Week of 1337: A Memetastic Introduction to the Interwebz
In a realm far, far, away, actually right in front of you about two feet, where magnificent forces dominate, there has been a battle raging for centuries – a battle unlike any other ever fought before. For this battle, actually a war, is one fought between two groups whose differences are so vast that even the Invisible Pink Unicorn can't fill the schism (but the Flying Spaghetti Monster can with all his Noodly Appendages). What I am speaking of, my friends, is the age-old war of Pro and Noob. Its tale is long, winding, and rich in detail; it is a glorious saga continued for many years. Oh, how you would love to hear of the 1337 pros, the clueless noobs, and the troll-instigated arguments they had! A long, exciting, and actually not that interesting story it is!
This is not that story. Thankfully.
Prepare for your perception of the Interwebz as you know it to turn upside down and inside out as the trio Liu Si-Wei, Tong Cha'hu, and Gao Shuijing take you on an epic journey through reality, fantasy, real fantasy, and fantasy within fantasy (fantasyception! ROFL). And don't forget to bring a towel! No, seriously. You'll need it.
DAY ONE: Ragequit
Last day at the Western Air Temple. Average morning.
Until the attack.
oOo
Everyone had fled; that is, everyone except Zuko. He was too busy battling his sister to care.
Explosion.
oOo
Azula hurtled off the side of the royal airship, spiraling past the temples erected on the underside of the canyon.
Down she plummeted through the hazy clouds to the crevasse below. Moisture clung to her sleek black armor as she passed and the wind, whipping through her hair, provided no substance to slow her descent. Azula could feel the heat of her men's flames; she could hear the explosions of the bombs, and she could smell the exhaust fumes from the monstrous aircraft.
She looked to the temple on the underside of the canyon, the rock flying past her perception at a rapid rate, and her fleet of airships attacking her brother and the Avatar. These were just part of the world. In the end she was just a small part of it.
If she had been sound in mind, she might have briefly admired the grandeur of the rock face before returning to scorn. If she had been sound in mind, she might have attempted to save what was left of her being, if that were worth the effort.
So this was betrayal. So this was the feeling of being abandoned by everyone she had ever cared about. Even her friends. Her brother.
What was the point, anyway?
oOo
"She's not going to make it." Zuko paled, looking in earnest at the body of his younger sister falling to its death. He, along with Aang, Sokka, Toph, and Katara rode Appa in an attempt to flee Azula's unforeseen attack that morning. From the first bomb shell that was hurled into the Western Air Temple, Zuko had known it was a family affair. It was only too true. Azula, usually so cold and calculating, gave off an air of fury and passion he had never seen before. Her gloating had become full-blown arrogance. Her normally sadistic smirk had grown to be a completely insane leer.
The first thing she had said to him obviously displayed her contempt for him. She was about to celebrate being an only child, she proclaimed. Then she dealt the first blow in her duel with Zuko, somersaulting over the railing of the crow's nest.
The fight had ended after their corresponding attacks had clashed and both had fallen off the side of the ship they were on. Appa had caught Zuko soon enough, but Azula had no one to save her. Those on the sky bison looked on as she fell. Zuko could only imagine what she would soon become: a mangled corpse, blood trickling out the corner of her mouth.
Aang yanked Appa's reins with a jerk. "We're gonna go rescue her," he announced. "This is Zuko's little sister we're talking about. Even though he's not saying it, I know he wants us to help her." Aang furled his eyebrows in determination. "For Zuko's sake, guys."
oOo
They were too late.
Actually, there had never been a chance in the first place.
oOo
One last glance.
Azula plunged to her death in the ever-widening depths of hell.
DAY TWO: Derp
In another world, Kya broke under the pressure. In another world, she vanished.
oOo
Your name is Ling. You are from Kyoshi Island.
When she was born, it wasn't anything special. She was an average baby in an average family in a very average village. Her parents named her Kya for her pure blue eyes.
Your husband's name is Hikaru. He's a soldier in the Earth Army.
When Kya was four, she first met the boys who lived on either side of her. Hakoda and Bato were funny, but Hakoda was just a little cuter, always bumbling around like a complete idiot.
As she grew older, Kya – now a tall girl with the prettiest blue eyes in the village – grew to love the two boys as her best friends. They'd drag her along on wild adventures and harebrained schemes. She'd been on lookout more than once in their ridiculous games. Of course, she sat and ate jerky while waiting for them, which made Hakoda loudly profess his deep, undying love for her while Bato tried to clamp a hand over his friend's mouth. Something about being an idiot, he said. Kya snortled and chewed on her meat. Mm, meat.
She married Hakoda when she was sixteen. They'd been together for some time before that, and neither of their families had disapproved. Their courtship had been blissful; Hakoda had desperately tried to pull crazy stunts to impress her, but she'd just smiled and kissed him. He never did learn to keep his mouth shut.
Your first-born child was a son. His name is Souichi, and he strives to be like his father.
Sokka came three years later. He was an adorable little toddler, always precocious, always babbling. Clumsy, too; he crawled into tent poles frequently enough to make Kya's sides hurt from laughter before she gently picked him up. The spitting image of his father, he'd follow Hakoda everywhere, including the bathroom. It was only too cute.
You have a daughter named Koko.
Their daughter Katara was born a year after her brother, in the middle of winter. She was fat, but cute anyway. In a pudgy sort of way. When the little girl turned out to be a Bender, Kya beamed with pride.
She died in a freak canoeing accident five years ago. You couldn't save her.
Kya had no other choice. She'd failed her family, her tribe, all because she couldn't tell a single lie. That Fire Nation man had stood over her, a menacing figure of doom.
So Kya told him. The identity of the last Waterbender in the Southern Water Tribe. Everything.
And now her darling Katara was gone forever.
You came here because it is safe.
Where could she go? Kya couldn't possibly live around those she loved. Not when it was all her fault – not when everyone blamed her for the loss of the last Waterbender.
So she ran.
The Earth King has invited you to Lake Laogai.
I am honored to accept his invitation.
DAY THREE: Trollin'
A BRIEF HISTORY OF THE AIR NOMADS
By Liu Si-Wei
and Tong Cha'hu! :P
No one really knows how the Air Nomads came into existence. Not even they do; the elaborate murals detailing their history are all defaced beyond readability.
Some say they were once warlike, savage people who eventually realized the wrongs of their ways. Others believe they were religiously devout people who eventually renounced killing. At least one person claims the Air Nomads were a race of dumb, incompetent idiots who remained as such throughout their entire history.
Whatever the case may be, everyone agrees on one fact:
The sum of one and two is three. Also, you shouldn't ask the lunatic.
The Air Nomad civilization is a thing of the past, never to be fully restored to its former glory.
Actually, the one person who actually knows won't tell. Even if he would, nobody would be able to understand him through that ridiculous accent of his. Trololol. Kthanksbye. Cha'hu wuz here.
DAY FOUR: Pwnage
"Your days of tyranny are over, Fire Lord Ozai! I'm taking you down!" bellowed Flyer Almighty, bursting into the throne room with a blast of air. The large metal door clattered to the floor.
"Yeah! You're going down!" the swordsman Chattering Oaf crashed in from behind Flyer Almighty. He landed beside him, an accusing finger pointed directly at the monarch. "Cuz we know how to put the hurt in the... in the.. uhh... I got nothing."
"Oh yeah, real smart," snorted Steady Fighter, strutting into the dimly-lit room.
Chattering Oaf gasped. "Are you calling me dumb? But everyone knows I'm the plan guy!"
"Pfft, like they ever work."
"They do!" Chattering Oaf squeaked. Then, lowering his voice, "I mean, they do. I think. But that still doesn't mean you can insult me!"
"You wanna take this outside?" Steady Fighter threatened, kicking up a random pebble.
"Like heck I do! Settle it once and for all!"
The Fire Lord rose. "What the fuWHOA. WAIT. Why is there swirling mist outside the throne room again? Tumbleweed? Seriously? And what is with the depressing western music? Alright, who took my harmonica? This isn't a western, people, move out! (Grumbling cowboys trudge off) Please wait a moment as the horses, cows, and random crew get out of here. It might take a while. Wait. Keep the mist. It's pretty awesome.
Chattering Oaf pushed his sleeve up and pulled put his swords, brandishing one blade in each hand.
Steady Fighter stood at the ready, toes spread wide.
The random mist swirled around them.
Fire Lord Ozai's face looked like this: O.o
A screech and a whoop and they were upon each other. Random stuff flew out of the fray: a chair, a head of cabbage, a BLT, and some other junk I don't care to describe. Who knows where it all came from.
Ironic Optimist, who popped out of nowhere (as always), watched it all while eating popcorn. Or Fire Flakes. Or whatever that stuff is. It looks tasty. She had her fists clenched in anticipation. She looked like this: XD
"Aren't you gonna do anything?" said Flyer Almighty earnestly to Ironic Optimist.
"Being the mature one is tiring. I'm on my break." She shrugged and turned her focus back to the brawl.
Meanwhile, the two lunatics were at it again. "For the Boomerang Gang!" Chattering Oaf charged.
"What gang?" Steady Fighter moved out of Chattering Oaf's path.
"Hey! That hurts!" Chattering Oaf called from the ground.
"Admit it, I'm too awesome for you."
Chattering Oaf charged again. Chattering Oaf did a faceplant. Ironic Optimist munched on some popcorn or fire flakes or whatever she was eating. Chattering Oaf charged again. Chattering Oaf hit his head. Fire Lord Ozai walked out the back door. Chattering Oaf charged yet again. Chattering Oaf ran headfirst into the wall. You'd think he'd learn by now. Seriously, I think he's suffered major brain damage with all the falls he's taken.
"Why are you so mean to me," groaned Chattering Oaf collapsing against the hard red wall.
"Oh? What's that I hear? I'm awesome? Why thank you, Oaf!" Steady Fighter stuck a triumphant
"Why you-"
"ENOUGH!" roared Flyer Almighty. "We're supposed to be fighting the Fire Lord right now and your arguing really isn't helping."
"SHHH!" Ironic Optimist interrupted, arms flailing as she nearly fell over trying to get Flyer Almighty to shut up. Eyebrows scrunched in a serious expression, she shoved another fistful of whatever it was into her mouth and chewed it slowly as she intently watched the battle continue.
"Monkeyfeathers," muttered Flyer Almighty. So he went and sat on Fire Lord Ozai, who miraculously reappeared in the chamber for reasons unexplained.
And that's how Flyer Almighty and his team saved the world.
oOo
"Hey Katara! You wanna hear about my dream last night? It was really awesome and everyone was there and Appa was-"
"That's very nice, Sokka."
The characters are ambiguous for a reason.
Flyer Almighty: Appa, the Aang figure in the group
Chattering Oaf: Momo, the Sokka figure in the group
Steady Fighter: Hawky, the Toph figure in the group
Ironic Optimist: Foofoo Cuddlypoops, the Katara figure in the group. Usually. Just not today.
DAY FIVE: I Can Has BLT?
A NOT-SO-BRIEF HISTORY OF THE FIRE NATION
By Gao Shuijing
The Fire Nation was founded by sages who learned the Ability to Manipulate Fire — 制火術 — from the Sun Warriors, who learned it from the dragons, who learned it from the sun god Agni, who learned it from Chuck Norris. For a time, the Sun Warriors and the Fire Sages lived in harmony, supporting each other in times of need. As the Fire Nation grew larger, however, relations became tense. The legend goes that the first conflict between the nations involved plagiarism of architectural styles.
"You guys copied our buildings," cried the Sun Chief.
"Nu-uh, you guys copied ours," insisted the Head Sage.
"I was first!" said the chief.
"What, is there suddenly copyright on architecture? Because I didn't get the memo," retorted the sage.
"Memos haven't been invented yet, moron!"
"Oh well, I'm totally suing you!"
"Tough luck; courts haven't been invented yet either."
And that's how Equestria was made.
The second conflict was over land. The Fire Nation claimed it for agricultural use, but the Sun Warriors insisted it was their sacred ground and not to be trifled with. The leaders had a slap fight over it. (Note that this ordeal took place two hours after the last argument and the Head Sage was still sore about losing. He so happened to win this one, though, which made the Sun Chief NOT HAPPY. The Sun Chief also happened to be a midget, so the Head Sage, who couldn't resist a good joke, said "Which one are you then?", referring to Snow White, which had just been invented the day before. That's how the slap fight escalated.)
The third conflict (really the most important) was a squabble over a BLT between the Sun Chief and the Head Sage. It's said that they told each other off, had a freestyle contest (for rapping had just been invented then), and dissed each other so badly that they ended up declaring war on each other (war was also a new invention). During this time, the first Fire Lord came into power and led his troops to the Sun City, where the Sun Warriors lived. It was mysteriously abandoned. The Fire Lord decided to have his army occupy the city, but after a week, everyone got bored. Most of the soldiers resorted to eating ramen noodles and drinking bubble tea (for those were the days before pizza and bagels and mustard) and watching shonen anime (for anime had been around for thousands of years, but shonen was still a pretty new concept). The Fire Lord realized how useless his men were and sent them home to watch anime.
The Flying Spaghetti Monster looked down upon the earth where his creations were — hold on, wrong story. Actually, the Sun God, Agni, looked down upon the earth where his subjects were wasting their time watching shonen anime and he frowned. Shonen anime wouldn't do at all. So he disguised himself as a human and introduced an entirely new idea among the soldiers in the Fire Nation: shojo manga. Now manga had been unheard-of in this world of political turmoil and social upheaval. The men called it blasphemy (which seriously offended Agni) and then gave the shojo manga to their daughters, sisters, cousins, and kitties. The girls grew up to be incredibly ditzy later on. This made Agni realize his grave mistake (for mistakes had just been invented, but graves bad been around for a while), so he took back the shojo manga and instead bestowed it upon the Sun Warriors (they were still hiding from the Fire Nation attack, for running and hiding had been practiced since the beginning of time. In fact, running and hiding were the second and third things ever invented, right after the first word, "arrgh."). The Sun Warriors became addicted to shojo manga so they remained holed up in their little city reading it for the next couple of centuries while everyone else carried on with their lives.
Meanwhile, the Fire Nation discovered real books like The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Sorry, wrong story again. I meant Harry Potter and Twilight and Dune and Winnie-the-Pooh and all that stuff. However, Agni was very disappointed in them for preferring books with actual words over shojo manga. He complained like a child for a while until he got bored and started reading The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, which was by far the best (and only) book he had ever read, so Agni quit whining for a spell, for which everyone was relieved (for relief had also just been invented).
In the Fire Nation, spices were invented after some kid put a random plant in his mouth. Frankly, that was a pretty stupid thing to do (pepper may have been discovered just then, but stupid things had existed for a few millennia already). The discovery was still a pretty big thing; at any rate, it changed Fire Nation cooking forever. Not that it mattered much when there was someone inventing tanks and trebuchets and steampunk stuff like that (for steampunk had existed for a few years prior).
Anyway, once Agni had finished reading, he went back to being disappointed in the people of the Fire Nation, this time for being flat-out lazy. For while he had been sitting in his room in the Spirit World, they had become ridiculous pansies and were being completely outdone by the people of the Earth Kingdom. Agni found this seriously offensive since the Earth Spirit, a badgermole, made it a point to stick its tongue out at the Fire Spirit daily as the Earth Kingdom grew moar powerful while the Fire Nation stuck to watching shonen anime. In exasperation, Agni gave an extremist group (for extremist groups had existed for about a century) the idea to overthrow the government and the means to stage a coup d'etat. The group dethroned the lazy-as-cheese Fire Lord and established a new dynasty. This was the founding of the modern Fire Nation. Not that anyone really cares.
DAY SIX: Friday
The Duke dashed into the tunnel after to catch up with Haru, Teo, and the others, leaving behind the sound of explosions behind. Onwards he ran into the darkness.
They walked in the tunnel with only one torch and Chit Sang's Firebending to light the way as Haru bent the earth in front of them. The group continued, going on and on, away from the fierce battle that was definitely raging from whence they came. Azula and Zuko were probably burning the whole Western Air Temple by now.
Teo and Haru chatted in front of the young boy about stuff he didn't much care for: girls, war efforts, new inventions and bending techniques, stuff like that. The Duke wasn't interested. He was just a kid with a goal, nothing more.
They had walked a little ways when The Duke noticed a strange warmth tingling in the tips of his fingers. It was almost like a soft feather as the heat spread through his whole hand. The sensation curled around his arm, wrapping it in tendrils of soft warmth. The boy dreamily smiled. It was somehow weird and delightful at the same time. It was, admittedly, a wonderful sensation. He felt... good. Soft and warm, like a large barrel of jelly candy. The boy felt like falling asleep...
The Duke's eyelids shot open with a jerk as he realized the warm tentacles were wrapped around his wrists, slowly tightening until he couldn't feel his fingers anymore. They seemed to tug at his limbs as they constricted. Grimacing in pain, The Duke looked around him and saw that none of the others were around him anymore. The torch was lying on the ground, still burning.
Someone screamed.
oOo
Please stop screaming. I'm terribly sorry for pulling your wheelchair so hard. But don't panic; I am simply here to take you away. I am here to take you to the place where all unused characters reside.
Characters? Teo thought. But I'm not a character!
Yes, characters. You do realize you're not a real person, don't you?
Not... real? The place of unused characters? He paled. Will I ever come back?
Some in your group will be released for your two-second cameos in the finale. One of you will never leave alive. Ever.
Teo's eyes widened, and all went black.
oOo
Chit Sang sat up and blinked. Where was he? With only his Firebending to light up the dark, he couldn't see much.
Ah, you're awake. I was hoping I didn't accidentally kill you, the eerie voice echoed.
"Who's there?" the man shouted. "Who are you?"
I am the one who determines all in your world. I remove unnecessary characters from the story. That is my task.
"That can't be right. You're insane! Come here so I can beat some sense into you! You hear me?" Chit Sang cocked a fist.
Good luck with that. I have no body; I am speaking directly to your mind. I am only here to take you away to the place were all unused characters reside. That is all.
"Coward!" he accused, slowly backing up.
I assure you that I am not a coward. Now close your eyes and relax.
"Never!"
My, a stubborn one. I suppose I shall have to dispose of you properly. Goodbye.
"Wha-what NO!"
Chit Sang's heavy body slumped to the cold floor.
oOo
So we meet again, Hakoda of the Water Tribe. Wait, where is that troublesome man?
Hakoda whistled cheerfully as he walked out the back door.
oOo
"I have created a secret weapon for such singular purpose and stealthiness that you will be helpless to its powers. . . MOUSTACHE!"
Haru earthbent an exit and bolted out the tunnel.
It wasn't long before the being seized him. His panicked screams ripped through the open air.
DAY SEVEN: Forever Alone
It's a peaceful day in a small Fire Nation village when half a dozen children gather around an old woman in front of a small shack. "Stories!" one particularly eager child requests. The woman laughs warmly.
"Which one would you like to hear today?" she queries.
"How the Avatar saved the world!" squeals one.
"The story of Fire Lord Zuko!" shouts another.
"Princess Azula's infiltration of Ba Sing Se!" another child suggests.
"Toph and the badgermoles!"
"How Fire Lady Mai took out eight thousand buff Earthbenders by shanking them! It's like, boom, AAH! Dead."
"Wait, I changed my mind. I pick the one about pirates!"
Among these boisterous children stands a smaller one - a girl, about seven years old, who bites her thumb and clings to her brother. She raises a timid hand, and whimpers amid the enthusiastic cries.
"And what would you like, my dear?" asks the old woman, stooping down to the little girl's level.
"I'd like to hear," the girl cautiously mumbles, "something we haven't. Like, um, a story about regular people."
A few other youngsters chime in with "yeah" and "let's do this."
"Alright, a regular story it is then," says the old woman. With a sigh, she begins her tale.
oOo
"Once upon a time, three brothers – Dock, Xu, and Bushi – were born in the small fishing town of Jang Hui. They were from a village much like ours where twins and triplets rarely survived past the first year. No, Zhu, don't eat that bug. As I was saying, back in those times twins were remarkable, and triplets were extraordinary among the peasantry. People said the Painted Lady had blessed their family with three pairs of able hands to support the family.
"Nobody in their village really knew how to react to them so everyone treated Dock, Xu, and Bushi as a set. For the first seven years, they really were one set – the three of them were inseparable, not to mention indistinguishable: they laughed together, cried together, and scraped their knees together (except for Xu, who thought it was a waste of blood and tears). They sold fish together, rowed their dinghy together, and even cleaned their hovel together. By their ninth year, however, they began to separate. The eldest, Xu, was devoted to gaining profit, continually calculating the price of various fish. He spent hours a day scratching figures in the riverbank. Occasionally he helped the shopkeeper in the town, and it was, for him, a pleasant task. The youngest triplet, Bushi, a shy boy who loved nature above all else, converted to vegetarianism and harshly reprimanded his elder brother for taking pleasure in torturing lesser creatures. Being a timid, cautious child, he cared for the river and all its inhabitants with all his nine-year-old heart.
"The middle brother cared for neither nature nor business. He was, by all means, a simple fellow with no real purpose in life but to better the conditions in his village with his own two hands.
"By their seventeenth year, both Xu and Bushi decided to leave Jang Hui to make their fortunes. At least, Xu did; Bushi went to become an environmental activist. That means he talked to people and told them how beautiful nature was. The eldest and the youngest brother both left their tiny village and set out in the world, leaving their middle triplet behind.
"Three years later, Dock received word that his elder brother Xu had gone bankrupt and committed suicide in his despair. The only thing he still had were the clothes on his back and his special cap, which was sent back to his family.
"A month afterwards, Bushi was executed after trying to protest against abuse of Komodo Rhinos. He had apparently freed several of the royal mounts, which amounted to a capital crime. His only possessions consisted of a stick and a straw hat, and those were not even sent home.
"The news hit Dock hard; he plunged into the depths of despair soon afterwards. He barely ate, rarely spoke, and would only come out of his hut to get a little food for himself. It was then that he started talking to unknown beings, asking them for advice. The villagers knew he was less than sane, but for his sake, nobody said anything.
"In the years that followed, Dock, always the unnoticed, boring brother, began to take over the responsibities that would have fallen to his two siblings had they stayed in the village. He used their names in hopes of creating the image of three happy brothers joyfully working their days away. After all, what else could he do?
"Everyone knew Dock was practically insane by the time he was twenty-eight. He honestly believed his brothers were alive and well, and no one cared to tell him otherwise. He never understood anyways.
"Dock lived like that for another fifty years. His grave is marked with all three names."
oOo
The woman watches as the children run off to play. She smiles and closes her weary blue eyes.
"Rest in peace, Dock. Now you can finally join them."
See You Later: Moar of teh Memes Pl0x
Our time together has been very special. You took the time to follow us through this marvelous journey. (If you didn't, then get a life and read.) We sincerely hope you remember this time with us. Farewell, traveler. Raise your thumb to the stars, remember to clean behind your ears, and don't forget your towel. We will sincerely miss you.
See you later, Interwebz. Until next year or something, if Fyre decides to host InspiredByFyre! Week again. So let this be a call for moar IBF so we humble travelers can rejoice. That being said, arr, and avast ye, mateys! Next we set sail across th' Seven Seas in search of booty. Don't forget yer eyepatch n' yer peg leg; ye'll be needin' 'em! N' remember, Internat'nal Talk like a Pirate Day be on th' 19th day o' th' 9th month this year.
(We be leavin' behind ye filthy landlubbers.)
DAY INFINITY: Dilemmatic Forfeit
Sozin's comet flares in the orange-tinted sky.
An Agni Kai for the throne ends abruptly. Foul play.
...
Katara can scarcely breathe in the water as she wraps the chain around Azula's wrists. Soon she will be subdued, thus ensuring the waterbender's victory. Katara needs only to tighten it and all will be finished.
Plink.
The chain slips through her fingers, clatters on the metal grate, and falls into the rushing current below. She doesn't react fast enough to catch the end of it.
And suddenly Katara's ingenious plan shatters. Prospects of victory: Vanquished. Hope: Dispelled. All chance of prevailing in this already unpromising cause: Eliminated.
What to do, what to do? A moment longer and they will die, but releasing her hold is essentially synonymous with losing.
Life.
Victory.
Death.
Defeat.
Choice.
A bolt of electricity through her unguarded throat.
NOTES
Week of 1337 was written for InspiredByFyre Week using both partially finished drafts and new material. Detailed notes follow.
Week of 1337: A Memetastic Introduction to the Interwebz
The introduction was IBF. Fyre mentioned a prologue to her story, which inspired the short introduction. Note the style.
Disclaimer: I neither own nor sponsor the IPU, though I may condone FSMism a little.
1. What if Azula kept falling in 'The Southern Raiders'?
Eh, not really all that great. It was mostly written in June 2011 and finished just prior to IBF week 2011. "Ragequit," titled for a gamer's anger and subsequent exiting a game, originally had a terrible middle section about Zuko and the Gaang, but that cut. The final two lines have always been there, though. The first draft included the first four paragraphs of the third section, a stilted middle passage, and the last two lines. Poetic fourth paragraph of third section was written by Crystal, master of sap, eloquence, and ninjutsu.
2. What if Kya had told Yon Rha that Katara was the Water Bender?
I'm not sure how well I achieved the effect I was hoping to convey. This is a plot bunny that's just dying to get written, but I just don't have the time. Basically, Kya tells Yon Rha that Katara is the Waterbender. Out of guilt, she leaves the Southern Water Tribe and somehow ends up in Ba Sing Se. There, she tries to tell others about the war, which causes her to be taken away and brainwashed by the Dai Li. This oneshot should have been longer, but it was written in a day and I had a deadline. I wanted to gradually reveal the details of her life before finally showing that she's let go of the memories and given in to the brainwashing. Sadly, that didn't turn out so well.
"Derp" refers to an excessively stupid-looking sort of face commonly associated with mental deficiencies. This emphasizes the effect of the brainwashing on Kya.
3. Something about how the Air Nomads started
I technically followed the prompt. It is something. I just trolled, just as the title suggests.
This was written in about twenty minutes with minor revisions later, which made it one of the easiest to write. See note #5 for detailed explanation.
4. What if Momo, Hawky, Foo Foo Cuddlypoops, and Appa all teamed up and stopped Ozai on their own? Call them The Boomerang Gang!
The idea occurred to me in mid-July, when I wrote the first sentence. Coincidentally, Fyre wrote on the same prompt, though hers was better. This was one of the harder ones to write, actually. "Ragequit" and "
5. How the Fire Nation got started
"I Can Has BLT?" is a reference to "I Can Has Cheezburger?" and was by far the easiest to write. Modeled after my imaginary friends' long speeches, the first 850 words were written in one sitting. The next 150 words were written after a pint of ice cream. Note the very distinct style inspired by several of my favorite books. Some were referenced.
I'll try to explain my psychological problems. I'm usually very brief when I write. My imaginary friends Marvin and Crystal2 will ramble on and on. For once I unleashed them upon you with very little editing. It's quite terrifying, I know.
6. Where did that tunnel lead?
Probably the weirdest oneshot, "Friday" broke both the fourth wall and the trope that says breaking the fourth wall has to be humorous. You're welcome, Fyre.
A small note (in ROT13 in order to preserve K+ rating): V'ir frra rabhtu uragnv gb xabj jurer guvf vf tbvat.
7. Why did Dock/Xu/Bushi start pretending he was Dock/Xu/Bushi?
"Forever Alone" was written in late June 2011. I found it, wrote the last half, and posted it. That's about it. Admittedly, it was just as difficult to write as "Ragequit" but it sort of worked.
See You Later: Moar of teh Memes Pl0x
My trolololing comrades stood in the spotlight this year; my seafaring brethren deserve recognition next year. Hopefully.
∞. What if Katara dropped the chains while she and Azula were imprisoned in ice?
"Dilemmatic Forfeit" was written at roughly the same time as "Ragequit." It was much too short to be posted on its own, so I stuck it here as a special feature of sorts. Actually, it was longer to begin with, but I chose to adhere to the more poetic style.
As a last note, if you found the over 9000 references, then good for you.
Alright, I'm out. See you later, space cowboy.