*Here it is! I meant to get this out a few days ago but my kid was admitted to the hospital so I was busy. But now that we are home I had time to get online. So here is the 'missing scene' from The Untitled Rachel Berry Project. This starts as soon as Blaine starts playing "All Of Me". Dialogue for scenes you remember is taken from the subtitles on Hulu. Word count for my untitled fic is up to 70,489. It's friggen long!
Blaine walked to the piano. Playing it always helped him collect his thoughts. He played the first few notes before slowly singing:
What would I do without your smart mouth?
Drawing me in, and you kicking me out
You got my head spinning, no kidding, I can't pin you down
What's going on in that beautiful mind?
I'm on your magical mystery ride
And I'm so dizzy, don't know what hit me, but I'll be alright
Kurt entered Blaine's mind. His heart picked the song while his brain ran on autopilot. What June had said about Kurt holding him back wasn't true. If anything Kurt was the one held back by Blaine. Blaine thought back to a few weeks ago. He broke down in Kurt's arms because he didn't feel like he was enough for him. Now he had lied to Kurt. With his emotions taking hold of him, he kept playing:
My head's underwater but I'm breathing fine
You're crazy and I'm out of my mind
'Cause all of me
Loves all of you
Love your curves and all your edges
All your perfect imperfections
Give your all to me
I'll give my all to you
You're my end and my beginning
Even when I lose I'm winning
Cause I give you all of me
And you give me all of you, oh
Blaine's thoughts wandered through every step in their relationship. From the moment they met till this morning when Blaine kissed Kurt just before he left the loft. He meant what he said when he proposed. He always felt like he was remembering Kurt from somewhere. Like Kurt had always been a part of his life. He loved Kurt with all his heart:
How many times do I have to tell you?
Even when you're crying you're beautiful, too
The world is beating you down, I'm around through every mood
You're my downfall, you're my muse
My worst distraction, my rhythm and blues
I can't stop singing, it's ringing in my head for you
My head's underwater but I'm breathing fine
You're crazy and I'm out of my mind
'Cause all of me
Loves all of you
Love your curves and all your edges
All your perfect imperfections
Kurt and Blaine weren't always perfect. They both screwed up from time to time. Blaine knew that trust was an issue for Kurt. He hadn't meant to lie. He only lied to save Kurt's feelings. Surely that meant something. They loved each other. No matter what. Blaine just had to convince himself that Kurt would be able to get over his deception if it was for a noble cause:
Give your all to me
I'll give my all to you
You're my end and my beginning
Even when I lose I'm winning
'Cause I give you all of me
And you give me all of you
Give me all of you, oh
Kurt peaked around the open door. His smile wide when he saw Blaine stroking the black and white keys. He walked closer to the piano, holding lunch for him and Blaine. Blaine watched as Kurt walked towards him. He tried to keep his emotions hidden but it wasn't easy:
Cards on the table
We're both showing hearts
Risking it all
Though it's hard
'Cause all of me
Loves all of you
Love your curves and all your edges
All your perfect imperfections
Kurt watched with worried eyes as Blaine's voice waivered slightly and his head bowed. This was like a punch in the gut. He felt as if he'd been here before. He's watched Blaine fall apart in front of the piano before. No it couldn't be. They were getting married. Blaine wouldn't cheat again. They had long talks before getting back together and again when Blaine was finally in New York. And yet again when Blaine's insecurities about himself blew up between them. They trusted each other. Blaine loved him. He would never hurt Kurt like that again:
Give your all to me
I'll give my all to you
You're my end and my beginning
Even when I lose I'm winning
'Cause I give you all of me
And you give me all of you
I give you all of me
And you give me all of you, oh
Blaine knew he had to tell Kurt the truth. He just wished there was a better time. Kurt set the lunch bag on the piano and clapped. He tried keeping a brave smile but he just knew that something was coming. The way Blaine wouldn't look directly at him. The way his voice fractured at times during his song. Something was coming and Kurt wouldn't like it.
"Well, I brought you lunch but, it looks like you already had desert." He cocked his head towards the Babycakes that sat on the table, "That was nice are you going to put that in the showcase?" Maybe, just maybe this was a song he was going to preform and everything would be alright.
Blaine couldn't look up at Kurt. He knew this was going to hurt but he didn't know how to stop it, "June doesn't want you in the showcase and she never did." He blurted out.
Kurt's face contorted between emotions. He was mad, upset and betrayed at the same time, "So you've….been lying to me this whole time?" He swallowed the lump in his throat.
"Well I thought I could convince her and then they wouldn't be lies anymore." Blaine looked up at Kurt. His eyes wide with fear of Kurt leaving him, "I love you."
Kurt was mad. No he was pissed, "How am I supposed to believe you love me if I can't even trust you?" He yelled.
"I did it because I love you." Blaine said in a soft voice hoping to calm Kurt down.
Kurt's arm flailed out smacking the lunch bag off the piano, "You lied to me!" Blaine stood from the bench with his hands up. Kurt's outburst had startled him. He wasn't afraid of Kurt but he felt trapped between the piano and bench, "We had long conversations about this!" Kurt exclaimed. Their relationship toed the line of trust many times and many times one of them had fallen over that line. Neither one was innocent. Kurt was off texting another guy because he felt that Blaine wasn't giving him enough time and love. Blaine flat out cheated on Kurt causing their hiatus. Kurt used Blaine at Mr. Schue's wedding. Blaine wanted it too but Kurt knew it meant more to Blaine that it did for Kurt. Blaine had insecurities with himself and chose to keep Kurt in the dark about it until it exploded in their faces. They both screwed up. But this was another lie. Another time Blaine broke Kurt's trust. The fragile bond between them.
"I didn't know what else to do." Blaine said quickly, "I didn't want to hurt your feelings." He hoped the truth would take the sting away, "I…I am…I am so…so sorry." He cried.
Kurt blew a breath out his nose and shook his head, "Yeah. I bet you are." Kurt turned towards the door, "Too bad I can't believe in anything else you say." Kurt cried as he walked out. He needed to get out of the room. The walls were closing in and he felt like he couldn't breathe. Blaine watched stunned as Kurt left. Blaine wiped a tear from his eye. He didn't want the last image of his fiancé to be him walking away in anger. Blaine had to fix this. He didn't know how but somehow it needed fixing.
Blaine grabbed his bag and left the studio. He wasn't sure where he was going but he couldn't stay in that room anymore. He found himself on the subway home. He stayed lost in his thoughts until he heard his stop announced. Blaine didn't pay attention to anyone until he walked in the front door to see Sam and Artie playing video games in the living room.
"Hey Blaine!" Sam said, "Want to play?"
"No." Blaine muttered before attempting to escape to his room, "Kurt call you guys?" He asked before making his way up the stairs.
"No. Why?" Sam asked not turning his attention from the game.
"Everything okay?" Artie asked.
"Yeah…no…I don't know…" Blaine sighed. He started up the stairs once again.
"Hey!" Sam said as he paused the game, "Are you sharing with the rest of us?"
Blaine ran his hand over his face, "I screwed up." His voice trembled.
"So apologize." Artie said.
"Oh!" Sam gasped, "Flowers! Always works when I screw up with Mercedes."
Blaine sat on the steps with his head in his hands, "Yeah well I'm sure you haven't screwed up this bad."
"We can't help unless you tell us what happened." Artie stated.
"Dude. You didn't….like…kiss another guy or something?" Sam asked fearful of the answer. He didn't want to ask but it was a necessary question.
"What?! No! I would never…I didn't." Blaine rolled his eyes, "I lied to him."
"Okay. What about?" Artie turned his chair to better see Blaine.
"You know that showcase I've been talking about?" Blaine watched both boys nod their head, "Well I told Kurt he was going to be in it but June never wanted him in it. I thought I could talk him up enough that she would let him have at least one song. Then it wouldn't be a lie anymore. He's just so excited for it and he was so happy about it. And when she first said she wanted me only Kurt was there and he was so upset and so disappointed and I just couldn't tell him no like that. I couldn't….break his heart like she did. So I said I got him in the showcase with me." Blaine swiped a tear away, "I lied to protect his feelings."
"As noble as that is….trust is an issue with Kurt." Artie tried to pick his words carefully.
"I know." Blaine knew he was the problem. He was the cause of Kurt's trust issues.
"But you lied for good not evil. Doesn't that count?" Sam asked.
Artie shook his head, "It's still a lie. Blaine, have you tried to explain all this to Kurt?"
"I tried but he got mad and walked out. I don't even know…I don't even know if he made it home okay. Ever since…" Blaine trailed off, "He's been really good about sending me a text just to let me know he's home safe. I still worry, I mean I know it's silly but I just…"
"He's probably home safe and just ticked off. Sam, why don't you text him and see where he is just for peace of mind." Artie delegated.
Sam pulled out his phone:
Dude. Blaine is home. He's really upset. He said he's really sorry. Just want to make sure you are home and okay. If you need to talk you can call me.-S
"Okay. Sent." Sam put his phone on the coffee table.
Blaine walked into the living room, "What am I going to do guys?"
"Apologize." Artie rolled back so Blaine could make his way to the couch.
"What if he won't talk to me?" Blaine flopped down on the sofa.
Sam picked up his phone when it buzzed:
Home. Fine. I'm sure he's giving you a sob story. He tell you he lied to me? How can I believe a word out of his mouth if he flat out lies to me!?-K
Sam quickly typed back:
From what I gather he was trying to not hurt your feelings. He meant well. He loves you, ya know.-S
Sam got a reply almost instantly:
I can't believe that if I know he lies. What else has he lied about? I feel like someone told me he cheated on me again or he said he wanted to. Why couldn't he just say this sucks but June doesn't want you in the showcase?-K
Sam typed back:
You'd have been okay not being in it?-S
Sam waited for a few moments with his phone unlocked. After five minutes of no text he assumed Kurt wasn't texting back right now, "He's home and he's fine. Pissed off though."
Blaine took a deep breath, "I knew he was pissed. I've never seen him that angry. Even the time I told him I cheated."
"Flowers." Artie pulled out his laptop, "Colors?"
Blaine chewed on his bottom lip, "Red and yellow roses."
A few clicks later, Blaine was handing Artie his credit card so he could charge it online. It was a small bouquet due to arrive tomorrow. Sam and Artie got Blaine to write the card that was included:
Kurt,
I'm so sorry.
I love you.
Fearlessly and forever.
B
Sam and Artie convinced Blaine to play a game with them while they ordered pizza. They were concerned that if Blaine sulked in his room all night he would just feel worse.
"How could he do this Mercedes?" Kurt stormed around the loft, "How could Blaine lie to me?!"
"Honey. Calm down." She tried to soothe him.
"Calm down? My fiancé is a liar. What else has he lied to me about? I mean….I…I don't want to think about it but what if he's still seeing that Eli C.?"
"Kurt Hummel! If you believe he's seeing someone on the side because he lied to protect your feelings then you don't know him at all!" Mercedes stood up. Blaine was her friend too and she knew for a fact he would never hurt Kurt like that again.
Kurt spun on his heels, "What am I supposed to think? How can I trust him again? How can I be sure that when he says he loves me he really does?" Kurt started to cry.
Mercedes wrapped Kurt in a hug, "Because trust is a choice. He screws up, you screw up. That's what happens in a relationship. You think Sam and I are sunshine and rainbows all the time? We fight too. But every day I choose to trust him. I choose to trust that even though I won't have sex with him that he won't go looking for it in other places. I choose to love him. You have to choose every day that you love Blaine and that you trust him." She said wisely, "If you wake up and you don't love him and you don't trust him that means the relationship is over. And unless you want to be single again, you need to get over it." Mercedes said softly, "Do you love Blaine?"
"Yes." Kurt answered without thinking.
"Do you feel like you have to take that ring off your finger?"
"Never." He answered quickly.
"Then you have to try and let it go. Try and understand it from his point of view. I know how excited you were about the showcase. Everyone did. If you were in his shoes, what would you have done? Would you have lied and tried to get him into your showcase no matter what? Would you have told him that your benefactor thought he wasn't good enough?" Mercedes tugged Kurt to the couch, "He told Sam this and I'll be dead if he finds out I told you or that I knew. June asked him to let you go and play straight. She said he'd go farther that way. He refused going on and on about how much he loves you and he would never jeopardize your relationship. So does that sound like a man who isn't trustworthy?"
"He what?" Kurt gasped, "I…I didn't know that."
"I know you didn't. He didn't tell you because he knew it would hurt your feelings and you would be upset. He didn't tell you because that was his way of protecting you." She reasoned.
"I just want him to be honest with me." Kurt sighed.
"I know. You two have to work on communication because you can get so wrapped up in yourself that you forget other people and Blaine internalizes every little thing so you need to look at stuff from his point of view and see if it's just a mistake or if he meant it because chances are that whatever he lied about was, in his eyes, for a good reason." Kurt slowly nodded his head while his best friend talked. She had a good point.
"I need time to think about it all." Kurt said softly, "Cheesecake and 'Say Yes to the Dress'?" He asked her.
"Sure." The two finished their evening accompanied by Rachel who came home shortly after dinner time. Kurt updated her on the big fight between him and Blaine. Her advice, to think it over for a day or so and then talk to him. But she was pretty sure it was a stupid mistake and not a malicious lie intended to hurt him. Kurt felt his phone buzz a few times. He checked and saw it was Blaine calling. He still couldn't talk to him. He needed time. After a few calls and a few texts Kurt asked Rachel to handle it. She politely told Blaine that his calls weren't welcome right now but she will make sure Kurt is okay and at least let Blaine know that Kurt was alright. Kurt had to drag himself to bed that night. He was exhausted. His emotions rode a roller coaster today. All the kept thinking was about that night at callbacks. His dreams turned into nightmares as he pictured Blaine with another man. Kurt knew he wasn't getting any sleep until he talked to Blaine but it was just too soon.
Outside Mercedes, Sam and Blaine's apartment, a few days later:
Blaine sat on the steps tossing stale bread to the pigeons. He had tried to talk to Kurt. He called him after he stalked out of the studio only to go to voicemail. His texts went unanswered. That night Blaine was getting worried since Kurt was seemingly unavailable. He just wanted to make sure Kurt was alright. Finally he gave up and called Rachel who told him Kurt doesn't want to talk, he's home, he's safe but he doesn't want to discuss anything with Blaine. She promised to at least let Blaine know Kurt made it home until Kurt was ready to have a conversation with him. Even when he was over for the read through of Rachel's script, he had tried to sit next to Kurt on the sofa. All Kurt did was wordlessly point across the room and give Blaine a nasty glare. He did however take it as a positive sign that the red and yellow roses he sent Kurt were on the kitchen table in one of Kurt's vases. Blaine had tried again to call Kurt that night only receiving a text from Rachel telling Blaine that Kurt gave her his phone and she was trying to sleep. Kurt said unless it was an emergency he didn't need his phone for anything. Blaine skipped any classes they had together the last few days. He didn't want to make Kurt uncomfortable at school. He wondered if Kurt was ever going to forgive him. He hurt him so badly. Blaine missed Kurt. He missed his touch, his embrace, his kiss; he missed just being around Kurt. He would never forgive himself if Kurt stayed mad enough to halt the engagement. He barely registered another body beside his until he spoke softly.
"They're full of diseases." Kurt sat with his arms crossed, "Pretty hard to dance at your showcase with bumble foot." Kurt kept his eyes forward not looking at Blaine.
"H…h…humans can't get bumble foot." Blaine caught a quick glance in Kurt's eyes before they both dropped their heads again, "And I don't wanna do the showcase anymore." He whimpered. Kurt took a deep breath. Blaine looked at Kurt, "You are more important to me than anything." He said honestly.
Blaine watched Kurt's body language soften, "What do you think it's like to fly for the first time? I mean here you are up in this nest which is the only home you've ever known and even thought your DNA and millions of years of evolution are telling you that if you jump you won't hit the ground like a stone you can never really know." Blaine looked back and forth between the birds and Kurt in confusion, "Relationships are like that." Blaine looked at Kurt sadly, "You give someone your heart to look after and you tell yourself that you're safe but you never know if today or tomorrow is the day they drop it like a stone."
Blaine let out a soft sob, "Kurt I'm really really really sorry." Blaine kept his eyes on Kurt.
Kurt tilted his head to see Blaine, "I get what happened." He nodded his head slightly, "The way that I was talking about the showcase…there…there's no way I'd have been cool with not being in it." Kurt shrugged his shoulders, "I would have lied to me too." He added softly.
"I don't understand." Blaine said, "If you're not mad at me, then where are you going with all this…flying stuff?" He asked utterly confused.
Kurt inhaled deeply, "Oh no. I-I was mad." Blaine's face fell. Kurt looked from Blaine to the birds. If he wanted to get out what he needed to say he couldn't watch the love of his life look like he was dying, "Then I realized trust is a choice. You know, every day we're going to roll out of bed and send each other into the world just trusting that we have each other's backs." Kurt stared into Blaine's eyes, "And we will slip up and-and we will be scared." He carefully chose his words, "But I choose to trust and to love you through everything." Kurt emphasized his words.
"Thank you." Blaine said. It was the only thing he could muster at the time. He lunged into Kurt's side pulling him close, "Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you." Kurt's left hand softly caressed Blaine's shoulder. He smiled as Blaine mumbled into his neck, "Uh…I love you so much." Blaine pulled back slightly, "I…I mean what I said about the showcase either we fly together or we don't fly at all." He said determined not to do anything without Kurt by his side.
Kurt knew the sentiment behind Blaine's statement but he couldn't let him pull out, "I am very happy for you and I am very excited that the world gets to see you spread your wings." Kurt smiled at Blaine, "Now it's your turn to fly." He felt Blaine's arms tighten around his shoulders.
"Thank you." Blaine softly rubbed his hand up and down Kurt's back. He missed Kurt. He craved his touch, "I don't know if it's all this bird talk but I'm getting a little turned on." He said hoping Kurt would take the hint.
Kurt shook his head carefully, "Let's go inside." He stood up.
Blaine tossed the remaining bread to the birds before catching Kurt's wrist as he made his way up the steps, "Hey hey hey." Kurt turned to look at Blaine, "I'm the luckiest guy in the world." He meant what he said. No one else would ever love Blaine the way Kurt did. Blaine thanked whatever phenomenon happened that kept the two of them together.
Kurt wickedly smiled, "Yeah." He nodded his head, "Pretty much." He pressed a quick kiss to Blaine's lips before they dashed to Blaine's room. Sometime later, wrapped in Kurt's arms. In a post sex haze, Blaine realized how strong and deep their love for one another was. It withstood every test thrown at it and they came out stronger in the end. Blaine wasn't sure what the future held for him or Kurt but he knew that they would take that step together.