A Shared Secret
I love the holidays. The years spent together with my children, my Carlisle, and the many years that lay ahead filled me with great joy and hope. There was something to be said about immortality, a kind of beauty and certainty in it.
We had decided to visit with the Denali family this year. It had been so long since we last saw them. Like us, they choose to live differently from others of our kind, out of respect for human life. But unlike us, they live in isolation; far from humans in the Alaskan wilderness.
My Carlisle would not be happy to live like that. He takes great pleasure in his work as a doctor, helping humans with their ailments. And as for my children; Alice, Rosalie and Emmett are very much like their father. The only two exceptions are Jasper and Edward. Jasper is haunted by his thirst more than any of us. His gift burdens him with the constant hormonal status of the human teenagers. But Edward, my precious Edward, his suffering is the hardest to bear. His gift gives him no rest from constant mental noise and his loneliness has caused him to withdraw from us. He has no outlet, no comfort, no one to share his beautiful soul with.
It pains me to watch him float through this life, not really living it. He has convinced himself that he prefers solitude, not fully understanding what he is missing. In a cruel way, this is the best of two evils; to not have loved. For if he had loved and lost, I fear to imagine how he would have fared.
Even now, amongst family and friends, he has disappeared from the Denali house to hunt by himself. I offered to accompany him but he declined, as he did with his brothers and sisters. A big part of me is afraid that he might chose to leave us again. Those years were very hard on Carlisle and I. From the moment I opened my eyes to this life, he was my son. Carlisle thinks all the love I had for my lost human baby carried into this life and immediately claimed Edward for me. There may be some truth to that, for though I mourn my human boy, I rejoice in the son I have now more.
My beautiful Edward. He became happier when Emmett joined the family and even more alive with Alice and Jasper joining us a few decades back. They were new, interesting and his joined giftedness with Alice gave him a true sister.
"A penny for your thoughts,"
Ah, Carmen. My good friend indeed.
"Just lost in thought" I replied with a warm smile, turning to look out the window again.
"You have been since Edward ran from Tanya over an hour ago."
There was a hint of humour in her voice.
"Yes, I watched him run until he disappeared. Tanya does overwhelm him." I agreed.
Honestly, it is scandalous how Tanya makes Edward uncomfortable whenever we visit. Even though I had, at some point, admitted that her company may be better for Edward than his withdrawal; she made it hard to act in support of that thought. Her sisters have given up chasing Edward a long time ago, accepting his refusal.
"Everyone wants to go hunt, will you join us?" Carmen asked.
I sensed some hesitancy in her request and saw it in her eyes before I declined, choosing instead to wait for Edward to return.
"I shall stay too then. Let's give Eleazar and Carlisle some time to themselves." She immediately offered.
It was clear this was what she hoped for. After a brief goodbye to the hunting group, my thoughts returned to Edward. I imagined he was now satiated and simply wondering around the forest.
"You worry for him," Carmen stated. "I can see the same in all of your family's eyes, especially Carlisle."
I hummed my response in agreement. My thoughts shifted to Rosalie. She must be extremely put out if we are this obvious to the Denali's. Rosalie hated showing any weaknesses in herself, and in us as a family unit.
"Doesn't it make you wish you had the power to just pick a girl for him and arrange the pairing? Like humans do."
She asked. Yes, it did. But Carlisle had tried that and it turned out badly. Had it not been for Emmett, Rosalie would have been a most unbearable thorn in our family. I exhaled nervously at the thought.
"Carlisle has tried." I replied. She smiled sadly and nodded.
"His heart was in a good place. I have faith Edward will find a mate, even create one, should he feel so inclined. He knows a lot with the advantage of his gift."
I raised my eyes to search Carmen's face. There was something in the delivery of her statement that intensified the guarded posture she had displayed since coming to talk with me. She had let out whatever made her stay behind with me, away from the hunting party.
"You know how Edward and Rosalie feel about that, much more than the rest of us." I took the bait curiously.
"Yes, yes I do." She shut down then.
I bit my tongue from forcing her to speak what was on her mind. She knew not to insult my family nor our choices and views in my presence. She once described me to be like an overly protective lioness or mother bear; and since my children did not age, I would always be so. She on the other hand, was much younger than Tanya, Irina and Kate. They were more friends than daughters to her. The stifling silence between us dragged until she suddenly snapped her eyes towards me, determination on her face.
"There was such a practise, you know, among our kind. A long time ago." She started, confusing me.
"Those of our kind who were known and feared by the humans they preyed on were often given young maidens to take as a bride. A sacrifice from the humans, so that they may live to see another day and not all perish in one night. This was different from the ones who found their mates in human girls and changed them."
"Such is our history. I don't know if Edward would let himself take a human as a mate, not when she would have to become vampire."
I allowed, still wondering where her words were leading.
"He is truly Carlisle's son." She chuckled, "Trying to be better than his father." I smiled at the sentiment.
"Esme, it is forbidden."
She stated, suddenly serious with her eyes wide and boring into myne. I searched her face and came up short. I didn't understand what she was saying.
"If one is found breeding a vampire mate, they will be killed; together with their human and the intended mate."
"Carmen, you speak as though I underst-"
I cut off without finishing, my brows coming together.
"What do you mean 'breed'?" I asked
"Exactly as I said it. One may not breed a mate for a vampire. The results have often been messy between the coupling – rejected mates, newborns out of control, wars, immortal children made to satisfy the human mate; and everything else you can think of that threatens our secrecy to the human world."
This was news to me. I could only guess that Carlisle didn't know, for I would know. Why was Carmen telling me this?
"Carmen, my family doesn't and wouldn't take from the humans that way."
I was appalled at the implied accusation. I felt insulted.
"No, of course not. Your son has a valuable gift to gather information. He might overhear-"
"Edward would NOT!" I began to seethe.
"No, he wouldn't. Please Esme, calm my friend."
I felt the venom in my mouth boil.
"The Vultori have cleansed our world of the practise." She eyed me cautiously then. "Even so, some things are beyond their grasp."
My eyes narrowed.
"What are you saying to me Carmen?"
I asked. My voice was quiet, calm yet threatening.
"The sisters were talking with Eleazar a few weeks ago. It seems there is a female vampire who still breeds vampire mates. She must be quite careful, and something to behold. She has evaded the Volturi since the time of Sasha Denali. The rumour is that Marcus of the Volturi is searching for her, for her services."
My mouth hung open. Her pause was intentional as she eyed me carefully before she continued.
"Marcus lost his mate during the vampire wars with the Romanian coven. He has since withered inside. I can only assume he feels it is time for him to rejoin the world of the living - so to speak. While most of us can find our mates naturally, Marcus has lost his. It is unheard of for a vampire to become truly mated more than once. This may be a solution for Marcus, if he had a mate made to his liking."
She shrugged as if this was an ordinary conversation.
"Eleazar was shocked when he heard. He suspects that it's a trap to lure her within the Volturi's grasp. His knowledge of the Volturi leads him to suspect that this is Aro's search. What we don't know is whether he genuinely wants a mate for Marcus or trying to find a target that has evaded him for so long."
From what Eleazar and Carlsile have told of the Volturi, I prayed they did not find this woman. At the same time I was impressed with her.
"Why are you telling me this Carmen? I have never heard of this practise or this female vampire before."
I asked.
"Yes," She gave a light smile.
"I'm telling you because Aro may knock at your door asking for Edward and Alice's talents to find his target."
I was immediately on guard and she saw it in my eyes.
"I'm also telling you because I understand a mother's love."
I didn't miss the open ended meaning in that statement.
"Come, let's not talk or think of it any longer, it can only bring us grief."
She dismissed any further discussion on the topic, instead choosing to ask me about our next move. Edward arrived a few short minutes thereafter and came to embrace me warmly before disappearing to his room. Carmen and I shared a warning look, both cautioning each other of our thoughts. It was most difficult to hide anything from Edward and the Denali's were not very practised. I decided right then that we would leave sooner than planned. I would carry the burden of this knowledge, but would not risk exposing him to it.