okay, did this a while ago to cure my constant boredom, and it turned out alright. If i can find the other chapters, then I'll upload them as well.
I do not own Hellsing or any of the characters, so leave me alone.
CRASH!!! BANG!!! AND OTHER LOUD NOISES!!! "WALTER! What in the name of God was that?" Integra yelled, losing hold of her cigar, but conveniently landing in the ash tray.
Before he could reply, the door crashed of its hinges, and a bleary eyed Alucard stumbled through.
"Hey there, master! You look so serious today! You too Walter. Calm down a little, besides, I came up with a new nickname for you!"
"Oh, and what's that?" asked the aging butler through gritted teeth.
"Instead of the Angel of Death, you're now the Angel of Dental Floss!" He happily announced, while trying very hard to stay upright.
Integra, trying not to break out into a giggle fit, distracted herself by asking "What, prey tell have you been doing Alucard?"
"Well Miss Nemesis-Face" trying, and failing to: a) keep a strait face, and b) keep his eyes focused. "I got hungry, so I asked the Walty over there for a blood packet, but he said he was busy, so I decided to get my own. So, I went down to the Northern Basement and it was full of large bottles of sweet, sweet red blood. But once I started drinking, I couldn't stop myself from drinking all of it. The end!" he finished with a bigger grin on his face than usual.
"My god… the northern basements the wine cellar." Integra whispered in complete shock. "I didn't thin Alucard could get drunk."
"MASTEEERRR!" yelled Seras from the doorway, not noticing they were missing. "What did you do that for?"
"Do what?" the three other occupants of the room asked.
"THE HELL DO YOU MEAN 'DO WHAT'" she bawled in, for once showing some backbone.
"Please try to calm down ms. police girl and explain what happened." Walter insisted.
Only listening to the second part of what he said, she explained "I get back to my room from the firing range, and it's covered in BLOOD!"
"What was?" the retainer asked.
"EVERYTHING! It was all over the place! The walls, my bed, even in the bathroom and in my underwear draw!" she announced, blushing furiously from embarrassment.
"Come with me Ms. Victoria, I'll see what can be salvaged." Said Walter rather bleakly, leading Seras out into the hall.
"Alucard (who appeared to have been examining Seras chest in a complete daze the whole time) what do you have to say for yourself. Well?" Integra asked, forgetting about the 'miss nemesis face' thing.
"I thought that it would help coax her to drink blood more often." Explained the No-Life King, coming out of his brief trance but still very drunk.
Trying VERY hard not to reach for the silver letter opener, she simply said "Go sober up, and then keep out of the police girls way for a while."
"And her underwear draw too." She added as he was attempting to get up. After the first three failures, he remembered that he could teleport out of the room and did so.
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