This is my new KH fic, titled 'Never Ever'. If you want something happy, you're in the way wrong place. I'm going to try to keep this mostly T for once, but it might go up to M. Probably not for once, but you never know. Depression and yaoi. Whether there's a happy ending or not depends on my mood the day I write it. I estimate 10-15 chapters at the most. Enjoy and no flames please!

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I sigh and flop down onto my couch, rubbing my head. Bad, bad day… Sora goes and almost gets himself pounded into a pulp and then being heroic, I get it instead, and way harder.

"Oh look Sora! Your faggy boyfriend came to save you!" Fuu giggles, making Seifer laugh.

"I'm not his boyfriend, you bitch!" Sora spits back, almost glaring at me. I cringe and stalk over to the pair of bullies, growling the whole way. The spit names at me, mut, fag, killer, pretty boy, fuck face, you name it. But nothing stops me. I'd do anything for Sora. He still doesn't know, but I love him.

My fist connects with Seifer's jaw, making him howled like a wounded animal. Fuu goes at me and I block most of her punches and kicks until on hits me right where it hurts. I yelp and fall to my knees, curling myself into a ball. My mind swims in the pain.

"Heh, that's what you get, drag queen. Rai, hold 'im up, he's going to pay for stealing our fun." Someone big hefts me up under my arms pits, putting me in a headlock. My vision swims and I can't think. Shit…

A fist hits my face, then my stomach. They come fast and faster, feet too. I only barely feel them hitting me, but I wince at a few. They're going to leave bruises…

I shake my head sadly. Sora was the first to know I was gay. The first to know I had my eye on someone, a cute guy. Pestered me for hours on night, until I told him it was his brother, Roxas. All he said was 'Oh'. I thought that I'd scared him away or something

And to make matters worse, he's straight. Sure, he made out with Tidus on a dare once, but he acted like a total homophobe afterwards, said he needed a bath and some mouthwash. Not to mention the way he looks at Kairi. You know what they say, eye contact like that warrants sex or murder and I'm doubtful of the latter.

I stand up and stretch, my yawn turning into a whimper as I pull at bruises. Motherfuckers… I'd murder Seifer and his gang if I could. But can't really do that and be able to come home and protect Sora from the next mofo that comes along…

"Riku! Fucking go to bed!" I groan. Mothers are a pain too…

"Yes Mother!" I scream back with mock sugar. I sigh once again and undress. Before I can pull my pjs on, I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror. Gods, I'm a mess of bruises, purple, black, and blue. The purple under my eyes is the worst. I've spent too much time not sleeping. Insomnia sucks…

My eyes drift, as usual, to the bright red marks on my legs, surrounded by lighter pink ones, some of them smooth, some puckered and angry looking. I sigh and pull open a drawer and move some things. A glean of silver similar to my hair smiles up at me. The razor, my best friend, sometimes to cut my hair, sometimes my skin. I pick it up, smiling like I'm with an old friend and a haircut is not what I have in mind tonight.

I'm slow and deliberate, taking my time. I grab a dark towel to catch the crimson liquid, the product of my pain. I sigh in relief, as if my pain had leaked out with the blood. Maybe not, but it made me feel better regardless. I look down at the wounds and I can't help but smile as the continue leaking, but much more slowly now. I grab a well used roll of gauze and wrap it around my thighs tight enough that it hurts a little. Perfect.

"God damn it Riku! At least try to sleep!" I grimace at my mom's voice. She never shuts up…

Doing as she wishes, I pull on the discarded pj pants and crawl under the covers and flip off my lamp. I let my mind wander, wishing for sleep all the while.