Rating: T-ish
Warnings: For the guys' potty mouths. Also vague crack. And English from someone sorely out of practice in it. Urgh.
Word Count: ~3900 (complete)
Pairings: Hakkai/Sanzo, could possibly be seen as Gojyo/Hakkai/Sanzo if you tip your head left and squint really hard. (Oops, I think my pairing's showing.)
Summary: HDM fusion, dæmon!fic. Perhaps Sanzo is good, but he's certainly not nice, and Hakkai can only imagine what form his dæmon takes. Given his personality, maybe she's a hedgehog. With shark teeth.
Disclaimer: I don't hold the copyrights, I didn't create them, and I make no profit from this.
Notes: Ah, the joys of oncoming winter and my sad, weak immune system. On the bright side, cold medicine gives me so many things to write and then the courage to actually post my insane ramblings. I'm so sorry. Consider yourselves casualties in my war against the flu.
(Title stolen from Alone by Edgar Allen Poe, because I have so little imagination it's hilarious. Notes on names/dæmon forms/my ridiculousness at the end.)
When the rest of heaven was blue
(of a demon in my view)
When Hakkai first meets Sanzo, the priest's dæmon is entirely absent.
At first, Hakkai—at that time still Cho Gonou—puts the strange absence down to his own preoccupation: he's in turmoil, he's confused, surely Sanzo's dæmon is simply good at hiding and small enough to fit somewhere in the man's voluminous robes. Maybe she's shy. There are good, solid reasons not to have seen her yet, even well into their journey to Chang-An.
And then Apsara slides up from his sash to curl around his neck, lifts her bright green head to his ear, and whispers, "The priest has no dæmon with him."
That is…surprising. Gonou glances at his companion, who looks entirely hale and healthy rather than haggard and emaciated, as those who have lost their daemons tend to look in the few short days before they die. Sanzo must have a dæmon—there's simply no other option, if he's still living. But dæmons cannot be far from their humans, not for long and not without agonizing pain on both their parts. Sanzo does not look to be in pain, and Gonou counts himself as enough of a healer to notice something like that, even with his current anxiety. And if even temporary separation causes pain, Gonou cannot imagine what prolonged divorce would do to a pair, and he has not seen Sanzo's dæmon in all the time he's known the man.
Gonou is so busy casting careful glances at his companion that he trips over a stone in the road—they're on foot, of course, because Sanzo is clearly used to the ways of a monk even if he smokes like an particularly cranky chimney—and nearly falls flat on his face. Only Goku's quick snatch at the back of his shirt saves him from a very demeaning face-plant in the dirt.
"You okay there?" Goku asks cheerfully, and Gonou has to wonder yet again what such an irrepressible personality is doing so firmly attached to an abrasive, misanthropic person like Sanzo. "Your wounds aren't opening up again, are they?"
"I'm fine," Gonou tells him, reaching up to steady Apsara around his neck. The bamboo viper hisses a bit, making Goku's sparrowhawk shriek in response and take to the air. Goku laughs as she goes, shading his eyes to watch. Gonou watches, too, noticing how she's very careful to stay within range, and then glances at Sanzo once again. The monk is still walking, steady and easy, white robes all but blinding in the sun.
"Don't worry," Goku says suddenly, startling Gonou. He glances back at the…boy? Who is watching him with bright golden eyes, head tipped slightly to one side. "Sanzo's actually a really good person. He just doesn't show it well."
Gonou considers that for a moment, thinks about a sharply-spoken "I'm not doing this for the dead," a chanting voice so fierce and strong that it laid even the most unwilling ghost to rest.
Yes, he thinks. I will believe that.
But what he says is, "Sanzo's dæmon, is—"
Goku lights up, and his dæmon gives a happy squawk as she comes in for a fairly harrowing landing on top of his head. "You mean Shuchi? Oh, you haven't met her yet! She's really nice, just like Sanzo!"
Gonou bites back a wince at that, because perhaps Sanzo is good, but he's certainly not nice, and Gonou can only imagine what form his dæmon takes. Given his personality, maybe she's a hedgehog.
He considers the monk for a moment, eyeing the nearly unnoticeable droop to the sleeve that hides his gun, then factors in the fact that the monk is a truly crack shot and revises his opinion. Unless she's a hedgehog with shark teeth, it's likely she's something a lot more…predatory.
As though reading his thoughts, Sanzo pauses, waits for them to catch up, and then falls into step beside Gonou. Gonou shoots him a wary look, Apsara coiling ever so slightly tighter around his throat, but keeps his peace. Without needing any urging, Goku runs ahead, the sparrowhawk swooping along beside him, and Sanzo waits until he's well out of earshot and almost out of sight before he says, "Goku hasn't picked up on the fact that I'm…different yet."
It does seem rather like the sort of thing that Goku would be oblivious to, Gonou allows with a small smile. He probably asked where Sanzo's demon was, got brushed off with a brusque answer, and accepted that as gospel. "You are different, then?" he asks, since he's surprisingly curious and Sanzo has opened up this line of questioning himself.
Sanzo stares ahead of them, to where the road curves out of sight beyond the trees. "Yes," he says simply. "Shuchi knows her own mind. We work best when she can wander and bring me back news. It's a decision we made a long time ago."
"She wanders?" Gonou demands, forgetting himself for a moment in horror at the thought of being continuously, consciously separated from one's dæmon, and his hand automatically rises to touch Apsara, who presses into it fervently.
A sharp glance out of lavender eyes, and then Sanzo turns back to the road. He doesn't answer, but really, that's answer enough.
Gonou—who will soon be Cho Hakkai, who will soon come to know this strange, prickly, worldly, unearthly monk as well as he knows himself—shares a look with Apsara and shakes his head.
He does not understand, and doubts he ever can.
(Cho Gonou cannot.)
(Cho Hakkai, perhaps, will one day be able to.)
Gojyo is willing to admit that it takes him more than one meeting with the shitty priest to realize that something's amiss.
All right, so that's a bit of an understatement.
The first time they meet, he can put his ignorance down to worry and stress. The second time can be blamed on his sheer relief at seeing Gonou—Hakkai—alive again. And after that they only ever really meet in passing, a few words here and there and a quick nod in between business. However (and Hakkai will never let him live this down, ever), it takes him and Sonam an entire week into their journey west to realize that the prissy bastard doesn't have a dæmon with him. And even then, it's only when they're leaving their campsite, a day after the encounter with the spider yokai tribe. Goku tosses his bag into the jeep, throws himself into his seat, and opens his mouth. Gojyo, already seated on the other side, braces himself for an "I'm hungry" and the start of the morning's first fight.
Instead, what Goku says is, "Sanzo! When're we gonna meet up with Shuchi? Kanshin misses her!" His sparrowhawk dæmon gives an agreeable flutter, clinging to his shoulder.
Sanzo makes a disagreeable noise in the back of his throat and snaps, "Shut up. She'll come back when she's done what I've asked."
It hits Gojyo then, like a brick to the face. He goes still, and from where she's sprawled bonelessly across his lap, Sonam lifts her head, grey-white ears flattening against her skull. The wolf meets Gojyo's eyes, equally alarmed and startled, and then as one they turn to stare at the monk.
Thankfully, Sanzo and Goku are too busy doing their weird pissy-mother/bratty-kid thing for Sanzo to notice, but Hakkai catches Gojyo's eye. The other man looks fairly concerned for a brief instant before it's covered with his usual cheer, but Gojyo notices. It's as much of a "we'll talk later" signal as Hakkai can unobtrusively give in company.
Forcing himself to be content with that, Gojyo blows out a sharp breath and slumps back in his seat, winding one hand in Sonam's thick ruff. The wolf flops across his legs in thoughtless mimicry, but she doesn't protest the clinginess as she normally would.
Just the thought of being so far from his dæmon is sending shivers down Gojyo's spine.
They make it to a town that night, one with a fairly respectable inn and a decent enough bar. Sanzo has holed himself up in his room with his paper and old-man glasses (because Gojyo will forever deny that the monk looks sexy in anything, even half-stripped of his robes and clad in that skintight undershirt, glasses sliding down his nose. No matter how desperate Gojyo gets, or what notions insane romantic notions Hakkai is entertaining), while Goku is terrorizing the kitchens for anything even vaguely edible. Gojyo gets out of the line of fire as quickly as possible, staking out a portion of the bar and checking his surroundings for any women who could possibly fall under the heading of fuckable.
It's not entirely the disappointment it should be that there aren't any.
Resigning himself, Gojyo orders the strongest drink available and doesn't even pretend to be surprised when Hakkai slides into the seat beside him.
They sit in stretching silence for several minutes before Gojyo finally rolls his eyes and drawls, "Yes, Hakkai, I only just realized that His Prissiness doesn't have a dæmon with him. Say it already."
Hakkai simply beams at him in the way that means he's smirking on the inside. "I've never seen his dæmon, either," is all he says, however. "Even when I was staying at the temple with him, she was never there."
"He has one, right?" Gojyo asks, because he has to, even though he can't imagine a living person being otherwise.
It's no comfort at all when Hakkai just shakes his head. "Goku seems to think he does," he offers, though that's not actually that much of a reassurance. Goku's weird about the things he does and doesn't notice. Gojyo generally puts it down to having a monkey-brain and leaves it at that.
"Shuchi," Gojyo muses, dropping a hand onto Sonam's head and ruffling her ears. She mutters at him, but allows it. "'Sun and moon', right? I wonder what she is."
"Another wolf?" Sonam asks quietly, resting her heavy jaw on his leg. She's nearly a hundred pounds even without all the fur of her winter coat, and she knows how to use her weight to get his attention when she wants it.
Gojyo considers that for a moment, but he's always thought the monk was too…feline for a wolf or dog dæmon. He says as much, and Hakkai nods, showing he's put some thought into this as well.
"I had thought a hedgehog," he admits, making Gojyo bark out a sharp laugh. The healer smiles, too, bare and amused, and then adds, "However, after prolonged exposure to Sanzo's temperament, that seems…"
"A bit tame? Yeah." Gojyo snorts and downs his drink, signaling the barkeep for another. "Maybe a cat?"
Apsara slides out of Hakkai's sash in a way that had freaked Gojyo the hell out the first time he'd seen it. Hakkai puts up a hand, allows her to twist around his wrist and through his fingers on her way up to his neck. His face is thoughtful. "Perhaps," he allows. "I could see an alley cat. Though, granted, I could also see him with a cobra."
"Anything venomous," Gojyo agrees wryly. He takes a gulp of his drink and offers, "But something that small getting sent out on—on scouting missions or whatever it is Sanzo asked her to do? Really?"
"An eagle?"
"Too noble. This is Sanzo. Crow?"
"Too dark. For all his faults, Sanzo is…"
"Golden," Gojyo supplies when Hakkai falters. He meets the healer's eyes with a fairly helpless shrug, unable to think of another way to describe their erstwhile leader, because he is. For all his prickly unpleasantness and usually bitchy temper, Sanzo is…a light. There's no other word for it.
After a long moment, Hakkai concedes with a faintly wry tip of his head. He meets Gojyo's eyes with a sort of droll understanding. "Yes," he agrees, and then signals for a drink.
Gojyo knows him well enough by now to recognize when a subject has been firmly and emphatically dropped, and this one just hit the floor like a ton of bricks. He lets it go.
The first time Goku met Shuchi, it was on their way down from the mountaintop. Kanshin had been high above, stretching her wings for the first time in centuries, and Goku could feel it right along with her, the clean air and the verdant forest and all the miles of life around them, just waiting to be explored.
(He's not a fool; he'd noticed early on that Sanzo's dæmon was nowhere to be found, and wondered at it, but he hadn't said anything, because freedom was more than a little overwhelming.)
Then something rustled in the bushes and a shape slid out, gleaming in the sun, and Goku's breath caught in his throat. Sanzo didn't even glance at him, just went down on one knee to greet her with a faint, soft smile. It made him into one of the most beautiful things Goku had ever seen, even more brilliant than the sun above them, and he had to remind himself to breathe.
"Shuchi," Sanzo said softly, and Goku knew then that he'd stay beside this brilliant, thorny man until the end of time, if he was given a choice.
(He'll see to it that he is, even if he has to go up against the gods themselves to get it.)
Chin Yiso has them cornered, even though there are no corners to be had here, and Hakkai feels the horror seeping in. Gojyo nearly killed, Goku nearly killed—if he is to be alone, then that only leaves one companion as the yokai's target.
Tiles fly, thudding into the ground and sending Goku and Gojyo sprawling, but Sanzo never moves, even as the projectiles flicker in the weakening sun, flying for his throat.
But then there's a roar, a flash of something too big and bright for this dim forest, and a snap of brilliant white teeth catching the tiles. The creature lands, heavy enough that Hakkai would swear he feels it in the earth, and rises from its crouch. The tiles drop from its jaws, clattering to the dirt, and then the beast takes three lazy, padding steps and settles itself at Sanzo's feet.
Sanzo shakes one hand free of his wide sleeve and drops it on his dæmon's head. She leans in to the touch, tail lashing in quick, controlled bursts, and Hakkai can only stare.
All of his and Gojyo's guesses to the nature of Sanzo's dæmon, and this had never even crossed his mind.
Shuchi is a lioness, big and broad and heavy, more than a meter tall at the shoulder and over three meters from nose to tail, muscular and powerful underneath her silver-sheened golden fur. Her eyes, fixed intently on the tree where Chin Yiso is, are deep violet, darker than Sanzo's but just as sharp.
"You're late, Shuchi," Sanzo snaps, just as prickly with his dæmon as he is with everyone else.
The lioness just snorts softly and murmurs something Hakkai can't quite make out in return. Sanzo smiles, ever so faintly, and nods.
He smiles.
Sanzo.
Hakkai is…speechless.
That night they camp near the road, where a green field stretches away from the curve of the track and down towards a dark lake. The forest has thinned to become scattered stands of trees, one of which Sanzo immediately heads for with his dæmon in tow. Hakkai watches them leave, uncertain as to whether he should follow, if today has changed enough about their relationship that he can ask the questions he wants.
"Go, Hakkai." A hand lands on his shoulder, heavy and reassuring in its weight. Hakkai looks back at Gojyo, who grins at him around his cigarette. The man winks. "If anyone can get the prissy, prickly bastard to talk, it'll be you. Have at it."
Hakkai glances down at Sonam, who grins at him with her tongue lolling out, and then at Apsara, coiled loosely around his throat. The viper raises her head to brush against his cheek and murmurs, "I'm game if you are. She's pretty, for a cat."
With a chuckle, because Apsara is as permanently unruffled as Hakkai himself, and he appreciates it greatly in her, Hakkai strokes a finger over her smooth, poison-green head and nods to Gojyo before starting after Sanzo.
The grass is springy and soft underfoot, and he feels unaccountably light as he steps past the first tree. He's seen Sanzo's reflexes in action before—had he wanted to, Sanzo could have easily caught those darts himself, plucked them out of the air with that same ridiculous speed he uses to draw and fire his gun. But instead, he let Shuchi grab them, let Shuchi reveal herself to them.
A person's dæmon is their soul, the innermost part of themselves brought out and presented to the world. Hakkai is a healer and a killer, and Apsara reflects that. Gojyo is a man who stands alone, fights alone, but values what connections he has as family—like Sonam, like any wolf. Goku's freedom is everything to him, and Kanshin flies so far and so fast.
Sanzo is more than the face he shows the world, more than the foulmouthed monk with a hair-trigger temper that is usually all they see. It is good, with Shuchi, to be reminded of that.
(Hakkai has never encountered someone with a lion dæmon before, out of all the people he has met. Never a lion, never anything comparable, and he wonders what that really says about Sanzo.)
Soft murmurs draw him in, lure him closer, and he steps around a bush to see Sanzo sitting with his back against a tree, the huge lioness lounging beside him with her head on his thigh. At Hakkai's throat, Apsara murmurs, "Down, please," and he carefully unwinds her and sets her in the grass, mindful of two pairs of sharp purple eyes on them.
Apsara slides through the grass, several shades brighter than the verdant green, and right up to the lioness's paw. There she coils in on herself and rises just a bit, dipping her head in polite greeting. "I'm Apsara," she says, quiet and whispery. "It's good to meet you at last."
Shuchi tips her head, studying the viper for a long moment, then bobs her muzzle in return. "Hello, Apsara," she answers. Her voice is lighter than Hakkai expected, sweet in an unanticipated way. "I am Shuchi. Thank you and your human for taking care of my tetchy bastard while I was away. Your suffering is much appreciated."
Sanzo scoffs, reaching out to flick her on the nose, and Shuchi tolerates it with dignity before raising one lip to bare her sharp teeth. The monk, entirely unimpressed, just mutters something about overgrown alley cats and rolls his eyes.
It's hard for Hakkai not to chuckle as he takes a seat a short distance away—out of range of the harissen, should he happen to say something dangerous. "So this is Shuchi," he says cheerfully. "I must say, Gojyo and I were almost convinced she was a myth, regardless of what Goku said."
"Idiots," Sanzo growls, but his hand hasn't moved from Shuchi's head and his eyes are softer than Hakkai has ever seen them. "Of course I have a dæmon. But a sanzo priest's dæmon is…Separated. Shuchi can go where she wishes."
Shuchi says nothing. Still, Hakkai watches as she drops her head back to Sanzo's leg, as Sanzo's hand curls in her silver-gold fur, and suspects that Separated or no, they both get lonely. He just smiles, and though Sanzo casts him a suspicious glance, he lets it go.
(Gojyo was right, mostly, but he was also wrong. Hakkai is the one that Sanzo's most at ease with, but that's because they don't need to talk. Their silences are nearly always enough for them.)
Bravely—because she's always been the braver, more reckless one, of the two of them—Apsara slithers over to Shuchi's side and coils up between her big paws, scales pressed tight against bright fur. Hakkai looks at the dæmons for a long moment, then glances back up at Sanzo. It's almost a surprise to see those violet eyes watching him in return.
"You're not as subtle as you think you are," Sanzo drawls, but there's no heat behind it, no gun pointed his vulnerable anatomy, and Hakkai wisely takes that as the closest he's going to get to a 'yes'. At least at this point.
He shifts nearer, just a bit, and lets himself relax. Shuchi watches him with amused eyes from Sanzo's other side, a piece of his soul given up for everyone to see, and Hakkai loves her for it, for her huge fierceness and her beauty and the regal wisdom in every line of her body. Sharp, maybe; short-tempered, likely; prickly, definitely; and yet she's Sanzo in all the ways people forget to see him, all the ways that he hides even from himself.
Perhaps this is the reason for a dæmon, Hakkai muses.
Perhaps not.
Whatever it is, he's grateful.
For those who are completely lost, here's a breakdown of the 'who-has-what-dæmon-and-she-named-them-that-WHY?' for you:
Hakkai – bamboo pit viper, bright green, 2.5 feet long, venomous: Apsara, "moving in the water of clouds"
Gojyo – Tibetan Wolf, ~100 lbs, grey/white fur with a black saddle-marking: Sonam, "the fortunate one", "beautiful"
Goku – sparrowhawk, 31" wingspan, ~12oz, dark brown upper parts, brown-barred under parts: Kanshin, "open heart"
Sanzo – Asiatic lioness, 250lbs, 3.5' tall, 115" long, fur gold with a silver sheen: Shuchi, "sun and moon"