Title: What Does It Spell?
Summary: James Evans Wilson. House notices right away what is odd about it and decides to write a Jewish tune to Twelve Days of Christmas. 'On the first day of Hanukkah my oncologist gave to me . . .' because someone just had to.
Disclaimer: I do not own House.
A/N: I am NOT making fun of Jewish people in this fic. I'd never do that. Just poking fun at Wilson's name. I learned his middle name from wikipedia so it HAS to be right.
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"You do realize what your initials are, right?" House said.
"No, in fact, I've never noticed," sarcasm dripped in Wilson's voice. "Or maybe I've missed my whole entire childhood filled with that meaningless conversation of whether it was on purpose or not."
"J as in James. E as in Evans. W as in Wilson. J.E.W. Jew, Jew, Jew," said House shaking his head. "Your parents are cruel."
"Believe it or not they didn't notice until fifth grade. Someone kept laughing and said to congratulate my parents on the joke."
"Did you congratulate them?"
"Yeah, sure, if you mean by coming home pissed that they did that to me. I mean it is too convenient and I was angry for a moment thinking that they did it on purpose. I mean, I'm Jewish, but that doesn't mean you get to spell out my initials for JEW!"
"Did they ever do 'On The First Day of Hanukkah' song?" House inquired.
"Er, no."
"They should."
IIIII
The next day, as Wilson was coming into his office in the morning, there was a paper stuck to his door for all to witness. A horrible creation of the worst kind. Either meant to embarrass, joke, or be complete jerk, Wilson was night sure. Maybe all three.
On the First Day Of Hanukkah my oncologist gave to me,
A really, really funny name.
On the second day of Hanukkah my oncologist gave to me,
Two dogs high on Vicodin,
And a really, really funny name.
On the third day of Hanukkah my oncologist gave to me,
Three failed marriages,
Two dogs high on Vicodin,
And a really, really funny name.
On the fourth day of Hanukkah my oncologist gave to me,
Four anti-depressant spiked coffees,
Three failed marriages,
Two dogs high on Vicodin,
And a really, really funny name.
On the fifth day of Hanukkah my oncologist gave to me,
Five broken canes!
Four anti-depressant spiked coffees,
Three failed marriages,
Two dogs high on Vicodin,
And a really, really funny name.
On the sixth day of Hanukkah my oncologist gave to me,
Six boring lectures on ethics,
Five broken canes!
Four anti-depressant spiked coffees,
Three failed marriages,
Two dogs high on Vicodin,
And a really, really funny name.
On the seventh day of Hanukkah my oncologist gave to me,
Seven tips on how to date,
Six boring lectures on ethics,
Five broken canes!
Four anti-depressant spiked coffees,
Three failed marriages,
Two dogs high on Vicodin,
And a really, really funny name.
On the eighth day of Hanukkah my oncologist gave to me, (stole from him)
Eight bags of chips,
Seven tips on how to date,
Six boring lectures on ethics,
Five broken canes!
Four anti-depressant spiked coffees,
Three failed marriages,
Two dogs high on Vicodin,
And a really, really funny name.
On the ninth day of Hanukkah my oncologist gave to me,
Nine loans of money I don't need,
Eight (stolen) bags of chips,
Seven tips on how to date,
Six boring lectures on ethics,
Five broken canes!
Four anti-depressant spiked coffees,
Three failed marriages,
Two dogs high on Vicodin,
And a really, really funny name.
On the tenth day of Hanukkah my oncologist gave to me,
Ten warnings to stay away from Stacy,
Nine loans of money I don't need,
Eight (stolen) bags of chips,
Seven tips on how to date,
Six boring lectures on ethics,
Five broken canes!
Four anti-depressant spiked coffees,
Three failed marriages,
Two dogs high on Vicodin,
And a really, really funny name.
On the eleventh day of Hanukkah my oncologist gave to me,
Eleven 'professional masseuses',
Ten warnings to stay away from Stacy,
Nine loans of money I don't need,
Eight bags of chips,
Seven tips on how to date,
Six boring lectures on ethics,
Five broken canes!
Four anti-depressant spiked coffees,
Three failed marriages,
Two dogs high on Vicodin,
And a really, really funny name.
On the twelfth day of Hanukkah my oncologist gave to me,
Twelve Vicodin to cure the writers cramps I'm having,
Eleven 'professional masseuses',
Ten warnings to stay away from Stacy,
Nine loans of money I don't need,
Eight bags of chips,
Seven tips on how to date,
Six boring lectures on ethics,
Five broken canes!
Four anti-depressant spiked coffees,
Three failed marriages,
Two dogs high on Vicodin,
And a really, really funny name.
At the end was: 'Happy Hanukkah. Don't forget to light ALL the candles!"
"It's middle of July!" hissed Wilson under his breath but couldn't help but laugh a little. Not to mention that Hanukkah only last eight days but he didn't want to spoil all of House's fun.
With friends like House who needed comedians?
IIIII
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