!" she yelled. I looked at Carly.

"Sam said -"

"I know! You're really scaring me Sam. And those are serious booty shorts." Carly said, opening her magazine again.

"And the oversized glasses with no lenses!"

"No shit."

"And the polka dot shirt you gave me for my BIRTHDAY!" Sam said, putting emphasize on the birthday!

"Dude."

"AND my strappy heels! I'd never look this girly unless it was a special day!"

"Mmh." Carly wasn't paying attention to Sam anymore. Sam sighed angrily and attempted to walk over to the fridge.

"These. Fucking. He-" her sentence cut short and she went sailing to the floor. Carly started laughing and I went over to help her from the floor.

"NEEH. YOU DON'T HAVE PERMISSION TO LAUGH!" Sam screamed from the floor. I held out a hand she grabbed it and got up after two failed attempts.

"I'm watching you, nerd." Sam said, squinted at me for my unusual kindness. I rolled his eyes. I really just wanted to be near her. She violently ripped the refrigerator open.

"What you got up in this piece, nigga?" she said gangsterly.

"Sam, what'd I tell you about talking like that?" Sam sighed.

"I'm white and can't say things like that." she mocked. Carly nodded and buried her nose in the magazine again. Sam pulled out a jar of pickles and opened them in two seconds.

"Dude. I've been trying to open that for like two weeks." Spencer said, walking in. "Whoa. What's with the sexiness?" he asked, suspicious of Sam's groomed appearance. Sam scoffed and threw a pickle at Carly's head.

"Why don't you ask your SISTER?" she yelled.

"Sam's PMS-ing." Sam's mouth dropped open.

"You do NOT say that Carly Shay! S'not even true!" she screamed. I just sat there, wondering why he hung out with two girls anyway. Well, now he hung out with two girls to see one… his screaming, violent, apparently PMS-ing princess.

"Girls, girls. Please… shut up." Spencer said, snatching a pickle from the jar. Sam squinted at him.

"Leave." she said, hugging the pickles to her chest. "You've forever scarred them with your cruel words." Spencer rolled his eyes.

"Hey guys. You know you have like 3 minutes until the show starts, right?' he asked. I looked at Carly. Carly looked at Sam. Sam looked at me. We all started dashing up the stairs at the same time.

::.Page break, bitches!.::

"HEY iCarly viewers! Sorry about the lateness!" Carly said into the camera.

"Yeah, I think CARLY needs to pay more attention to the time." Sam said, smiling into the camera. Damn, she's just so beautiful. I shook my head behind the camera.

I must have some screws loose or something.

Carly cut her eyes at Sam, annoyed.

"That's was uncalled for."

"Carly, you're getting off-topic!" Sam sing-songed. Carly licked her two front teeth, trying not to press the 3rd button on the left and looking very pissed.

"Anyway! Let's get staaaaaaaarted!" Carly yelled.

30 minutes, 2 cats, 10 sponges, a video of a old lady, random dancing, and a attempted murder towards Carly later, Sam was closing up the show.

"Well, that's all folks! Oh and by the way, maybe you guys remembered but anyway today's…" Carly was finally able to press the button.

"SAM'S 18TH BIRTHDAY, SPECTACULARR!" the speakers around Carly's room blasted. Sam just stood there, shocked, as balloons and confetti rained down. Carly squeezed Sam jumping up and down and screaming.

"Happy Birthday Sam!" Sam was now grinning from ear to ear. I wish she would stop. Her smile confused my emotions. And my emotions were best left un-confused.

"I thought… OHMIGOSH YOU'RE THE BESTEST FRIEND EVVEEERR!" she screamed and jumped on Carly again.

"How else are we going to celebrate you most important birthday?" she yelled back. I turned the camera to myself.

"Please excuse this girl moment.' he said, grinning at the camera. It was hard for me to not watch Sam jump up and down. Oh shit. I did not just think that. Reign in the hormones, Freddy.

"Turn the camera back around Fredork, no one wants to see you." I pointed the camera at Sam, who was sticking out her tongue at me. Just then, Spencer came in, lugging a huge box.

"Uh, you got this package… how much did-"

Sam bit her bottom lip and ripped all the tape off the corners of the box. The sides fell open. Inside was a cake with black frosting and big white polka dots. It was taller than me, and it was three layer, the first layer saying Happy, the second Birthday, and the third Sam!. Carly and Sam's mouth dropped open.

"The hell?" Carly said first. Sam's confusion turned to pure delight. Exactly the reaction I wanted. Jesus, I'm such a creeper.

"OHMYGAAAAAAAWSH! FREEEEEEEEEEEEDY!" she yelped, jumping on me. I really wasn't expecting that, so the camera went flying out of my hands. Carly picked it up and pointing it at me and Sam.

"YOU HAVE NOO IDEA HAVE MUCH I LOVE YOU RIGHT NOW!" she screamed in his ear. I blushed violently.

"Aww, a moment of true love!" Carly said, then turned the camera to the cake. Sam peeled off of me and started screaming at the cake like it was going to eat HER. I took the camera from Carly and pointed it at her.

"That was iCarly! Tune in next week!" she said, waving at the camera. Sam waved also and I cut the camera off.

"And we're clear!" I yelled. Sam let out a huge breath.

"Thank you. Guys. For celebrating my first day as an adult." she said, bowing. "Oh and Carly, sorry for being…"

"Murderous?" she suggested.

"Yeah." Sam said, grinning again. STOP GRINNING YOU BEAUTIFUL ANGEL! GOSH!

"I don't care. Sleepover party!" Carly announced.

"Fuck yeah!" Sam yelled, slapping Carly a high five.