Pushing Me Away

by firefliesinlove

One Shot about Ryou and how he copes with the abuse. Then he finds Bakura's knife... What will he do? And Can someone stop him? Rated R for Suicidal theme(!NO DEATHS!). RB

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Pushing Me Away


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Rated 'R' for suicidal theme (No deaths!).

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  Ryou was crying softly in a far corner of his room. His shoulders shook with every silent sob, his soul aching with memories and pain. His eyes were closed, but as he heard the soft footsteps of death coming closer and closer, he forced them open. The footsteps stopped in front of him, and his tear filled eyes met dark, empty and emotionless ones.

  He whimpered as the figure before him knelt down closer and closer to him, until their faces were inches apart. Ryou could smell the stench of an alcoholic beverage, it stung his nose for every breath he took.

  He continued to look into the eyes that he knew so well, that he had stared into so many times before. Eyes that seemed to tell him of his every mistake in life that led up to that very point. He frowned sadly, knowing what would come next. The insults, the abuse, the pain… But he would endure it. He just had to. And every day he would learn from the mistakes he had made that had brought on the abuse the night before.

  He lowered his eyes, remembering everything Bakura ever said or did to him. He drew in a shaky breath, refusing to cry.

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When I look into your eyes
There's nothing there to see
Nothing but my own mistake
Staring back at me

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  "Pathetic." Bakura spat into his face, and held up his hand. Ryou had no time to prevent the slap that echoed throughout the room. He bit his lip, knowing that if he cried, he would have to endure a longer punishment.

  "Weak." Ryou felt Bakura's hand come in contact with the same side of his face, and he could feel the sting of each and every word and slap. But he refused to break down. Not yet. He couldn't. 'Not yet…'

  "Get up." Bakura growled. Ryou complied. He stood up shakily on his feet. He was afraid that his knees would give way at any moment. He swallowed, and felt a lump growing in his throat every time he did. Bakura grabbed his shoulder roughly, but Ryou didn't budge. He knew that if he struggled at any point, he would be in even more pain.

  Bakura shoved him backwards into the wall, growling at him.

  "Useless." He spat at Ryou's feet, and punched Ryou in the stomach. Ryou groaned as he felt his knees finally give way. He slid down the wall, and fell to the ground with a small 'thud.'

  "Weak." He repeated as he kicked Ryou's leg with all his force. Ryou choked back a sob, but couldn't control one single tear that slid slowly down his pale cheek. It rolled off of his face, and landed onto the cold, hard ground beside his shaking body.

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Everything has to end, you'll soon find, we're
outta time, left to watch it all unwind
Everything falls apart, even the people who never frown eventually break down
Everything has to end, you'll soon find, we're outta time, left to watch it all unwind
Everything falls apart, even the people who never frown eventually break down
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  Bakura struck him again with the back of his hand, turning his only pale cheek a pale pink, like the other side.

  'I love you…' Ryou thought to himself. He would never say the words. But he felt it with all his heart. Or what as left of it after all the pain and suffering that Bakura's abusing would cause him.

  Ryou closed his eyes as he felt Bakura's hand come into contact with his stomach once more. And again. Ryou winced as he hit one of Ryou's bruises that Bakura had given him the night before.

  He endured the torture for what seemed like an eternity, before Bakura backed out of Ryou's room, with an odd expression on his face. He slammed the door behind him, extinguishing the only light escaping into his room.

  "I hate you." Words muffled by the door met his ears, and he frowned sadly.

  Ryou coughed a little, and got up to his feet. He was dazed, and couldn't walk in a straight line. He tried to get to the door, but stumbled over something on the floor, and walked right into his dresser. He looked up and saw his own beaten and battered self staring back at him.

  He noticed that the smile that had once lit up his features was nowhere in sight. It had left him, along with his determination and individuality. He could no longer be what he wanted to be. He had to be what Bakura wanted him to be.

  Ryou fell to the floor, and hugged his knees up to his chest. He buried his face in his arms, and cried. Every single tear was not for him, nor for his pain, but for Bakura. It was all for Bakura.

  'You do it because you care. You want me to be something more…' He rubbed his eyes with his hands as he thought to himself. 'It's true, it just has to be!'

  A few hours later, Ryou emerged from his room, and like every night before, he found his way to the bathroom. The door was closed, and when he knocked on it, it swung open so quickly that he jumped backwards.

  He looked up into Bakura's eyes, and quickly looked away. Bakura didn't even move when Ryou shuffled his weight on his feet.

  "Are you okay…" Bakura mumbled so softly that Ryou barely heard him. It hadn't even been a question, it was more of a statement or demand. He looked up, and met Bakura's gaze.

  "Yes." Ryou said softly, unsure of why his abuser should be asking whether or not he was all right. He smiled reassuringly.

  "Good." Bakura pushed his way past Ryou, and Ryou's smile faded away along with Bakura's footsteps.

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I've lied
To you
This is the last smile
That I'll fake for the sake of being with you
(Everything falls apart, even the people who never frown eventually break down)
(Everything has to end, you'll soon find, we're outta time, left to watch it
all unwind)
For the sake of being with you
(Everything falls apart, even the people who never frown eventually break down) 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

'Of course I'm not all right! Are you that blind, Bakura? Do you not see what you have done to me? The scars you have left on my body? On my soul…?'

  Ryou rushed into the washroom, closed the door behind him, and locked it. He knew that he'd be punished for locking the door if Bakura ever tried to open it, but he just didn't care anymore.

  He sat down on the edge of the bathtub, and let his tears fall freely as he decided what he should do next. He noticed something shining on the floor beside the garbage. He stood up, and slowly made his way towards it.

  He reached beside the garbage, felt around with his hand, and tried to pick up something sharp. He withdrew his hand to see that there was a tiny droplet of blood on the tip of his index finger.

  "A knife…" Ryou whispered in realisation as he grabbed the handle of it, and picked it up. He sat down on the ground, and inspected it.

  It must've been Bakura's, because it had two initials engraved into its golden handle, and Ryou didn't own any knives or daggers. 'T-R…' Ryou searched his mind, and it finally hit him.

  "Tomb Robber." He breathed out, and stroked it thoughtfully.

  'I wonder…' He held his breath and closed his eyes as he pressed it against his finger once more. He was greeted by a sharp pain in his finger, and bit back a cry.

  He opened his eyes, and watched a small amount of red liquid roll down his finger. He wiped his hand on his shirt, and looked down at his wrist.
 
  'Would you care, Bakura, if I left you?' Ryou looked at the blade of the knife, and then back again to his wrist. 'Would you??'

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The sacrifice is never knowing

Why I stay
When you just push away
No matter what you see
You're still so blind to me
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  He pressed it down lightly onto his wrist, not yet making even a small cut. He took in a deep breath as he tried to decide whether or not to do it. Then he heard a loud bang on the door.

  "Unlock the door! Now!" Bakura shouted desperately at the one that sat behind it.

  "Why?" Ryou looked at the door strangely. Why would Bakura want him to open the door? There was another bathroom downstairs…

  When he received no answer, he turned his concentration back to the knife. He pressed down a little harder, and felt a small amount pain forming there.

  "Open the door!" Bakura screamed at the top of his lungs, and started to bang on the door even harder. Ryou had no idea why he would be doing such a thing… And why he sounded so desperate.

  "Why?" Ryou paused again to stare at the door. "Why?" He repeated again, demanding an answer.

  "Don't do it…" Bakura panted, and collapsed to the floor onto his hands and knees. "Don't," He breathed.

  "Do… this?" Ryou looked down at the knife, and pressed a little harder. The pain caused him to think about why he was doing it. 'You'll never understand why… Never.'

  "Please?" Bakura mustered up enough decency to speak that one word. He clenched his teeth as Ryou wondered whether or not to answer him.

  Bakura's eyes filled with tears as he tried to understand a new emotion flaring up inside of him.

  Ryou sighed, and pressed harder, making a small cut appear onto his skin, a tiny amount of blood filling it. A huge bang on the door made him jump slightly. It didn't sound like Bakura was hitting it with his hand anymore. He was kicking it.

  "Why does it matter?" Ryou frowned, and he started to cry again. "You hate me."

  Bakura kicked the door even harder, and heard the hinges starting to let go. He growled, and threw himself at the door.

  It was thrown open, and Bakura staggered on his feet. His jaw dropped at the sight of Ryou sitting on the floor with his knife pressed up against his wrist.

  "Why are you doing this…?" Bakura demanded as he crouched down beside him.

  "Why not?" Ryou kept his gaze down at the knife, making no action to take away the knife, even with Bakura right beside him.

  "Is it -" He choked on his words, something that Ryou had never witnessed before in his entire life. "Is it because of this?" Bakura held out his hands, they were shaking. "Because of me?" Bakura swallowed hard, and tried to stop his hands from shaking.

  Ryou looked at Bakura's hands, and nodded slowly. "Not only that." Ryou withdrew the knife from his wrist, and, with his free arm, reached out and touched Bakura's lips. "This too…"

  Bakura felt his heart stop at Ryou's soft touch. His fingers were so cold… Bakura grabbed Ryou's arm, and pushed it away. Ryou's eyes were full of confusion. Bakura hadn't hurt him, nor had he called him 'pathetic,' he had simply pushed his hand away… And he had done it gently, too.

  Bakura looked away as Ryou tried to look him in the eyes, and frowned at himself. He was acting weaker than he should. Ryou suddenly frowned at his own stupid actions.

  He took the knife again, and pressed it against his wrist even harder. He closed his eyes as he pushed even harder again. He could feel the blood starting to flow down his arm, and he winced.

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I've tried
Like you
To do everything you wanted to
This is the last time
I'll take the blame for the sake of being with you
(Everything falls apart, even the people who never frown eventually break down)
The sacrifice of hiding in a lie
(Everything has to end, you'll soon find, we're outta time, left to watch it
all unwind)
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  Bakura couldn't seem to bring himself to stop Ryou's actions. In a way, he looked as though he wanted to let Ryou kill himself.

  Ryou kept pressing harder, and Bakura started to shake with anger and confusion at what he was feeling.

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The sacrifice is never knowing
Why I stay
When you just push away
No matter what you see
You're still so blind to me
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  Ryou opened his eyes suddenly.

  "Would you care?" Ryou asked out of the blue. "Would you miss me?" Bakura was taken aback at the sudden questions, and he didn't know what to say.

  "Would you miss me if I was gone?" Ryou continued. "If I was dead?" They both stared at each other, Bakura at a loss for words.

  "Y-Yes…" He said slowly.

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Reverse psychology failing miserably
It's so hard to be, left all alone
Telling you is the, only chance for me
There's nothing left but to turn and face you
When I look into your eyes, there's nothing there to see
Nothing but my own mistake staring back at me
Asking why...
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  "So you'd miss abusing me." He accused. "You'd miss seeing me in pain."

  His words stung Bakura like a slap in the face. And Bakura was unsure of how to react to the boy's sudden outburst of accusations.

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The sacrifice of hiding in a lie (why)
The sacrifice is never knowing
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  "You'd miss hearing me cry." Ryou felt anger well up inside of him, causing him to completely forget the knife that he held in his hand. He inched closer to Bakura, glaring at him.

  "You would, wouldn't you?!?" He shouted, no longer in control of his anger or actions. He kept going, he couldn't stop.

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Why I stay
When you just push away
No matter what you see
You're still so blind to me
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  "Answer me!" The knife clattered to the floor as Ryou let go of it, grabbed Bakura's shoulders, and shook them.

  "Well?!?" Tears stung Ryou's eyes, and his vision became blurry before a few of them fell from his eyes, and down his paled cheeks. Bakura looked away for a moment. 'So it's true… you hate me…' He sobbed uncontrollably, still holding Bakura's shoulders with all his might.

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Why I stay
When you just push away
No matter what you see
You're still so blind to me
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  Bakura sighed as he looked down at Ryou's confused eyes, full of tears. Bakura heard everything. Everything that Ryou thought, day after day, night after night… He couldn't control himself when he abused Ryou, and it was usually the alcohol speaking, not him…  The alcohol had unusual effects on him, but they always disappeared after a few hours of having had some. But he only drank because of what Ryou thought… And Ryou was confused, but it overwhelmed him with confusion of his own.

  He lifted Ryou's head with his hand, forcing Ryou to look into his eyes.

  He shook his head. Ryou looked at him in confusion.

  "No…?" Ryou frowned, and looked back at Bakura. "But… But…y-you-" He stuttered, in utter confusion. "Y-you hurt me – every n-night…" He continued to sob, and let his hands fall to his sides.

  "Yes, I did. But never on purpose…" Bakura sighed. "No, I don't hate you."

  "W-what?" Ryou tilted his head back in confusion.

  "It's not true. I don't hate you." Bakura repeated, feeling something at the other end of his mind link. Shock.

  "I - Ryou, I-I think I love you." Bakura said truthfully, and Ryou could see something in Bakura's eyes. They were no longer empty or emotionless. They held something Ryou had never seen in them. Hope, love, and determination. He threw himself at Bakura, and sobbed into Bakura's chest.

  "What? What's wrong?" Bakura asked, alarmed at Ryou's sudden actions. Ryou pulled himself back for a moment, and stared into Bakura's eyes.

  "Nothing, b-because, I-I think I love you, too." Bakura smiled, and pressed his lips against Ryou's, begging him, almost pleading with him. Ryou opened his mouth, and his tears stopped flowing. Bakura pushed him backwards, and kissed him roughly. But Ryou couldn't feel hatred in his actions anymore. He could feel something else. He could feel Love.

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Oh, wow. O.O I didn't really expect it to end this way.. I was expecting Ryou to kill himself! O.O

Ryou: Really? You wanted me to kill myself? *said with tears in eyes*

Well, no… I just didn't really think that the lyrics held any happiness in them… And I certainly didn't expect it to have a happy outcome. -_-'

Ryou: Good ^^

Anyway, I hope you like this one-shot! It was all quite unexpected, to say the least! I was just listening to my songs… And then it started to play, and the lyrics really had an impact on me… And then I started to write it all ^_^

 So I hope you liked it!! ^^ (I fixed a few of the errors in the selling and grammar! But I don't think that'll make a difference, though, because I don't think I'll be getting any reviews -_-' )

Oh yeah! Disclaimer: I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh! OR The lyrics to the song 'Pushing Me Away.' It belongs to Linkin Park.


Thank you, to the 2 reviewers! I feel so special! ;_; *cries*


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Kuroi Kitty: Thank you! And thanks a bunch for reviewing! I LOVE reviews!!!!!
^__________^

Dark Magician Girl / Hikaru: Yay! Thank you!!! You know what? I think I just might! Do you have any suggestions as to which characters or which song I should use?
Thanks for reviewing!    ^__________^

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!!!Please R&R!!!