It was hot in the library on a Saturday in late May, and Remus kept wiping sweat from his brow. Remus probably wasn't helping the situation, since he was trying to do an Igniting Charm, but Professor Flitwick had said it would come up in the final. Remus had been in the hospital wing the day they learned it, and he simply had to keep up his grades. It wouldn't do to be falling behind when Dumbledore had so generously given him a place at Hogwarts. He pushed his reading glasses up the bridge of his nose as he studied a page in Quintessential Magic: An Introduction to Charms. A sketch showed a wizard brandishing a wand before a pile of wood, with a dotted line representing the correct wand movement. Remus traced the line with his finger, moving his wand absentmindedly to get the right rhythm. Then, he straightened up, turned to his candle, cleared his throat, and said clearly, "Incendi-"
"Hello, Remus!" Sirius yelled as he burst into the secluded room of the library. Remus jumped at the last second and sent a stream of purple sparks out of the end of his wand, which peppered the table. Remus groaned and rubbed at one of the black singe marks in the old wood. He had no idea how he was going to fix that.
But Sirius felt no such frustration. "What are you doing up in here on such a fine day, Remus?" he said loudly, tossing his bag to the floor and putting an arm around Remus, "Nice day like this, you ought to be outside. Enjoy the sunshine, frolic in the breeze." Sirius made a grand sweeping gesture out the window, where several students were mingling in the open courtyard.
Remus frowned. "I have to study," he sighed.
Sirius immediately sat down at the table and folded his hands in front of him. "Oh, yes, Remus mustn't neglect his studies," he said in a mock-serious tone that made even Remus chuckle. "Come on, Moony, get away from the library for a bit. What's the use cooping yourself up in this stuffy place?" Sirius looked at Remus with mild concern and a humorous glint that always seemed to be present in his eyes.
Remus sat down next to Sirius and propped his head up with the palm of his hand. "I have to learn the Igniting Charm. Professor Flitwick said we'd need it."
"Oh, yeah, that's the one you missed," Sirius's tone was solemn as he remembered the unfortunate condition that caused Remus to find himself in the hospital wing so frequently.
Bit as always with Sirius Black, the dull moment did not last long. The long-haired boy clapped his hands once, stood up with a loud scrape of his chair, and said briskly, "No matter, Moony. I was there, let me show you." Remus began to protest that he knew how to do it, but Sirius rolled up his sleeves, drew his wand, and pointed it at the candle. "Incendio!"
But he, too, was interrupted. Just as Sirius said the incantation, a huge water balloon exploded over his head, sending a shower of liquid all over his robes. Sirius swore and as he instinctively put up a hand to deflect the next balloon, his wand raised just enough that the flames missed the candle wick and landed right on the spine of The Essential Guide to Hogwarts Portraiture.
"Peeves!" Remus and Sirius said together, as the poltergeist cackled and aimed another balloon at Remus's head.
"Put it out!" yelled Sirius, pointing to the the flames, which were spreading quickly along the bookshelf. But Peeves simply blew a raspberry and flung the balloon out the window. The glass broke with a loud smash and the balloon sailed out onto the grounds, with the poltergeist zooming after it.
"God damn it, Peeves, what was that?" Sirius cried, looking down at his soaked robes, which had turned a suspicious-looking yellow.
"Never mind your robes, the library's on fire!" Remus said in a panic.
"Then put it out!" Sirius said.
"I don't know how to put it out!" Remus said shrilly. The fire had spread all along the row of books, and was creeping up towards the next shelf. Sirius tried to smother the fire with the edge of his robe, but the flames caught onto the fabric, and it burst into flames as well.
"Fire, fire!" he cried out in panic. Sirius looked at Remus frantically, but Remus was just staring at the scene, his face frozen in an expression of pure terror.
At that moment, Madam Pince burst into the room. "Just what kind of racket do you-" she saw the fire, the burning robes, Sirius in a shirt and pants and soaking wet, and screamed. "Utter destruction-irreparable damage of property-the worst I've ever seen!" her eyes were bulging and her face was red. She looked ready to spit fire, Remus thought. He began to stammer, "Wh-what should - what should we-"
"Out!" Madam Pince shrieked, "Out!" a jet stream of water issued from the end of her wand, which she directed at Sirius. No longer on fire, Sirius bolted out of the library, closely followed by Remus. Outside the door, they heard Madam Pince putting out the fire with their wand. Some of the students in the library had stood up and began to question Sirius and Remus, who hadn't even rescued their book bags.
"What's going on?" said a third-year Hufflepuff girl, peering into the boys' horrified faces. She received no answer and returned to her table.
A few minutes later, Madam Pince emerged from the room. She looked angrier than Remus and Sirius had ever seen her. "Detention!" she said so loudly that most of the students in the library jumped, "And fifty points from Gryffindor! I have never, ever, in all my years, seen such vandalism! Deplorable disrespect for books, and of course it's you two! More troublesome than any other students!" she snatched a feather duster from her desk and advanced on the two boys. "Out of this library, both of you! I will be speaking to Professor Dumbledore about this. Go!" she brandished the feather duster at them, and Remus and Sirius darted out of the library and didn't stop until they had run up four flights of stairs to the Gryffindor common room.
"Catweazle," Remus panted, and the portrait swung forward. Sirius and Remus ducked inside and immediately collapsed into two vacant armchairs.
"That," Sirius wheezed, clutching his side, "was… amazing." Suddenly the boys both burst into laughter.
"What was that… in the balloon?" Remus said, trying to calm himself.
Sirius looked at him. "Pee," he said indignantly, and they erupted into laughter again.
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