Undeniable
DG32173
Sarah: just a story I got from a random thought. I hope you enjoy.
DISCLAIMER
If I owned Vampire Diaries, the sexual tension between Damon and Elena wouldn't have gone unfulfilled for so damn long. As it is, I only own what I write and copies of the books on my Nook that I have yet to read.
WARNINGS
ALTERNATE UNIVERSE! Rated M for my sanity, not that I have any. Alternating Elena and Damon's viewpoints. Starts when Damon asks Elena if he can trust Stefan to help him open the tomb.
SUMMARY
He's a monster. But he's also undeniable. And I can't fight my feelings for him anymore… Damon/Elena
Chapter 1
Dear Diary, I Couldn't Lie
"Can I trust him?" Damon's voice breaks through my thoughts.
I look up and meet his eyes, only to see the complete vulnerability in his beautiful ice blue gaze. I realize with a jolt he's placed his trust in me and I know just how damn hard it is for him to trust someone after all he's gone through. I sigh, knowing that I'm breaking my promise to Stefan. "No," I say softly, meeting his eyes directly. "He doesn't trust you. He wants to find the grimiore first and destroy it. He wouldn't back down until I promised to lie to you."
"Why aren't you?" he asks, cocking his head to the side in inquiry.
"Because I know how hard it is for you to trust someone after all you've been through," I tell him. "But you chose to trust me. I refuse to betray that trust."
I sigh as I think back on this evening, curled up in my window seat with my diary in my lap. I remember the immense gratitude that had shined in his eyes. I put my pen to the blank page before me.
Dear Diary,
I couldn't lie to Damon. Stefan had made me promise to lie to his brother. He wouldn't back down until I made that promise, going so far as to grab my vervaine necklace and half-strangle me in desperation to make me agree. But I couldn't go through with it. Damon had placed his trust in me and I couldn't break that precious gift.
So we came up with a plan for the possibility that Stefan figures out where the grimiore is before he does. I'm not very happy about it, but he assured me that there wouldn't be any serious consequences. He assured me that he wouldn't go through with the threat he will make to Stefan. And I trust him.
I broke up with Stefan when Damon and I got back from Georgia. Things have been tense where the younger Salvatore brother is concerned. Stefan's been trying to make me believe that Damon is the one who can't be trusted. But the brothers' actions have spoken far louder than all the words they have said. Damon's actions have proven to me that he has grown to care about me in some way. While Stefan's actions and his words have more than proven that all he sees me as is a way to one-up his brother. I just wish I had found that picture before I climbed in bed with him. Too late to get my virginity back, though.
I don't know precisely what the problem between the brothers is. But I know that they have been feuding for far too long. From what I can put together by what they both have told me about their human days is that before Katherine showed up in Mystic Falls, they had been the best of friends as well as brothers. I can't stand the thought of siblings letting anyone get between their bond, particularly not when their bond is as strong as Damon's and Stefan's seems to have been before Katherine showed up. But she was a vampire and they were human. I know full well the exotic appeal vampires have on humans. I just wish they would wake up and realize that no one is worth sacrificing their bond for. All they do now is push each other's every button in their quest to be 'the better brother'. And it makes me sick watching them use everything and everyone around them to try to prove their superiority over the other. What's worse is that they use me like that as well.
But I know in my heart that they each must have had countless opportunities over the years to actually kill the other but something stayed their hand each and every time. I think that something is the last remnants of their brotherly bond. They may hate each other with such intensity that I often find my breath knocked from my chest by being able to sense it for all that I'm human. But they can't bring themselves to go through with killing the other in cold blood. So, there's still a shred of hope that something might move them towards building their bond back up. They just need motivation. And Katherine is not it. She's the one who started the whole damn feud in the first place. If it were up to me, I'd leave her to rot in that tomb for the rest of eternity. Or, better yet, I'd open the tomb and burn every single vampire in there to ash, including Katherine.
But I can't do that to Damon. He's still caught under her spell. He's completely obsessed with getting to her and setting her free. I think what's fueling him is obsession rather than love. From what I understand, after his mother died giving birth to Stefan, Damon only had love from his brother, which was stolen from him by Katherine's games. What I think he really wants is to have someone love him for who he is, good, bad, and ugly.
I wish I could tell him that he does have someone who loves him like that. He has me. But I have a feeling he wouldn't accept my love, not right now. Not while he's still caught up in Katherine's spell. He's been fueled by his obsession with her for 145 years. He blindly believes that he's in love with her. But I know the difference between love and obsession. I know it from personal experience. I can see with perfect clarity that he's only obsessed with her. If he had ever truly been in love with her, it faded to obsession long ago. But I don't think that was the case for either brother. I don't think either of them was truly in love with her at any point. The exotic appeal of a vampire is only matched by the sexuality that just oozes off of them. It can wrap you up in a spell and make you think you love them like you have never loved anyone in your life. That happened to me when I laid eyes on Stefan on the first day of school. Add in the infinite abundance of charm and good looks the brothers have, and I was a goner.
But what kicked up between Damon and I wasn't because of his exotic appeal, oozing sexuality, undeniable charm, and devilishly sexy body. They may be bonuses for him, but this bond we share is deeper, stronger, and more substantial than that. He may be the very definition of masculinity, but there's a helluva a lot more to him than just what's on the surface.
He likes giving off the air of a badass who couldn't care less about those around him other than as something to use to amuse himself. But I'm not going to break it to him that he's not like that. Not entirely. He just does that stuff to keep others at arm's reach. But I've seen through the cracks in his badass black armor. I've seen glimpses of the young man hiding behind the vampire.
It's hard as hell to earn his trust because he's had people turn on him so many times over the decades that he's trying very hard to avoid having that happen again. But, for some reason, he chose to place his trust in me. I'd love to know what I did to make him think I deserve such a precious gift. But I refuse to throw it back in his face like Stefan so desperately wants me to do. I consider Damon my closest friend. He knows me even better than Bonnie and Caroline do, and I've known them since we were all in diapers. You don't go stabbing your friends in the back. At least, I don't. It's not something real friends do. So I told him what Stefan wanted me to hide from him.
Stefan has done nothing to deserve having me uphold a promise I make to him. Not to mention that promise was made out of fear and desperation to avoid being compelled. That was just another example of Stefan trying to use me to one-up his brother. I'm not going to give him any mercy for his actions. I gave him my heart and my virginity. He threw those gifts back in my face with his lies and deceit. He even tried to get me to lie for him when he knows how much I hate lies and liars! He knows how much I hate all the lying I've been doing to everyone I know about what's happening in my life! And yet he still grabbed my vervaine necklace and half-strangled me with it in a desperate attempt to get me to lie for him. So not the way to get back in my good graces, Stefan. In fact, I completely lost all respect for him because of that stunt.
When this is all over, I'm going to kick Stefan out of my life completely. And if he doesn't leave willingly, Damon had better hold me back because otherwise he could very well lose the only family he has left because I could very well stake Stefan in the heart out of sheer frustration with him. I just hope that once we open the tomb and free Katherine, Damon wakes up to realize everything that bitch cost him. I'd love to see him ram a stake through her heart. In my opinion, the only good thing she ever did for him was turn him into a vampire, allowing him to live long enough to meet me. And even that isn't enough to redeem her of the hell she turned his life into.
Maybe, if something happens that wakes him up to the bitch she really was, then just maybe he and I can explore this bond we share, find out just how far it goes. I have never felt so connected to someone in my life. I've always known the exact instant he came near because my body would instinctively relax around him. My judgment may be poor, but I know I can trust my instincts beyond the shadow of a doubt.
I still can't get over how terrified I was of losing Damon when Lexi's boyfriend was intent on barbecuing him. 'When it's real, you can't walk away.' Those words were spoken to me by Lexi. But she was referring to my relationship to Stefan. I didn't know then why it put me ill-at-ease to refer to Stefan with those words. But when they fell from my lips when trying to plead for that vampire to spare Damon, I knew in that instant why I never felt right using them in reference to Stefan. What Stefan and I had wasn't real. But what Damon and I have is. I wasn't even thinking coherently when the words fell from my lips in an attempt to save Damon. That signals something pretty significant. It signals that I spoke with my heart rather than my head.
Mom had several different sayings she'd spout in different situations. But her favorite was 'Trust for Trust'. To give your trust to someone, you have to be able to receive it in return. I gave my trust to Stefan more times than I care to count only to have him throw it back in my face with his inability to tell the truth. He can't bring himself to trust anyone around him, not even me, who he claims to love. I don't know the reason for that but I have a feeling it dates back to the day Katherine was taken from him and Damon. The other part of the meaning of 'Trust for Trust' is that for any relationship to be a positive one, both parties must be able to give and receive trust mutually. Stefan can't trust anyone. So any relationship with him is doomed to be a negative one.
I just hope when this all blows over, I'll still have something left to keep me going. I have this feeling that opening the tomb is only going to be the beginning of things to come.
Elena
I sigh, lift my pen from the page, and close my journal. I climb off my window seat and put my pen in the cup on my desk before kneeling down to lift the loose floorboard next to my bed. I carefully set my journal in the cubbyhole I had created here to store things precious to me that would not fit in other hiding spots scattered around my room.
I lower the floorboard back into place. I grab some PJs and underwear from my dresser and head into the bathroom to get changed for bed. When I come back out, I frown to see Damon taking up residence in my bed, one arm tucked behind his head. I'm about to tell him off for keeping his boots on because I had made it a rule between us that if he was to be on my bed, his boots had to be taken off and left on the floor. But I stop myself when I notice that he's not meeting my eyes and he's fiddling with what looks like a black rose.
"Damon?" I ask softly. He meets my eyes immediately. "Are you okay?"
"Fine," he says dismissively, looking down at the rose.
My frown deepens but I don't call him on the lie. "What's with the rose? And why is it black?" I ask instead.
"Actually, it's not black. It's such a deep red that it only appears black," he says. "But this species is called Black Magic due to the illusion of appearing black. It's an exceedingly rare species and only grows under domestication. There are no roses like it in the wild."
"That answers the second question," I tell him. "I'll repeat the first: what's with the rose?"
He hops off my bed and comes toward me. "I got it for you as a 'thank you' for telling me the truth about not being able to trust Stefan," he says, holding it out to me as he meets my eyes.
I take the rose, startled to find he had carefully broken off all the thorns. I lift the blossom to my nose, close my eyes, and inhale the rich fragrance. I open my eyes and smile warmly at Damon. "You gave me your trust," I tell him. "I'm the one who should be thanking you for giving me such a precious gift. But I'll gladly accept the rose. Thank you."
He winks at me. "You know, the Irish used black roses to signify courage in their resistance against the British invasion in the sixteenth century," he tells me conversationally. "There are many other things they are said to represent, but I think courage is probably the best possible meaning behind a black rose. It takes a lot of courage to go so dark in color as to be mistaken for black, considering black is typically used to represent evil."
I smirk. "Then I should be the one giving a black rose to you," I tell him. He arches an eyebrow. "A lot of people mistake you for being black-hearted."
"But I am," he tells me.
I shake my head. "No. You just like to pretend you are," I tell him firmly. "But I know better."
"And you know better how, precisely?" he asks sardonically.
I just smile and press the rose to my nose again. "I've seen flashes of Damon the man peek out from behind Damon the monster," I tell him softly, meeting his startled eyes. "He was there and gone faster than most people would be able to recognize him at all. But I know you're like this rose. You let people think you are darker and more sinister than you really are. Don't worry. I won't tell anyone. But when you're ready to drop the charade, let me know. I'll be waiting. I want to get to know Damon the man. I'm sure he and I will have a lot to talk about. We might even have a lot more in common than he realizes. I think he could become a very good friend to me. I know I'd like to be a very good friend to him. Think on it. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to put this in water."
I leave him standing there staring after me as I head back into the bathroom to fetch a glass vase I keep there. I fill it with tap water and stick my rose in it. I decide that black roses are my new favorite flower. I carry the vase, rose and all, back into my room. Upon returning to my room, I see that Damon had fled in my absence. I had expected as much. He's not one to be comfortable with sentimental or personal stuff. That he had chosen to bring me a flower to show his gratitude for not betraying his trust was a lot more sentimental than he probably felt comfortable with. I'm sure he had rationalized that away somehow. But my confession at seeing the glimpses of the man behind the monster must have downright scared him. That made him realize that he had actually grown rather comfortable around me, which is something he fights very hard to prevent from happening with anyone. Damon has an extreme sense of self-preservation that tells him to keep everyone at arm's reach. He's had so many people in his life turn on him that he has put up these thick, nearly-impenetrable walls around his heart. But something about me has caused him to drop those walls on occasions and only when it's just the two of us. He obviously hadn't realized that he had done so until I pointed it out to him.
I think he's gone to sulk. He would deny it as sulking, but it will be. He's not going to be happy that I have seen glimpses of the man behind the monster. But I hope that I have given him something to cling to in that offering of mutual friendship. I situate the vase just so on my desk, stroke the petals of the rose for good luck, and head to bed.
Damon
I watch Elena through her window as she climbs into her bed and gets comfortable. She had never noticed the crow perched on the tree branch outside her window. I'm just another shadow among the darkness for all her eyes can make out. Giving her the rose to thank her for being honest with me was a huge gamble. Hearing that she has seen my humanity leak through was an enormous shock.
But what puzzles me are her words about wanting to become very good friends with 'the man behind the monster'. Something tells me she had put more meaning behind those words than I picked up. I clack my beak in irritation when I'm unable to puzzle out her words. Then my eyes land on the loose floorboard next to her bed. I had watched as she had hidden her journal under it. That's one hiding spot of hers I haven't yet looked into. I'm pretty sure I've found all her other hiding spots. Unfortunately for me, that floorboard was rather noisy when she lifted it up to get into her cubbyhole. Noisy enough that it would wake her if I tried to slip in to get to her journal.
Even so, there are other things I can do in her room while she's asleep. I glide back through her window and shape-shift back into a man. I ghost my finger down her jawline, my touch so light she wouldn't feel it even if she were awake. More and more often I have found myself toying with the notion of giving up on the tomb and leaving Katherine to rot in favor of making this earthbound angel mine for eternity. And ever since she officially broke things off with my brother, I have noticed that she has developed this tendency to seek out my company at increasingly frequent intervals. And she has been trying desperately to avoid any time alone in Stefan's company. He pretty much had to beg for her to go to the Salvatore estate with him. She only agreed because she was 'tired of seeing a vampire over a century and half in age begging like a toddler would for a treat'. She even mentioned that she was half-afraid that he would start throwing a temper-tantrum if she didn't go with him, just like a toddler being denied a treat. But she warned him that if he tried anything, she would tell me and let me deal with him. I got a kick out of the expression on his face at that threat.
I let my expression soften into a smile when Elena murmurs my name in her sleep. I hesitate just briefly before bending to place the lightest of kisses against her forehead. My first kiss with her, and I know there will be a lot more than just a first kiss with her, will take place when she's awake. Suddenly, as I pull away, she starts to stir. I quickly shape-shift into a crow and flee back to my tree branch.
I watch as she groggily blinks her eyes open. "Damon?" she calls softly, propping herself up on her arm and looking around. I remain as still as only a vampire can be, not even rustling a feather. She frowns and sighs, almost as if in disappointment. "Must have been a dream," she tells herself, making herself comfortable again. "I wish I could remember it. Was probably epic." Having an epic dream about me? Epically terrifying, perhaps. But I know she meant epic in the very good sense of the term. Elena turns to look at the rose I gave her. "Damon said that black roses represent courage," she murmurs, closing her eyes. "Wish I was courageous enough to tell him about my real feelings for him. But he's obsessed with Katherine. He would just put up his walls and shut me out if I told him." She sighs dispiritedly and quickly succumbs to sleep again.
Once I'm sure she's safely asleep, I shift back into a man and frown. What did she mean, her real feelings for me? Friendship is one thing. But her words obviously signal something that's a helluva lot more than simple friendship. I make up my mind to dig out her journal while she's at school tomorrow. She had to have written about these feelings in there. I can't very well confront her about them. She'd get pissed that I was spying on her and quite likely slap me again. That girl has a powerful swing. Even though I'm on human blood, her slaps stung like a bitch each and every time. I can live without another first-hand experience of the fury she can put behind her slaps.
I sigh and shape-shift back into a crow, deciding to keep watch on her through the night. Maybe she'll let something slip out by sleep-talking.