I was feeling a bit angsty and decided to make something good out of my bad emotions, please tell me how I did
Disclaimer: I do not own Iron Man: Armored Adventures or any of it's characters...
(Edited 08.04.2015.): Edited format and grammatical errors. This is the first thing I've ever written, two and a half years ago. I hope there are still people out there who enjoy it!
It was strange, that was the only way he could describe it.
Once, it was so simple. Everything and everyone hated him then and in turn, he mirrored those emotions towards them.
He was nothing to the world, he knew. Just one small, insignificant person in the vast society. And he hated that, he hated being accounted as part of society when he hated the mere though of people. People were the ones who were insignificant - they were like ants. Where one goes, the others follow. They copy each other to fit in, to him - they're all the same. Always being, or at least trying to be copies. There were few who did not do so, but they were soon brushed out of society - they weren't strong enough to fight it. He wasn't as brainless as they were. Why account someone as something they're not? He wasn't part of society, it loathed him! If he ever cared about that, he certainly didn't now. No one ever cared about him, save one person who was now long dead because of that love. So why love if no one was there to return that love?
Gene sighed, if only things were that simple now.
But 'if' was inappropriate for using when he was referring to the past, just as 'maybe'. For example: If he wasn't a Khan his life would have never been anything near this; If his mother hadn't died maybe he'd find some sense in the world and If he wasn't abused by Zhang maybe he would have a conscious to make sense of the few emotions he could still feel and maybe wouldn't be so obsessed with the rings.
But there was no point in 'if's and 'maybe's when it was impossible for those words to change what had already happened.
The rings could give you anything you wish for, his mother had told him. And he wished for everything he didn't have. He wished for the power to get his revenge. To be free from a madman only to find another in he himself. But he hadn't realized it at the time. Back then he thought he deserved everything, because it was his heritage. And because, after all he had gone through, he believed it was only fair. He wanted that power because he believed he'd have his peace when the ordeal was done. If you had everything, how could you be unhappy?
But nothing good comes from that much power.
It was the power of having your own choice in life that made you free. And after he was free, Gene wished for more. In reality it was more then he needed, but in his mind it was never enough. And even with that much power, he still felt empty and it was what kept him in constant frustration. He couldn't have what he wanted! He wanted peace, he wanted to be happy like he was when he was a child. He never felt empty then, something always filled that void. And when it was gone - shock took place, then sadness, then confusion and anger and then mourning.
Unfortunately, Gene hadn't yet got to the mourning part. His anger had pushed everything else aside.
He had refused to brake under Zhang's torture, his anger had burned with him throughout all of that time. It was his salvation, it brought him the determination and strength he so desperately needed - but it also brought him hatred. And that hatred was the only thing that kept him from braking. It gave him a goal, a purpose. It was the thing that brought back painful memories and what woke him up at night. It was a beast that needed to be appeased and would stop at nothing.
But the closer he got to his goal, the hungrier the beast got. When it was feed, it demanded more. Growing hungrier with each bite.
He could have chosen to break, he had nothing to lose but his own life. And he didn't think it was that valuable at the time. Zhang had taken his family, his pride, his very sanity! He couldn't think straight then, only the burning hatred and lust for revenge kept his mind from breaking - but they left his heart and body vulnerable. And both were repeatedly broken over the years. So much, it was surprising that they had not turned to dust yet.
The hatred he had been fighting during those days of abuse settled in his mind over time. Whenever he couldn't think, it guided him. It replaced his confidence and reorganized his thoughts as it wished.
And he let it!
Monsters make other, new monsters, don't they?
Just like Zhang had forged him into this and it was fine to Gene. He knew he couldn't change what was already done but he could change what could be. And exactly that was the reason he was so confused now.
He finally made the move he had been waiting so patiently for. The move he planned to make ever since Zhang took the one ring he had all those years ago. But now that he had made that oh so important step, he could help but ponder if his next step was in the right direction...
It was strange, that was the only way he could describe it.
It wasn't simple anymore, now, there were those small flickers and sparks of some forgotten emotion he could never remember no matter how much he had tried then.
'Then' being the key word.
Funny, how we don't see the importance of little things in our lives, or rather, how we don't notice how much those small things mean to us until they're gone. But in the end, it's the person who gave us those small things that we miss the most.
And now, Gene couldn't help but feel those little flickers and sparks grow into a timid flame. But this flame didn't bring a sense warmness like it used to - no, this flame burned like a revengeful blaze. It wasn't hatred, hatred didn't burn with such a warmth. It burned an empty flame, you could get burned by it easily - just like every other flame - but under the energy and power it brought with anger, it couldn't fill that empty void. Simply because it was empty as well. Yet, it still demanded to be fed.
"What goes around, comes around."
And the saying had proven to be true. He had given Zhang the same kindness he had offered Gene and now he would get what he had given.
Revenge and Regret always came as a packet, you couldn't have one without the other.
Revenge was like a blindfold, obscuring the truth out of sight long enough for you to stumble in the dark.
Regret was like the wounds and injuries you'd sustain from the fall, some would heal and others would leave scars as reminders of past mistakes.
It was Redemption though, that cost the highest.
Something you had to work for to get. It was like repairing a broken mirror or a picture you had ripped apart. A mirror only showed what it saw and the picture was just a happy - yet ruined memory. You could put back the pieces, but you could never make them as they were before.
Gene gazed at the lonely picture of his mother, only, it wasn't lonely anymore.
Next to it was a picture that held three smiling faces besides his - Tony's, Pepper's and Rhodes's. Gene scowled at himself, he had begun using Stark's first name too often for his liking. All though many things were not to his liking, especially now. They were enemies now, not schoolmates and pretend-to-be friends!
But it seems to Gene he had worn that mask so often it had fooled even himself.
Second thoughts wasn't something he liked, but his new awakened heart still held that timid flame which shined unsteadily with the same flickers and sparks. Those sparks burned his anger, his hatred and it fought it, kept it at bay. They were powerful enough to fight back but only Gene could decide if they won.
He wasn't sure what he wanted anymore...
He wanted everything, but he realized he actually wanted everyone - or rather for them to respect and fear him. The First Mandarin was a ruler, he should be too...
But now he just wanted someone...
He gazed at the picture again. It was just a piece of paper, a moment in time he couldn't go back to. Yet, it meant the world to him, a world that was now lost to him.
A moment in time, maybe that moment would come again some day.
But this time, he knew he had to earn it.
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