Disclaimer: I don't own Xenosaga...and no matter how hard I dream, I don't own either chaos or Wilhelm. ::deep sigh::
Chapter One: Chicks on the Elsa?
I wish I had a good explanation for you, I really do. But there isn't one, you see. It all just kind of happened, complete randomness that had no sense to it at all. But nonetheless, it happened.
It all began with two girls from lost Jerusalem. Yes, indeed, Lost Jerusalem. One was called Kayla, and bore a strange resemblance to a sixteen year old Nephilim. The other, Laura, had an obsession with popcorn. No one knew how they got from Lost Jerusalem to the Kukai foundation. In fact, it never occurred to any of them, with the possible exception of KOS MOS, to even ask them. Nonetheless, they were there, and with them, they brought the forbidden technology. The mention of its name brought about more fear than even Albedo himself....
Dance Dance Revolution. (dun dun dunnnn!)
Now, mind you, this isn't the main problem in our tale. The main problem is why Jr is crossdressing in the first place. And more importantly, who let Allen loose with a shotgun? However, it was chaos' newfound obsession with the Forbidden Technology (and Hammer and Tony's love for beer) that drove us to these tragic, and very disturbing events.
We shall now start at the beginning....for the beginning is always a good place to start. Starting in the middle always confuses people....
"You know, it's been a long time since we've had girls on the Elsa..." Tony slid a wary Laura under his arm. Kayla's open palm hit him across the face "Thaaat's enough, Tony" she said, rescuing her poor scarred friend.
"Owwww!" He whined while rubbing his face. "What?! You do the same thing to chaos!"
"He does have a point" Laura agreed.
"That's different" Kayla turned a deep red.
"Sure, Whatever, I think I'll go hit on Shion now." Tony crossed his arms only to be followed by a rather...irked Allen.
"Umm...i'm thinking NO!" He said. Tony didn't pay any attention to him. (Poor Allen) Hammer walks in for the first time since the girls arrived.
"Woah! Chaos was right! We have chicks on the Elsa!" He exclaimed, overly happy. Knowing already that chaos had the blonde one claimed already, and that he would be tasting 'angel feathers' for a week if he thought otherwise, he went for Laura. (Poor Laura)
"Hey baby. What's your name?" Tony had to gag himself from laughing at Hammer's ungodly awful pickup skills.
"Hammer, just leave" Kayla commanded.
"But I don't wanna!" He challenged back. Laura pulled a beer out of nowhere. Indeed nowhere, as she was under age and could not have been legally carrying it. She tosses the beer at Hammer.
"Here. Knock yourself out...literally." she sighed.
"Hey!! No fair!! How come Hammer gets the beer from the chick?" Tony whined. Everybody moaned. There would be no living after this if a girl passed up Tony for Hammer. God forbid. Suddenly a lightbulb flashed over Kayla's head. No, you morons, not literally! Just figuratively.
"We could have them fight over it!"
chaos, however, was not convinced. "We've already watched Tony and Hammer beat each other up for beer THREE times this week!" He sighed. "Tony always wins anyway!"
"You have a better idea?" inquired the blonde girl.
"Yea, let's play DDR!" He answered confidently. (Sexy angel bishie ::sigh::)
A gasp around the room comes from all it's inhabitants at the mention of the Forbidden Technology. Perhaps too dramatic of a gasp. The kind of gasp that is heard when a shirtless Albedo enters the room. You know, the horrified, disgusted type. (Eww!)
"But I haven't seen them fight over beer yet!" Laura protested, trying to eradicate the half-naked Albedo Image from everyone's mind. And as the rest of the crew wanted to get rid of the image equally as bad, they all agreed to watch Tony and Hammer duke it out for the fourth time this week.
Allen made popcorn. Laura was happy that Allen made popcorn. chaos pouted. (Still sexy angel bishie) Shion was oblivious as usual. (Stupid Shion)
Hammer knew he was about to get owned.....(Poor Hammer)
So this is how it all began. Are you all afraid yet? Yea, I know this chapter wasn't very funny, but every story needs the intro, yes? Now be good readers and leave a review before you leave! Thanks alot!